Are You A Good Lover?, probably not according to this... Options

[LoLo]

So I went to the bookstore the other day with my mom and I found this kickin book called, Born On A Rotten Day Illuminating and Coping With the Dark Side of the Zodiac by Hazel Dixon-Cooper. Basically it focuses on the bad aspects to astrology signs. I think it is funny as hell and yet strangly true in my case. lol

I gave a couple of people a taste of what it says about them astrologically as a lover(partner) and even though some hated it, some thought it was pretty funny. Especially when they were reading about their friends.

So this is what I've done. I've gone through and copied the parts about what kind of lover(partner) each sign is in male and female form and put it on a webpage for everyone to read.

Remember this is all in fun, that's why it's posted in daft. Oh and if you want to let other people laugh, tell them your sign and sex so they can read up on you. I am a female Aquarius for those who are curious.

Also if you like this and are into astrology I suggest that you go out and buy this book and read what else it has to say about you, and the people you know.

The Dark Side To Your Astrology Sign When It Comes To Love

[LoLo]

The more bizarre you are, the better your chances of getting her in the sack. Tell her you are doing research on vampire sexual rites in Los Angeles, and she?ll confess that she channels new positions for the Kama Sutra from Bela Lugosi. Pretend you are an alien sex fiend from the planet Halcyon and she will wrap herself in Christmas lights and fall at your feet.

That's my fav part about me.....lol funny and oh so true!

[TigerLily013]

I'm a pisces and DUHH I am female. I found some nice ones bout me that seem somewhat accurate.

A Pisces woman may appear fragile, helpless, and other-worldly. However, beneath that innocent smile is a spine of stainless steel. Consider Elizabeth Taylor, the famous Pisces astrologers love to use as an example of an exotic, delicate Fish. Taylor has survived dozens of operations, several near-death experiences, and brain surgery. Her health issues alone would have killed a lesser person years ago, not to mention her romantic stamina in the marriage arena. In addition to multiple divorces and widowhood, she?s survived two marriages to the same Scorpio, Richard Burton. You call that fragile?

LOL this can be true at times. I have shown different sides of my coin before, but I don't bite....unless you want me to

Ms. Fish is her own worst enemy, and prefers self-pity to rational discussion. Argue with her and she will either turn the air blue with language so foul it would make a sailor blush, or fling herself upon the nearest piece of furniture and sob her guts out. It won?t take you long to figure out that she?s hooked on drama and actually likes a good fight. It gives her the chance to hone her acting kills, and clear out her sinuses at the same time.

Well, its not completely accurate but it sure is amusing. I can admit I am hypersensitive but im not a drama queen. I do put things into a romantic type aspect sometimes to maek it SEEM passionate but nothing severe.

All in all, a good chuckle got from this.

[Mr Fuzzy]

I shant tell which bits are right, and which are wrong about me. Many of you would be suprised though!

[cheese is funny]

Pisces fears confrontation itself

couldnt be more correct...

[CrissiLove]

I'm a libra.... this was my favorite part:

"She is warm, sensual and feminine, and you will have to compete with several other ardent suitors for her delicate hand. If you?re lucky someone else will win it."

It sounded so good there for about one second! LOL
Some of it sounds really true... I am jealous and can be kinda clingy... but other parts were so off... LOL *cough* not promiscuous *cough* LOL

[jadestorm]

well thats just freaky i jus bought that book a couple days ago but i didnt see the other one there....hmmm sounds really cool i know the first one is *looks scared*

[kidvicious2punk]

Female

The female Pisces is a classic romantic who expects her mate to be a gentle man.She prefers privacy to prtying....

the partying thing is not true,in faact we r having a party rite now

*go go dancers file in*

that is sum funny s[miseplt swearing really is still swearing - Mata]e tho...

[jadestorm]

hee hee *stares at go gos*

[Jaq]

I used to read astrology books when I was younger and I always suspected that they were trying to say this nicely

(talking about Leo Mae West) At eighty-five she still wore hair cascading over her shoulders, although it looked more like a damp mop than a silky mane. Her makeup was garish and she propped herself up on the arms of sweating bodybuilders young enough to be her grand kids. West had become a caricature. The hooker with a heart of gold turned into a hag who refused to relinquish the spotlight.

According to this I'm shallow, materialistic, over sexed, turned on by power and don't know when to shut up. All I gotta say is at least I'm not a Taurus.

[kidvicious2punk]

ya ima female picses

i is a fish!!!

*swims*

[jadestorm]

<--- scorpio

[LoLo]

I think more people should read this! everyone read this! lol........wow only took 5 mins for the coffee to hit.

[Debaser]

capricorn...gah.

that thing is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo off.

[vicrawr]

At best, he is an arbitrary, irritable eccentric who lives inside his own head, but is overall fairly harmless. At worst, he?s a cold-blooded, cheerfully vile monster who will subject you to endless mental tortures, then watch you crumble with the emotional separation of a psychopath.

I feel evil today. Mwahahahahahaha

[kidvicious2punk]

ooh u want to be evil?

*drags irish into closet*

how evil r u now?

[leopold]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Libra Guy in the house!

He's funny, charismatic, and oozes charm. His sense of style is impeccable and his lively, friendly personality puts him at the top of everyone's A-list. A Libra male is an idealistic dreamer who believes in world peace and fair play. He will take you to the most expensive restaurant in town, declare his adoration in front of the smiling patrons, and drop to one knee to propose. Before you exclaim, "Yes, my darling", make sure he's still looking at you. By the time he's slipped the engagement ring on your finger, he will have spotted his next conquest walking toward the bar.

A Libra man is perfectly capable of marrying you on Saturday and starting his next string of affairs on Sunday. He's fickle, inconsistent, and constantly on the prowl. Never mind Aries or Gemini. When it comes to love, the male Libra is as flaky as a used car salesman sniffing out his next sucker deal.

Wow, this is jus SOOOOO me!! Actually the whole lot is jus me... but face it, lay-dees, ya can't resist the charm of the leomeister!

[Sarah the Spider]

I'm a Pisces female. Fish are groovy.

Wow...I had no idea I was so manipulative, deceitful, and basically manic.

Well...I had a hunch...

[LoLo]

At best, he is an arbitrary, irritable eccentric who lives inside his own head, but is overall fairly harmless. At worst, he?s a cold-blooded, cheerfully vile monster who will subject you to endless mental tortures, then watch you crumble with the emotional separation of a psychopath.

I feel evil today. Mwahahahahahaha

**high fives her fellow Aquarius**

[MistressAlti]

She's more hussy than Highness. This woman carves just as many notches on her headboard as her male counterpart does, and is the one woman in the Universe who writes her own phone number on the locker-room wall.

SAY WHAT?

Erm, try again...

[CovertYawn]

Ooh, scarily accurate... nasty.

[nordelen]

i'm a male sagitarius. these parts seem relative to me in some way.....

He's honest, trusting, and eternally optimistic. He wont restrict your freedom, or expect you to drop your nights out with friends in favor of staying home with him. An Archer wants a companion to accompany him on frequent, spontaneous outings to wonderfully diverse places, because to him, life is to be explored and enjoyed. (this sounds reasonable! )

Before you decide he's your soul mate, understand that a male Sagittarius has the same attitude toward commitment as does his mythological symbol, the Centaur. He spends all of his youth and most of his adulthood in continual heat. He is an accomplished lover (yay! ), but it's the deed he desires, not you (boooooooooo! ).

Since an Archer could happily live in a cave for months, eating crickets and contemplating his navel, even if you marry him, you'll feel like you're still single. (as long as the cave has a tv, im set! )

archers have opinions on every subject under the sun, and cannot answer even simple questions with a plain yes or no ask if he wants a ham sandwich, and he'll answer with the history of Earl of Sandwich, the sixteen different kinds of bread you could use to enhance the flavor of the meat, and a dissertation on mustard.

He's impulsive. Send him out for milk, and he'll come home with reservations for the midnight flight to Peru.

The Archer's favorite game is Bad to Worse. Tell him the sink backed up, and he'll flood the basement because he forgot to turn off the water before he tore out the plumbing. ("what's this thing do? maybie if i kick it the problem will be fixed?"

Yours will step on your toes, bore you with rhetoric, and hurt your feelings with a thoughtless remark. After all, he is a fire-breathing dragon. But, this guy is more like Pete's Dragon, Disney's character who flops along meaning no harm and leaving little lasting damage.

[wolfbane]

LOL! Lo - you're the same as me, female Aquarian, and I have to say I loved the vampire sex rites bit as well...though I'm not telling if it's right or not!!

[LoLo]

LOL! Lo - you're the same as me, female Aquarian, and I have to say I loved the vampire sex rites bit as well...though I'm not telling if it's right or not!!

Yay cool!

That's my favorite part. I find the rest though amazingly acurate for the most part. lol

In other parts of the book it kinda says this (summed up), we're friggid, unemotional, self-centered, and the only thing you can get out of a marriage with us is a divorce. I thought that was funny.

[LoLo]

im just gonna bump this cause I spent around 8 hours typing all that crap and yeah.....i want more people to read it so I feel like I didn't do all that work for not.