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The Other Side forums - suitable for mature readers! _ Daft _ Start Your Own Rumour About Mata.

Posted by: Jonman Sep 24 2004, 08:39 AM

In line with Mr Fuzzy's well researched and factually based reports that Mata eats kittens, I feel that it's about time that other darker aspects of his character come to light as well.

I'll start the ball rolling.

I have incontrovertible evidence that not only was Mata responsible for the murders in London attributed to Jack the Ripper, but also singlehandedly caused the extinction of the dinosaurs, and has also been photographed playing golf using mice in place of golf balls.

Posted by: Forever Unknown Sep 24 2004, 09:02 AM

Show us this evidence, oh Great One.


Mata's real name is Betty, y'know...

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Sep 24 2004, 09:06 AM

mata made it rain while i was walking to college

Posted by: Forever Unknown Sep 24 2004, 09:19 AM

Mata is a salesperson for MacDonalds and often gets awarded 'Employee of the Month' for his good work with preservatives.

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Sep 24 2004, 09:22 AM

mata rang me up and tried to sell me double glazing

Posted by: smallcuteanddeadly Sep 24 2004, 09:32 AM

QUOTE (Mata @ Sep 23 2004, 03:53 PM)
Give me blood! Blood I tell you! Blooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!

it's fun to bay for blood occasionally (especially when I've not eaten a puppy for a while).


*



Mata is deranged and eats puppies ohmy.gif

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Sep 24 2004, 09:33 AM

puppies and hamsters

Posted by: smallcuteanddeadly Sep 24 2004, 09:42 AM

QUOTE (dancing hamster guy @ Sep 24 2004, 10:33 AM)
puppies and hamsters
*


Nah I think we established it was kittens that ate hamsters. I've had puppies and they don't eat hamsters. Seriously. You're safe.

[/spam]

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Sep 24 2004, 09:47 AM

i sure do hope so

Posted by: Forever Unknown Sep 24 2004, 09:54 AM

But Mata does boil hamsters and sells them to hobos. Mr Fuzzy has four. Mata got confused that day...

Posted by: Pixiegoth Sep 24 2004, 10:05 AM

If ever a thread was made for Daft it's this one! laugh.gif

Mata likes to randomly make people jump while they are eating MacDonalds too! dry.gif

Posted by: smallcuteanddeadly Sep 24 2004, 10:05 AM

QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Sep 24 2004, 10:54 AM)
But Mata does boil hamsters and sells them to hobos. Mr Fuzzy has four. Mata got confused that day...
*


My bad DHG. I guess you're screwed after all. laugh.gif

Posted by: the lil' pie fairy Sep 24 2004, 10:48 AM

Someone once said he has an arsenal of small pygmies in a small dark cupboard somewhere. He keeps them starved so they tear the flesh off the victims more effectively when released ph34r.gif

Posted by: nordelen Sep 24 2004, 11:50 AM

i heard that Mata is often seen wearing a pink suit that has green pin-stripes.
i also heard that he dresses up like Blanche from the "golden girls" on a regular basis.

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Sep 24 2004, 11:53 AM

i don't want to be boiled
someone help me!!!

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 24 2004, 12:27 PM

Best. Thread. Ever. biggrin.gif

p.s. Mata is battery-powered

Posted by: Forever Unknown Sep 24 2004, 12:35 PM

QUOTE
Best. Thread. Ever.


Agreed.


Mata dresses up like Santa Claus and sells crack to small children.


Is that too sordid....?

Posted by: Pixiegoth Sep 24 2004, 12:40 PM

QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Sep 24 2004, 12:35 PM)
QUOTE
Best. Thread. Ever.


Agreed.


Mata dresses up like Santa Claus and sells crack to small children.


Is that too sordid....?
*



Yes *shakes head from side to side*

Oh dear *leaves thread in disgust at FU*

tongue.gif

Posted by: Mata Sep 24 2004, 12:43 PM

*sobs* It's all true... Except for the bit about the kittens. I feed the hampsters to the kittens, the kittens to the puppies and then eat the puppies.

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 24 2004, 12:46 PM

QUOTE (Mata @ Sep 24 2004, 12:43 PM)
*sobs* It's all true... Except for the bit about the kittens. I feed the hampsters to the kittens, the kittens to the puppies and then eat the puppies.
*


It's the gerbils I feel sorry for.

Posted by: Jaq Sep 24 2004, 12:49 PM

Don't forget the fact that you put sugar in the popemobile's gas tank.

Posted by: Forever Unknown Sep 24 2004, 12:49 PM

QUOTE
*sobs* It's all true... Except for the bit about the kittens. I feed the hampsters to the kittens, the kittens to the puppies and then eat the puppies.


You're a bad bad man.

Posted by: Snugglebum the Destroyer Sep 24 2004, 01:28 PM

He's really my father and has disowned me beacuse he doesn't want to share the millions of pounds he makes from his animations.

Posted by: Spacehappy Sep 24 2004, 01:33 PM

Mata was the one that taught me how to kick puppies.

Posted by: Forever Unknown Sep 24 2004, 01:33 PM

That means he's my father too...

Posted by: Righteous Sep 24 2004, 01:52 PM

I once saw videographic evidence of Mata mugging an old woman while dressed in a giant badger suit.

Also, his nose is prosthetic and in fact made out of cheese. He lost his real nose in a knitting accident.

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Sep 24 2004, 01:57 PM

mata doesn't actually exist it is just a robot that pretends to be him

Posted by: Righteous Sep 24 2004, 02:03 PM

QUOTE (dancing hamster guy @ Sep 24 2004, 08:57 AM)
mata doesn't actually exist it is just a robot that pretends to be him
*

That explains so much.

Posted by: Snugglebum the Destroyer Sep 24 2004, 02:07 PM

QUOTE
That means he's my father too...


I think he spawned evey single Matazonian... wink.gif

Posted by: LoLo Sep 24 2004, 02:20 PM

Mata says he's working on his thesis, but in reality he spends his time in a dark basement working on his evil experimentation. This experiment is so diabolical that I'm almost too scared to post about it but I will for the sake of athletic kiddies everywhere. What he's doing is to make little robotic tops of athletic trophies that when a child who wins one of these trophies goes to sleep, it comes alive and attacks the child. Imagine the damage one of those little hockey sticks on a hockey trophy could do. Oh the horror.

What do you have against athletic kids Mata? huh.gif

Posted by: sjwt Sep 24 2004, 02:21 PM

Herd that someone said to soandso that mata was seen reading a letter that contained a sugestion that maybe he might acctaly be an alien.

Posted by: Forever Unknown Sep 24 2004, 02:45 PM

QUOTE
I think he spawned evey single Matazonian...


Dear Mata/Daddy,

1) You have missed 20 of my birthdays (you're lucky you caught the last one, else I'd have considered a law suit of some sort). You've also missed 20 Christmases. I look forward to your kind remittance in due course.

2) What have you been doing to my mother?!?!?!?!

Posted by: Pab Sep 24 2004, 03:06 PM

Mata is really Jonothan Umbago Milongo, son of the demised Nigerian ex-minister for petroleum exports. And he needs your help.

Posted by: Righteous Sep 24 2004, 04:37 PM

Yes, Pab. All he needs is a deposit of $800 US to transfer all of his millions from Nigeria to the States where he will give you a significant cut of said millions.

Posted by: funked)out_frog Sep 24 2004, 05:17 PM

My next door neighbour told me that her son's teacher's pet's vet's ex-wife's toy boy saw Mata having afternoon tea with George Bush.

Posted by: Pab Sep 24 2004, 05:34 PM

QUOTE (funked)out_frog @ Sep 24 2004, 07:17 PM)
My next door neighbour told me that her son's teacher's pet's vet's ex-wife's toy boy saw Mata having afternoon tea with George Bush.
*



Ò·Ó

YOU BETTER HAVE SOME ANSWERS TRAITOOOOORRRRRRRRR

Posted by: CommieBastard Sep 24 2004, 05:43 PM



Mata told this baby the truth about Santa Claus.



Mata was singlehandedly responsible for the construction, emplacement and operation of the Death Star.

Posted by: ravein Sep 24 2004, 05:57 PM

*Walks in wearing a muumuu and bedroom shoes*
These are Mata's illegitimate children


We are waiting for our child support check Mata!! Look how your babies are sleeping! We can't even afford beds! They have to sleep in the old boots you left behind when you took everything and left! I have to kill large rats so they can have clothes! You could at least buy the babies some formula! You could at least drop off some diapers!! You NEED to keep selling them t-shirts so the children can eat! You.. sorry no good… YOU DON’T LOVE YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!!!

Posted by: Polocrunch Sep 24 2004, 05:57 PM

I heard that Mata told Susie that she was real pretty when he took her to the burger bar on Thursday, but the next morning he told everyone that her teeth were wonky. Then, when Susie went to cry in the toilet, him and Jamie stood around laughing and telling jokes about how fat she was.

He also flicked mud at Mrs Telford on the school trip and blamed Jason for it. And Jason doesn't even have hands.

Posted by: Sir_Psycho_Sexy Sep 24 2004, 06:27 PM

QUOTE (nordelen @ Sep 24 2004, 12:50 PM)
i heard that Mata is often seen wearing a pink suit that has green pin-stripes.
*


nonsense, mata has much better colour co-ordination than that!

Mata has many failed genetic experiments floating in jars of goop in his house (I've been there and saw them, claimed it was dinner tongue.gif), though he has had some successes, though Mr Fuzzy has yet to turn into an evil super creature he hasn't turnen into a big puddle of slime either

Posted by: Polocrunch Sep 24 2004, 06:34 PM

Mata's name is Ellen at weekends.


Yes, that's right. He is the lesbian comedian, Ellen. And he writes all his own material too - don't listen to the New York Times!

Posted by: Ashbless Sep 24 2004, 06:54 PM

Mata's the one responsible for the absolute gorgeous days that you observe from work the day after your rainy holiday. I think I heard that he does it with some sort of rays.

Posted by: Faerieryn Sep 24 2004, 07:22 PM

Mata doesn't make up his animations, they are beamed to him via a secret spy satalite.... and if you play the latest little goth girl backwards you can clearly hear the words to "hit me baby one more time" and the theme tune to "Fraggle Rock" (no wonder everyone is singing it)

Posted by: Forever Unknown Sep 24 2004, 07:40 PM

Mata used to moonlight as Scary Spice.

You ever seen them in a room together? Nooooo....

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 24 2004, 07:54 PM

QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Sep 24 2004, 01:33 PM)
That means he's my father too...
*


Mata's my mother!
And he has buttons on his stomach so you can use him as a cellular phone.

Posted by: funked)out_frog Sep 24 2004, 11:07 PM

Mata drank the last of the orange juice and put the caton back in the fridge.

-And I heard from my sister's friend's father's minister's gardener's web designer's assistant's mate who lives in Madagascar that Mata was overhead saying that he didn't ever want to know who his athletic offspring are! *gasp*

Posted by: The.Wheezing.Ghost Sep 25 2004, 12:41 AM

J.Lo didn't make the song "Jenny from the Block." popular, Mata did! he really sang the song...J.Lo just appeared in videos....she was his cover up! He wasn't ready for the world to know about his sexy feminine singing voice.

Posted by: Ashbless Sep 25 2004, 12:48 AM

Mata's hired sirens to sing subaudibly on the Matazone forums. It's why we all keep getting lured back again and again. Those who don't post much get given to the sirens to eat - really.

Posted by: Polocrunch Sep 25 2004, 01:14 AM

Mata once strangled a baby with his bare hands as a dare. He then killed three more young children just because he liked it. People, this is a sick, sick man we're dealing with.

Posted by: Mata Sep 25 2004, 01:48 AM

Humpf. Anyone got any nice rumours about me?

Posted by: Mr Fuzzy Sep 25 2004, 02:25 AM

QUOTE (Hobbes @ Sep 24 2004, 01:27 PM)
Mata is battery-powered
*


I was going to cut him open to check this evening, but Sues wouldn't let me. He's 'got to her' in the X Files sense.

He does alien autopsies in his kitchen. Jonman knows, he's seen that kitchen.

Posted by: sjbbandgeek Sep 25 2004, 02:43 AM

Mata clubs baby seals.
He also started the War of 1812.

Posted by: IrishGuy Sep 25 2004, 05:30 AM

Mata smells of vanilla and cinnamon. And he gives good hugs.

Posted by: MistressAlti Sep 25 2004, 06:51 AM

QUOTE (IrishGuy @ Sep 25 2004, 12:30 AM)
Mata smells of vanilla and cinnamon. And he gives good hugs.
*


Mata pays off forumites to support his regime with sugar-coated lies.

Posted by: gothictheysay Sep 25 2004, 07:23 AM

Technically, according to another Daft thread, that makes Mata my grandfather. blink.gif

Mata isn't *really* the age he pretends to be - he kidnaps the best scientists in the world and keeps them in his basement to come up with perfect non-aging formulas. If these scientists don't work, Mata does the feeding chain thing with their pets! ohmy.gif

Posted by: monkey_called_narth Sep 25 2004, 07:42 AM

mata is a communist and brain washes little children to do his evil deeds... such as free aniumals from zoo's *shoves penguin back in the freezer* ph34r.gif

Posted by: Feyliya Sep 25 2004, 08:36 AM

Mata is a *dundunDUN* bloodsucking hermaphroditic rheissus monkey with green scales and small hands that smell like cabbage! Run for your lives!!!!

Posted by: CommieBastard Sep 25 2004, 09:16 AM

QUOTE (Mata @ Sep 25 2004, 02:48 AM)
Humpf. Anyone got any nice rumours about me?
*


Pfft. Where's the fun in that?

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 25 2004, 12:56 PM

QUOTE (MistressAlti @ Sep 25 2004, 06:51 AM)
QUOTE (IrishGuy @ Sep 25 2004, 12:30 AM)
Mata smells of vanilla and cinnamon. And he gives good hugs.
*


Mata pays off forumites to support his regime with sugar-coated lies.
*



He stoops that low... *shakes head sadly*

I heard that he's made of Blu-Tack, and won't play with the Play-Doh girls and boys.

Posted by: Ashbless Sep 25 2004, 01:00 PM

Mata is not actually Mata but another man of the same name.

Mata was seen entertaining small children at the Calgary Stampede.

Posted by: EvilSpoon Sep 25 2004, 02:18 PM

Mata makes the best parrot burgers around, but to get the parrots to make the burgers he steals them from people's homes and the local pet place.

Posted by: LoLo Sep 25 2004, 02:47 PM

Nevermind this post. I'm being silly. This is an edit by the way.

Posted by: Kurruskita Sep 25 2004, 03:04 PM

I know for sure that, before eating the puppies, Mata has sex with them, records the entire sessions and post the videos in another site. I accidentaly found out when I was searching in Google and wrote by mistake "Mata sickporn puppies videos full size"

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 25 2004, 04:16 PM

QUOTE (Kurruskita @ Sep 25 2004, 03:04 PM)
I was searching in Google and wrote by mistake "Mata sickporn puppies videos full size"
*


By mistake?!

Perhaps we should be starting rumours about Kurruskita.

Mata's blind in all five of his eyes, by the way.

Posted by: Polocrunch Sep 25 2004, 05:23 PM

I heard that Mata's hair isn't really his own. In the late Seventies he kidnapped Soviet leader, Mikhail Gorbachev, scalped him and transplanted Gorbachev's hair onto his own bald head, leaving Gorbachev nothing but a blood-red mark and a perfectly smooth scalp.

Posted by: Righteous Sep 25 2004, 07:00 PM

Mata is actually a clone of Walt Disney.

Posted by: Polocrunch Sep 25 2004, 07:02 PM

Mata is employed by the Umbrella Corporation to manufacture viruses that turn humans into zombies.

Posted by: Righteous Sep 25 2004, 07:04 PM

My friend's cousin's former wife's exboyfriend's college roomate knew a guy who lived in the apartment next to a guy whose sister saw Mata peel his skin off revealing his real visage: that of Mr. Snaffelburger!

That's also his real voice.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Sep 25 2004, 07:29 PM

Mata's made of candy.

And he can fly.

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 25 2004, 07:55 PM

Mata is human...



. ...no, even I don't believe that one.

Posted by: Fallen Element Sep 25 2004, 08:06 PM

Mata once kidnapped one of the Andrex puppies and trained it to kill! He dispatched several old ladies with aforementioned puppy before it joined a union and demanded better pay and a dental plan. The puppy was later buried in several secret locations.

Fal xXx

Posted by: PsychWardMike Sep 25 2004, 09:15 PM

Mata stole the crown jewels and actually did kill James Bond when he came to stop him.

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 25 2004, 09:47 PM

Revealingly, Mata's name is an anagram of "I Like Pet Purée for Breakfast"

(if you add some letters, and change some others)

Coincedence? I think not!

Posted by: Righteous Sep 25 2004, 09:58 PM

Mata uses text speak when he poses as UKspecialsauce in AOL chatrooms.

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 25 2004, 10:03 PM

Mata's made from recycled cans, plastic bottles, and biology textbooks

Posted by: Faerieryn Sep 25 2004, 10:04 PM

Mata invented the microchip (with a little help from some little green men) but refused to take credit for it as this would have menat revealing his secret- he is actually the missing midget member of girls aloud

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 25 2004, 10:11 PM

If you click the right combination of hyperlinks in the forum, it tickles Mata and he giggles like a girl.

Posted by: Righteous Sep 25 2004, 10:13 PM

I thought they were criminal justice books that he was made out of.

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 25 2004, 10:18 PM

QUOTE (Righteous @ Sep 25 2004, 10:13 PM)
I thought they were criminal justice books that he was made out of.
*


Them too...

But only because he wrote them all himself.

Posted by: Sir_Psycho_Sexy Sep 25 2004, 10:23 PM

Mata came to me rescue once when I was slightly lost in Winchester, he came running down the road, took be back to his house, found out where my hotel was (on the internet) and walked me half way there in the rain then went back home and finished cooking dinner for sues.

Better Mata?

Posted by: Ashbless Sep 25 2004, 11:23 PM

Mata has brainwashed quite a few people including CommieBastard and now, apparently, Sir Psycho Sexy.

Posted by: cait Sep 25 2004, 11:30 PM

It's a known fact that Mata is in no way affilliated with the government or the mafia.

Psst. Hey Mata, don't worry I won't give anything away.

Posted by: funked)out_frog Sep 25 2004, 11:41 PM

There was a girl who my little sister's best friend's child minder used to mind, who's pa said he heard from his postie, who'd just returned form Niger on holiday, that the one of the chamber maids told her that she'd hear the story of a man from England named Mata who helpes little old ladies carry thier shopping home.- BUT he that he only does it to steal their chocolate digestives and moth balls!

Posted by: cait Sep 25 2004, 11:48 PM

QUOTE (funked)out_frog @ Sep 25 2004, 08:41 PM)
There was a girl who my little sister's best friend's child minder used to mind, who's  pa said he heard from his postie, who'd just returned form Niger on holiday, that the one of  the chamber maids told her that she'd hear the story of a man from England named Mata who helpes little old ladies carry thier shopping home.- BUT he that he only does it to steal their chocolate digestives and moth balls!
*



*gasps* NO Way! Let this be a lesson to everyone. Nobody should allow their grandmother's to go shopping unattended!! Please don't let this happen to little old ladies near you!

Posted by: Forever Unknown Sep 25 2004, 11:53 PM

Mata stole my socks. The one with the cows on them.

What an evil bar steward.

Posted by: Lord of darness Sep 26 2004, 12:03 AM

mata stole the source code for half life to which delayed it so long.

Posted by: eleraama Sep 26 2004, 12:25 AM

I'm sure you all knew that Mata is personally responsible for global warming. And the greenhouse effect. And the election of GWB.

Did I mention he was a freemason?

Posted by: Ashbless Sep 26 2004, 12:25 AM

Forever Unknown spotted Mata tending bar in London. She said he wasn't doing it very well. Probably giving people the wrong drinks and tripping the wait staff while they tried to carry full trays.

Posted by: Forever Unknown Sep 26 2004, 12:38 AM

True true true. Apart from the lies.

Posted by: Jaq Sep 26 2004, 01:21 AM

Mata makes awesome animations and is a font of wisdom and can be counted on to keep a level head when everyone else is running around like chickens with their heads chopped off.

Also I heard that he sucks the skins off peanuts in grocery stores and spits them back into the bag without buying them.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Sep 26 2004, 03:30 AM

Mata s actually Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.

Posted by: Jaq Sep 26 2004, 03:42 AM

QUOTE (PsychWardMike @ Sep 26 2004, 12:30 PM)
Mata s actually Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.
*



*shudders* Let's not get ugly now

Posted by: Gothymothy girl Sep 26 2004, 03:54 AM

Mata likes to dress up in his mothers clothing and dance around the living room on a regular basis. I saw him do it once.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Sep 26 2004, 03:59 AM

Mata is actually EVERY famous Britis person ever. Keith Richards and Queen Elizabeth included.

Posted by: LoLo Sep 26 2004, 05:04 AM

Mata pimps out bunnies when he's short on cash.


Posted by: funked)out_frog Sep 26 2004, 07:27 AM

Lolo, it's so good that you have photograpic evidance. I need to go use photoshop, bum, I mean go to the photo shop and er, yeah 'develope' some pictures.

(By the way , big laughts at all the rumors, making me smile. He he he.)

Posted by: Righteous Sep 26 2004, 04:07 PM

Okay, here's a nicer one:

On a good day, Mata can bench press 310 US pounds and deadlift 550.

And Jaq, we all knew that. That's not a rumor; that's common sense. Mata is officially the chillest person on the planet. That is unless you step on his foot executing a chain reaction causing to him to change into a giant, rabid purple dog that searches the UK landscape for bunnies and kitties. Then he's not terrebly chill.

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 26 2004, 05:09 PM

Mata's dad makes all the animations.

Posted by: Righteous Sep 26 2004, 06:09 PM

Upon finding out that I knew of his AIM/text speak exploits, Mata changed his AIM names to SexyGothBloke and lgg4ever and still uses text speak hardcore.

Posted by: Mata Sep 26 2004, 07:02 PM

QUOTE (Righteous @ Sep 26 2004, 06:09 PM)
Mata [...] uses text speak hardcore.
*

*sharp intake of breath* Oo Ri! That's getting pretty low! Pimping bunnies is one thing (and possibly true, I'm not commenting without my lawyer present) but using text speak... Never!

I've heard that when I'm asleep I sneak into offices and move folders from the filing cabinets back into the filing trays.

Posted by: The.Wheezing.Ghost Sep 26 2004, 07:20 PM

I heard that when the full moon comes out Mata turns into...


A purple Poodle!

Posted by: Polocrunch Sep 26 2004, 08:13 PM

Mata is actually acting as a surrogate mother for George Bush and Saddam Hussein, who're madly in love and desperate to have a baby.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Sep 26 2004, 10:48 PM

Mata is actually a masked wrestler known to the world only as "El Monkey Terriblay." Never said he was good at spelling.

Posted by: Righteous Sep 26 2004, 11:23 PM

QUOTE (Mata @ Sep 26 2004, 02:02 PM)
*sharp intake of breath* Oo Ri! That's getting pretty low! Pimping bunnies is one thing (and possibly true, I'm not commenting without my lawyer present) but using text speak... Never!
*

Hey, I'm just telling you what I heard. tongue.gif

Posted by: spiffilicious05 Sep 26 2004, 11:39 PM

Mata is infact inhuman. He is part cyborg and part cyclopse and feeds off of the little things that go bump in the night underneath the beds of any child without the protection of a samuri.

For any child caught without a samuri mata steals one sock from a pair from the child's sock drawer.

Posted by: Lord of darness Sep 27 2004, 01:26 AM

Mata was the jedi knight swarn to protect the one ring from the evil agenst of the matrix but he gave it over for trinty.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Sep 27 2004, 01:36 AM

Mata's the kind of guy that kisses and doesn't call!

*cries*

Posted by: SPEAKERfortheLOST Sep 27 2004, 01:32 PM

you do know that mata was involved in the abduction of elvis...

I swear he was!

That and he was surrounded by clones of Pixigoth.....

Posted by: Righteous Sep 27 2004, 03:53 PM

Mata has a secret herum of poor Dutch girls whom he's tricked into thinking he's Ringo Starr via glasses, wig and stick-on gotee.

Posted by: FurryMammal Sep 27 2004, 04:07 PM

Mata told Jonman to make this thread, so when he's found doing all these things, it will seem ridiculous.

Posted by: Forever Unknown Sep 27 2004, 04:09 PM

It's Mata's fault I didn't get a payrise. He called my bosses and told them I did smack and put ponies in compromising positions.

Posted by: Righteous Sep 27 2004, 04:47 PM

There have been multiple reports of rabbit molestations all over the southern UK. Mata likes rabbits. Coincidence? I think not.

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 27 2004, 06:36 PM

QUOTE (spiffilicious05 @ Sep 26 2004, 11:39 PM)
For any child caught without a samuri mata steals one sock from a pair from the child's sock drawer.
*


And then he videos a big sock-puppet theatre, and sends tapes to the children. And oh, how they cry.

He also takes candy from babies.
...he says its easy.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Sep 27 2004, 10:19 PM

Mata actually wrote and directed every classic Nickelodeon show. Clarissa Explains It All, The Adventures of Pete and Pete, Hey Dude, Salute Your Shorts... the works.

He. Is. A. God.

Posted by: smallcuteanddeadly Sep 28 2004, 11:02 AM

QUOTE (Righteous @ Sep 27 2004, 04:53 PM)
Mata has a secret herum of poor Dutch girls whom he's tricked into thinking he's Ringo Starr via glasses, wig and stick-on gotee.
*


It's true. I'm one of them rolleyes.gif

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Sep 28 2004, 11:37 AM

QUOTE (Lord of darness @ Sep 27 2004, 02:26 AM)
Mata was the jedi knight swarn to protect the one ring from the evil agenst of the matrix but he gave it over for trinty.
*


mata actually made the one ring and is secretly building an army of orcs in his basement

Posted by: PsychWardMike Sep 29 2004, 12:37 AM

I have to say it... Mata, I'm betraying your secret.

Mata *sob* INVENTED SURVIVOR!

*cries furiously*

Posted by: EvilSpoon Sep 29 2004, 01:17 AM

Mata has look alikes who go to prison for him, and, likewise, take it in the behind for him while he sits leisurely at his lair cuddling his vampyric bunny rabbits.

Posted by: Polocrunch Sep 29 2004, 04:26 PM

Upon Mata's birth, God tried to get the fifth Commandment amended to "Thou shalt not kill - except Mata". However, the Lord Almighty got bogged down in legal paperwork and gave up in 1997. Not coincidentally, this was the year that Tony Blair became Prime Minister of the UK.

Posted by: Righteous Sep 29 2004, 04:31 PM

Mata hides, breeds and sells rare, exotic and endangered animals out of a warehouse in London that he owns under the name Mr. Snaffelburger.

Also during his teens, he sold mixtures of oregano and tobacco to kids telling them it was pot (he chose that mixture over pot for moral and financial reasons). He also used the name Mr. Snaffelburger.

Posted by: Alaric Sep 29 2004, 07:18 PM

Mata once saved a midget from a burning building...

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 29 2004, 10:15 PM

He doesn't have opposable thumbs.

But he does have a prehensile tail.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Sep 29 2004, 10:18 PM

Mata was actually the 8th Brady child. Later, in horrible mutating accident, involving, three penguins, a malfunctioning Super Nintendo, bad weed, and ten or twelve circus midgets, he became the fifth Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle - Picasso. Needless to say, he hasn't acted since, save that one time he served as Captain Planet's stunt double.

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 29 2004, 10:25 PM

A little birdy (I think it was a chaffinch) told me that he goes to other forums and spams threads.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Sep 29 2004, 10:37 PM

Mata...

Is a nun.

Posted by: Lord of darness Sep 29 2004, 10:40 PM

Mata is secreatly George bush's son.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Sep 29 2004, 10:59 PM

...Real Clever.

I am Mata!

Posted by: Spacehappy Sep 29 2004, 11:32 PM

Mata is Nixon evil.gif

Posted by: The.Wheezing.Ghost Sep 30 2004, 12:59 AM

I heard Mata was really Johnny Depp...

*mob of screaming girls runs by and attacks Mata*

Posted by: EvilSpoon Sep 30 2004, 01:11 AM

I heard Mata dislikes me and rolls of masking tape. I'm also to understand that, not only does he dislike rolls of masking tape, but he finds sexually abusive ways to abuse them. The masking tape can never look at the world in the same way again.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Sep 30 2004, 02:48 AM

Mata... er... I was actually each and every Beatle. (The John Lennon quarter of me wants you to know that Yoko actually shot me...)

Posted by: Mutilation Sep 30 2004, 03:58 PM

Mata enjoys books on Geology.

Those are books about ROCKS!

Posted by: spiffilicious05 Sep 30 2004, 04:14 PM

I heard that mata has his own religion in which he makes people believe he is god and makes them drink poisened koolaid that turns them all into little fluffykin which he feeds to all the snaffelburgers.

All the characters on mata's website are real because mata is god.

Posted by: Hobbes Sep 30 2004, 06:34 PM

Mata can smell our brains... but you all knew that, right?

I also heard that his pinkie finger on his left hand is bigger than his pinkie finger on his right hand, which is smaller than the pinkie finger on his left hand, which is bigger than his pinkie finger on his right hand, which is smaller...

Posted by: Oni Usagi Sep 30 2004, 06:55 PM

Hidden somewhere on his website is a large amount of adult fiction Mata wrote starring Margaret Thatcher and Jack Straw.

Posted by: kidvicious2punk Sep 30 2004, 07:42 PM

Mata keeps prank calling my house dry.gif

my little brother keeps chading our refridgerator!

Posted by: PsychWardMike Sep 30 2004, 10:57 PM

Mata has a secret army of mummified squirrels and other assorted rodents and plans on taking over Vatican City and Luxemburg with them.

Posted by: Tigersong Sep 30 2004, 11:49 PM

*blink blink*

Dear god, I was thinking of creating this thread only a few days before it was done, then thought to myself, "Nah, that's a dumb idea." When I saw it here, I was honestly shocked and briefly wondered if I had created it without recognizing it on some conscious level, or what... smile.gif

Great minds think alike, I guess.

Mata not only eats kittens, he ate MY kitten.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Oct 1 2004, 01:34 AM

Mata ate me. And a computer. With wireless. Right now, I type from his belly, and am worried about where I'm going to wind up.

Posted by: Polocrunch Oct 1 2004, 04:05 PM

Mata was fifty-second in line to the British throne five years ago, but he's since bumped off thirty contenders. He's now got his sights on the Princes - he plans to eliminate them by dressing up in a Catwoman suit, a la Fathers For Justice.

Posted by: Righteous Oct 1 2004, 09:33 PM

I talked to someone whose uncle's coworker's neighbor' brother over in the UK saw Mata suck down an eight ball (as in billiards, not cocain) and chase it with about an American gallon's worth of beer and a few shots. He did it on a dare and got ten pounds.

Posted by: Polocrunch Oct 1 2004, 10:02 PM

I heard that Mata is plotting to overthrow the Queen of England and replace her with that vile Frenchman, Jacques Chirac! The man is a filthy republican!

Posted by: Spacehappy Oct 1 2004, 11:37 PM

QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Oct 1 2004, 10:02 PM)
I heard that Mata is plotting to overthrow the Queen of England and replace her with that vile Frenchman, Jacques Chirac! The man is a filthy republican!
*


Mata if this is true your a biatch!!!. wink.gif

On a side note, Mata agrees with all my views on crime and the world and said "I will support your plan for world domination, through my site. By including sumblinal "vote for Spacehappy" messages in my animation".

Posted by: Jonman Oct 1 2004, 11:59 PM

There are more wires around the back of Mata's TV than there are in the entirety of Somalia.

Posted by: Righteous Oct 3 2004, 04:51 AM

Via time travel, Mata gave my grandfather the wrong ticket, landing him in Jamaica instead of Honduras thinking he'd be terrorizing the RAF to the point where he could take it over and call it Mata's Big-Ass Lot of Planes. This plan failed because they sent another guy to Honduras. Meanwhile my grandfather met some Asian girl at the airport causing a chain reaction that led to my birth.

Thanks, Mata!

Posted by: Greeneyes Oct 3 2004, 03:11 PM

Mata ate my homework.

Posted by: Righteous Oct 3 2004, 04:33 PM

Mata got me hooked on Dr. Pepper.

Posted by: Snugglebum the Destroyer Oct 3 2004, 04:48 PM

Mata has three nipples but cleverly disguises the third as a belly button.

He gets away with this because HE HAS NO BELLY BUTTON!!!!

Posted by: funked)out_frog Oct 3 2004, 04:56 PM

LMAO Snuggs.

Mata admited he is a figment of our collective consicence. If we did not believe in Mata, he would not have attracted us here, therefore we would not exist, becasue the only reason we exist is because he believes we do.

/me straightens out mind.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Oct 3 2004, 06:12 PM

Mata is a two legged elephant whose whining could power a small city.

Posted by: Polocrunch Oct 3 2004, 09:00 PM

QUOTE (Righteous @ Oct 3 2004, 04:33 PM)
Mata got me hooked on Dr. Pepper.
*


Mata got my six children hooked on heroin, then fired me when I asked for a pay rise to fund their habits.

Posted by: gothictheysay Oct 4 2004, 12:07 AM

Mata is so mysterious as a character that too many people have tried to be funny by posting too many rumors about him, which has led to the ultimate demise of my willpower.

Posted by: Righteous Oct 4 2004, 12:43 AM

Does anyone here think we may end up hurting Mata's feelings?

Posted by: EvilSpoon Oct 4 2004, 01:12 AM

No. Mata is a robot, he doesn't know feelings!

Posted by: PsychWardMike Oct 4 2004, 02:02 AM

When no one is watching, Mata prances around in pink underroos singing Broadway showstoppers.

"La vie Bohemme" anyone?

Posted by: Righteous Oct 4 2004, 03:58 AM

Mata is a crack shot with pretty much any rifle or pistol.

Posted by: spiffilicious05 Oct 4 2004, 02:50 PM

Mata is really a magical sitar player who can only speak the truth.

Posted by: Righteous Oct 4 2004, 06:05 PM

Mata was the original Tooth Fairy, but resigned when they asked him to wear the dress.

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 4 2004, 06:34 PM

Mata plays as Noddy Holder in a Slade tribute band.

Posted by: The.Wheezing.Ghost Oct 4 2004, 08:28 PM

QUOTE (Righteous @ Oct 4 2004, 12:05 PM)
Mata was the original Tooth Fairy, but resigned when they asked him to wear the dress.
*


Mata was reassigned to be the Puberty Fairy. Bringing the joy of Cleavage to young girls and bringing the brilliance of voice changing to young boys. And the wonders of zits to everyone dry.gif thanks Mata

Posted by: Snugglebum the Destroyer Oct 4 2004, 08:39 PM

QUOTE
Mata was reassigned to be the Puberty Fairy. Bringing the joy of Cleavage to young girls and bringing the brilliance of voice changing to young boys. And the wonders of zits to everyone  thanks Mata


He's also the Period Fairy. You know the one ladies - he visits you the day that there is absolutely any chance of you getting laid. dry.gif

I think my mother hires him to do so.

Posted by: Polocrunch Oct 4 2004, 09:57 PM

QUOTE (Righteous @ Oct 4 2004, 06:05 PM)
Mata was the original Tooth Fairy, but resigned when they asked him to wear the dress.
*


No, what really happened is that he resigned when he was asked not to wear the dress.

Posted by: eleraama Oct 5 2004, 05:25 PM

I doubt you'll be surprised when I reveal that Mata is, in fact, the 'Big Brother' of modern government, and hence is a figment of our imaginations.
Oh, and Mata firmly believes that 2+2=5.

Posted by: elphaba2 Oct 5 2004, 07:29 PM

I heard mata was the one who came up with the no child left behind act, but felt it was not evil enough and frustrated, tossed it in the rubbish bin where george bush found it (he was looking for mata's cocaine). Mata also was the one who spawned britney, christina, pink AND jojo.

someone must stop this man before he produces a neverending wave of despair and terrible music.

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 5 2004, 09:37 PM

Mata actively seeks out goats in order to feed them his pelleted concoction of minerals, vitamins and nutrients.

"Goats Goats Healthy Goats!" he shouts, at the Goat rallies.

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 5 2004, 11:18 PM

He feasts off of O-zone and raises the risk of skin cancer, you know. But it doesn't matter to him, he is really just a komodo dragon DRESSED UP as a human.

"Docile human by day... Komodo-dragon-man by night!" *thunder booms im background*

Tremble in fear of Mata's lack of tooth brush and insatiable appetite for rotting flesh!

Posted by: PsychWardMike Oct 6 2004, 01:31 AM

Mata goes on cold and then heats up. He, unlike IceyHot/Bengai (sp?) feels extremely good on the gential region.

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 6 2004, 01:52 AM

QUOTE (Faerieryn @ Sep 25 2004, 06:04 PM)
Mata invented the microchip (with a little help from some little green men) but refused to take credit for it as this would have menat revealing his secret- he is actually the missing midget member of girls aloud
*



On that note of little green men...
Zap!
"Hello there, Dum-dum!"

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 6 2004, 01:54 AM

I heard that he eats his own hair and confesses to numerous crimes he didn't commit in his sleep.

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Oct 6 2004, 09:42 AM

QUOTE (arachnidoc17 @ Oct 6 2004, 02:54 AM)
I heard that he eats his own hair and confesses to numerous crimes he didn't commit in his sleep.
*


he actually has no hair - he lost it because he was so scared after seeing a spider in the bath - it is just a wig that he wears now.

Posted by: Mata Oct 6 2004, 10:53 AM

Scarily, some of these are quite accurate....

Posted by: the lil' pie fairy Oct 6 2004, 11:10 AM

Word on the street is that Mata was responsible for the recent flood of gherkins through letterboxes that the inhabitants of the town of Quorn (near to Leicester) have been experiencing.

Posted by: Astrology Girl Oct 6 2004, 01:22 PM

Don't you know that Mata was Adolf Hitler in his previous life. He also said that he would force me to eat kittens if i told anyone. by the way, he also told me that his middle name was happy-bunny-pink-fluffy-girly-man.

Posted by: Astrology Girl Oct 6 2004, 01:25 PM

Mata is also a giant popsical stand.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Oct 6 2004, 01:37 PM

If you eat Mata with Pop Rocks and Coke, your stomach will explode.

Posted by: Righteous Oct 6 2004, 02:28 PM

QUOTE (Mata @ Oct 6 2004, 05:53 AM)
Scarily, some of these are quite accurate....
*

Do we want to know? Please say that one of them is that on a good day, you can bench press 310 US pounds and deadlift 550.

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 6 2004, 09:07 PM

Mata eats fish fingers and other aquatic fake limbs.

Posted by: Polocrunch Oct 6 2004, 10:22 PM

Mata cooks food, doesn't eat it, lets it get cold and then reheats it. But he doesn't reheat it properly, oh no! Oh no!

Posted by: DoRmAnt Oct 6 2004, 10:38 PM

QUOTE (Righteous @ Oct 4 2004, 12:43 AM)
Does anyone here think we may end up hurting Mata's feelings?
*



I'm sure if Mata were truly hurt by any of this he'd use his mystical powers and turn us all into puppies and then eat us. Because I heard that's what he did to some of the MIA forumites.





Besides, we tease the ones we love and we all love Mata!

Posted by: PsychWardMike Oct 7 2004, 02:06 AM

Mata is actually The Simpson's Comic Book Guy.

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 7 2004, 06:56 PM

Mata pushes the button at pelican crossings as he walks past.

Posted by: moop Oct 7 2004, 07:22 PM

Mata pays magazines to use that congealed-semen-alike glue they use to attach coverdisks.

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 7 2004, 08:09 PM

QUOTE (moop @ Oct 7 2004, 07:22 PM)
Mata pays magazines to use that congealed-semen-alike glue they use to attach coverdisks.
*


Congealed-semen-alike?
...you need to see a doctor tongue.gif

Mata starts crossing when the green man's flashing.

Posted by: Polocrunch Oct 7 2004, 08:26 PM

Mata leaves blind people in the central reservation during rush-hour.

Posted by: Pab Oct 7 2004, 11:02 PM

Mata made a broadcast to the french nation telling them it's okay to picnic on roundabouts around the M25

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 7 2004, 11:50 PM

Mata is really that guy who goes to John M. Smith's just to sit on the reclining microfiber couches all day. He also goes to financially-troubled peoples' houses to eat the repo-men.

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Oct 8 2004, 08:36 AM

Mata hides in postboxes and steals little kids money from their Birthday cards!

Posted by: Mr Fuzzy Oct 8 2004, 10:22 AM

QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Oct 6 2004, 11:22 PM)
Mata cooks food, doesn't eat it, lets it get cold and then reheats it. But he doesn't reheat it properly, oh no! Oh no!
*


You're almost right there. One addition needs to be made though. When he has reheated it, no matter what it is, he puts it on toast. Even soup.

Posted by: Cath Oct 8 2004, 02:12 PM

Mata brought together a bunch of freaks weido's, general misfits and malcontents and created a forum the mad fool!!! tongue.gif

Posted by: Righteous Oct 8 2004, 03:32 PM

Mata was a founding member of Godsmack.

Posted by: DoRmAnt Oct 8 2004, 08:22 PM

The real Mata is locked in a trunk in the closet and the RoboMata occasionally pulls him out for questioning.








this is my 666 post!

Posted by: Polocrunch Oct 8 2004, 09:23 PM

Mata refused to cancel the substantial debt of Third World nations in 2003, despite its crippling effects on their economies and peoples.

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 9 2004, 06:52 PM

Following in the footsteps of Pamela Anderson, Mata is releasing his own bikini calendar for 2005.

Posted by: MrBrick Oct 9 2004, 09:04 PM

Mata followed me to work everyday for a week, and once tried to ambush my Bus.

He also eats fairy legs.

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 9 2004, 10:10 PM

Mata hypnotizes cats into chewing plant leaves and those ribbons that come on baloons.

Posted by: Righteous Oct 9 2004, 11:12 PM

Mata orders subscriptions to dirty magazines and has them delivered to people in his neighborhood.

Posted by: laenan kite Oct 10 2004, 12:58 PM

mata eats people!!!!! and evan worse.......hes a townie!!!!!!!! o the horror! biggrin.gif

Posted by: laenan kite Oct 10 2004, 01:02 PM

mata eats people!!!!! and evan worse.......hes a townie!!!!!!!! o the horror! biggrin.gif

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 10 2004, 02:57 PM

Ever noticed how you never see Mata and Sophie Ellis Bextor together?

That's because THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON!

Posted by: DoRmAnt Oct 10 2004, 10:12 PM

^hahahaha brilliant

I once saw Mata's face on the side of a milk carton.

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 11 2004, 12:19 AM

QUOTE (Hobbes @ Oct 10 2004, 10:57 AM)
Ever noticed how you never see Mata and Sophie Ellis Bextor together?

That's because THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON!
*



Mata is a figment of my imagination, all of the internet is, and i'm looking like an idiot pressing my fingers into the air.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Oct 11 2004, 01:39 AM

Mata touches me at night.

And I likes it!

Posted by: Righteous Oct 11 2004, 01:52 AM

I once got a card in the mail that said, "Have you seen me?" and it had a picture of Mick with a picture next to it of Mata that said, "Last seen with Mata Haggis."

Posted by: PsychWardMike Oct 11 2004, 01:57 AM

Mata is Ville Valo.

Hey Ri... ready to smoke some man pole?

Posted by: Righteous Oct 11 2004, 02:36 AM

Mick, you're a bitch.

Although, that does explin why Mata's voice is so sexy.

Posted by: Mutilation Oct 11 2004, 08:07 PM

Mata cheated on his GCSE's by writing out all his revision notes on his hand.

Mata steals scripts from self-hating screenwriteres and passes it off as his own.

Mata lives inside a giant crab in the middle of CRABLANDIA.

Mata spanks himself at night and he doesn't know why.

Mata enjoys HP printers printing out page after page of the online bible. It's his favourite hobby.

Posted by: Spacehappy Oct 11 2004, 08:10 PM

QUOTE (Mutilation @ Oct 11 2004, 08:07 PM)
Mata spanks himself at night and he doesn't know why.
*


To stop him spanking you with a baseball bat most proberly smile.gif

Posted by: Mutilation Oct 11 2004, 08:12 PM

No he does that with his copy of Final Fantasy 7 diskcase. I really don't mind it.

If he doesn't have FF7, well then HE IS BLASPHEMING!!!111eleven!!!!11111111oneoneone12121121122121120239u4121211111!

Posted by: Righteous Oct 11 2004, 11:17 PM

Whenever people don't contribute enough, Mata sells his blood on the black market to make ends meet.

Posted by: DoRmAnt Oct 12 2004, 12:29 AM

QUOTE (Righteous @ Oct 11 2004, 11:17 PM)
Whenever people don't contribute enough, Mata sells his blood on the black market to make ends meet.
*



I've always wondered about that!!

Posted by: PsychWardMike Oct 12 2004, 12:47 AM

Mata regularly plays (and more disgustingly, enjoys) Superman64.

Posted by: saucy_tara Oct 12 2004, 08:33 AM

Mata has a phobia of cotton wool.

Mata likes to indulge his hedonistic side by making raffia weavework baskets for the elderly.

biggrin.gif

Posted by: Mr Fuzzy Oct 12 2004, 01:29 PM

QUOTE (DoRmAnt @ Oct 10 2004, 11:12 PM)
I once saw Mata's face on the side of a milk carton.
*


I once saw a milk carton on the side of Matas face. It was stapled there.

Posted by: Because I can Oct 12 2004, 01:33 PM

Mata created the holoprogram that is the universe

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 13 2004, 07:35 PM

Mata played Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat in the Broadway musical, CATS.

...but he didn't need a fake tail!

Posted by: Mutilation Oct 13 2004, 07:53 PM

Mata was the one who told Hitler that the Jews were making fun of his 'tache behind his back. Thus inadvertidly causing the death of millions.

That's right, April Fools can kill.

Posted by: Faerieryn Oct 13 2004, 08:05 PM

Mata is actually Mr Silly from the Mr Men

Posted by: Snugglebum the Destroyer Oct 13 2004, 08:16 PM

Mata doesn't wash his hands after he pees.






And then he prepares food.

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 13 2004, 08:48 PM

Mata made the Huggies jingle:

"I'm a big girl look what I can do,
I can wear big kid pants, too!"

Boy, does he owe us.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Oct 13 2004, 10:29 PM

Mata regularly Burninates the Country Side.

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 14 2004, 12:53 AM

Mata actually locks up small children and forces them to works on ideas for him to put up on the website.


"Uh-oh, Jimmy, you need THREE succeding ideas for food this year!"

Posted by: Dreams On Hiatus Oct 14 2004, 03:01 AM

Every September 23rd Mata walks out on the streets dressed in spandex tights and a large pink-colored afro wig, plie-ing whenever he comes to a street corner.

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Oct 14 2004, 03:04 PM

mata is subscribed to Barbie magazine

Posted by: funked)out_frog Oct 14 2004, 03:25 PM

hehehe.

Will there be a 'Most Original/ Creative/ Weird Rumour' award?

Posted by: Dreams On Hiatus Oct 14 2004, 07:24 PM

Mata doesn't actually use paint in his artwork - he uses boogers. smile.gif

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 14 2004, 08:37 PM

There's actually a rather disturbing connection to our favourite site's well-thought-of host.

Mata, his name, can also sound like "Matter", which includes particles and atoms and other science rubbish, well atoms - minus the a, and with the letters moved a bit - is mots, which is French for words. The French, as we all know, eat frogs legs, snails, and small children. Well, snails are very slow, as are cars which aren't moving. Such cars are described as stationary. Very similar to stationery, I'm sure you are aware, which includes pens, pencils and rulers. Another ruler was Henry VIII, who cut the heads of some of his wives. Anthony HEAD played Giles in TV's Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Vampires could probably do with some dentistry work, perhaps using that little drill that goes buzzz. Like bees! Bees make honey, and that's where the dreadful link is found.

Mata -> Honey.

Coincedence?
I think not.

I have informed the authorities. But they put me on hold, so I left a message with their mum. They're gonna' call me back.

They're at swimming practice.

Posted by: Snugglebum the Destroyer Oct 14 2004, 08:57 PM

If there's an award for best rumour - I think Hobbes has just won it. laugh.gif

LMFAO

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 14 2004, 09:07 PM

QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Oct 14 2004, 08:57 PM)
If there's an award for best rumour - I think Hobbes has just won it.  laugh.gif

LMFAO
*


\o/

Yay

Posted by: Ashbless Oct 17 2004, 02:46 AM

Mata voices all the characters on his web site. Sues is a figment of his imagination that he has us all believing in. A figment with a lovely voice but still a figment.

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 17 2004, 03:32 AM

Mata is actually an albino rhesus monkey from the center of the Earth who invented the cell phone, linoleum, microfiber, blue-laser CDs, red laser CDs, graffiti, chrome spraypaint, spinner rims, the "bargain bin", "blue light specials" the catch phrase for Tums, dog sweaters, invisible ink, talking mounted fish, plastic flowers, DURGE, fake grass for mini putt-putt, and the flop TV show: Butt-ugly martians. (Total air time of Butt-Ugly Martians: 1 month. Total Episodes: 2. Ratings: VERY LOW.) Thanks for wasting a half hour of my life on that TV show, Mata.

Posted by: Faerieryn Oct 17 2004, 02:57 PM

OK (a bit off the point I know) I swear that Butt Ugly Martians aired as a cartoon series on CITV (UK) for around a full series. COrrect me if I'm wrong but I know I saw it advertised for more than two episodes.

OH... and Mata is actually a former blue Peter presenter who was kicked off the show for smoking pixie dust (funky coloured sherbert from pixie stix) thats how come Mr Snaffleburger is so convincing. Mata has been on the INSIDE of such a production and he likes playing with sticky back plastic

Posted by: Righteous Oct 17 2004, 03:38 PM

Sarah is actually based off of Mata's little cousin who demanded that he make a cartoon of her. That's why Sarah is evil.

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 17 2004, 06:46 PM

QUOTE (Faerieryn @ Oct 17 2004, 02:57 PM)
I swear that Butt Ugly Martians aired as a cartoon series on CITV (UK) for around a full series
*


You are correct.

Mata sang the infamous 'Bodyform' song.

Posted by: Polocrunch Oct 17 2004, 07:36 PM

Mata doesn't recycle 30% of his household waste, in brazen defiance of EU directives!

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 17 2004, 08:05 PM

Mata recently wrote the following letter:

--------+--------+--------+--------

Dear Mr. Man Who Makes Polos,

Recently, I have discovered that all of the Polos I am buying have holes in the middle of them. All of them! I am shocked and astounded that you could have such an appalling quality-control system to allow this to happen. I feel it is my duty to let you know of this apparent mis-management.

I have worked out that approximately 1/3 of my Polos were missing, and therefore I would like a full refund for this missing proportion. This would go, I feel, some way towards relinquishing our perfect partnership (you, the mint-maker, me the mint-eater).

Eagerly anticipating your request,
-Mata

P.S. I only bought the original-flavour Polos, so the spearmint and fruit ones might be okay.

P.P.S. Besides, I'm getting a bit bored of mints - do you know anyone at Cadbury?

--------+--------+--------+--------


We must stop him, before he writes to "Mr. Man Who Makes Hula-Hoops"

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 18 2004, 12:04 AM

QUOTE (Hobbes @ Oct 17 2004, 02:46 PM)
QUOTE (Faerieryn @ Oct 17 2004, 02:57 PM)
I swear that Butt Ugly Martians aired as a cartoon series on CITV (UK) for around a full series
*


You are correct.

Mata sang the infamous 'Bodyform' song.
*


Oh. Well, over in the US it only had 1 month of air time.

Posted by: PsychWardMike Oct 18 2004, 12:45 AM

Mata's head a splode.

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 18 2004, 01:20 AM

Mata picked up TRINKET. To use TRiNKET...

Posted by: PsychWardMike Oct 18 2004, 01:52 AM

Once when he was a very small lad, Mata played doctor with the little girl down the lane... without a license!

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Oct 18 2004, 01:56 PM

mata changes the ladies and gents signs on public toilets

Posted by: PsychWardMike Oct 18 2004, 01:59 PM

Mata regularly sets fire to igloos...

Think of the eskimos, Mata. Think of the eskimos!

Posted by: Cath Oct 18 2004, 05:13 PM

Mata loves sporks.

Posted by: Sir_Psycho_Sexy Oct 18 2004, 06:08 PM

Mata is cheap like crack (and Whitney Housten) *wonders if anyone is around who remembers that*

Posted by: IrishGuy Oct 18 2004, 06:44 PM

*remembers*

I am Mata's illegitimate child! Does that make me Fitzmata or Fitzhaggis?

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 18 2004, 07:13 PM

Mata runs his life via a simple parser, akin to text adventures of the mid 1980's.

>LOOK
You are standing in your humble abode. A computer lies before you.
>EXAMINE COMPUTER
Many programs are currently running: Macromedia Flash, Microsoft Internet Explorer (currently on The Other Side Forums), Microsoft Calculator, and an "English 2 L33t Speak" Translator.
>CONTEMPLATE THE FUTURE OF SOCIETY
I don't understand "CONTEMPLATE"
>GET IDEAS
You pick up some ideas from the back of your mind and put them in your satchel.
>EXAMINE IDEAS
Twisted, surreal, occasionally obscene. Ideal really.
>MAKE ANIMATION
Time passes...

Posted by: DarkInferno Oct 18 2004, 09:46 PM

Mata drives in the middle lane even when the inside lane is completely empty

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 18 2004, 10:41 PM

Mata bought several copies of Flash Professional, and he no longer needs walls- they are replaced by servers.

Posted by: Because I can Oct 19 2004, 09:02 AM

Mata logs into his forum under other names to answer his own questions.

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Oct 19 2004, 09:08 AM

Hey I do that - only kidding - hey I am actually mata !

Posted by: little_bear Oct 19 2004, 12:29 PM

Mata collects floppy drives; he has over 400 different ones. Beige ones, black ones, large ones, old ones.. *goes on forever*

Posted by: Tarantio Oct 19 2004, 02:01 PM

During his more flippant teenage years, it all started getting to Mata after his friends told him that he couldn't change his name to "Masta" and go on a rapping tour of South America. Poor lad...

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 19 2004, 05:12 PM

Mata has been taking dancing lessons, in order to become the new Fred Astaire. People have been impressed by these new abilities, and Mata's now regarded as the new Ginger Rogers.

Close... but no cigar...

Posted by: laenan kite Oct 19 2004, 06:58 PM

mata works in mcdonalds, and likes to dress as elvis. unsure.gif

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 19 2004, 07:28 PM

Matt Lucas' Little Britain character, Vicky Pollard, was based on Mata.

Posted by: Polocrunch Oct 19 2004, 09:15 PM

Mata actually bans people all the time, but, in order to make himself look less unpleasant to other forumites, he creates new accounts, posts as the banned users and establishes angry PM correspondences with himself. Currently he's impersonating about fifteen banned users.

Posted by: Ashbless Oct 19 2004, 09:25 PM

ohmy.gif Do you mean that if we illuminated Polo's avatar then we would see Mata's face instead? biggrin.gif

Posted by: moop Oct 19 2004, 09:40 PM

Mata was the person who wrote all the bad parts into the rules of the universe.

Posted by: DarkInferno Oct 19 2004, 09:47 PM

Mata called Fortran easy.

Posted by: DoRmAnt Oct 20 2004, 12:56 AM

Mata is the Wizard of Oz hiding behind a big green face in his own little Oz computer world.

Posted by: Dreams On Hiatus Oct 20 2004, 01:29 AM

Mata commands a small army of evil goats on blimps.

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Oct 20 2004, 07:52 AM

QUOTE (DoRmAnt @ Oct 20 2004, 01:56 AM)
Mata is the Wizard of Oz hiding behind a big green face in his own little Oz computer world.
*


He also has flying monkeys as servants

Posted by: Black-Wings Oct 20 2004, 10:31 AM

I am one of those flying monkeys you know... I saw him eating pie.. SCANDAL biggrin.gif

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 20 2004, 05:49 PM

Mata turns computers off without shutting them down first!

Posted by: DarkInferno Oct 20 2004, 06:37 PM

Mata created the teletubbys.

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 20 2004, 07:52 PM

QUOTE (DarkInferno @ Oct 20 2004, 07:37 PM)
Mata created the teletubbys.
*


Now that is truly a malicious rumour.
I hope Mata denies it, otherwise I might have to go elsewhere for my daily dose of random forumites.

p.s. i heard he played Tinky Winky

Posted by: lygophilia Oct 21 2004, 03:07 AM

*loves this thread*

Mata dresses up as Santa for the kiddies at the mall.

He wears it often all year long and looks in the mirror to admire his Santa sexiness.

(You don't mind that I said that, right, Mata? Oh, it was a secret? Woops. unsure.gif)

Posted by: laenan kite Oct 21 2004, 04:22 PM

mata goes around pretending to be charachters from star trek.

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 21 2004, 06:57 PM

Mata is 'Brains' from the original Thunderbirds television series. Gerry Anderson couldn't make a puppet that looked like that, so he superimposed Mata into the action. I think you will find it an almost seamless join.

Unfortunately, Mata's acting was rather wooden...

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 22 2004, 01:42 AM

QUOTE (laenan kite @ Oct 21 2004, 12:22 PM)
mata goes around pretending to be charachters from star trek.
*



Mata wrote several thousand STAR TREK fan scripts, thereby earning his alias, Ronald McDonald, the title, "Ultimate Star Trek geek."

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 22 2004, 01:45 AM

Ron... *ahem* Mata, buys seventy bottles of booze on Wednesdays and chucks them at unsuspecting pedestrians from his Mata-mobile/blimp. Secretly, he made the popular "End of the world" flash animation.

Posted by: dancing hamster guy Oct 22 2004, 09:24 AM

mata got his mum to make the animations because it was too hard - he even cried when she told him to do them himself!

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 22 2004, 06:33 PM

QUOTE (arachnidoc17 @ Oct 22 2004, 02:45 AM)
Ron... *ahem* Mata, buys seventy bottles of booze on Wednesdays and chucks them at unsuspecting pedestrians from his Mata-mobile/blimp. Secretly, he made the popular "End of the world" flash animation.
*


Any that don't smash, he collects them up and takes them to the off-licence where he gets 10p each for them.

Posted by: Because I can Oct 23 2004, 09:57 AM

Salman Rushdie is hiding in Matas broom cupboard

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 23 2004, 01:04 PM

Mata invented Blu-Tak, Post-It Notes, and electric pencil sharpeners.

Posted by: Because I can Oct 23 2004, 01:46 PM

QUOTE (Hobbes @ Oct 23 2004, 01:04 PM)
Mata invented Blu-Tak, Post-It Notes, and electric pencil sharpeners.
*

And dont forget Velcro

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 23 2004, 02:56 PM

QUOTE (Because I can @ Oct 23 2004, 02:46 PM)
And dont forget Velcro
*


*forgets Velcro*

Mata's always getting caught in his zipper

Posted by: Quoth(The Raven) Oct 24 2004, 04:30 AM

Mata is actually the only one on the planet, but dresses up as other people, and moves about so fast it Looks like there are Six Billion of him... He's typing this, at this very moment, pretending to be a 44 year old South Carolinian... laugh.gif

Posted by: Black-Wings Oct 24 2004, 11:44 AM

Mata has made life size models of all the thunderbirds

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 24 2004, 05:08 PM

Mattel modelled Barbie on Mata.

It's true: Mata's knees don't bend either.

Posted by: Because I can Oct 25 2004, 09:41 AM

In either one of "The Q Continuum" books or the "IQ" book, Q visits one of the other omnipotent races called the 'M' I reckon mata is one of the M beings (probably the one that said "Your mother..." to Q)

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 25 2004, 05:28 PM

Mata is a Java applet.

Posted by: moop Oct 25 2004, 05:58 PM

Mata is actually a hologram being used by powerful computers from a long dead (but advanced - too advanced for their own good) civilisation.

For thousands of years the computers have been in a deep hibernation but now they have awoken(sp?) and decided that animations are the best way to accrue the neccesary followers for their world domination plans.

Quick! Flee the forums, it's all a trap.

Posted by: Tarantio Oct 25 2004, 06:19 PM

Mata is, quite horrifically, a really down-to-earth, charming and moreover NORMAL guy, with a good home, a stable relationship with a great woman, prospects for the future, good friends and a reaonable source of income. Did these things have to be lies, by the way?

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 25 2004, 06:54 PM

You know in films, right? Well, you know in films where the man with the other man run along and get the thing that everyone's looking for? Well, when they run along and there's that other guy behind them, that's chasing them because he wants that thing they are looking for, too? Right? Well, the boss of that man who's chasing them, he's got one of those sidekick type people yeah? Remember, yeah? Well, if you look at him in the film, he usually talks to this person in a cafe or a pub or a car park or a shop or somewhere doesn't he? Yup, so anyway, if you listen to what he says, he mentions some guy he knew somewhere, and so that person he is speaking to has to go off and find this guy he knew. And when he gets there, he speaks to that guy.

Well, I heard that Mata might be that guy.

Posted by: exceptional1709 Oct 25 2004, 08:35 PM

Mr Snaffleburger's voice is Mata's normal voice. For the others, he's acting.

Posted by: Black-Wings Oct 25 2004, 09:02 PM

QUOTE
Mr Snaffleburger's voice is Mata's normal voice. For the others, he's acting.


Mata actually IS Mr Snaffleburger...

Posted by: Faerieryn Oct 26 2004, 12:05 AM

Mata therefore is not real. He and all others concerned are just made up stuff intended to make Mr Snaffleburger/Mata feel that he has friends. Hang on a minute that would make everyone on here in fact not real. Which means that I'm not really writing this post and therefore not exposing Mata for what he really is- the man who created Mr Snaffle burger... who is in fact him who does not exist... therefore Mr Snaffleburger and everyone on this website does not exist... I'm confused!

Posted by: arachnidoc17 Oct 26 2004, 12:20 AM

Mata played the bad guy (Geoffrey) from TRON.

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 26 2004, 06:43 PM

Mata puts an apostrophe in "its" when it's possessive.

Posted by: Black-Wings Oct 26 2004, 06:47 PM

ooooh.. I hate apostrophes.. I don't know when to put them after the s and before with the whole plural ladida thing.. ARGH...

anyway, Mata is the true author of 'The Return of The Bunny Suicides'.

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 26 2004, 06:48 PM

QUOTE (Black-Wings @ Oct 26 2004, 07:47 PM)
anyway, Mata is the true author of 'The Return of The Bunny Suicides'.
*


Best... Book... Ever!

Well, that and the 'Book of Bunny Suicides'.
And some others.

Best... Book featuring suicidal bunnies... Ever!

Posted by: Black-Wings Oct 26 2004, 06:52 PM

Ooooh, boy, I've just had the temptation to say 'lol'. *Note to self: must resist msn talk...*

Anyway, yep, very funny book, but awwwwwww my heart melted at those li'l bunnies and..... oh my gosh... wooo... that didn't feel good.. umm.. ok. perhaps my heart melting wasn't such a good idea.. hohum

Mata is the Candyman

Posted by: Hobbes Oct 26 2004, 07:54 PM

Mata makes all those promotional CDs/DVDs you get in Sunday newspapers.

Posted by: moop Oct 26 2004, 08:32 PM

Mata came up with the idea of AOL free trial disks!

Posted by: exceptional1709 Oct 26 2004, 09:25 PM

QUOTE (Hobbes @ Oct 26 2004, 06:48 PM)
QUOTE (Black-Wings @ Oct 26 2004, 07:47 PM)
anyway, Mata is the true author of 'The Return of The Bunny Suicides'.
*


Best... Book... Ever!

Well, that and the 'Book of Bunny Suicides'.
And some others.

Best... Book featuring suicidal bunnies... Ever!
*



Ooh... some people in my Latin class were looking at that book under the desk in a lesson and the teacher couldn't understand why evil laughter was coming from the back of the classroom!

Mata's favourite food is spam. The "edible" kind. And probably the online kind too, come to think of it.

Posted by: Black-Wings Oct 27 2004, 08:49 AM

Mata doesn't like Onken yogurt.

Posted by: Sir_Psycho_Sexy Oct 27 2004, 02:10 PM

Mata is the Encyclopedia Brittanica in a human suit

Posted by: Black-Wings Oct 27 2004, 02:35 PM

Mata still plays with action man.

Posted by: exceptional1709 Oct 27 2004, 02:56 PM

Mata does the voiceover on the Action Man adverts on TV.

Posted by: Because I can Oct 27 2004, 03:00 PM

QUOTE (The.Wheezing.Ghost @ Sep 26 2004, 07:20 PM)
I heard that when the full moon comes out Mata turns into...


A purple Poodle!
*

and drinks from the toilet!

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