 What Do You Think About Open Relationships?, is it right? |
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 Jun 23 2003, 12:53 AM
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#1
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 crazi  Group: Established Members Posts: 4,010 Joined: 25-February 03 From: New Orleans Member No.: 20 Gender: Female  |
is it ok to have more than 1 partner, and have 1 main partner, but still be able to see other people? or is it just wrong? is it ok if both people agree to it?
-------------------- Love is real.
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Jun 23 2003, 12:59 AM
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#2
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 I post more than I speak Group: Established Members Posts: 8,738 Joined: 10-March 03 Member No.: 116 |
despite what my multiple marriages here may say about me... i think having just one partner in life is the way to go... having one person that means the world to you... sure, having more then 1 maybe fine with some people, but i cant see how it would work out.... in a long term veiw...
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Jun 23 2003, 01:07 AM
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#3
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 I live again...... Group: New Members Posts: 562 Joined: 5-June 03 From: Canada Member No.: 358 |
I think that if you are lucky enough to have a person that truely loves you with all your heart, you should not ruin it by being in a relationship with more then one person. Thats greedy,hurtful and childish im my opinion
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Jun 23 2003, 01:18 AM
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#4
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 Steadily spiralling into the abyss Group: New Members Posts: 3,733 Joined: 20-March 03 From: London, UK Member No.: 154 |
ditto...being in a relationship with more than one person f--ks things up...the human brain can't cope with being in love with more than 1 person at a time...and ditto to what reaper said. loving 2 people at once is just being greedy...
-------------------- 6:30pm
How Much Do You Reckon This Food Processor's Worth? Well? How Much Is It Worth? Come On. For F--k's Sake Just Hazard A Guess You Half-Witted Proletarian S--t - We Haven't Got All F--king Day. This Is A Game Show, Not A F--king Waiting Room. Now Spit Your F--king Answer Out Or I'll Kick You All The Way Back To Whichever P--s-Streaked Council Estate You Crawled From, So You Can Hatch The Rest Of Your Futureless Offspring In Empty-Handed Misery. Now Answer Me, C--T. Explicitly confrontational version of The Price Is Right. Shiny Blog |
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Jun 23 2003, 01:47 AM
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#5
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 I plug directly into my computer Group: Established Members Posts: 3,641 Joined: 1-March 03 Member No.: 80 Gender: Female |
I would only be with one person.... and I definitely would not agree with the person I'm with being with somebody else too... lol
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Jun 23 2003, 01:54 AM
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#6
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 I'm an inefficient bear. Maul. Group: Established Members Posts: 1,968 Joined: 21-June 03 From: carlinville illinois Member No.: 408 Gender: Female |
ok relationships are supposed to be a seriouse thing you cant be in a personal relationship as such with out it being cheating. if you like one person enouff to be with them then stay with them why would you want to go out and get anouther person into it?and if you get one person why dont you get anouther and anouther. then you are no longer in a relationshp at all your just screwing around with a whole bunch of people even if they are doing it too it still doesnt make it alright.
-------------------- ATTACK SLOTH! It's gonna get you... eventually. |
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Jun 23 2003, 02:24 AM
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#7
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 Candbrush Threepwood Group: Established Members Posts: 5,391 Joined: 28-May 03 From: Derby Member No.: 345 Gender: Female |
hrm, i dunno. one part of me says, hey, if both people agree to it, then more power to them. but at the same time, it really doesn't seem like something that would work out in the long run. maybe if you have a group of people and all of you are committed to one another...but wow that just seems overly complicated to me.
if you want to be with more than one person, then i say go for it, as long as all people involved know about it and don't object. -------------------- I love you in a way that is mystical and eternal and illegal in 20 states.
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Jun 23 2003, 03:44 AM
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#8
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 disappear with the wandering wind Group: New Members Posts: 2,502 Joined: 7-May 03 From: everywhere... look out Member No.: 294 Gender: Female |
QUOTE (cheese is funny @ Jun 22 2003, 05:59 PM) despite what my multiple marriages here may say about me... i think having just one partner in life is the way to go... having one person that means the world to you... sure, having more then 1 maybe fine with some people, but i cant see how it would work out.... in a long term veiw... ditto here XD just like a real brother 
-------------------- You were right if you thought I was dead all this time. BUT NOW I'M ALIIIIIIIIIVE! 8]  This is Alex my naughty little husband, he likes my oddness. =De-daughter=emiliza*e-brother=cheese is funny*e-sister=candice*e-older-sister=lindylouwho[/b*e-sister=[b]happybunny*e-sister=hinsley*e-cousin=craziness founder of the anti-mtv movement*SNAPELURVE*grand designer of -ISH*super associate 1 of rwl inc.*we love geeks club*e-police*mr.sb death cult*legion of monkeys that fly sideways*we lurve mata iway ovelay igpay atinlay forum whore*anime/manga whore*anti-whore whore noobs=n/a*graduated n00bs=gothic angel, emiliza, chester, angel_death, docbrown1985*step-noob=starfish*graduated n00b of=craziness |
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Jun 23 2003, 09:49 AM
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#9
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 the monitor lizzards are coming! Group: Established Members Posts: 529 Joined: 9-May 03 From: the arse-end of no-where (ireland) Member No.: 299 |
is there anyone who can say truefully that they have a proper relationship with two people? that it isnt just a sex thing? i for one think not.
-------------------- let me FIND a lifestyle before you judge me on it
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Jun 23 2003, 12:54 PM
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#10
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 I have measured out my life with coffee spoons Group: New Members Posts: 807 Joined: 15-June 03 From: Sacramento, California Member No.: 383 |
Wow, I'm quite amazed at what's been said here so far.
 So having a relationship with one person is considered valid and based on true, loving emotions, but the same thing can't be said for the same thing multiplied? Everyone seems to think that having a relationship with more than one person means that you're not really committed -- but don't you think it's possible for some people to be equally committed to two (or more) people at once? I believe some people can. Admittedly, it would mean twice the emotional labour or whatever for the parties involved, but this type of relationship is nonetheless what some people prefer for themselves.I do think that it's okay to be in a relationship with two or more people at the same time, as long as all parties agree and are aware of each other person's boundaries (but hey, that's the basic groundwork that makes a monogamous relationship successful too). I think it's quite insulting to reduce all open relationships to "just a sex thing." People can be quite flexible in their interests and abilities, after all. I just don't completely understand why it's okay to have many, many friends, and yet there's a taboo on having more than one romantic partner/lover. It sort of reminds me of when people argue about whether you can have more than one best friend. I'm of the mind that you can have more than one best friend at the same time, and I think a similar principle applies to having more than one romantic partner. Yes, I'm aware that friendships differ in ways from romantic relationships, but both are still based on varying degrees of emotional attachment. Acquaintances, friends, good friends, best friends, and finally romantic partner or lover -- each "level" includes a varying degree of emotions for the people involved. That doesn't mean that, once you get to the top of the emotional/companionship ladder, you can only have one companion. For many people, one is enough, but I think it's unfair to judge everyone else of being incapable of having more than one companion as well. And just like we all have our different preferences as far as how many acquaintances and friends we like to have, so we also vary as far as how many partners/lovers we wish to have. It may be true that there are "swingers" (based on sex only) out there who are incapable of or unwilling to maintain more than one committed, loving relationship, but that's not what all "open-relationship" people are like. And as for open relationships being greedy...how is it greedy to be willing to give double your time and effort in maintaining additional loving, committed relationships? If it's greedy to want to do that for two people, then it must also be greedy to have even one companion or relationship. I guess we're being greedy every time we make new friendships as well, given that viewpoint. Granted, some open relationships can be based on the pleasure principle, or greed/lust, but others are no more greedy than the average monogamous relationship. Many of us recognize that truly loving relationships aren't self-serving -- they all require emotional labour, love, and respect for all the people involved. How is that greedy? -------------------- And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall, Then how should I begin To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways? And how should I presume? ~T.S. Eliot, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" |
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Jun 23 2003, 09:48 PM
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#11
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I'm an inefficient bear. Maul. Group: Established Members Posts: 1,968 Joined: 21-June 03 From: carlinville illinois Member No.: 408 Gender: Female |
ok just asying this once then im done with it. what is the main reason a guy getts with a girl in there teenage years. its not that he wishes to ahve a loving relationship and get married one day. its eather lust or lonlieness.and it IS greedy to be in love with one person and have a open relationship where you ca be lustfull to anouther its not that people cant be emotional to more then one person its the fact that few are. the jsut use it as a excuse to be able to bang as many people as they want and still come home to there loving relationship.
-------------------- ATTACK SLOTH! It's gonna get you... eventually. |
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Jun 23 2003, 10:03 PM
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#12
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 Duck Hunter S Thompson Group: Admin Posts: 3,417 Joined: 28-February 03 From: Lovely, rainy, Seattle Member No.: 71 Gender: Male |
For some people, open relationships can and do work. As Moonlight says, the rules of an open relationship are pretty much the same as an exclusive relationship. As long as there's implicit trust, love, complete honesty and respect in both directions, give me one good reason why they shouldn't work?
However, if all of the above factors aren't in place, then yeah, they probably will go spectacularly wrong, with a lot of emotional fallout. Ask yourselves this question: when you're in love, do you stop being attracted to other people? Unless you're very very odd, the answer will be no. To my mind, an open relationship is an acceptance of this fact and a very mature and trusting way of dealing with it. If anything, I'd say it's LESS greedy to be in an open relationship, as you're sharing your partner(s). At the end of the day, it's different strokes for different folks. -------------------- Nearly two years in - about time for a new AV
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Jun 23 2003, 10:50 PM
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#13
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I'm an inefficient bear. Maul. Group: Established Members Posts: 1,968 Joined: 21-June 03 From: carlinville illinois Member No.: 408 Gender: Female |
actually i am one of the few people that are only attarcted to one person at a time and often not attracted to anyone at all because of the lack of trust i ahve for anyone. and when i do get in a relationship its either till they lie to me or untill we both agree that we arnt going anywhere. so to me a open relationship is diffrent.
-------------------- ATTACK SLOTH! It's gonna get you... eventually. |
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Jun 23 2003, 11:19 PM
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#14
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I live again...... Group: New Members Posts: 562 Joined: 5-June 03 From: Canada Member No.: 358 |
I agree with rabid stuffed monkey named narth. I mean a relationship is supposed to be specail, how specail can it be if your like with abunch of different people. Forgive me if this is wrong but doesnt that seem kinda cheap ?
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Jun 23 2003, 11:31 PM
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#15
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Duck Hunter S Thompson Group: Admin Posts: 3,417 Joined: 28-February 03 From: Lovely, rainy, Seattle Member No.: 71 Gender: Male |
QUOTE (rabid_stuffed_monkey_named_narth @ Jun 23 2003, 04:50 PM) actually i am one of the few people that are only attarcted to one person at a time and often not attracted to anyone at all because of the lack of trust i ahve for anyone. and when i do get in a relationship its either till they lie to me or untill we both agree that we arnt going anywhere. so to me a open relationship is diffrent. I think that maybe you are one of the few people that are attracted to one person at a time. I mean, really? You never look at a hot guy and think "PHWOAR!"  when you've got a boyfriend? Purely from a window shopping perspective, with no intention of walking in and making a purchase. I think that's just odd, not to mention unhealthy. -------------------- Nearly two years in - about time for a new AV
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Jun 23 2003, 11:47 PM
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#16
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I'm an inefficient bear. Maul. Group: Established Members Posts: 1,968 Joined: 21-June 03 From: carlinville illinois Member No.: 408 Gender: Female |
i have truly never been attracted to a guy purly on looks, basicly because im not that good loomking and i would appriate the same thing, when i normally becom attracted to a guy its because i can truly get along with them and they make me happy. i guess its a jealosy thing that if he was with anouther girl id always ahve to wonder "who does he like more" and i guess i jsut tuned myself to only be attracted to one person.
-------------------- ATTACK SLOTH! It's gonna get you... eventually. |
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Jun 24 2003, 07:37 AM
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#17
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 badfish Group: Established Members Posts: 269 Joined: 14-March 03 From: Wyoming Member No.: 139 Gender: Female |
I could never be in an open relationship. It's not what I want out of life. I don't feel like I am capable of giving that kind of devotion to more than one person. Attracted to others? Of course.. but there's the "look but don't touch" rule..
Can open relationships be successful? Actually yeah.. I have several friends who are in open relationships. Some of which are married but have other s/o's in the picture.. I don't find it greedy. I think if someone is able to give their love and attention to more than one person, and to have it returned, more power to him/her. It's just not for me. |
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Jun 24 2003, 02:42 PM
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#18
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 ~¤~Sanity Impaired since 1986~¤~ Group: Established Members Posts: 1,499 Joined: 2-March 03 From: Canada Member No.: 82 Gender: Female |
QUOTE (nordelen @ Jun 23 2003, 05:49 AM) is there anyone who can say truefully that they have a proper relationship with two people? that it isnt just a sex thing? i for one think not. I can say the relationship I am in, even if its long distance, is true and we are faithful to one another. -------------------- |
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Jun 24 2003, 03:01 PM
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#19
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 Many fools can now anticipate pity! Group: Moderators Posts: 2,296 Joined: 26-February 03 From: East Coast US Member No.: 40 Gender: Female |
I dont know... I have been in open relationships and I found them to be quite refreshing.. of course these where not.. I love two people at the same time... it was more of 'I love you soooooooo much I can catch my breath when I am around you... but I was wondering can I go over to Maggies for the night??' It worked out fine.. there was moments of jealousy, but they where fleeting at best. As long as we where always at the understanding that it is just sex and nothing else. It kept our relationship interesting, and we where more open and honest with each other because of it.
but of course I have no morals so feel free to ignore me 
-------------------- Proud Cronie since Feb 26, 2003
"When women act like women, they are accused of being inferior. When women act like human beings, they are accused of behaving like men." —Simone de Beauvoir And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. -Anais Nin No matter that patriotism is too often the refuge of scoundrels. Dissent, rebellion, and all-around hell-raising remain the true duty of patriots. -Barbara Ehrenreich live journal |
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Jun 24 2003, 03:22 PM
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#20
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Engrish Ranguage Student Group: Established Members Posts: 3,363 Joined: 27-May 03 From: Tamworth Member No.: 338 Gender: Female |
Does having a 3some consist of an open relationship???
-------------------- Go Go Gadget WeeJ!
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Jun 24 2003, 03:35 PM
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#21
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Duck Hunter S Thompson Group: Admin Posts: 3,417 Joined: 28-February 03 From: Lovely, rainy, Seattle Member No.: 71 Gender: Male |
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Jun 24 2003, 09:22 AM) Does having a 3some consist of an open relationship??? If you tell your partner about it beforehand, and he/she is OK with it, then yes, otherwise it's plain infidelity. -------------------- Nearly two years in - about time for a new AV
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Jun 24 2003, 03:44 PM
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#22
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Engrish Ranguage Student Group: Established Members Posts: 3,363 Joined: 27-May 03 From: Tamworth Member No.: 338 Gender: Female |
I was thinking more along the lines of the partner being IN the 3some.
3some's seem a weird concept to me...lots of hard work and too many people to steal all the duvet 
-------------------- Go Go Gadget WeeJ!
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Jun 24 2003, 06:16 PM
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#23
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Duck Hunter S Thompson Group: Admin Posts: 3,417 Joined: 28-February 03 From: Lovely, rainy, Seattle Member No.: 71 Gender: Male |
QUOTE (WeeJ @ Jun 24 2003, 09:44 AM) I was thinking more along the lines of the partner being IN the 3some. 3some's seem a weird concept to me...lots of hard work and too many people to steal all the duvet Big beds. Several duvets. Simple. -------------------- Nearly two years in - about time for a new AV
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Jun 24 2003, 06:31 PM
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#24
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Engrish Ranguage Student Group: Established Members Posts: 3,363 Joined: 27-May 03 From: Tamworth Member No.: 338 Gender: Female |
Guess so.
Don't you think it has the potential to mess eveything up thought? Relationship wise? I have my doubts at times 
-------------------- Go Go Gadget WeeJ!
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Jun 24 2003, 08:20 PM
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#25
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 Roger Rabbit, having hit the skids, is now busking for a living. Group: Moderators Posts: 8,645 Joined: 4-March 03 From: In front of the screen Member No.: 95 Gender: Male |
I agree wi jonman... as long as there's trust on all sides, then there's no harm.
But to add to that, ya gotta feel comfortable too. I know that, as much as I look an flirt, I'd never be able to do summat wi a woman that was not me wife, even if I had her consent. She told me that she wouldn't mind me bein unfaithful as long as I said nothin about it, but I'd still find it impossible. Me conscience wouldn't let me... -------------------- The author of this post is entirely fictional and is intended for entertainment purposes only. The views of the author are not necessarily representative of the views of Matazone, Mata himself nor any of his assorted cronies, friends, allies, associates or hangers-on. Any resemblance to other posts, alive or dead, is purely coincidental and is not intentional. Except when that's the point of the post, in which case it is intentional and no coincidence is applied, inferred or otherwise described by another long legalese term which temporarily escapes me. No animals have been hurt in the production of this post, although I did kick the cat before I sat down at the computer. |
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