Why Be Happy?, DO we have to be? Options

[VVes]

It's troubled me a lot recently, and very apparent, that it seems people are being forced to be happy. And we seem to shun upset and sad people from public view, depending on the circumstance, almost a double standard.

I think all emotions are valid , here , in real life and anywhere.

Why is it necessary to hide and censor when we're angry with something or someone?

Why must I be happy all the time? Grumpy? Oh no! give him a pill!!


Sad? oh no can't have that , give her a pill!!

I mean?... is it me or is this politically correct emotional control?

Are we so anti-emo now?.... I am curious...?

[saucy_tara]

How do you mean people are being forced to be happy? You mean on the forums?

[VVes]

In general , in schools , in the family, any social circle and yes sometimes even here... but not too drastic as in other areas.

[saucy_tara]

I understand what you are saying, but sometimes emotions can overwhelm people to such an extent that they may do harm to others or themselves. In these cases, it is the right thing to give medication, if it's neccessary.
I have suffered from clinical depression for over 10 years now, and have been on anti-depressant tablets since I was diagnosed. In my case, thse have helped a lot. Yeah, I may only just have my head above water, but at least I'm not drowning. I would have been without the pills, I'm sure of that.....

[VVes]

Yes, I know of "real" reasons to have medications , but I am referring to those times when people just think your an alien because you're grumpy during the holidays , and not really feeling the "spirit".

Or, not showing intrest in extracurricaular activities. Or , simply , just being a loner?

I mean why is it anyone's business if i want to feel sad/pissed?

[saucy_tara]

It's no ones business but your own. It's if your behaviour adversely affects those around you then I guess people will twig the fact that you're feeling down/pissed/sad. I think the more obviously you are showing these sorts of emotions the people are gonna notice and will naturally say "are you ok", coz you would clearly look like like you were'nt!!

[CrazyFooIAintGet...]

I hate it when people ask if I'm ok. If I wanted them to know whats wrong I would tell them.
-And as for christmas spirit.. bah humbug!

[magikeyes14]

its no one's business wether your happy, pissed, sad, grumpy, or just plain not in the 'spirit' ...... but.... wanting you to be happy and forcing you to be happy are 2 differnt things....

i WANT you to ba happy becuase i care about you.. and i dont want to have someone i care about feel like sh*t.. it has nothing to do with what time of year it is or anything.... i want you to be happy because it sucks to have someone u love hurt.... u should know that feeling.... i know u do... and.. its hard when u hear about all this bad sh*t happening adn u know u cant doa nything...

but forcing someone to be happy.... thats wrong *sigh*

[VVes]

Well, thats the question, what is the "standard" of adverse effects on others?

Seeing me crying? Me sitting in the corner to myself, just giving short one worded answers? What the trigger here? What is offensive to people around you?


I don't mind people who are grumpy, i just walk away and let them be. Let them chill. I don't push them out and tell them to come back when they are better/happy. So, what's the point of where a person's behavoir is "adverse" isn't that purely subjective? To an individuals view?

[saucy_tara]

I really don't think you can actually "force" an emotion onto someone. They have to either want to be in that state of mind or not. I'ts entirely their choice.

[VVes]

I really don't think you can actually "force" an emotion onto someone. They have to either want to be in that state of mind or not. I'ts entirely their choice.

Well, i guess the "forcing" is symbolic in most cases. I mean liek the parent figure or some such individual pointing things out to you of why you should be happy.

Like a mother or a boss , or even a sports coach...

" You should be happy that you have a roof over your head...you should be happy because you have a (whatever)..." You know what I 'm saying , right?

[saucy_tara]

giving short one worded answers? What the trigger here? What is offensive to people around you?

Well, thats the question, what is the "standard" of adverse effects on others?

Seeing me crying? Me sitting in the corner to myself, just
I don't mind people who are grumpy, i just walk away and let them be. Let them chill. I don't push them out and tell them to come back when they are better/happy. So, what's the point of where a person's behavoir is "adverse" isn't that purely subjective? To an individuals view?

Ok, if I saw you crying I would ask you what was wrong. If you were being short with me I would leave you be, I wouldn't push the matter any further. But sadness affects me, if a person I care about is hurting and they push me away it hurts me too.

[saucy_tara]

I really don't think you can actually "force" an emotion onto someone. They have to either want to be in that state of mind or not. I'ts entirely their choice.

Well, i guess the "forcing" is symbolic in most cases. I mean liek the parent figure or some such individual pointing things out to you of why you should be happy.

Like a mother or a boss , or even a sports coach...

" You should be happy that you have a roof over your head...you should be happy because you have a (whatever)..." You know what I 'm saying , right?

Yeah, I get what you mean. But thats like a form of emotional blackmail in some ways...

[VVes]

giving short one worded answers?  What the trigger here?  What is offensive to people around you?

Well, thats the question, what is the "standard" of adverse effects on others?

Seeing me crying?  Me sitting in the corner to myself, just
I don't mind people who are grumpy, i just walk away and let them be.  Let them chill. I don't push them out and tell them to come back when they are better/happy.  So, what's the point of where a person's behavoir is "adverse" isn't that purely subjective?  To an individuals view?

Ok, if I saw you crying I would ask you what was wrong. If you were being short with me I would leave you be, I wouldn't push the matter any further. But sadness affects me, if a person I care about is hurting and they push me away it hurts me too.

Yeah, i can see that. Makes sense. I usually find the person and apologize for being a mean ass as soon as i realize what i do.

[MistressAlti]

I don't think that it's exactly wrong for people to ask someone if they're all right when they're clearly not, as some people are looking for a chance to vent and, provided the opportunity, will feel better with a friend's company.

It is wrong, I think, to push someone after they make it clear that they want to be left alone in their sadness, or to tell/expect them to cheer up for the sole purpose of keeping group spirits high. It's unfair to make someone act okay when they're not.

Some of us, though... actors and actresses... are gonna pretend to be okay regardless. Personally, it makes me feel worse if, when talking to someone, I drag them into my problems in any way. I don't want people to have to feel obligated to cheer me up or deal with my sadness. If I want to be comforted, I make it clear. If I don't, I don't, and if I'm pushed, normally the pushee gets a severe emotional onslaught that I'm sure they didn't want. Sucks to be them.

[FurryMammal]

I don't see why wishing someone to be happy is a bad thing at all. Everyone has the capability to be happy, and everyone knows what it's like to be happy. Happiness is a great thing, as you know, it's warm, comfortable etc. Happiness itself is an abstract notion. It is the result of certain things, and these things are different for all of us. Everyone knows that happiness is good, and so everyone wishes everyone else is happy out of simple human compassion.

So when people are sad, others don't like it. They know that an absense of happiness feels bad, and they don't wish this on others. Medication makes you feel better (such as anti-depresents) and so I guess it's adminstered just for that reason. Even if it's induced, happiness is just nice.

Also, you can't force someone to be happy. It's pretty much impossible, what they are trying to do is to induce happiness, and failing.

[VVes]

It is wrong, I think, to push someone after they make it clear that they want to be left alone in their sadness, or to tell/expect them to cheer up for the sole purpose of keeping group spirits high. It's unfair to make someone act okay when they're not.

Some of us, though... actors and actresses... are gonna pretend to be okay regardless. Personally, it makes me feel worse if, when talking to someone, I drag them into my problems in any way. I don't want people to have to feel obligated to cheer me up or deal with my sadness. If I want to be comforted, I make it clear. If I don't, I don't, and if I'm pushed, normally the pushee gets a severe emotional onslaught that I'm sure they didn't want. Sucks to be them.

Yes, thank you! Thats what I meant to say ... thanks!

[LoLo]

When you're happy having a roof over your head is when you wish to be free and living abroad just seeing things. When you have no roof over your head you wish you had one.

/me sings........"don't worry be happy now dooooo do do do do do do do do do do do"

/me goes to write some depressing poetry now.

I know this had no relavance, but what the hell.

[VVes]

When you're happy having a roof over your head is when you wish to be free and living abroad just seeing things. When you have no roof over your head you wish you had one.

/me sings........"don't worry be happy now dooooo do do do do do do do do do do do"

/me goes to write some depressing poetry now.

I know this had no relavance, but what the hell.

Actually , it made sense, Lo. And that's scary.


But I appreciate the help!!!

[acidteardrop]

hmm, this reminds me of the time i got suspended for crying. i STILL loathe the f--kers for that.

forcing emotion into someone is impossible. blackmailing someone into emotion is morally and (i hope) socially wrong. trying to soothe a sad person is a good thing, so long as you dont take it too far. if someoen doesnt want to talk about it then i say you shouldnt make them talk, but usually its better if they do.

and i must sound like a hypocrite for that last part.

anyways, thats kind of what i meant by oppression and the tyrranical control of adults (not all adults, i meant people like my parents and the skool officials and stuff). that the officials at my skool are trying to force everyone to be happy mindless little conforming children. punishing emotion and demoting "fun". the other day i was having a tickle fight with some people, and my housemaster (the one who suspended me) came over and gave us all an after-skool for it. looks like we cant eb happy, either.

[Nokros]

VVes, I think I love you.

I'm a big advocate of getting out emotions. I think that if you bottle up feelings considered to be "negative", you are one day going to accumulate so many, you are going to burst, and it will not be pretty. I think that feelings considered to be "negative" are part of life... as are all feelings.

Sure, ask someone what's wrong, let them know you're worried about them. But don't tell them, "You should be happy." Because then they bottle up their emotions and it's not good for them in the long run. Anyway, it's not a crime to be sad...

Of course, I'd rather be happy than sad, much like I'd rather eat bacon than turnips. But sadness is a fact of life, not a crime.

/rant

That IS a pet peeve of mine. I've gone on many a rant before.

[acidteardrop]

Anyway, it's not a crime to be sad...

But sadness is a fact of life, not a crime.

hmm, you should come to my skool and teach them about life, cos they dont have a f--king clue about human emotion.

*sigh*sorry, im just uber hating my skool now. like, with more than a passion. i hate my skool almost as much as i love krys. erm....nvm, but still, i hate it SOO F--KING MUCH! argh!

and yeah, i guess they think emotion is wrong.

[gerbilfromhell]

really, it's not that many people (well, this doesn't apply to some people, but to most) have somehow 'banned' sadness, it's just that when they see you feeling sad, they want to know why so they can help you because they care for you.

but it indeed isn't a crime to be sad. some days, we all just feel sad. for any reason, or for no apparent reason at all, we feel sad. it's only natural. if it wasn't, we physically wouldn't have that emotion.

[sammi]

VVes, I think I love you.

I'm a big advocate of getting out emotions.  I think that if you bottle up feelings considered to be "negative", you are one day going to accumulate so many, you are going to burst, and it will not be pretty.  I think that feelings considered to be "negative" are part of life... as are all feelings.

Sure, ask someone what's wrong, let them know you're worried about them.  But don't tell them, "You should be happy."  Because then they bottle up their emotions and it's not good for them in the long run.  Anyway, it's not a crime to be sad...

Of course, I'd rather be happy than sad, much like I'd rather eat bacon than turnips.  But sadness is a fact of life, not a crime.

Ditto on that. I mean, I'd like people in general to be happy because happy is well, good, but part of life is being sad, too. It's not all black and white, there's plenty of grey too. And like Nokros said, it certainly isn't a crime. I mean, if the emotion didn't exist, how would you know what being *happy* feels like?

And, again, agreement with Gerbs. It's only natural for us to feel sad sometimes. In serious situations such as depression, sometimes help is necessary, but I don't feel as though just because you're unhappy for one second that you need medication or anything like that.

Like for instance, many of my friends know me to be one of the happiest, hyperist, loud, most laughing people on the planet most of the time. And if I step out of that regular swing for a moment, they think something drastic has happened and my mum starts thinking I'm depressed or something and I'm just... not... I dunno. It's weird. Anyone else get that...?

[VVes]

Well, I appreciate the input to my now prob short lived post, it was good to post this , i don't know if it helped any that read it , or posted to it. It helped me a little.

I want you all to understand, it's not that I am against people trying to help when we're down or angry, sometimes all we need is the chance to let it out and not have people come up and start worrying much, maybe sometime in your offer to help, allow the person to vent and cry and punch or something to get it out, it needs to be acknowledged, we are humans with emotions, and we need to let them rip sometimes, CRY, SCREAM, whatever it takes.

I remember a scene in "Steel Magnolia's when one of the main characters expresses the need to punch something, immediately one of the other main characters addresses the chance and tells her to "go ahead , punch her!" , I forgot the names now, but that's the idea basically.

I think we need to balance the type of help we offer, ever been tickled against your will? Yeah, sometimes that's how it feels.

Sometimes, we need to be angry/sad. And we need to learn how to deal, that's why some kids can't deal with pain, because they feel obligated to be happy and sociable, not by force. But there's always a little of peer pressure there.

They feel that by smiling and pretending to be happy they will make the parents and friends happy, but inside? It's all mucked up, and then you get all those negative outcomes.

Be sad, be angry...just be. You're human. Right?