My Brother..., I am beyond worried... Options

[Righteous]

My brother, to whom I am very, very, very close, is in a bit of an emotional valley. His girlfriend of almost four years (to whom he was going to propose; no joke) went and broke up with him, saying she feels too deprendent on him, whatever, like I care, that's not what's important.

What is important is that I'm worried about my brother. He is more depressed than I have ever seen him in my life by far. I mean, the dude who was always there to cheer me up with a joke or a chocolate milk or something is (literally) right now lying on his bed dwelling on his pain. It really hit me when I told him that he's taking it better than I would have, saying I'd be lying on my couch listening to HIM and Staind crying my eyes out. He looked at me with a straight face and said, "James, I'm too depressed to cry." I made mention of him at least not drinking and cutting and he told me, "I'm actually too depressed to do those either."

He's staying active, though. He's playing drums, working, hanging out with his boys, making jokes, playing video games, etc. He's functioning, so that's a good thing. But I'm scared he might stay in this funk for too long or wait too long for her or maybe do something stupid...

If you pray, pray for him. I pray for him all the time. It's hurting me a lot, too. He's not just my brother; he's my confidant, councellor and best friend. Sometimes I want to cry when I feel (yes, feel) the pain he's in. Like I said, if you pray, please do so for him. If not, I could use some help on what to do and what to say. He's a really sensitive person and can't just shake it off. He's also easy to piss off sometimes.

Just help.

[Izzy]

You could try cheering him up in the ways he cheered you up when you were feeling bad. o, and make sure he stays away from drugs. Maybe his ex-girlfriend will come back to him, but if not, he'll eventually move on. It's probaly too early for him to find a new girlfriend(if he's really easy to piss off you might piss him off by trying to find him one), but in the future you can probaly help him with that. You should be around him alot, so that if he does try something stupid, you can stop him.

All the best to you and your bro,
Izzy

[Astarael]

I will pray for him, but I don't really have much advice. Just be there for him if he needs to talk and keep watching him. Best wishes to you both. With luck, he'll be able to move on or she'll work out whatever problems she had and come back.

[Felander]

He'll get better eventually. The pain of losing someone you love is always the worst. I read somewhere that we have actual physiological reactions to losing a partner akin to going cold turkey.

Alternatively, I could be talking rubbish.

[The Lorax]

Sunday my boyfriend broke things off with me, and trust me I know exactly how he feels. It hurts, and you do your best to put on a smile...but it dosen't help. Just tell him, even if it dosen't seem as such, all things happen for a reason, and eventually the hurt will lessen.

I'm just sorry that he has to go through this too.
He can talk to me if he so wishes.

[Phyllis]

He'll get better eventually.  The pain of losing someone you love is always the worst.  I read somewhere that we have actual physiological reactions to losing a partner akin to going cold turkey.

Alternatively, I could be talking rubbish.

No, you aren't talking rubbish. A lot of people do actually go through that. Huge mood swings, shaking, depression. Especially when it's their first really huge breakup, or the death of someone they've been with for many years. When it's your first experience with love ending...you can't see how the pain can possibly end sometimes.

It does, though. Eventually.

I've found that the only thing that really helps is time, and filling your life with supportive people. That's worked for pretty much everyone I've known who has gone through something like this. On the bright side...if a big breakup happens to him again it'll be easier for him to handle since he'll have gone through it before. He'll be okay, I'm sure. Just give it time.

[Righteous]

He was telling me a few days ago about how this has affected him physically. He can't eat and doesn't sleep very well. He's in actual physical pain. I can relate to all of this because I've been there too (which is why I can fit into a size 34). That's one reason I'm a bit scared...

Yesterday, I came home from work and I heard him in the shower screaming in a manner I've not seen in him (though I've seen in others, myself included). I found out later that she's into a friend of ours. My brother hasn't been taking that well and I can, once again, relate.

What he's been doing lately is talking to our old man. He told my brother that, though he wants to, waiting isn't the best idea. My dad waited for a girl for two years and regrets it. He's doing the whole sage-like paternal thing and it's really helping. Along with that, he's reaching out to me and our boys a lot more. In some respects, things are looking up.

I will say, though, that he's hurt and lashing out in a very angry manner (in my family, that means something), I wouldn't put it past him to lose it.

[acid_rain_child]

I so inexperienced in this kind of thing, because everyone I know, myself included, has always turned to drugs and alcohol to deal with break ups or losing someone important. That is what I'm experienced in, so all I can say is MAKE ABSOLUTELY SURE HE DOESN'T GET INTO THAT KINDA SH*T TO DEAL WITH HIS PAIN. It will ruin everything and make his depression twice as bad.

Beyond that, there's nothing you can do but be supportive. And keep a very very very close eye on him, without being intrusive because that might piss him off. Best of luck

[Kitty]

It sounds like he's doing as much as he can to be alright. Its really hard to let go of someone, so just give him some time, try to cheer him up

Has he or you or any of your friends tried talking to her? Does she know what he's going through? If she was dependant on him I dont see how she could just walk off and stop caring, because its hard to feel too dependant on someone if you dont care for them, too.

[Righteous]

Here's the story, kids: He talked to her today. She told him that it was how she was unhappy in general and really couldn't deal with a relationship, whatever, like I care. She and my brother are talking (which, according to him, is something that keeps him from hurting himself) and they want to be friends (he recently asked, "How do you stay friends with your exes?" to which I responded, "I don't know"), but the way he was describing it, saying that it'll all be wonderful, they'll talk, meet eachother's significant others, etc., I said to myself, "Uh-uh. Ain't happening." See, I can do that with two of my exes because it's been at least two years since I dated either of them. Time has passed. Wounds have healed. I pointed out to him today, "You may know relationships better than me, but I know breakups better than you."

Honestly, I hope things go well. I just don't want him to set himself up for a fall and potentially do something really, really, really stupid.

...

He once told me in jest that if he and his girlfriend broke up, he'd kill himself. I hope to God that was 100% a joke.

[Righteous]

He's officially given her a big "eff you." All the bullshit has completely driven her out of his life and he has no regrets about it. Is he hurt? Yes. Is he bitter? Yes. But he has a much better outlook on things (her whole, "I loved you, but I was able to pick up this other guy almost as soon as I was done with you").

[Silver Star Ange...]

I think it's smart that your brother sort of told her off. It's a way of sort of letting go. But he's one step closer to being better. I hope that he feels better really soon.

[Aislinn Faye]

Wow, I know where the girlfriend is comming from. I recently broke it off with my fiancé. As to helping out your brother, he doesn't seem like he would fall into drugs, I don't know him that well but it's just the vibe I get when I see him. I'm dying to know who the new guy is though. Your bro just needs to be around you guys, not think about it. That's what I'm doing and I was the one who broke it off. I know she's gotta be feeling pain too, well maybe guilt and pitty would be more appropriate (sp) words. Yeah, telling her to eff off definately helps because you wanna break it off completely so you don't have the glimmer of hope. Because hope might keep us half alive, but it can also keep us half dead. I heard about it a couple of weeks ago and I was completely shocked. Your brother seemed like he was so inlove with her. I actually envied their relationship because they were so into eachother for so long, and being that young and staying together that long is a real accomplishment. Your brother not realize it now, but he has actually learned so much about relationships. He knows more of what he wants and he can find a woman that he fits better with. I would be more afraid that he'll try and find a quick replacement and end up in a half assed relationship and fall for her esp. if she's alot like his ex. Just be careful that he doesn't hook up with some fugly chick and regret it. And trust me, if he's gonna try to make her jealous it'll work but in the end he'll just make an ass of himself in the long run. Give your brother my regards.

[Righteous]

Well, he did the rebound thing, which I did not approve of. He'll be breaking up with her soon in pursuit of a period of solitude. He dispises his ex now for multiple reasons. It's strangely healthy. Once again, he's back to helping me through a breakup. Thanks, y'all.

[Astarael]

I'm just glad that he's feeling better instead of moping around waiting for her to come back.