Just Remember, A creative writing death extravaganza..more or less Options

[over_the_aybss]

I know I haven't been on for a a while, but I finally finished a story that I am very proud of and have been working on for nearly a year. I was hoping to get some criticsm on it as well as what one liked about it. I went back to make sure I had not already posted some, and I didn't see any, so I am sorry if some parts are already posted.

Tell me why it had to end up this way?

You’re gone and the few scattered pictures are all I have to remember you. I made it this way. Everything I did led up to this; because everything I did was wrong. I had to confront you; I had to get in your face to prove to you once and for all. And see what that did? That ruined everything. That made it possible for you to leave easier and with less, or if any, guilt.

What was it you called me… A “piece of trash”? I think those were the right words. If not; then I must be hard of hearing. I remember that coming from your lips. The lips I had thought so perfect, filled with contempt and anger. I never got to ask you where the anger came from. So now, I decided, would be the perfect time to ask you. Now, while I have the chance.

If you refuse to answer me, so be it. But know that I will always be there at the back of your mind. A simple shadow in the darkness; always reminding you. Answer now Billie; answer now before you’re chance is over. There are no second shots; not one more tries. Life only goes one way Bill, like a current pulling you out to sea. Don’t fight it, it shall fight back; don’t try and beat it, it hits harder; don’t try and save yourself, you shall only drown faster.

I’m drowning Billie; remember those pills you found? The “Advil”. You were right in suspecting something was wrong; everything was wrong. They were my life preserver, my only stop from drowning. You’re watching my final descent you know; the last stop before hell. If I go down, you’re coming down with me. If I ride the last train to oblivion, you shall be there at my side. Are you ready Billie? The time has come for the ride, and you are coming with me. Watch this Billie. It’s a magic trick; that’s right. Harmless. Watch me closely; wait for a surprise to appear. Are you ready for the surprise Billie; ready for the time of your life?

Illumination; stars Billie, stars and a roar. It’s all that’s left. Remember that now. Remember the bullet hole in your skull…

You’re in hell now Bille; And I shall follow.
It’s where we belong. Together we shall burn.

Just remember…







What stopped me? Was it the cold metal against my forehead? The ominous sound of the click telling me that the gun was empty?

The inability to reload compelled me to let myself go. Let life bring me down some other way. He can fucking rot in hell; maybe I shouldn’t go down with him. I don’t deserve that, not as he does.

Now what? There’s still someone isn’t there? Still someone who deserves what’s coming to them. They need to be gone. Down with him-whatshisface- I don’t care anymore. But the other one, the one who started all this and let it be, stood by and laughed. They will be with him sooner then they could ever imagine.

Now’s you’re chance they always told me; this the best part of life, the self fulfilling prophecies have begun to form. Set and match I say; Set off the bomb inside my head. Match the body parts in the city morgue. That’s what my prophecy has determined for you. And there’s nothing you can do about it. No running or hiding, not from me, not from me or the defining click that stands in the way of life and death. It kept me alive; it shall only kill you.

Let the bullets ricochet with your screams of mercy. When I come for you, nothing will be spared. You’ll be powerless, defenseless, and clueless.

You’re eyes will go first; blinding you until death can consume your body and soul. Then your arms; the arms that encircled him and from where my pain came. Are you ready for what’s next? Next you shall not speak; your mouth shall be shut forever more and you are powerless to stop me. Knees, bound shall be my next victim; you can not escape from your destiny, and I shall not give you a way to leave this path. By this time, you shall feel a gun against your temple. The cold metal against your skin. Stars baby; there’ll be more stars and an explosion of light. Then what? Well; by then you shall be nevermore.

I’m coming for you. Everything is planned perfectly and the innocence shall soon be broken.

Who am I? I am your worst nightmare. Your storm and your demons. The last place on earth to travel; the light and the end of the tunnel; the death of the human race; the night that consumes all; I am Satan himself in all power and glory, and I am leading down the chosen path.

I will find you, you can not run from master of all power; the one above God in all; you can not run from the chose you made for yourself.

Live your last days and best you can…everything shall be forgotten when I come searching for you…when I come to find you at last….





The clocks ticks; awaiting the arrival of the end of the earth. The gun lays hidden, resting on my hip; the cold metal a growing reminder of what I must do. Not that I am not ready; not that I am apprehensive; not that guilt flows through my veins like a poison. Not anything such as that, I am stronger then the trivial pieces of the mind such as those.

Yet do my feet stop the determined steps? Does my heart betray what my mind is saying? Fuck; there’s no time for second thoughts; a suicide of the soul, looking back before the final shot is fired.

I thought this to be easier. To be more of a revenge mechanism then the stealing of life from a being. I can’t give this up, not for anything in the world. They deserve what is coming to them; and they will find punishment for their sins. Stopping now would be futile; creating memories in my mind that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I began this, and from this I shall end everything. Their life, the world, my life-all gone because of the few that never cared. It’s your turn now. The chance for forgiveness is gone.

The cold metal attracts my attention once again. I held the gun to my face and examined the curves and structures that made up such a powerful instrument. I held it to my breast and let it rise and fall with my breath. This was the power; to power to save a life or kill an innocent. I held the gun once again against my cheek. The cold metal made me shiver and I smelled the gunpowder; a rich, sharp smell that burned the back of my throat.

My destruction; my salvation. Everything comes down to this one crucial moment. The moment that I walk in that door and blow off the head of my worst enemy. That is what has to be done, and that I shall do.

Standing at the doorstep watching the welcome mat, and seeing the words spin. Everything seems to spin around me. Does fear taste of metal? Does anger and sadness make the world spin around you as if on a powerful drug? Maybe this is my life now; just endless spinning and killing, never ceasing and always making me hurt more. If this is my life, so be it. If this is what I have to do then I will.

A sharp knock, a final toll at death’s door. Footsteps sound in time with my heartbeat. You opened the door and smiled at me, ushered me inside. Not like you know what’s coming; not like you suspect me to do this. I smile wearily and follow to the living room. You sit perched on the sofa arm; flighty and alive. I smile once more before I pull out the gun. The smile leaves your face in a sudden sharp movement.

I pulled the trigger

So much blood…





The walls and tables splattered horribly with the flush of blood, the smell of death and gunpowder hanging in the air, a horrible ringing signifying the burst of gunfire, and that terrible knocking on the door.

I got up and searched the house for a bucket and mop. The walls and floor became clean faster then expected; drying as I scrubbed at it furiously. The murky water was soon tinted a dark red; and as I watched it disappear down the drain I found myself praying that the incessant knocking would come again. Then I would be able to usher them inside and into the living room. The body would still be lying where I had left it; and as they screamed, I could bring the gun to my own head and pull the trigger.

That had been hours ago; the knocking had long since ceased, except for the sounds that lay in my memory. I held the body close to me and waited, almost wondering if soon I would feel a phantom heartbeat strike the same beats as mine. The body grew colder as I held on, and soon let go, letting the figure slump to the floor. Searching through the kitchen; I found black garbage back. Letting the body fall into the bag was satisfying, yet at the same time, like the last steps of a condemned man.

The tied bag lay at my feet in a sodden bundle. I grabbed at it and heaved myself towards the outside. I made sure to lock one of the locks, making it seem as if nobody had entered or left; as if the death came from a shadow of darkness. I brought the bag, with much effort, to the awaiting car. The trunk snapped open with the click of my keys and I soon had the bag resting safely inside. I opened the car door and started the engine; it was only when I rested my hands on the steering wheel, that I noticed the blood that coated my hands.

The drive seemed to take hours and days and months. My brain was fixated on the red varnish of blood that was on my hands, and if anyone could read my mind; see that I was and am, a murderer. After what seemed like years, I finally reached my destination. I grabbed the bag out of the trunk, after parking clumsily, and dragged it to the edge. The sea raged below me in torrents and I could imagine the long fall that would await sudden death. That is, if you were not already dead before you hit the bottom. At my feet lay an assortment of bricks, waiting for the chance to become a part of history; a pawn to a mass murder, a pawn to someone who no longer deserves to live. The bricks fell into the bag; followed by a sick crunch of broken bones. I watched one more time, the face that had haunted my worst nightmares, before I turned and heaved the bag over my shoulder and into the awaiting sea. The fall seemed to take forever; the waves finally closed over the top of the bag, and then it was no longer. In front of me was only a long drop and the ocean waves hammering out a beat that sent shivers up my spine.

I turned from the outlook and made my why back the car, lightning forked above me, and as the rain fell I looked back once more at the darkening water. Thunder pounded in my ears, as if the devil was stamping his feet in glee for what I had done. There wasn’t anything left for me to do except leave. I turned and as the rain pounded down around me, rode back in silence; watching the rain fall as the tears ran from my eyes. This had been my last resort, now there’s nowhere for me to go. I jumped from the car and stood watching the sky, rain and tears mingling in the growing darkness. Hands raised to the sky, I stood staring into the night until the rain slowed, then stopped. When the moon came out, I felt my face become radiantly light. The tears still fell, the night became cold, yet I still stood watching the sky. Hours passed until the beginning of a sunrise appeared on the horizon. Looking around I realized that I was a park. The familiarity hit me in a sudden burst as I looked into the small wood and benches that surrounded the beautiful oak trees.


The bench flew in out of my vision. I remembered all the times we had spent on that bench, my head resting in his lap and he smiled down at me and cracked jokes. Pointing out all the people by, making up stories to go with each one, then another. Now it’s covered in graffiti and beset with garbage. I lay in the clutter and imagined my head resting on his leg. His voice in my ear. Every nerve ending tingled as I saw him there with me. He smiled down at me at whispered in my ear…. “I love you”

Then I blinked.





There were so many stars. The night was bold and bright while dark and mysterious. We lay on a blanket staring up at the sky, watching each constellation makes intimate designs in the sky. He had his head on my shoulder. I smelled the aftershave and hair-jell combination that was nauseating and comforting at the same time. He moved slightly, pushing closer to me and moving up enough to give me a small kiss on the lips. I leaned in and pressed against him further. Our lips met again in a passionate embrace. He moved away and leaned on one elbow, just staring. He told me he wanted to have this night in his mind for the rest of his life; that nothing he did or said would ever change the way he felt about me. He let his head droop once again against my shoulder and sighed softly. I’ll always be here, he told me, nothing anyone does or will do can tear me away from you; I’ll be by your side.

I knew he’d be there, I knew he loved me. Nothing could make him leave me, he’d travel the world twice around for me...but would I be there? Would I be the one that leaves for another road? The path less traveled. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t. Not when he looks at me the way he does.

You got up and folded the blanket around you, telling me that you were cold. I enfolded you in my arms, and we stood there looking at the constellations above us; we were in oblivion, just you and me. Nothing but the days and nights moved around us, while we stood unmoving and unchanged.

You moved from where you stood next to me and took something from your bag. You turned smiling and blocked from view what was being done. It took 5 minutes; those being the longest 5 minutes of my life when your back was turned to me. You came back towards me and handed me a can. I peered into the darkness to make out the letters written on the wall.

I turned back around and you had disappeared. The blanket; the bag; and the empty can discarded in the grass were all still there. You had left but the world still moved in the same perfect harmony as it ever had.

The only reminder that you had been beside me were the words whisper in my ear and the writing on the wall.





I awoke from the deep sleep that consumed me. My head pounded and dizziness befell me. For a second I couldn’t remember why I was laying on a bench in the middle of a park. The graffiti brought it all back; everything that had happened from the day he told me that he stopped loving me. From the first shot to the body falling from the sky and hitting the rocks jutting above the water. He told me he loved me, he told me that we would be together forever. Why did he lie to me? Why wasn’t I enough for him? What is there to live for when I have him no longer?
I felt a weight lift from my shoulder; he wasn’t here. There wasn’t anyone left to plague me and hurt me any longer. I was finally alone and ready to start me life over. I never killed anyone; I never raised a gun and fired the first and final shot. These things were behind me. Now there wasn’t anyone to tell me what I had done wrong in my life and show me that I was a failure. I knew know that I would be happy.
A daze came over me, and I fell back onto the bench. He wasn’t there either. There wasn’t anyone to press their lips against mine and tell me that I was the only one they would ever love. He wouldn’t be there to laugh at my jokes and be there when I cried. He may never have the chance to hurt me, but even then, I knew I was alone now. They were both gone, they had both hurt me, and I had destroyed them both. I never even gave them the chance to apologize. I knew that they would have if given the chance, but my jealousy took over and now I never get to see them smile again. Nothing was really left without the only people that really understood me. The only ones that didn’t judge me are gone because of my jealously. I have nothing now, and there nothing I can do.
The sun rose over the trees and the last of the park came into view. The shadows disappeared until the sun blinded me. I rose from the bench and made my way, slowly, to where my feet led. I couldn’t go home, it would only remind me of the good times that are now gone. I’ll just walk until I find somewhere to go, where no-one knows my name, no-one will see me for who I really am. I’ll just wander until I find somewhere better. Somewhere I belong. Salvation forces me onward until my feet bleed and legs crumble underneath me. Until circumstances finds me a resting place. It’s said a lost soul is the only kind that wanders, I say the wanderer searches for a soul.

[Izzy]

WOW. That's really good. There's just one part is didn't get. When you said

They were both gone, they had both hurt me, and I had destroyed them both. I never even gave them the chance to apologize. I knew that they would have if given the chance, but my jealousy took over and now I never get to see them smile again

What did you mean by they? I thought the girl only killed Billie?

So, do you know how the rest of the story's going to continue? Will the girl have a run-in with the police, or forever live a life of guilt, or what? I'm excited to read the rest .

[over_the_aybss]

I'm really glad that you liked the story!

There were two people that the main character killed. The first was the one named 'Billie' in the room at the beginning of the story. The 2nd was his lover, who was killed when the main character went to this person's house. Both of this people were killed, but the one that was discarded was the 2nd person's body. Billie was left where he was, which leaves the reader to imagine if anyone found him or if he was left there to rot when the main character left town.

Post Script: This is the ending to the story, most everything I write ends up being an ending that the reader creates for themselves.

Post Post Script: You do not know if they main character is a man or women, neither do you with the 2nd person that was killed. This, I decided, should be left up to the reader because there is the idea of a "woman's rath", but also, a man being able to go through with something so horrible that a women would not do.