Yahoo Flirters Vs. Missy, I'll give you one guess who's winning Options

[MistressAlti]

Him: hi
Me: hiya
Him: how do you do
Me: I do well, and you?
Him: thankx im ok too r u from?
Me: I'm from the US. You?
Him: waaaa im in london
Him: asl plz
Me: 18/f/USA
Him: r u beautiful?
Me: Probably not.
Him: why?
Him: your real name plz
Me: My real name is Diane.
Me: What about you, a/s/l?
Him: 22 m
Him: u have a pretty name
Me: Thanks.
Him: hi diane
Me: Hello...
Him: do you have a boy friends
Me: Nope.
Him: why not
Me: Oh, I don't know, probably because I'm fat.
Him: no dont say that
Me: Why not? Don't you like the truth?
Me: The truth will set you free you know.
Him: yep i know but being fat is not a matter
Me: It isn't?
Me: Then why don't I have a boyfriend?
Me: Probably because I'm annoying, then... that must be it...
Me: I might just be stupid.
Him: u don't seem to stupid to me
Me: I don't know why I'm single but I'm sure there's a good reason
Him: actually be single is better then with bad company
Me: Yeah, that's what my last boyfriend said when he broke up with me.
Him: o that mean u had a boy fr... in past
Me: It was a while ago, but yes
Him: o i c
Me: He dated my best friend after me. I think that says plenty.
Him: ooo so sad
Him: he must probbley the stupid man
Me: No, he was good at physics, I think that means that he was smart.
Him: he may be good in physics but not mantelly
Me: It's okay, she was prettier than me, so it makes sense.
Him: no i can'take that
Him: only stupid people do this kind thing
Me: I don't think so... it made sense. She was prettier than me so of course he should date her.
Him: is she relly
Him: i don'think so
Me: She was... she had long, pretty brown hair.
Him: dont u have long hair
Me: I didn't then, but I do now
Him: what short of hair do you have now?
Me: my hair is shoulder-length
Him: what colour
Me: Brown. I dyed it to be just like my friend's so I can be pretty too.
Him: waaa i wish u r with me i like brown hair soulder lenght
Me: Really? You'd like my friend then.
Him: i don't think so
Him: not your friends
Me: Why not? She's really pretty and nice too.
Him: i think c is bitch because she want out with your boyfriends
Me: Don't call her a bitch! She's nice.
Him: i dought about that
Me: Whateva... it doesn't matter.
Him: actullly u er right
Him: so r u looking for new boyssss
Me: Yeah. I hate being alone. It makes me feel worthless. All my friends have boys. I'm a loser.
Him: it is very nice to talk to u
Him: i will never forget
Him: u r a star
HIm: u must be very inteligent
Me: Oh, no I'm not...
Him: i think u r be positive
Him: what is time there now?
Me: 4.30pm
(suddenly he leaves the table, but soon returns)
Him: sorry im back
Me: You left me.
Me: You think I'm ugly too, don't you.
Him: no never
Me: Then why did you leave me?
Me: Am I not good enough for you?
Me: Just go away...
Him: no that no right darling
Me: I think it is.
Me: Just go away.

I then booted him from the table, and he IMs me:

Him: hello i like u come on
Him: come on plz plz plz plz
Him: hello

And then I got an email entitled "be positive"

"hi sweety i don't mean to hurt u because i been disconnected, because this stupid phone line.
i m veryyyyyyyyy sorrrrrryyyyy
plz forgive me. positive"

Ha. I have anchored another one.

Yahoo Flirters 0, Missy 5.

[cheese is funny]

ummm... congrats on your accomplishment?

[Tarantio]

wow. i think u should have two scoreboards there missy. the other one should read:

yahoo flirters 0 english language -1

[Polocrunch]

Him: actually be single is better then with bad company
Me: Yeah, that's what my last boyfriend said when he broke up with me.

LMFAO!!!
Keep 'em coming Missy, this is fantasmickal!

[Ocean!]

Once I told this guy I WASN'T into the whole 'I love you, marry me now!" sort of thing and he was like, 'You are only thriteen, you are at a young age". And later on he was all "When do you want to be married, I though you wanted to get married, I love you honey!" It was great. I love stupid people.

[miss_spunk]

Shite I think I've laughed my arse off!!!

That was great! Dumb fool.

*waves bye bye to arse*

Aysha xxx

[Rattgirl]

*bows to missy* Ah, you play them like a fiddle, my lady!

I agree with Tarantio about that second scoreboard....let's see if you can find a yahoo flirter that can actually successfully use the english language!

(It makes me wonder, too....do they ever notice when they're talking to someone who doesn't say "how r u doin sweeeettie", how much better the spelling is? It makes you wonder....)

[Zesty]

sad sad sad.

[MistressAlti]

Warning - Do Not Read This if you are highly sensitive to any type of relationship abuse and will be upset by a dramatization of it used to poke fun at a Yahoo Idiot.

Victim Number 6 - Missy and Commie tag-team takedown!

This particular victim, pymp2003vn, invited me to his particular pool table. It was a simple target just by the name, and he started asking details immediately. Pymp was also from California, just like everyone else on the goddamn internet. He was also desperate, also just like everyone else in Yahoo Pool. I decided to play dumb and flirt along. After I sent Pymp a bullshit picture of a green-eyed brunette, he was definitely stricken.

Him: do you think we could of make a very cute couple
Me: maybe i havent been single very long
Me: my ex was really mean so im afraid
Him: how can anyone be mean to your cute face
Him: u should just kick his ass
Me: i wanted to but hes strong and im not
Him: u need help
Me: help?

He was right. It was time for help in attacking Yahoo Idiot Number Six. Commie is called to the scene, who IMed Pymp.

commiebastard616: WTF U BEEN SAYIN 2 MY GURL
pymp2003vn: who is your girlfriend
commiebastard616: CRYSTALLINE_INNUENDO
commiebastard616: U STAY DA F**K AWAY FROM HER
commiebastard616: U HEAR ME F**KER
pymp2003vn: f**k u
pymp2003vn: i talk to who ever i want b*tch
commiebastard616: STFU
commiebastard616: U LISTEN
commiebastard616: U DONT GO AROUND COMIN ON 2 someone ELSES WOMAN
commiebastard616: SO UNLESS U WANT 2 B IN HELLA TROUBLE U STOP TLKIN 2 HER
pymp2003vn: m i suppose to be scare
commiebastard616: U THINK your HOT S**T HUH

Pymp was very confused.

Him: your boyfriend is talking to me
Me: wat? i dont have a boyfriend
Me: i broke up with my boyfriend
Him: he claim u r
Me: im not i broke up a week ago but he wont leave me alone
Him: he is mad cuz u r talking to me babe
Me: who is imin u i can tell u if hes my ex or not
Him: r u still there babe
Me: im scared hes treatening me
Him: y
Him: is that your bf
Me: is he commiebastard becus if he is thats him
Him: yes thats him
Me: omg this is bad

pymp2003vn: she doesnt claim u buddy
commiebastard616: THINK U CAN GO ROUND TRYIN 2 STEAL A BRUTHA'S WOMAN
pymp2003vn: she said that she doesnt have a man
pymp2003vn: thats your problem not mine
pymp2003vn: y u treating her b*tch
commiebastard616: THAS MY BUSINESS U FAGGOT
commiebastard616: WHY DA F**K U THINK U CAN GO ROUND CUMMIN ON TO SOME GUYS GF?
pymp2003vn: if you were a man u would of treat your ladie with kindness
pymp2003vn: u stupid f**k
pymp2003vn: yes thats him
pymp2003vn: u r a bastard
commiebastard616: U DONT KNO SHIT
commiebastard616: U DONT KNO WHAT DA F**KS GOIN ON
commiebastard616: U SHUT your F**KIN MOUTH BOUT THINGS U DONT UNDERSTAND
pymp2003vn: y dont u leave her alone
commiebastard616: U NOT HEAR ME? U DONT KNO BOUT US.
commiebastard616: U DONT KNO WHAS GOIN DOWN

Pymp is growing sick of defending me.

Him: u need to deal with your problem babe
Him: dont be scared of him
Me: i cant he'll yell at me
Him: but he is not your bf anymore right
Me: no we broke up i told him its over
Him: u need to get it through his thick skull

pymp2003vn: than y she dont claim u anymore
commiebastard616: SHE JUST A WOMAN, SHE DONT KNO WHAS GOOD 4 HER
commiebastard616: DAMMIT U KNO WHAT DEY LYK
pymp2003vn: y u so quiet fool
commiebastard616: U NOT HEAR WHAT IM SAYIN?
commiebastard616: U NOT HEAR ME FOO
pymp2003vn: shut the f**k up
commiebastard616: SHE JUST A WOMAN, SHE DONT KNO WHAS GOOD 4 HER
pymp2003vn: y u think u know whats good for her
commiebastard616: BCOS I KNO HER.

Finally I grow tired of laughing hysterically. I've been sitting on my couch for a long time and I really need to pee. So it's time to end this fun.

Me: he says we shuld be together
Me: maybe i shuld
Me: i dont want him to yell
Him: r u talking to him
Me: yeah i think were makin up

pymp2003vn: she would be good if you leave her the f**k alone
commiebastard616: Y U THINK U KNO HER? U DONT KNO HER
pymp2003vn: no i dont
commiebastard616: THEN Y U SAYIN SH*T?
pymp2003vn: cuz u talk sh*t first
pymp2003vn: u dont know me either
commiebastard616: U COMIN ON 2 MY WOMAN, U THINK IM GONNA SIT HERE?
pymp2003vn: how the f**k i know it was your woman
pymp2003vn: atleast u could off been polite and ask me nicely fu**er
commiebastard616: STFU
commiebastard616: I DONT TAKE SH*T FROM NOBODY
pymp2003vn: f**k u too

Him: u sure u want to do that
Me: i guess
Him: y
Me: he says he loves me
Me: i should go
Me: bye

And so ends the saga of Yahoo Idiot Number Six.
I can't. Believe. Anyone bought this.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Missy & Commie 1, Pymp 0.

[CommieBastard]

We rock, Missy. We really do.

[LoLo]

Pymp was also from California, just like everyone else on the goddamn internet.

Why can't I ever meet these lonely people in California? Everyone I meet is from Texas or England. Gah@you Missy!

Good one by the way. Next victim ask him/her to have sex with a dolphin. It gets hilarious results.

[Tarantio]

or a goose. send them my way for handy pointers! >.<

[MistressAlti]

Pymp was also from California, just like everyone else on the goddamn internet.

Why can't I ever meet these lonely people in California? Everyone I meet is from Texas or England. Gah@you Missy!

Trust me, my Yahoo Specials aren't the kind of people any person with self-respect would want to date, even if 95% of them are from Cali. Just as a point of interest, the other 5% are from NYC or Canada. Oh, and I had one from Georgia who claimed to be a personal trainer. Sadly enough, he's the most realistic-sounding person I've run into yet.

[MistressAlti]

On that same topic...

I got annoyed with letting the Yahooers hit on me on Wednesday, so although this guy never got to Yahoo Special status, he was a victim in his own regard.

litboy69: im 20 and from cali
crystalline_innuendo (Me): You know, you're the seventh person from California I've met today.
crystalline_innuendo (Me): Do all Californians think it's fun to play cyber-pool?
litboy: theres a lot of us
Me: You're f**king multiplying. You're taking over the internet by sheer force in numbers.
litboy: im not
litboy: im single
litboy: =)
Me: Do you speak English?
litboy: yeah
Me: Do you know what an apostrophe is?
litboy: yeah
Me: What did they do to you to make you avoid them so much?
litboy: i'm lazy

I then proceeded to kick him from the table. Our conversation moves to the general lobby chat area:

litboy: crystal is a c*nt
Me: Anyone who knows how to spell, come to table 5 and we'll play.
t8b_sis: to spell?
notoriousbbb_4_eva: to spell?
Me: Yes. You know, spelling and grammar, those nice fundamentals of the English language?
(chat is silent for 3 whole minutes, unheard of in Yahoo chat history)
Me: I notice no takers.
Me: Why the f**k am I not surprised. (Exit)

[MistressAlti]

OMG BEST CONVERSATION EVER. This is my Special-est Yahoo Special yet. Thanks Lo for ideas.

seth_rahul2001: hi how r u
Me: im fine thanks, u?
Him: asl plz
Me: 18/f/usa, u?
Him: 22/m/india
Him: your name
Me: my names gabrielle
Him: wht do you do
Me: wat about u wats your name
Him: im indian
Him: name rahul searchimg job
Me: im a student
Me: thats cool
Him: how many bf u hv
Me: i dont have any bf lol
Him: may i se u may send any pic to me
Me: where can i send it
Him: seth_rahul2001@yahoo.com
Me: ok ill send it
Him: i'll wait your pic

I sent him the Xanga Personal's girl from the last time. For reminder, it's a nice-looking, brown-haired, green-eyed chick.

Him: tell me more about your self
Me: im 5 foot 6 in and i like to sing
Him: good
Him: else
Me: i like cats and dolphins they r my fave
Him: howmany member in your family
Me: there r 5 people in my family.
Me: did u get my pic?
Him; yayaa
Him: just opne now
Him: nice pic your too prity a wwnannn marriy with u
Me: thats really nice of u
Him: i giveing u a new name
Him: ok
Him: sonia
Me: okay
Me: thats pretty, i like it
Him: ok
Him: u like that name
Me: yea i like it
Him: send more pic to me which is full length
Me: i dont have any more im not on my own computer
Him: ok when
Him: u arrenge then send me pk
Him: i want to marry with u
Me: ill send u one when i get home ok

I'm starting to think this is definitely headed in the wrong direction for my liking... I think it's time to drop the bombshell.

Me: i cant marry you
Me: i only have sex with dolphins
(silence)
Him: but how
Me: it not like real sex... they dont have sex like ppl do
Me: but they very intimat
Me: my dophin will get jealous
Him: ok i hv to go for some imp work can we cancle

this game

Rahul runs from the table. Missy is victorious.

Missy 7, Yahoo Flirters 0.

[Prince Aries]

*jaw drops and hits the floor*


I. LOVE. YOU.

This is PURE class. Undeniable. It's gorgeous and perfect. A bittersweet symphony of Yahoo. I love it.

[MistressAlti]

This is PURE class.  Undeniable.  It's gorgeous and perfect.  A bittersweet symphony of Yahoo.  I love it.

You know I can't make this stuff up. Well, I could, but imitated stupidity pales in comparison to the freshly generated variety... you'd know the difference. This is high quality crap from the mouths of our fellow members of this Net-bound generation.

[Prince Aries]

All hail MistressAlti, Goddess of Yahoo Supremacy

/me worships

Next time I encounter ish with Yahoo pervs, I'm calling on YOU, super gal!

[the lil' pie...]

most excellent!! muchos respect girly

[Mingtea]

lol, yeah quite fun, although i've seen this before...

but fun all the same.

Sean played a very good part

[WeeJ]

Missy...how dare you post out personal conversations for the whole world to see

Lmao

[saucy_tara]

This is so wrong Missy.....But damn funny!!!!! I remember when me and my mate joined an internet dating site for a laugh, and I said I was a six foot tall, redhaired ex lion tamer with no arms!!!! And the fools beliiiiiiieeeeeeeved me!!! Mwahahahaha

[LoLo]

OMG BEST CONVERSATION EVER. This is my Special-est Yahoo Special yet. Thanks Lo for ideas.

lol anytime. Like that one? Here's another one that used to be one of my favs to pull. When things are getting dull or the guy is just boldly being a prick do this: Will you give my monkey a blowjob? You see I have too many sores in my mouth at the moment, and he's getting very tempermental. If he flings one more pile of poo at me I think I'm going to scream! Please I beg of you. If you love me, give my monkey a blow job.

Or something similar. lol

[Phyllis]

One of my favorites to do goes something like this:

The idiot: hey baby wanna cyber
Me: Hmmm. Well, I would, but I have an appointment, so I'm just on my way out the door. Here, talk to my brother. I saw your profile pic and you look like his type.
The idiot: no baby i wanna talk to u
Me: *Insert disgustingly descriptive scene with my "brother" here*

Meanwhile, the idiot is usually saying something like "no, no! bring your sister back!"

Once I told the guy that I was 12, and he still wanted to cyber. Sicko. My "brother" got very violent and descriptive with that guy. I hope it effectively killed his sex drive for at least a little while.

For some reason, none of them ever think to block me, they just say "no! stop!" and such. I haven't run into any bi guys yet. That would cause problems with the whole brother scenario.

And lmfao @ the dolphin sex one! You should send someone who has a mic to the goose page, and tell them it got you all hot and bothered. See if you can get them to trumpet like a goose over voice chat!

[Sir Maxerpopple]

Hmn, breaking people's hearts in the name of our entertainment.

While it is funny how desperate they are, seems a bit wrong.