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altehase
Posted on: Apr 22 2005, 02:43 PM


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First of all, thanks to all those who tuned in and are reading this post. Though I'm not that popular or well known here, I have long appreciated the kind interaction with those who have bothered to read my schtuff. Or at the very least, tolerated it.

I originally had what I thought was a brilliant idea for my 100th post. But have now forgotten it. If I'm not mistaken it consisted of some sort of photo montage and one of my absurd, fictional narratives. Well, not so much narrative as maybe dellusional intemperance. Just...typed out while under the influence of caffine. Either in the form of pill and/or liquid.

In any event, the 100th post may or may not, will or will not, be anywhere NEAR as spectacular as once thought. So I'm I'm bursting proverbial bubbles right now. I can say that there will be visual aid of some type. I have to use photos or I won't feel right. I'll try to be original. If I don't succeed, then I apologize right now.

In the mean time...(3) things to ponder until I post next. Any of the below questions are ones I'm putting to you, the reader, in hopes that they might be answered and therefore further ones enlightenment. I promise to read all answers and make a mental note of them. Strong emphasis on the word "mental".

-------------------------------------------------------

1) If Steve McGarrett and Mike Stone got in a fight...who would come out on top? No weapons, just a good ole' fashioned punch-about. AND...why do you think so?

2) Is Hydrogen Peroxide, at anytime, a good substitute for Visine? Because if it is, it's a hell of a lot cheaper. If there's any flegling chemists out there, I'd like to hear your views.

3) If I move to Crete and perform a one-man version of the opera "Idomeneo" and then proclaim myself emperor of the island, do you think I have a chance? I thought I would arrive on the island via parachutte.

Thanks for checking in on me, I really appreciate the help...Altehase (patron saint of all mediocites)

----------------------------------------------------------
**To quote a one time wiseman: "A monkey in a dress...is still a monkey. Though it doesn't mean I don't have to like it."**
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #289814 · Replies: 0 · Views: 1,508

altehase
Posted on: Mar 24 2005, 07:26 PM


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The other day I overheard some use the phrase "out the yazoo". If I'm not mistaken, this is the first time I've ever heard that. I myself have used the phrase "out the wazoo" many times. But it also seems perfectly acceptable to reverse it and say "up the wazoo". Hopefully the latter is somewhat self explanatory. If not...take a guess...you're probably correct.

But "yazoo" now seems acceptable as a substitute. OR...it has an alternate meaning. I think it does...and I'd like to know. I'm appealing to anyone who might be able to shed some light on this recent development in my life.

Oh, the term "kazoo" is also used in a similar fashion. It's certainly funnier. At least to my rather warped sense of being. But a kazoo is also an instrument of types. Though I suppose it could be played from either end...maybe that's where the term came from. I'll let the experts confer on this one...
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #284595 · Replies: 8 · Views: 4,304

altehase
Posted on: Mar 10 2005, 10:32 PM


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Go to Google Images...type in ramen noodles...or just "top ramen"...you'll see a picture of the package.

My current fav is "Oriental". I used to love the Chicken flavor. Until I saw an entire package regurgitated into a bathtub. It was left there for several days. No one would clean it up. This was at my friends old apartment. The idiot that did it moved out the next morning so he didn't have to clean it. About 3 days later, my friend had to scoop it up. He used a portion of an empty cardboard beer container. I was sitting on the couch and he came out with it. He starting taunting me with it and pretending to throw it on me. Thank God I didn't live there. I was only visiting. True story, I swear.

In all reality, I coudn't stomach ANY Top Ramen for years. To this day I WILL NOT touch the chicken flavor. Oriental flaver tastes best with an ice cold Coke...preferably for brunch:)

(If anybody wants the email address of the friend who cleaned it up, let me know. He'll be happy to verify it)
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #281636 · Replies: 32 · Views: 5,180

altehase
Posted on: Mar 10 2005, 10:14 PM


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Nutcase boy bragged about eating pigs feet a few years back. I know he lied. About liking it that is. Honestly, I could imagine him eating flies before eating swine appendages.

In any event, this photo is what he gets...it may or may not be a solution...but it's start.



The above photo will only be displayed here temp...
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #281628 · Replies: 0 · Views: 1,814

altehase
Posted on: Mar 10 2005, 09:54 PM


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Woah...! I used to have an ARP whistle. But I sold it. I decided to consolodate my collection and focus on other types of whistles. Most of my CivDef collection was liquidated as well. In any event...you now know more than most. And you thought YOU were strange! I've said enough...I regret nothing.


"What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle
sweater, and tan trousers, and red shoes... No, he's not retarded."
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #281618 · Replies: 1 · Views: 1,797

altehase
Posted on: Feb 24 2005, 04:44 PM


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...a tattooed millionaire.
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #279091 · Replies: 39 · Views: 16,947

altehase
Posted on: Feb 24 2005, 04:28 PM


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No...it's not random at all! I was going to change my user name to "Idomeneo" and proclaim myself "King of Crete"! It's a delightful coincidence...besides...

If it's not Scotish...IT'S CRAAP!!!!! (which I believe is how it's pronounced)
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #279086 · Replies: 16 · Views: 3,786

altehase
Posted on: Feb 24 2005, 03:48 PM


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I'm glad Wytukaze...then it was all worth it. My insane and normally useless time wasting has enriched others and taught me something new...

Just when I thought I could not possibly lose any more screws...I do something good.

Oh yeah..."Crapola". I thought of this but couldn't figure out what language it would be. Portuguese? Nah...maybe

Yugoslavian? No...that would be "Crapii"...I think...two i's or two a's...I can't remember

Don't try to write this stuff when you don't have real cream for your coffee. I swear this Coffeemate is rat poison...
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #279076 · Replies: 16 · Views: 3,786

altehase
Posted on: Feb 22 2005, 09:24 PM


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Please Help! I need a decent one. I know...I'm a cheap bastard. I was using "Fanspace.com" but for whatever reason...it's gone. I could KILL! It was good though but I don't want to go back. I also used "freeservers.com"...but they suck. "Google" hardly ever finds the content.

If anyone has a good leads...please post for me...THANX:)

Sincerely,
altehase AKA TanyaTurkish
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #278712 · Replies: 4 · Views: 1,900

altehase
Posted on: Feb 21 2005, 11:29 AM


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I got peeved earlier and I blurted out the word "CRAP!" Then I gots ta thinkin'...

How to say "CRAP" in various languages:
-----------------------------------------------

English : Crap

Spanish : EL Crapo

German : Krapen

Russian : Krapishka

Italian : Crapino

Polish : Krapowksi

French : Crapevou

Arabic : Al Kra-pah

Japanese : Krapashiki

Greek : Krapolopolous?
( I know that one sucked, but that's the best I could come up with)

Oh yeah, and...

Canada : Crap Eh?

That's all I could come up with. But I believe this session of time wasting was more fruitful than others...did I leave any out?
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #278332 · Replies: 16 · Views: 3,786

altehase
Posted on: Feb 2 2005, 06:27 PM


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Sorry...I was bored. And no...you can't eat him.
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #273192 · Replies: 0 · Views: 1,249

altehase
Posted on: Feb 1 2005, 04:39 PM


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Right on...! I was at 589 1/2...The "1/2" being a vienna sausage. Which we all know what that would be from. His little brain would make a perfect meatball, your right...

What...?! No compliments or raves about my chile and hotdogs ensemble? Am I the only one out there who does this? Oh the shame I should be feeling but am not...my God...I need Tums...there's nothing like the meal that comes between dinner and dessert.
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #272650 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,445

altehase
Posted on: Feb 1 2005, 03:11 PM


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I just got done eating a can of store brand chile with cut up hotdogs thrown in, and I got to thinking. Lets say my friend Sonny Swayze passed away untimely. And in his last will and testament he leaves me his body for the purpose of consumption.

I mean it's clearly stated in the will, that it is his final wish that his remains go to myself and allowed to be consumed at my discretion. I don't know, like maybe barbecued I suppose. Or maybe his bones used for a soup. I eat a lot of spagetti so maybe I could turn him into a good meat sauce.

In any event, if one was to do it purely for the nutritional value, could it ever be acceptable? I probably couldn't actually bring myself to do it. Or would it be Sonny's way of getting in the last word? That is..."eat me". The only thing I can think of that I might actually do, is secretly serve him to guests when they eat over. And then say...hey...guess what?

Today's consideration: How many hotdogs could be made from Sonny Swayze?
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #272639 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,445

altehase
Posted on: Jan 10 2005, 07:02 PM


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AHA! It was a trick question...they're ALL bogus. Though I do apologize for the deceit, I figured it was the best way to prove my point. Which, if I'm not mistaken, is that evil is in the eye of the beholder. It's either that or something to do with Sonny refusing to answer his IM. To be honest, I've forgotten...

Anyways, I would like to thank those of you that had the guts to give it your best shot. The REAL Sonny Swayze WILL be revealed in a future post. Sooner than later I assure you. I can only hope that all is forgiven by then. Until then...bear with me on this one, Ok?

Greeneyes: Your use of the term "Superswayze" moved me to tears. Of joy that is. It was not only unprecedented but delightfully emphatic. English courage is safe and sound with you!

DarkInferno: What can I say, you can always be relied upon for your candor and finite resolve. I knew I coudn't pull a fast one by you! Your "magic sun" theory is enough to make anyone think twice. Though Sonny did have a mullet at one time, and you probably didn't know that, you used it to your advantage and stopped me dead in my tracks! I gracefully bow before you!

Snugglebum: Your legend, as always, preceeds you. Though I wish that the beanie photo was indeed real, unfortunately, that's the only thing real about that particular photo. Your mere presence and time devoted to my challenge was accolades enough. The name "Destroyer" will not soon be forgotten...the fear live on!!!!!

candice: Candice, hmmm...what can I say? Must be that Oregon fresh, pine scented air! Or maybe it's that Bigfoot you guys have there. I like him, or her...whatever it is. It's Ok that you don't appreciate my photoshopping. I'll get over it in time. The important thing is that you now are aware of Sonny and his many guises. He'll be back and you'll be ready. I've never been to Oregon. Though I have been to Washington. Lots of people with mullets doing drugs...Sonny would be proud (the evil louse!) smile.gif

Sincerely,
altehase
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #266678 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,255

altehase
Posted on: Jan 9 2005, 12:31 PM


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Since someone ( I won't name names) found it upon themselves to erroneously "critique" my photoshopping...I will now present you with this challenge of challenges...BEHOLD...the ambiguously evil Sonny Swayze! Be careful...he spits!

Only one of these (3) disturbing photos are real. (2) are fake as the day is long. Without staring too hard, as this may cause leprosy, try and figure out which is the real Sonny and which two are as bogus as his patronage.

I don't know what the winners will receive as a reward. But I can assure you that in the future...you are less likely to make the same mistakes that I have.

Good luck...be sure to wash your eyes out after viewing this post:)



Sonny muss eine Lektion gelehrt werden...!
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #266309 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,255

altehase
Posted on: Dec 30 2004, 08:12 PM


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Noooooo! It's my image hosting! Besides...it's the thought that counts! Even though indoor photos don't mesh with outdoor photos...this pic is as real as you think it might or should be...yes.
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #263668 · Replies: 5 · Views: 1,824

altehase
Posted on: Dec 30 2004, 08:02 PM


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The self-loathing Sonny Swayze caught in the act...of what else...self loathing!

Hey, it could've been worse...

Sonny ist nicht der Mann, der für nichts nicht getadelt werden wird

  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #263665 · Replies: 5 · Views: 1,824

altehase
Posted on: Dec 14 2004, 05:00 AM


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This photo isn't me...it's none other than Sonny Swayze himself. But then I suppose you already knew that...

A free Xmas gift if you can identify the monkey by first and last name




"I'm not a psychic I'm a physic. I can predict your future movements."
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #260795 · Replies: 1 · Views: 1,522

altehase
Posted on: Dec 2 2004, 03:04 PM


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I originaly didn't input the hidden messege I discovered because I didn't want you to laugh at me. It's early in the movie, the little "misfit" elf runs away from Santa's workshop. He takes only one possesion...his book on "Dentistry". Later, he uses the knowledge gained within the book to help disable a large monster. Shortly thereafter, the moster is supposedly killed. Though not without the sacrifice of one of the elf's friends. The elf appeared indifferent and even though the friend and the monster turn up later in the movie unharmed, the little misfit elf returns home as if nothing ever happened.
He then opens up a dental practice in Santa's workshop. He recieves no fees for his work but instead is compensated by way of room and board. From the lack of expression on the elf's face, it is near impossible to surmise whether or not the elf is satisfied with the nature of these conditions.

By now I have forgotten exactly what messege I had ascertained at the time. But I believe it had something to do with the age old adage...you can't go home again. Or maybe it had something to do with "What if he had brought along a different book?" In any event, when I first ran away from home, I brought along a large poster in which to color animals on. Had I ran into a large monster, this would have done me little good. Of course, I chickened out on the edge of town and returned home. The friend I left with was quite put off by my lack of resolve, but like the elf, I too remained indifferent.

Oh, I still dabble in artwork though. But like the elf, I make no money from it...
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #258571 · Replies: 4 · Views: 1,893

altehase
Posted on: Dec 2 2004, 02:43 AM


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Rudolf The Red Nose Reindeer is on TV right now...the original one. You know, the stop-motion animation one? I haven't seen it since I was a kid. I forgot how flippen cool it was. I was surprised that I remembered so much.

"The tenor section was weak..!"

I remembered Yukon Cornelius...though I didn't remember him packing a Colt single action army. Chrome with stag grips. First on my Christmas list...

"A Charlie in the box..." I believe this is what I'm getting everyone for Christmas this year.

I'm watching the show trying to find the hidden messeges...I think I've found one so far?
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #258418 · Replies: 4 · Views: 1,893

altehase
Posted on: Nov 26 2004, 09:45 AM


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In reference as to why you have never seen Arthur eating a goat: I believe that a "goat like" being exists in the Aurthur world. I'm in the process of proving this as we speak. At the very least, if I happen to disprove it, I will post my findings here. I can assure you this though, given the chance, Arthur would eat ANY other being. Including you and I.

You can either sit there and wait for this to happen, or you can do something about it.

A capybara is somewhat of a large guinea pig. I used to own guinea pigs. They could be quite vicious and bred as fast as rabbits. Imaging a guinea pig the size of a medium sized dog. AND...with enough intelligence to win over your friendship...then bite your face off in front of a crowd of people. Eh? Not so funny now is it?

Well, I mean, it would be kinda funny to see, but not to have it happen to you. I'm not sure if "funny" is the proper word, but I know I wouldn't be able to look away.
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #257225 · Replies: 18 · Views: 4,117

altehase
Posted on: Nov 26 2004, 07:05 AM


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I know, the general rule of thumb states that the first letter is usually the giveaway. And I know, even in this case, that it may appear as a give-in. But I beg of you, please rethink this. Even though it appears to make perfect sense.

If I may, let me present the following examples:

Arthur = Aardvark

Buster = Bunny

Binky = Bulldog

Mr. Ratburn = Rat

More to come soon in another post.

Under this method, all seems perfectly plausible. But assure you, it's merely a ruse and should be considered fallacious.

I've heard of Kay Jewelers and I believe we have them where I live. I cannot recall one of their commercials though. But I guarantee you, if one materialized on my screen, I'd reach for my mute button faster than a ninja with his ass on fire at a wedding.
Stay tuned for my next post in which I will go into more detail concerning "The first Letter" theory...and thank you for bringing it up:)
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #257211 · Replies: 18 · Views: 4,117

altehase
Posted on: Nov 26 2004, 06:04 AM


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Hobbes, your are one of the fortunate ones. Outta sight, outta mind. But yet you say "Arthur Rules!"...just be glad he doesn't rule you!

Another vote for "capybara"...there might be a Latin connection after all. Sweet.

Poor frog...you're pro Arthur...yet anti Coke. What if Arthur drank Coke? I'm not saying he does, but he might. Arthur is funded and or supported in part by the gawd-awful product "Juicy Juice". I'm not sure exactly what this stuff is, but there's a rumor going around that the company that manufactures this vile stuff is owned by The Coca Cola Company. What do you think of that? What do you think of your Arthur now? He doesn't quite "rock" like you thought he did. But that's just me being cynical. Please understand...it's how I am.

Besides, or at the very least keep in mind, a turntable is NOT an instrument and if your drum kit has only three pieces...you don't rock. The above may be a part of the larger Arthur conspiracy. What the hell...it's only your soul right?
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #257203 · Replies: 18 · Views: 4,117

altehase
Posted on: Nov 25 2004, 05:49 PM


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Lately I've been in "evil squirrel monkey" mode. Kind of a "Mr. Nielsen raids the medicine cabinet" mood, then drinks copius amounts of coffee. I thought this particular avatar would inspire me to write more poetry. But when I'm moody I feel I have to use my cynicism in the pursiut of other ventures. Hence the "Arthur" bashing...trust me, it'll all make sense in the end. It had better...my Doctoral Thesis is riding on it...

...and my ex-ex girlfriends mother said I wouldn't amount to anything...
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #257068 · Replies: 51 · Views: 9,783

altehase
Posted on: Nov 25 2004, 05:37 PM


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Well...that's a shame. If you ever do, be sure to tape them. If you watch the tapes in reverse, you can hear backwards messages.
  Forum: Daft · Post Preview: #257062 · Replies: 6 · Views: 2,288

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