Some Advice?, for a noob... Options

[Weary Traveler]

Right, first I've got to explain something because its semi important: what I've got to ask about has to do with relationships and if you give me some advise that would be awsome but please put it in semi simple terms considering when having to do with relationships I am a noob in the worse for of the word. I mean uber noob elite. 16 and I have never had a girlfriend, or boyfriend for that matter, I've never been on a date and until last sunday had never kissed. so you can see that as I said, I am the uber noob. the only people worse off then me are prudes and morons. anyway back to my problem...

There is this very nice girl named Jenni that I know. A wonderful person and we had been getting along very well, as in my first kiss last sunday very well. So I decided that I would ask her out firday, which I still might. the problem is that she had been dating this guy named Dan, he's a complete ass and she had broken up with him for cheating on her with anouther girl. but it seems that I think yesterday they had gotten back together because she "loves him and has come to expect guys cheating in a relationship" that sickens me. it seem that any other relationship she has been in ended in the same way, the guy cheating on her and she's come to expect it as normal. If there is anyone here who doesn't find just that sick and twisted then they need some readjustment. My problem comes that I still really like this girl and I don't want to see her with this ass but I don't know if there is anything I can do. I would still go ahead and ask her tomorrow but I'm pretty sure the anwser would be no. I could wait for the ass to mess up again but she might just accept that as normal and let it go. I don't know what to do. Its a tough sitution because I want to help a friend and get a girlfriend at the same time. for some reason I doubt its going to happen.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated. thanks.

~Nevins

[Juiceisgood]

This is going to sound sexist but I'll say it anyway. Women will do whatever they want to do and there's nothing you can do about it.... actually that sounded more like a compliment, and I guess it is. But from your perspective it's bad, honestly if you think she'll say no then you're probably right, and the best course of action would be to wait.

But, personally I don't know how long I could live with myself, so just asking her, telling her that you really like her and think that she's too good for her boyfriend etc etc etc. well there is a chance it might work, you just have to be prepared to be turned down.

At least no matter what happens everything would be out in the open... but it takes ball to hang yourself out on the line like that.

[cheese is funny]

i agree with juice on the waiting part. wait and be there in case the ass messes up again. if he does mess up again, you should be there (or a phonecall away) and be ready to be a shoulder to cry on.

also, you should try and explain that the whole "come to expect cheating in a realtionship" thing is a lot of crap.

[EvilSpork]

Hmm.. That is a tough one, Nev.. Can I call you Nev?

Well anyway, onto your problem. I know what you're facing, I've had the same thing happen with a certain friend of mine. She had gone out with this same guy about 3 times, and everytime it ended with him cheating on her. I try to tell her she is better than that all the time. I tell her I think she is beautiful, but she won't believe that either.

Sometimes it is hard to make friends believe these things. Especially if she is very stubborn. It depends on the situation really, the waiting part. It is up to you if you think its right to wait, then wait a while. If you feel its best to just get it out there, tell her what you think and how you feel. Really it really depends on how you feel about it. Follow your heart on it, don't use your head to make the decision to talk to her or not. Use your head to talk to her, obviously, but don't choose with your brain just do what YOU feel is right. Thats usually the best thing to do.

It really is up to you in the end. Good luck, Nev. (really can I call you that ?)

[Weary Traveler]

well, thanks you all for your advise. I talked to her a little today and basicly she told me straight out that I had no chance and to just stop trying. so I will. thank you again..

(yeah I guess you can call me nev..)

[EvilSpork]

I'm sorry things didn't work I sort of had the same thing happen today to me with a friend of mine.. I told her how I felt, and her friend said a few things to me something along the lines of not to ask her out, so I talked to her about that and she basically said I don't have a chance.

[kinkachabobno]

hey man, sorry to hear that. a similar thing happened to me once. but i'll tell you this. there was this one girl that i could never get up the courage to tell her how i felt, and that was a lot worse than the time i told a girl how i felt and she shot me down. just stick with it, you'll get lucky soon enough

[Juiceisgood]

Well, I'm sorry to hear that she isn't interested. But look at it this way, if that guy screws it up again, well she knows where you stand, and she might end up with you anyway.

But yeah, the only way to get a girl is to ask. Being the sleazy prick that I am, I've been turned down plenty of times, but not all, and you only need The Right Girl to say yes for it all to be worthwhile.

Oh I guess I'm just a soppy romantic after all

[Jonman]

'ello fella.

The way I see it, this is a prickly one as you've got a conflict of interests. On the one hand, you're concerned that your friend is going to be hurt again by a backstabbing asshole ('scuse my Anglo-Saxon). On the other hand, you'd like nothing more than to strip her naked and do things to her that you wouldn't see on daytime TV.

So, having told her about the second point, there's the distinct danger that any action you take to try to achieve the first point (i.e. looking out for her)will be misconstrued by her as you trying to achieve the second point (dancing the horizontal tango). All the more so as it seems that she's accustomed to fellas being lying untrustworthy twats.

On the flip side of the coin, it sounds like her current boyfriend is the type to repeat his mistake, in which case, you're in the prime position to be a shoulder-to-cry-on. You're also in the prime position to be the rebound revenge target, where she will fall into your arms to get back at him next time he screws up. This could be very good (if you're not above being used), or very bad (if you are above being used).

Anyway, good luck, and stiff upper lip, old bean!

[miss_spunk]

Well I would have advised you to let her know that you're there, but mostly underling the point that she is better than this prick she's dating, as a friend concerned for her and not because you're pursuing your own interests (which is, I know, what you mean)

However now that you HAVE asked her out, you might want to say to her, not in a deep, long conversation, but probably in passing that you hope that everything works out for the best for her, but cheating is NOT normal and she should have better and let her know that you're always going to be there for her, as a friend (you might want to say as however you want me to be - but thats ambiguous and as I wrote it I realised quite camp )

meh that's what I'd do. Good luck Nev (I'm going to assume I can call you that too )

Aysha xxx