Siblings., Got any? Want any? Options

[Snugglebum the D...]

This is spurred by the fact that everyone I know wants me to have another child. Now, taking into account that my son has only just turned a year old, I really feel they're jumping the gun a bit. They have even resorted to telling me that it's unfair on my son for him to be an only child, that he deserves a brother or sister and I'm selfish not to give him one.

Anyway - I'm interested to know which of you have siblings and how many of you are an only child. If you're an only child, have you always wanted a brother or sister? Have any of you with siblings ever really wished that you were an only child? Do you have a brother and wished you had a sister too/instead?

From my experience - I'm one of three kids, I have an older brother and a younger sister. I've never wished to be an only child and have generally always got on with both of them bar a couple of harsh childhood fights. I've felt hard done by on a number of occasions (some of them quite recently too, surprisingly enough) but have always just put that down to normal sibling rivalry.

[CommieBastard]

I've a sister, two years younger than me. She's great actually, we get along well.

Everyone with siblings has at some point had fallings-out with them, and everyone without sometimes wants some. I did at one point read something about the differences - psychologically speaking - between only children and those with siblings, but that was about three or four years ago so I don't remember them. I do remember that there was certainly no negative effect on the child from not having any brothers or sisters - don't worry, you're not doing him a disservice.

[Spacehappy]

This is spurred by the fact that everyone I know wants me to have another child. 

Now are these guys saying this? as in"want to make another child" as that's a cheesy chat up line ....................... i know i've used it.


Anyway 2 sisters and a brother i'm the youngest and at 32 i still get called the baby!. As for if i wanted them, i had no choice they were here first ..... damn them!

[Snugglebum the D...]

Now are these guys saying this? as in"want to make another child"

HAHAHAHA!!!!

Hmmm - that'd work on me...

[Greeneyes]

I've got one brother, 20 months older than me. We get on fine, but then again we don't talk much.

[gothictheysay]

I have two sisters - one older, one younger. One's 2 years older and one's 4 years younger (they weren't totally intent on having me - "whoops! you're pregnant dear! oh well, we'll take it!")

When I was younger I used to get along with both of them fine. But as I grew up I grew closer to my younger sister and by this point in time it is hard for me to stand the older one. That said, I have some valid reasons for that... so we clash a lot...but I adore my little sister and play with her often. I think I'd rather have hre than be an only child.

But yes, they are jumping the gun a bit there.

[artist.unknown]

I'm the oldest of three. My sister and I have hit a rather rough patch now that she's into her teenage years, but I'm still glad to have her and my brother around. I'm looking forward to being alone in my closet of a room come fall, but it's interesting to share a room with her again for the summer. I think I might get--dare I say it?--lonely without them eventually. One thing I will say about people with siblings is that they are sometimes more willing to work and play well with others; we're more used to having to cooperate with people we may not always get along with. But that's just my perspective.

[Polocrunch]

I'm the oldest of three, which is always extremely irritating when we go on holiday (hotels never, but never, provide three-bed rooms). I find that it's more conducive to creating civilised children - in my experience, single- or double-child families have much more arrogant children. The more kids you have, the more humility you seem to instill in them. But that's just my anecdotal experience, so don't take that as Gospel.

Personally, I'd have three kids. Therefore, I'm going to live vicariously through Snugglebum and insist that she has more children.

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

I have one sister, two years older than me that I grew up with, she was a real pain in the arse and still is sometimes, but what with me at university and her now living with her current b/f I don't see a lot of her. We have a similar sense of humour so we generally have a good giggle about things and she annoys me less and less because i'm about 4 inches off being a foot taller than her, but lending her CD's is probably one of the worst ideas in the history of ever. I have a half sister too, but I only found out about her about 4 years ago now and what with her having a husband and two daughters and more recently me being a university I've not had much chance to get to know her very well, it still feels weird when people refer to her as my sister (she said she gets confused when her friends call me her brother) plus she has her adoptive family which really makes her feel more like a family friend....to me at least...

I think boys who grow up with sisters, esspecially older sisters will generally have more respect for girls and more of an understanding of them....maybe thats just me >_>

[Snugglebum the D...]

I'm going to live vicariously through Snugglebum and insist that she has more children.

Ahh - you just envy my womb, you git!!!

[tainted_sorrow]

i got 3 brothers....aint that great? there a bunch a lil bastards...terhe all younger than me too...and oh i hate them all...2 are bastards ones like...girly as hell.....scaarryy that one...but yea....im gonna throw them away....

[Phyllis]

I'm the oldest of 3 girls. I frequently wished that I was an only child, because it's not much fun being the oldest and watching your siblings do things that were forbidden to you because your parents have become less protective and uptight. Now I don't mind them so much, though. We still have big fights from time to time, even though we don't live together anymore.

I personally think it's best to wait at least 4 or 5 years in between kids. All of the kids I've known who have been really close in age had far more rivalry than those who were further apart. By the time they're 4, they can just understand the new baby concept a bit better, I think. And honestly, I don't see any problem with only having one child. I've known some wonderful people who have been only children. If I ever decide to have kids (not sure how likely that one is), I'm sticking to just one.

[Silver Star Ange...]

I have an older sister, who's 19. She's very nice. But she can also act very bossy and act like she knows everything sometimes. I wish I had a brother though. I always wanted a male influence besides my father. Not saying that my father's a bad person lol.

I also have a half-sister who's in her 20s and in the navy. I don't remember much about her, considering she left when I was around 5. She did pretty bad things, which is the reason behind my parents are really strict.

So I'm the youngest of 3. My parents kind of spoil me sometimes. I think it's because I'm their last hope...

[spiffilicious05]

I'm an only child and I abolsutely hate it. It's the most lonliest thing that you could ever know, especially if you're going through hard times in life and can't turn to your parents for help (be them the problem or not).

I would gladly give my left arm (since I'm a lefty ) for a sibling - younger or older. My parents intentions were to have many children but due to financial difficulties and other unforseen problems that just didn't happen.

Anyways, if you do decide to have another child - make sure that their relationship is a good one. Instill in one and the other how greatful they should be to have eachother and try to help them become friends. My mother has three sisters - they're all really good friends.

On the flip side my father was adopted after his mother thought that she couldn't have any children. It turns out about a year later that she could and then gave birth to my dad's little brother. Their relationship started out great and slowly went to seed. I do think that it has to do with the fact that my grandfather favors my uncle (most likely due to the fact that it is his blood child) over my father. This creates problems between my father and uncle.

So - if I were you - I would try for more children, but make sure that as they grow up that you do your best to instill a life-long friendship between the two, or three, or however many you wish to have.

[MistressAlti]

I have a sister, 15 years old, 3.5 years younger than me. She's all right, though a bit spoiled and full of teenage angst. I think it's good that I had her around growing up, otherwise I'd be much more self-centered than I am. Unfortunately, although I don't think my mother ever loved either of us more than the other, my sister definitely had the majority of parental attention, as she was a fairly successful gymnast at a young age and so I spent several years getting dragged along to her meets every weekend and working my own schedule around hers. I can't say I've ever really gotten over that section of childhood; it caused me to be very independant and unattached to my family, and there's the ever-present grudge. For my sister, it made her very much the opposite, very dependant on people and their attention, and spoiled to where she's generally unappreciative of others.

I agree with Polos that three-or-more-kids arrangements seem to work out better all around, though I wouldn't say that it makes them any less arrogant. I mean, look at Polo himself. Honestly.

[Jonman]

I'm the youngest of 3. One brother 6 years older, one sister 8 years older. Clearly, I was a case of 'whoops!'

I don't really connect with my sister at all - she moved out when she was 18, and I was 10. We're also quite different people now we're grown up, and I don't feel like we have any common ground. Strangely though, we were VERY close when we were young kids.

My brother on the other hand - I used to hate him with a passion when we were kids - he'd bully me incessantly. Then he moved out when I was about 14, and by the time he moved back in when I was 17, I'd grown up sufficiently to ( a ) hit back, and ( b ) interact as an adult, and ever since then we've got on like a house on fire.

As the youngest by quite a long way, I had it easy, especially as my brother had more a troubled teenagerhood than me.

The wife and I have had many talks about us having kidses, and we reckon that two kids, seperated by 4 years is the best idea. She has an elder brother by 18 months, and the two of them used to fight tooth and nail as kids. Likewise, my brother and sister used to fight alot when they were kids (2 years difference).

I mean, one kid is hard enough work to look after, with only one parent working. Any more than 2 and we feel that you run the risk of not being able to give each kid enough attention.

[snooodlysnoosnoo...]

Moop is 20 months older than me, and as any of you who've talked to us on IRC will know we usually get on really well...of course we always have the odd fight but that's just normal.

Since he moved to uni the arguments have become less and we're actually quite friendly, we have similar taste in most things; humour, music...but definately not food!

I think that different people would like different things, some people want brothers and sisters but it's too late for them to get them, some people don't want them but they're stuck and some people are happy as they are...it's always hard to tell how a child will react, if they are 4 then they might want them but in a few years they might wish they hadn't.

[Baron]

I'm the oldest of (how many? 4...5...) 6 kids, now. I think. I might be forgettting some. Anyway...

Yes, I'm sure he'll be fine being an only child IF you give him attention. Be his friend, parent, and mentor. Tell him about the world...how it works...how he should live.

It would be much better for him to have one loving parent then a one, two, three, or a dozen siblings to keep him company.

Of coarse, if you can balance loving and supporting two or three children, go for it.

[MoonlightSavings...]

I have one brother, two years younger than me. We don't get along at all, almost never have. There's so much tension and resentment between us that we haven't even been on speaking terms for years now (which is made much easier by the fact that I live 3,000 miles away from him now). I've always been jealous of other girls who grew up with sisters. I think it would have been much cooler to grow up with a sister, but meh, whatever. Situations and personalities are different in every case, so it's probably irrelevant. I'm still convinced that I would have gotten along far better with another femelle sibling than with the male sibling I got stuck with.

I also agree with candice about the age difference thing -- siblings who grow up together close in age usually seem to experience far more rivalry and bad tempers than those who grow up further apart in age. As an example, my boyfriend has a sister that is only a year older than he is, and also a brother who is 11 years younger (which is quite the extreme in age differences, but is still valid to my point). He can't stand his sister, but he enjoys hanging out with his little brother and they get along quite a bit better. Kids in a similar age group are just going to be more competitive for the same types of things.

P.S. Snugglebum, I couldn't tell from your post if you were really considering having another kid already, despite your obvious misgivings, but in my opinion, giving life to another little humyn being just to alleviate a sense of guilt seems like a bad idea to me. Anyone who thinks they know what's best for you and your child should just learn to leave the decisions up to you. Much luck to you, whatever you decide.

[phoenix]

my mom pushes the grandchild thing on me a lot. she wants grandbabies and even though i have both abrother and a sister (who are both older then i) they have no desire to have any childern. this leaves me to provide for my mother, who cant even walk by a baby without saying "oh.... i want one *eyes dart at me*". so on here, i can i give away my mom instead of a sibling? or possible trade someone for a sister or brother who is willing to have a child in the next decade?

[jenofthejen]

My brother is six years older than me. Even now that I am older I still can't stand him!
But, I have two daughters. The oldest is seven and my youngest is 5. They fight on occasion (more recently since schools been out) over little things, but usually you can't seperate the two. I think that the closer in age the siblings are the better chances your life will be easier.

[helicopter pilot]

having siblings sucked (when i was living at home), but i think not having siblings would have also sucked when i was little, because we lived on a farm, so there weren't a lot of other children for playing with. yeah, i think the closer in age the better, i have a sister 8 years younger and she seems to be growing up, but i moved away when she was about 9, so i don't really know her grown up. kinda sad.

[the lil' pie...]

I've got one sister, four years younger than me, and my brother, who's ten years younger than me. We're quite well-spaced, I think, although I would have loved an older brother of about 20 (I'm 17 now).
Being the eldest has never been fun with me, everything I've done wrong is amplified and when my sister does the same, it's always because I did it and she looks up to me - this being as likely as me asking my brother for advice on physics assignments - which has created a huge load of bitterness about family, with me.

I don't think anyone can ever know how well their children are gonna get on, and obviously some families are really close, and all is well and good. I personally would go for three kids; elder brother, younger sister, and youngest a boy/girl. But that's because I'm trying to avoid re-creating my own family.

Don't listen to people saying it's unfair, if you've got love to give to them, it certainly isn't. I know plenty of people who were only-children and they're not at all spoilt or worse off for not having had siblings. Tell everyone to stop going on about it, as you'll hit them with clubs, and take your time to make your own decision on this one

[Pikasyuu]

2nd youngest of a bunch of half-siblings. None of us share the same combination of parents, so, I have an older brother about one year ahead of me, an older sister now thirty, and a younger sister who just turned twelve. It's, uh . . well, we're all pretty different, seeing as my brother constantly listens to rap and plays gang banger, and I'm more alternative .. little sister takes after me, though, which is somewhat scary. and the older sister .. I don't really know. The age gap is so wide, we rarely talk.

[Pefkos]

2nd youngest of a bunch of half-siblings. None of us share the same combination of parents, so, I have an older brother about one year ahead of me, an older sister now thirty, and a younger sister who just turned twelve. It's, uh . . well, we're all pretty different, seeing as my brother constantly listens to rap and plays gang banger, and I'm more alternative .. little sister takes after me, though, which is somewhat scary. and the older sister .. I don't really know. The age gap is so wide, we rarely talk.

I'm 1 of 6... it was great and we're all still close now that we've grown up