Intersexed Babies Options

[Feyliya]

My major dilemma, if I were to choose the sex, would be "Are the years of ridicule and torment from my child's peers worth saving them the pain of wanting to be the other gender?" Either way, it seems their life would be hell.

I have found surmounting my years of childhood ridicule and torment to be much easier than surmounting the long-term f*ck-job my grandparents did on me. Besides, the friends who stick with you through the ridicule are so much better than the phony "friends" I've seen other people have.

I originally chose "I don't know" as my answer, but now that I've had time to think about it I've decided that I would raise the child as gender neutral.

I grew up in an environment where I was completely ostracized for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Having experienced being friendless and alone, I can say that while I never want my child to experience that, I would rather have them experience the same thing I did and lived through than to not have the chance to be themselves.

Of course, this is a completely moot point as Laramon and I aren't particularly interested in procreating.

[Astarael]

I remember a counselor at camp once or twice who was so gender-neutral that I literally couldn't make a halfway accurate guess as to what gender s/he was, and s/he seemed to have adjusted to that. It may be hard to adapt to being intersexed, but I don't think that heckling about gender neutrality until the child makes a choice continues as badly into adult life.

[monkey_called_na...]

i saw a special on this a few night ago, and it was talking about how doctors urge you to wait untill the child is 7-8 years old befor you preform the surgery. that way you know which gender the child will favor, and you choose the right one.

[Feyliya]

i saw a special on this a few night ago, and it was talking about how doctors urge you to wait untill the child is 7-8 years old befor you preform the surgery. that way you know which gender the child will favor, and you choose the right one.

That still doesn't work very well. About seven is when my little boy cousins hit their "girly stage". They all dressed up in dresses, played with Barbies and dolls, and had tea parties and suchlike. They all grew out of it about a year later, but a year is an awfully long time for a little kid. (By the way, from what I understand, all little boys go through this phase. I'll look up more about it when I can.)

[Astarael]

I do remember my male cousin being willing to play dress-up and nance around in little outfits that made him look like a Vegas showgirl, but he grew out of it and is now far more masculine. Eight is still too young and confusing an age to make such an important decision.

[Greeneyes]

I thought of another question. If you keep your child gender nuetral, when they grow up, can they accidently make themselves pregnat?

Actually there was one guy, I do not remember his name, who was a 'true' hermaphrodite, and if his tubes had been connected slightly differently, he would have. Or it would have been possible, anyway.

[Faerieryn]

I voted that I didn't know. Honestly I think that I would probably wait until the child was obviously one sex or the other. UNLESS there was a medical reason for the operation. I have heard stories about children being intersex and thinking they were boys until they hit puberty when their periods started. Cue mega discomfort and nowhere for the menstrual fall out to fall out to. I would hope that I would have the courage to let them choose but I would at least wait to see what they wanted to play with/ what they wanted to dress like and what they thought they were. Obviously this then leasd to major sterotyping issues and the whole "does a child truely know their own gender at a young age (say 3 or 4) " As the sterotyping goes I have heard countless stories of transexual male/ female people who say that the first thing they noticed was that as small children they wanted t wear dresses and play with barbies. The other question? I really don't know. I know what I would like to THINK I'd do but whetherI'd have the guts to make the more contraversial descision (and my partner too) is another kettle of fish

[EvilSpork]

You can all hit me for this...

It's easier to dig a hole than to build a pole.

I voted leave as is, just to be sure.

[Tremer]

Wow what a hard and terrible decision this would be. I say I would have them altered to appear normal, only because I would want my child to have the best life possible and not get teased and looked down on. If it meant risking their lives or a complicated surgury I would not do it. But if it was simple and non life threatening I think I would have to do it.

[Libitha]

I think it would be the lesser of two evils to make them appear normal. because at least if they are male wanting to be female theres more understanding and the same aplies for females wanting to be male. But intersexed babies just isn't talked about as much so there may not be as much understanding.

[Phyllis]

I think it would be the lesser of two evils to make them appear normal. because at least if they are male wanting to be female theres more understanding and the same aplies for females wanting to be male. But intersexed babies just isn't talked about as much so there may not be as much understanding.

People aren't going to be understanding about a lot of things. If you go ahead and give the child the surgery...I think s/he will face just as much of a lack of understanding if you chose the wrong gender as s/he would if you had left her/him intersexed. The difference will be that an intersexed individual will still be able to feel sexual pleasure. Someone who had the operation likely would not be able to do so.

I really do not understand this whole "other kids won't accept them" thing. Until I had sex for the first time, the only other kids who had seen me completely naked were my sisters...and I'm not intersexed. When we had swimming lessons in the 4th grade, every single girl changed into her swimsuit in the bathroom stalls. No one thought I was weird for being modest. It's really not difficult to avoid having other kids see your hoo-ha. I managed it. And it could be discussed with any potential partners...or when the kid grows up s/he could join an intersexed group and possibly meet someone that way.

I still do not see the need to make them "normal." To me, it really seems a lot more cruel. I mean..think about it. No possibility of orgasms...EVER? I couldn't do that to a kid. A lot of women struggle with reaching orgasm, but most of them are at least physically capable of doing so, for goodness sake.

[Clatterpop]

Candice, I couldn't agree more with what you say, except for one point. If the nerves that stimulate orgasm are in place and functional, it's a relatively simple procedure to relocate them during sex reassingment surgery. I've had the procedure done myself (clitoroplasty) and can vouch for its effectiveness. If anything, I've found I have more sensitivity now than I did prior to surgery, probably because the nerves are now more exposed than they were.

But getting back to the real issue, when all's said and done, no one should ever have the right to play God with anothers identity.

[Cookieflair]

I would just have to leave the child as they were. If i chose the wrong gender i just couldnt live with myself. Even if you let them choose it would have to be when they were much, much older. 7 or 8 is just too young in my opinion. As for ridicule i think it could be avoided, if you are changing in a public place people cover up and people understand that.
But saying all this is fine, what if one day one of us has an intersexed baby? Would the embarrasment be too great so lead us to choose?

[Phyllis]

Candice, I couldn't agree more with what you say, except for one point. If the nerves that stimulate orgasm are in place and functional, it's a relatively simple procedure to relocate them during sex reassingment surgery. I've had the procedure done myself (clitoroplasty) and can vouch for its effectiveness. If anything, I've found I have more sensitivity now than I did prior to surgery, probably because the nerves are now more exposed than they were.

That's very true when the operation is done on adults. However, a lot of people who had it done as babies find themselves incapable of feeling any sexual stimulation whatsoever as adults...most often girls who had long clitorises that were trimmed down, I think. That's yet another reason it's best left until the individual is old enough to decide whether or not to have any operations done.

[Star_of_Lei]

I put not sure, as it's incredibly easy for us to sit here and take the moral high ground and say that yes, we would let the children chose for themselves....but when you are faced with the thing, when you see the baby in your arms, would you not want to help them to be as 'normal' as possible, would you not want ot try and protect them from everything. And if eventually, in years to come they shout and yell and don't talk to you because you didn't tell them, well, although it will hurt like hell, there is at least a small amount of comfort in you did what was right, or what you saw as right, and eventually, if you bring you kid up with an ounce of logical sense, maybe they'll see that too.

[Witless]

I put not sure, as it's incredibly easy for us to sit here and take the moral high ground and say that yes, we would let the children chose for themselves....but when you are faced with the thing, when you see the baby in your arms, would you not want to help them to be as 'normal' as possible, would you not want ot try and protect them from everything. And if eventually, in years to come they shout and yell and don't talk to you because you didn't tell them, well, although it will hurt like hell, there is at least a small amount of comfort in you did what was right, or what you saw as right, and eventually, if you bring you kid up with an ounce of logical sense, maybe they'll see that too.

Yeah there's my thoughts. Logically it makes sense to leave them as they are. But logic is far far away when faced with life altering decisions.

I'd like to hope I did the logical thing. But truth be told if I was sitting there and being bombarded with questions, and being poked and prodded to choose what I was going to do. Then I don't know how I'd react.

[Cookieflair]

I put not sure, as it's incredibly easy for us to sit here and take the moral high ground and say that yes, we would let the children chose for themselves....but when you are faced with the thing, when you see the baby in your arms, would you not want to help them to be as 'normal' as possible, would you not want ot try and protect them from everything. And if eventually, in years to come they shout and yell and don't talk to you because you didn't tell them, well, although it will hurt like hell, there is at least a small amount of comfort in you did what was right, or what you saw as right, and eventually, if you bring you kid up with an ounce of logical sense, maybe they'll see that too.

Yeah there's my thoughts. Logically it makes sense to leave them as they are. But logic is far far away when faced with life altering decisions.

I'd like to hope I did the logical thing. But truth be told if I was sitting there and being bombarded with questions, and being poked and prodded to choose what I was going to do. Then I don't know how I'd react.

I agree, when involved in a siuation it is very hard to detach yourself from your emotions. It is all well and good saying whatever you say now but when it gets down to it the only thing that will really answer the question is how you handle the situation should you end up in it.
Actions speak louder than words after all.

[Astarael]

It is hard to say for certain what you'd do once emotions became involved, but I'd hope that the baby's future emotion would come into consideration as well. Suppose that you have the child's clitoris trimmed- how on earth can you explain to them later, when they're getting ready to date and later to marry, that they likely won't be able to experience the best part of sex? Explaining that you made the logical decision to make a very private part of them "normal" in the eyes of society would surely be cold comfort then.