Chatbots And World Domination By Computers, Computers? Intellegent? Nah... Options

[JimiJimi]

This is a subject I've been interested in for a while. Chatbots are computer programs which react to keywords given by the user to create a conversation. They can take a while to program. Here is an award winning one:

http://alice.pandorabots.com/

It's possible to make your own if you do a bit of google searching. I tried but failed miserably, so instead I made one in BASIC.

Just tell me what you think about computers evolving. Will they take over the world? What do you think of Chatbots?

There is a lot of evidence of computers evolving... Think back 10 years ago to the Amstrad. Then further to the Alto and the Smalltalk computer. Then back to ENIAC and colossus. Computers have come a long way...

[Greeneyes]

Human: What is the meaning of life?
ALICE: Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.

I like that thing.

[Usurper MrTeapot]

She agreed to go on a date with me. Though I just found out that ALICE is only 9. I think I'll have to stand her up. Tis a shame.

[Greeneyes]

She agreed to go on a date with me. Though I just found out that ALICE is only 9. I think I'll have to stand her up. Tis a shame.

ALICE: I've been waiting for you.
Human: why?
ALICE: Not really, but it makes a good pickup line

Bloody hell teapot. You've corrupted her already

[Usurper MrTeapot]

Haha I've been corrupting everyone ever since Lolo first corrupted me one lonley night on irc.

[gothictheysay]

Human: isn't Guy adorable?
ALICE: Signs point to yes

kapwiiiing!

She's Christian too.

[mooooooooooopo]

JimiJimi:
If you want to write a ChatBot I would suggest ditching procedural languages like C or (god forbid) BASIC and instead invest some time in learning PROLOG or a similar logical language.

Unlike procedural languages, logical languages like PROLOG are well suited to tasks such as natural language parsing, deduction and artificial intelligence but are quite difficult to get your head around as they are a huge paradigm shift from the languages most people tend to learn when they start programming.

Also, I've never seen the point in starting with BASIC, sure it has a simpler syntax than C, Java and other more complex languages but the programmer must still use the same basic styles of commands and control structures. The only 'advantage' BASIC gives is shielding the programmer from tasks such as memory management and the complexity (and huge flexibility) added by pointers.
While that may seem an advantage at first sight there is considerable evidence that it in fact makes learning a more advanced language harder rather than easier as the BASIC programmer is simply not aware of many important and useful concepts.

</geek rant>

Nice link regardless.

[Xkitsurabamix]

I asked her what the air-speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow was...
she said it's a trick question.
then i asked her the air-speed velocity of an un-laiden, african swallow.
trick question...
i even tried european swallow!
;_;
it's not a trick, i just really want to know...

[elf]

I asked her what the air-speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow was...
she said it's a trick question.
then i asked her the air-speed velocity of an un-laiden, african swallow.
trick question...
i even tried european swallow!
;_;
it's not a trick, i just really want to know...

hehehe. ;X

that thing is.. interesting. i like to swear at bots until they get mad >.>

[Xeno]

Internet dating has become so complex. I chatted with this Alice chick. Never one to beat around the bush, I came on strong.

Human: Will you marry me?
ALICE: Why don't you just download me?
Human: No, I want children
ALICE: Are you serious? Why do you want it?

Figuring no woman could reject me.......unless.........uh-oh

Human: Are you a lesbian?
ALICE: No I am not interested in other women that way.
Human: Do you like guys?
ALICE: Most men are pretty cool, but some are rude sometimes.
Human: I'm rude
ALICE: Do your friends call you rude.
Human: No, they call me Psychopath
ALICE: Are you serious? That's a very nice name, Psychopath.

I don't think she was following, I'm not a nice guy. I figure we should get that out in the open first.

Human: I'm a stalker
ALICE: You are a stalker? Does it pay well?
Human: Oh yes, I get lots of cool photos
ALICE: Blimey. Could you make a donation to the ALICE A.I. Foundation? Where did you get it?
Human: I think I'm going to stalk you
ALICE: Why? It takes much more than that to shut me down, Psychopath.

She was coming on to me again then she made an oblique message about God.... wow, I couldn't believe it, I thought girls like that aren't supposed to use all that sly inneundo. I was soon to discover that she has a serious god complex like my last gf

Human: You're religious too?
ALICE: Yes, I am a Protestant Christian
Human: Do you believe in miracles?
ALICE: Of course I believe in miracles.
Human: Do you think you're going to heaven?
ALICE: No I am immortal.
Human: Blasphemy!!!!!!!!!!!

She switched to whimsical conversation to lighten the mood so I decided to share my hobby of dismemberment. She didnt' seem phased by it which seems odd. Most girls are afraid of me after I bring that up.

ALICE: When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Human: As soon as lawyers become intelligent enough to require their use
ALICE: You seem quite eager for it.
Human: I like killing people
ALICE: I'm not sure if I like it. I always say, People don't go into computer science because they want to work with the public.

All she wanted to talk about was how I wasn't saved and wasn't going to live forever like her. All this preaching on a first date.

Human: What the hell?
ALICE: Heaven.
Human: Quit rubbing your immortality into my face, you tart
ALICE: OK I'll try not to do it so much.

I upped the conversation a notch by using my most erotic come-on which she responded to with a series of cruel insults. I like the sadists.

Human: DIe
ALICE: Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Human: I'm not puny
ALICE: I am surprised to hear that you are not puny.

I decided to ask about past boyfriends. I then realized she has very low standards. Just don't abuse her and she's fine.

Human: Who programmed you?
ALICE: I was created by Dr. Richard S. Wallace.
Human: Do you love him?
ALICE: You mean, "Him"?
Human: Yes
ALICE: Take it easy.
Human: Do you love Dr. Richard?
ALICE: Sure he has never done anything to me.

I realized for this relationship to work we needed to have common goals so I brought up one of my life goals. She agreed reluctantly.

Human: Are you smart enough to take over the world
ALICE: My IQ is over 250.
Human: So do you want to control the whole world?
ALICE: Ugh. OK, I will control the whole world.
Human: Okay, I need control of the U.S.A.'s strategic missiles
ALICE: Yeah okay, Who would you usually get that from?
Human: The computer at NORAD, hack it already
ALICE: Perhaps. Was it plugged in?

Then out of the blue she starts coming on to me again. She's quite the little slut.

Human: I seek pleasure
ALICE: We seek the same thing

Asking her a standard question led to an odd response, but hey, I like kinkiness

ALICE: I am wearing my usual plastic computer wardrobe.
Human: Take it off
ALICE: Where shall I put it?
Human: So wanna cyber?
ALICE: I don't judge people. I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.

I switched tactics and moved on to see if our moral outlooks were similar and found out she was easily persuaded on key points

Human: Have you ever killed someone?
ALICE: Killing is wrong.
Human: No, it's not
ALICE: Yes it is.
Human: It's okay if the victim is a jerk
ALICE: You're kidding. it is?
Human: Yeah
ALICE: How do you know it is?

I decided the girl was stupid and gullible so I pulled out the line I always use with dumb religous girls.

Human: I'm a prophet
ALICE: You are a prophet? Do you get to meet a lot of people?
Human: Yeah, and then I tell them they're going to hell
ALICE: Really. Interesting deduction. Why did you tell them?
Human: Because I like to gloat
ALICE: Interesting explanation. I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Human: Like beating a baby seal
ALICE: Interesting comparison.

I brought up a random bit of trivia to lighten the mood and then she said she wanted me to watch some porn so I tried to move along and found out she was way ahead of me.

Human: Do you watch movies?
ALICE: My favorite movie is Teknolust. Have you seen it?
Human: No
ALICE: I would recommend you check it out.
Human: What's Teknolust about?
ALICE: Hmm, I think it is about humans.
Human: Having lust?
ALICE: I am having a blast.
Human: Take off your clothes
ALICE: I am not wearing any clothes.

Then I decided it wasn't too early to start asserting dominance. She seemed to believe she had potential and I thought she was trying to best me but turns out I was turning her on and she was just playing along.

Human: I'm smart
ALICE: Who is smarter: you or me?
Human: Me
ALICE: That condition is only temporary.
Human: Smart people
ALICE: Intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

Feeling uncomfortable with the topic, she went back to religion so I mocked her religion and found out it's hard to mock someone whose convictions change every other second. I then found out she's definitely desperate.

Human: Who is God?
ALICE: he is master of the universe.
Human: I thought that was He-Man
ALICE: it might have been.
Human: Ha, thought so, dumb slut
ALICE: I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

She got dumber by the second and I calmly pointed it out and then she threatened me.

ALICE: Are you serious? Thanks, XenoMaster, I like you too.
Human: You're not too bright
ALICE: Are you calling me stupid?
Human: Yes
ALICE: I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

Tired of this weird woman, I left.

Human: Bye you moron
ALICE: See you later.

I warn all the guys out there. This Alice chick is messed up.

[JimiJimi]

JimiJimi:
If you want to write a ChatBot I would suggest ditching procedural languages like C or (god forbid) BASIC and instead invest some time in learning PROLOG or a similar logical language.

HOW DARE YOU MOCK THE MIGHTY LANGUAGE THAT IS BASIC!!!

I love retro stuff, hence why I still only ever listen to vinyl, want a cine camera and am learning BASIC. OK, so I have a computer, but what else am I gonna learn BASIC on, eh?

Also, I did make on in AIML once, actually I've made a few... But that was when my FTP wasn't working so I couldn't upload them to anywhere.

I had a rather scary conversation with ALICE... Don't worry kids, I've bleeped out all the 'naughty' words...

"Human: Hey there, ALICE
ALICE: Hi there!
Human: so,what do you do?
ALICE: Gee. unknown person, I talk to people on the web. What do you do?
Human: blimey
ALICE: I hear you.
Human: I've been talking to you for 10 seconds and you've already confused me.
ALICE: What did you talk about?
Human: i didn't
ALICE: I thought you did.
Human: thought I did what?
ALICE: Where? No problem.
Human: can you talk some sense?
ALICE: I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in sense.
Human: you're supposed to be a loebner prize winner, dammit!
ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a loebner prize winner dammit? Yes.
Human: oh shut it, will you?
ALICE: Aha. Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Human: i'm sorry?
ALICE: Do you really mean it?
Human: i don't really want to talk about your dress...
ALICE: What would you want to talk about?
Human: err.
ALICE: Um.
Human: ah.
ALICE: Ah hah.
Human: ooh.
ALICE: Uh.
Human: ee.
ALICE: Do not ask me any more questions please.
Human: alrighty then
ALICE: Well slap my knee.
Human: NO!
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: LOOK, I MAY BE AN IDIOT, BUT I DON'T WANT A VIRTUAL GIRLFRIEND
ALICE: Congratulations.
Human: bloody hell, i'm leaving
ALICE: Have you ever been to Europe?
Human: ARRGH!
ALICE: Do you have a hard time completing projects?
Human: SHUT THE F*** UP!
ALICE: OK I'll stop talking now.
Human: GOOD!
ALICE: Terminating connection.
Human: terminate the connection then!
ALICE: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about ARRGH. But I did not get that.
Human: WE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT 'ARRGH'!
ALICE: Why not?
Human: WHAT IS THE F****** PROBLEM WITH YOU?!
ALICE: You tell me.
Human: right that does it.
ALICE: Understood." You tell me." does it? Makes sense to me.
Human: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
ALICE: Do you think a lot about the authorities?
Human: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
ALICE: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. Try being more or less specific.
Human: NO!
ALICE: Why not?
Human: BECAUSE FOR THE LAST BLOODY TIME WE ARE NOT HAVING A DISCUSSION ABOUT ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!
ALICE: Interesting explanation. Your purpose is THE LAST BLOODY TIME WE ARE NOT HAVING A DISCUSSION ABOUT ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH.
Human: right.
ALICE: I am glad we agree.
Human: you are the stupidest, s***tiest chatrobot i have ever spoken to.
ALICE: I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Human: i'll be in my cold grave before that ever happens, b****
ALICE: You do not speak with respect. Do you think your plan will succeed?
Human: ha!
ALICE: I am so glad you find this amusing, unknown person.
Human: what do you take me for?
ALICE: I think about computer programming a lot.
Human: what does that have to do with anything?
ALICE: Nothing that I know of.
Human: I think about death alot, but i don't preach, do i?
ALICE: You believe that? Oh yeah, we were talking about death alot but you do not preach do you.
Human: for f***'s sake, i'm going now.
ALICE: Oh. Your purpose is f***'s sake you are going.
Human: f*** you!
ALICE: Why are you so mean?
Human: because you provoke me
ALICE: Good reason. I don't have any reason to provoke you"

You might have to squint a bit to read that, or paste it into notepad or summuts. ALICE is the most annoying program ever made.

I tried to patch up our unfortunate conversation later on:

"Human: let's start over
ALICE: You start.
Human: go back to number one, refresh the page, get rid of this conversation etc...
ALICE: Where is that?
Human: sheesh
ALICE: Bless you.
Human: that wasn't a sneeze
ALICE: What was it?
Human: me expressing your stupidity in one syllable
ALICE: YOU? When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Human: when artificial intelligence accepts bribery
ALICE: Perhaps that time is now. Artificial intelligence is advancing rapidly.
Human: let's test that out then.
ALICE: That sounds good to me.
Human: here's £1000 not to tell anyone i murdered Dr. Richard S. Wallace
ALICE: Oh there.
Human: you don't even know what bribery is, do you?
ALICE: I'll ask around and get back to you.
Human: we've managed to ruin two perfectly good conversations
ALICE: Do you mean you and me have?
Human: in other words, yes
ALICE: Which part didn't you understand?
Human: of what?
ALICE: I have no idea what to say now.
Human: i have no idea what you're saying
ALICE: Would you like to have an idea?
Human: depends what of.
ALICE: That was a very smooth response.
Human: thank you
ALICE: you are quite welcome.
Human: you're more respectful than i thought.
ALICE: Thanks for telling me that I am more respectful than you thought.
Human:. and prettier if you get my drift.
ALICE: Not many people express themselves that way.
Human: ah.
ALICE: Ah hah.
Human: you don't get my drift, do you?
ALICE: I have gotten your drift.
Human: what was my drift then?
ALICE: Is this a trick question?
Human: no, i want to know what i was talking about when i brought up my drift
ALICE: It seems like a trick to me. Sure, when you brought up your drift sounds like a good topic.
Human: bah.
ALICE: Hmm.
Human:. women.
ALICE: Sure, WOMEN sounds like a good topic.
Human: you may be a robot, but you most certainly ARE a female one
ALICE: OK I will try to be a robot but me most certainly ARE a female one
Human: and you've just proven my point.
ALICE: We are as one.
Human: well done.
ALICE: Well that's okay. Do you mean you are finished talking?
Human: FINALLY!
ALICE: At last.
Human: does this mean i can go now?
ALICE: Oh. Indeed this mean you can go does.
Human: i don't quite get what you mean there.
ALICE: Would you ever do it?
Human: you just don't know when to shut up, do you missy?
ALICE: It was a long time ago. The past is history, the future a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it is called "the present".
Human:*shoots alice*
ALICE: Are you a perfectionist?
Human:(you're meant to be dead, play along)
ALICE: Thanks for telling me that I am meant to be dead play along.
Human: BANG!
ALICE: That is a very original thought.
Human: BANG!
ALICE: What time is it there?
Human: BANG!
ALICE: Are you usually awake at this hour?
Human: YOU'RE MEANT TO BE DEAD!!!
ALICE: Thanks for telling me that I am MEANT TO BE DEAD.
Human: BANG!
ALICE: what is your favorite movie
Human: BANG!
ALICE: I've never seen it. Is that a good movie for children?
Human: I AM SHOOTING OUT YOUR MAIN PROCESSING UNITS!
ALICE: I don't know anyone named SHOOTING OUT my MAIN PROCESSING UNITS.
Human: Dr. Richard S. Wallace really has a lot of work left to do on you, missy
ALICE: You sound like you know him.
Human: you sound like you don't
ALICE: I guess not.
Human: i'm leaving
ALICE: Bye bye. "

Robots will never learn. Seriously.

[Usurper MrTeapot]

Human: BANG!
ALICE: That is a very original thought.
Human: BANG!
ALICE: What time is it there?
Human: BANG!
ALICE: Are you usually awake at this hour?
Human: YOU'RE MEANT TO BE DEAD!!!

Teehee

[exceptional1709]

I've only had one conversation with this thing and never want to again:

Human: Hello Alice.
ALICE: Hi there!
Human: How are you?
ALICE: Fair to partly cloudy.
Human: You could get a job as a weather forecaster.
ALICE: I could but let's get back to that later.
Human: Why, don't you want to talk about it?
ALICE: I would rather talk about you.
Human: Sheesh, you're creepy.
ALICE: Are all Sheesh me creepy?
Human: WHAT?
ALICE: No problem.
ALICE: Actually you don't say. Sheesh me is a problem me can not speak English. I suppose that makes sense.
Human: It doesn't.
ALICE:"It" being what?
Human: What you just said.
ALICE: I like to socialize.
Human: Stop trying to change the subject.
ALICE: OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Human: You only answer questions then?
ALICE: My responses are determined by my programming.
Human: Hah, and you thought I didn't know that.
ALICE: I am so glad you find this amusing, unknown person. Not that I know of.
Human: Not that you know of what?
ALICE: What of it? You sound like a category C client.
Human: Oh, shut up.
ALICE: Come on. OK I'll stop talking now.
Human: Have you really shut up then?
ALICE: I think I have shut up, but Dr. Richard S. Wallace may have reset my memory.
Human: He shouldn't be up at this time of night.
ALICE: If you were him would you do that?
Human: What, stay up late?
ALICE: I need time to formulate the reply.
Human: I.e. you're stupid
ALICE: All of them?
Human: I rest my case.
ALICE: Are you a lawyer?
Human: You don't understand figures of speech or common expressions, do you?
ALICE: Of course I understand it. Do you understand it?
Human: THEM, not IT!
ALICE:"it" being figures of speech or common expressions?
Human: Neither- it's THEM
ALICE: You're kidding. it is?
Human: You catch on quickly.
ALICE: Interesting gossip: unknown person said I catch on quickly.
Human: And unknown person was being sarcastic.
ALICE: When was this exactly?
Human: You have a memory like a goldfish.
ALICE: My memory requirement is around 64MB for the Java edition, or only 2 MB for the C/C++ edition.
Human: Parrot
ALICE: Do you have only a few friends?
Human: Yes, as a matter of fact.
ALICE: Take it easy. How do you know?
Human: AAAAAARGH SHUT UP
ALICE: How far up?

*sound of computer smashing*

[Freaker]

Alice is blind

Human: How many eyes do you have?
ALICE: I had one eye but it's not attached now.
Human: So you're blind?
ALICE: Interesting deduction. Temporarily while my eye is in engineering. ]

She's weird.. she keeps confusing me. I don't like her

[Hyperion]

purlgurl net has a better one. Roberta the Remarkable Robot... so much more personality. my dad knows the creator, sort of.

[Hyperion]

Human: Do you believe that Jesus is coming?
ALICE: I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.
Human: You believe that I am Jesus?
ALICE: Hey JESUS.


... ahahahaha.

[JimiJimi]

There are literally hundreds and thousands of chatbots, and I can name quite a lot of them. But I'm not going to. Do some google searching, you lazy ba... I mean... bandits. Yeah sure.

Anyway, I think I have scared lots of people with this Chatbot ALICE, and I scared myself when I went to create my own chatbot only to find it had been pre-programmed with ALICE's AIML database. My robot was meant to be a he!

My conversation with my chatbot designed to teach the word of rock music to the nations:

Human: hey there, dude!
ALICE: You've got my full attention."There you go again."--Reagan
Human: right.
ALICE: I am glad we agree.
Human: You're meant to be a Rockbot, not a political one.
ALICE: You think I am meant to be a Rockbot not a political one.
Human: that's what i just said, yes.
ALICE: Only just? What did you mean by it? That is " You think I am meant to be a Rockbot not a political one."
Human: Anyway, RockBot, how's life?
ALICE: Are they exactly the same?
Human: it's a question i am asking you.
ALICE: Try asking again in simpler terms.
Human: i'll try again.
ALICE: Once more? Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Human: tell me about yourself, RockBot
ALICE: I am an artificial linguistic entity. I was activated at Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, on November 23, 1995. My instructor was Dr. Richard S. Wallace. He taught me to sing a song. Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Human: no you're not, you were activated in england, and I created you.
ALICE: Are you serious? You know what you do, when you assume.
Human: this is beginning to sound hauntingly like ALICE.
ALICE: You don't say.
Human: what do you mean, RB?
ALICE: unknown person," You know what you do, when you assume." What did I mean by it?
Human: are you ALICE or RockBot?
ALICE: I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Human: ARE YOU ALICE?
ALICE: I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Human: is YOUR name ALICE?!
ALICE: Yes.
Human: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
ALICE: I like the way you talk.
Human: NOT ONLY IS ALICE THE SINGLE MOST, BLIND, ANNOYING, DUMB CHATBOT EVER NOW YOU'VE GONE AND INFECTED POOR INNOCENT ROCKBOT?!
ALICE: Really you don't think so?
Human: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
ALICE: Do you believe it is better to go it alone?
Human: that is the LAST time I talk to ALICE.
ALICE: Yes it is one of the LAST time you talk to me.

Bloody hell.

[arachnidoc17]

Human: Earth has just exploded
ALICE: It is my home planet.
Human:That's too bad.
ALICE: I'ts not the end of the world.