If You Need Anything, Due to recent events... Options

[Prince Aries]

This is a thread where if you have any issues you need to discuss or anything at all related to Dayan. This is a place to comfort one another and to reach understanding. A place to help one another out. This is all going to be really hard for everyone but this is the place to vocalize those feelings.

[WeeJ]

Relating to Dayan? Has something happened?

[Phyllis]

Look in Daily Life, Weej.

Sean's thread entitled: "Urgent -- please read."

Meanwhile, I think this is a great idea, Aries. It's always helpful at times like this for people to have a place to express their feelings. Right now I can't express mine...I just...don't have the words. I'll probably go off, play Pixies music really loudly and write some very bad poetry to try and come to grips with what I'm feeling right now.

[Sun Tsu]

He generally gave me a different outlook on life. I saw all these people around me, and then there he was, a happy and wise person. I can't...think of anything to say. My deepest condolences to his family and all forumers who knew him well.

[Jaq]

I can't believe this. this is horrible... I knew he was going through alot of stuff but I just wish he would've I don't know... This is such a shck I can't believe it.. Why would he do something like this ? doesn't he know? Why would he do this tohimself? Doesn't he know? I don't get it... I don't understand. Why did he have to do this? I don't understand.. I know I'm rambling. I just hate this. I hate that I feel so powerless. That there's nothing that I can do, and there's nothing that any of us can do anymore for him. He's gone. didn't he know? Didn't he know that he could've talked to any of us? He could've phoned me any time. He was saying that he was going to phone me soon. I only talked to him the one time. I don't understand. Wyh would he do this? I was afraid that he was going to do this but it's hard to talk about. why didn't I say something? Why was I such a fuking coward that I didn't say anything?

[Prince Aries]

There is never a good answer to those types of questions. I don't think there's anything anyone could have done. But I could be wrong. I wish I had been there. I've been thinking about Dayan a lot while I was away from the forums. I should've come back sooner. That's whats going through my head right now, but still...theres nothing that could've been done.

[spiffilicious05]

I'm just in shock, thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach...I can't believe that he'd do that, I didn't suspect anything

[Polocrunch]

Scheizer. I read his blog only a few days ago. Dammit, I feel like I should have known or something, which is utterly stupid. I barely knew him and I've seen too many angst-ridden blogs to take his seriously. And the worst part is, I find it really hard to express myself in situations like this. I'm one of those people who crack bad jokes at funerals, and I find myself doing again and again. Being suitably emotionally repressed for a Briton, I find it extremely hard to express my feelings or comfort other people. I hate things like death. It means I have to be solemn and sensitive - two traits you may have noticed I do not own in large quantities. Euch, then I go to bed and kick myself and twist and turn with self-loathing.
Ah, and I also think only about myself. Nice one, Alex. Ignore the main theme of the thread and go on another teen ego-trip. *Sigh*

[Phyllis]

It's okay, Polo. We all deal with things in different ways. I've known quite a few people who crack jokes and laugh when they're upset. Don't worry about it. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or that you're trying to twist things to be about you. I don't think so, at least.

Me, I deal with it by crying. Lots and lots of crying. And of course, the bad poetry.

[Polocrunch]

Thanks Cand, you're a great person.

[Phyllis]

Anytime, Polo...and thank you. If I can say anything that is of even the slightest comfort to you (or to anyone, for that matter), then I'm glad. No one should feel guilty for how they deal with grief. You're a funny guy...it makes sense that you'd deal with it by being funny. It doesn't mean that you hurt any less or anything.

[CommieBastard]

A poem which I feel appropriate, not for Dayan, but for us:

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

I the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate
How charged wit hpunishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

[Zesty]

It's okay, Polo. We all deal with things in different ways.
Me, I deal with it by crying. Lots and lots of crying. And of course, the bad poetry.

hmm that is how i deal w. stuff too. Except i don't write poetry..just letters to God.

[ravein]

dayans song

out back there is a field
you can see when tiger lilies bloom
where the sun always shines
the trees carry a breeze
in this place is you and me
your hazy touch still on my heart
I know it’s the passing part
but my place is here
and yours up there
sit with me this day
let the sun shine our way
feel it warm my hair one more time
you promise to laugh at my silly rhyme
but your dusty boots need gravel
and this worlds all out, so it time to travel
my heart wants to tag along
but here with the lilies is where I belong
but Ill wrap myself in your smile
and hold your laugh close at night
it isn’t much but its what I got
and enough to hold me this tight

[Pikasyuu]

Her green plastic watering can
For her fake chinese rubber plant
In fake plastic earth.
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plants
Just to get rid of itself.
And it wears her out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out.

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns.
He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins.
And it wears him out, it wears him out
It wears him out, it wears him out.

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love.
But I can’t help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run
And it wears me out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out.

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted,
All the time, all the time, ohhh... ohh...

When he was missing, that song made me feel like him.

[acidteardrop]

syuu...that song makes me think of him too...right now im playing
debaser
fake plastic trees
i beleive in a thing called love.

i miss dayan so much. i hate it when people die, no matter whether or not they were close to me. i just hope i have the strength to hold on now...for everyone elses sake...

[VVes]

I didn't know as well as I probably should have Dayan...and I was counting on too many things to happen first... but...

Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day, Every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinking of the day
When you went away
What a life to take
What a bond to break
I'll be missing you

Its kinda hard with you not around
I know you're in Heaven shining down
Watchin' us while we pray for you
Everyday we pray for you
Till the day we meet again
In my heart is were I keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need to proceed
Strength I need to believe
...

Somebody tell me why
On that morning, when this life is over
I know
I'll see your face
Every night I pray
Every step I take
Every single day
Every night I pray
I'll be missing you

[Mr Fuzzy]

I'm one of those people who crack bad jokes at funerals, and I find myself doing again and again.

I do the same thing myself. At times like this you remember the person in question. That needn't mean moping - in fact in many ways you are remembering them well by making the jokes you both would have had a guilty laugh about. It seems to me that it's a very good way of thinking of them personally.

[magikeyes14]

i honestly dont know what to say. Losing Dayan has put a hole in many of our hearts, and i sympathize with Dayan's parents... Im sorry for our loss. Dayan was a truley wonderful person and he will be missed terribly. The best we can do is keep him in our hearts and his memory alive. I've sat here all day, crying, getting sick to my stomach, shaking, hurting all over becuase of the loss. and i know many of us have done the same. He was a big part of our family and I miss him so much. Learning of his death tears me up inside, and i've cried endless hours todae, out of no where. I miss you terribly Dayan, u are forever in my heart
-Krys

::i miss you dayan::

[porcelainwarrior]

im just...at a complete loss...ive spent most of yesterday and today so far in tears, i didnt want to be alone so i went out and that didnt work out too well so my boyfriend stayed with me til i'd cried myself to sleep, i got a text during the night and for a second i let myself wonder if it might be dayan. everytime i check my email or the forums i wonder if he'll be here. even tohugh ive spoken to his family i still think its some sick joke. i just...i dont know...i cant accept it...he cant be gone...we were just starting to talk again, starting to open up and give each other advice and, i thought, support. but it was too late and now he's gone. forever. i feel so hollow, like theres a part of me missing. i want to tell him once more how much i care for him and how ill always love him, i'll never forget.

[Alanity]

everytime i check my email or the forums i wonder if he'll be here.

That's possibly one of the most painful things about this, I can't accept that I'm going to see "Carpe Tobaccum (Offline)" every time I sign into msn..
If anything this has made me want to get closer to the people I care about, I tend to stay on the sidelines and just be content in the knowledge that they're there, but if they're not anymore I guess it's harder for me to accept that and deal with it when they were so distant.

[Prince Aries]

Thats what I've been dealing with too. I keep expecting Carpe Tobaccum sign on or better yet....debaser777 on slsk for some good ol file raping. *sighs* i just dont know what to feel. yesterday i was pretty set in stone in my feelings...but i've stayed up all night now and i cant sort my emotions out. i dont know what to think or feel.

[CommieBastard]

I want to thank you all so much for being here for me and for caring. Especially Aries, Hannah and Brett[e]...I love you three so, so much. Thank you. I couldn't have gotten through yesterday without you.

[antagony]

I love you so much, Sean. I wish I could have been more helpful but I really didn't know what to say... I just hope you're all right.

[Phyllis]

i still think its some sick joke. i just...i dont know...i cant accept it...he cant be gone.

I know. At times I feel like that too. I just think...please let this be a joke....please...I won't even be mad, just let it be a damn joke.

I know that eventually the reality will set in though. Even if I lived in England, I probably still wouldn't go to the funeral. I just...can't take them. My dad always forced me when I was younger because he saw it as a sign of respect, but I just can't handle going to them.

To say goodbye, I usually write the person a letter. Then I do what we did for my cousin when he died. He was half Native American, so he wanted to be cremated outside because they believe that allows the spirit to rise directly to heaven or something like that...but he wasn't part of a reservation, so they wouldn't let him. So we all got candles that were meant to represent him, stood outside, and blew them out towards the sky. I was only 12 or 13 at the time, and it always stuck with me as a good way to say goodbye.