D'oh!, Honey, baby, love of my life..I kinda... Options

[Feyliya]

My wonderfully intelligent and innovative significant other _just_ discovered why you don't put regular iquid soap into an older model dishwasher. He is currently cleaning up the results of his experiment right now. Just felt the urge to share with you all and maybe start an interesting gag thread. So what hillarious and horribly unfortunate things have you guys done recently? Anyone ever nuked something so long by accident that it burst into flames? Any other dishwasher slip-ups out there? I bet at least one of you has done something funny with the oven recently. Come, share with us!!!

[Quoth(The Raven)]

Don't know if this qualifies, but I can give you one piece of advice, learned the hard way...

Never get between a hungry goat and his favorite food...

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

I put a paperbag of BBQ ribs in the microwave once.....a foil lined paper bag....well it was hardly foil...just gray....odd really....anyway, yes, that wrote that microwave off....and made the kitchen smell of burning plastic...

[Snugglebum the D...]

China casserole dish, just out of the oven, popped it straight into the sink and turn on the cold tap to let it soak...

*BANG*

One entirely exploded dish and me sort of curled up in the corner almost wetting myself. My kitchen is really tiny too, so I was lucky I didn't end up being cut by flying shrapnel.

[spiffilicious05]

Okay...my family has a rather large list of these things but...

once when I was little I put a metal pot into the microwave not knowing what metal in a microwave would do....burst into flames obviously....

my aunt left the plastic covering on our easter ham once

she also left the gibblets inside our thanksgiving turkey

she also put the turkey in the oven once and forgot to turn the oven on

one christmas the turkey just fell apart......

another christmas everyone got terribly sick from my uncle's suspicious looking biscuts with melted cheese and ham inside....

[the lil' pie...]

I'm cooking for myself last week and this one. So I went to cook pasta out of a packet the first day...as you do when you're tired and bored. And didn't stir for the whole 7 minutes...it's still stuck on the bottom of the pan. I had it on full heat too, so it's probably a case of the molecules welding together.
Not exactly in your class, Feyliya or Snugglebum, but still scary. It's my mums fave pan

[Alex The Kender]

A group of people were camping at a lodge (yes I know it's a pitiful form of camping.) It had a microwave. We hade microwave popcorn. We put the popcorn in the microwave. We forgot about the popcorn in the microwave and left the room.

The lodge was filled with a light layer of smoke before we noticed we had forgot the poprcon. Opening the microwave caused a massive rush of smoke and the unravelling of a solid, smoldering brick like substance that would never ever resemble popcorn again. We imediatly ran the brick outside and it smoldered for a gould 4 hours after.

We all had to sleep in a room that would forever smell like burned popcorn. Needless to say, I now make microwave popcorn without leaving the room, and discard every single slightly burned piece.

The End.

[Hobbes]

{ Action : Done by }

Never stand bare-footed upon a recently-turned-off soldering iron. They are still hot. My sister

Equally, never pick up a soldering iron by the wrong end whilst it is still on. Me

Never try to dry off your trainers by putting them in front of a gas industrial-heater, whilst wearing them. They melt. It hurts. Me... twice

Never, when both hands are full, use your teeth to pull a bit of parcel tape from a tape dispenser when it gets stuck. It sticks to your lips. You pull. Your lips come off with it. Me

Don't shuffle forward over the loft hatch, when the loft hatch isn't closed. All that lies below are metal ladder steps and floor. Especially don't do it whilst only wearing pyjamas, as all your get for your troubles is shredded nightwear and cuts all over you. Me

When walking/running into a conservatory via the all-glass patio doors, make sure they are open, and not just well-cleaned. Me, and my old cat

Don't hurry yourself when using an electric razor. Eyebrows are delicate, and a slip often removes them. Me, and my step-niece - no, I don't know why she was using an electric razor on her face

More to come, I'm sure...
Do malapropisms count in this thread?

[Feyliya]

Do malapropisms count in this thread?

Why not? Just please no Bush-isms. We can leave those for the Issues thread or Daft.

I don't think I've ever had a malapropism ever. Though, since I read more than I speak I have a horrifying tendency to mispronounce words. They sound just fine in my head, I just can't get them to twist past my tongue correctly....

And for more accidental goodness! My sister once microwaved a potato for half an hour. I was awakened that morning by her pounding on my door, demanding that I put out the fire. Later that afternoon she tried to cook Kraft Easy-Mac in the microwave. We had to throw out the china dish because the noodles had baked themselves together and fused with the china (just like Lil' Pie Fairy). Late that night she decided to cook spagetti on the stove. She burned the water. Seriously. She was cooking in a brand new pot and when we dumped the water out the entire bottom was burned black. She now has her own microwave that only works for 5 minutes at a time (for some reason it shuts itself off after around that long) and all the knobs to the stove are kept locked up in my mother's room.

And my mother isn't exactly a whiz in the kitchen, either. She managed to melt an entire pan to the stove once. She put the pan on to warm up with some no-stick spray on it, went into the other room to watch Divorce Court, and an hour later when she went back into the kitchen the pan's metal was oozing down the burners.

[Snugglebum the D...]

She managed to melt an entire pan to the stove once

That reminds me of something my Mum did.

Having a barbecue and she had some meat on a plate that she wanted to keep warm so she popped it in the convection oven. However, it was a plastic plate and it actually adhered to the oven.

Wasn't pretty - smelt bad.

[Spacehappy]

Stuck my finger in a light socket with the power on trying to replace a lightbulb at 15, was knocked out for 10 mins and blew the fuses.

[Hobbes]

Do malapropisms count in this thread?

Why not?

My mother did the following:

She and I went into an office-supplies shop, looking for an eradicator pen (a pen which erases cartridge-pen ink from paper, thus very useful at school and not banned like Tipp-Ex was at my old school). We looked around but couldn't find one, so she asked at the counter: "Can I have an erector pen please?". The sales woman either didn't notice the mix-up, or just chose to ignore it and thought perhaps there was a new viagra-style treament available. Either way, I got my pen.

My mother also once walked into an electric showroom, and asked for about gas ovens (this was before gas companies also offered electric, and vice versa). Not a malapropism, but still quite silly.

Oh, and last week a customer of ours came into the shop and was talking to myself and another customer who was hanging around/buying stuff. They were talking about livefood for animals, and commented on the hard outer-casing of mealworms, and their soft innards. She said: "They are like armadildos!"

[Cath Sparrow]

Whilst at Uni a friend and I descide to to roast some chestnut but we didn't spike them before hand and when we took them out of the oven they started to explode all over the kitchen so there's me and my friend legging it out of the kitchen ducked down and giggling are heads off whilst these nuts were exploding round us. There was bit's of nuts sprayed every where.

[Pab]

There was a local story here last hunting season (a 2 week affair when the local gun-toters go up to the mountains to kill bambi). The bloke said bye bye to his wife, saying he was going up to the mountains to hunt for 2 weeks, and that he'd see her when he got back, chucked his rifles in the back of the jeep, picked up his buddies, and drove 200 kms to Barcelona airport, where they all got on a plane for the carribean to have copious amounts of sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll with that lilting bahama beat to eat.
The spanish police saw the guns in the back of the car at the airport, and rang the local police. The local police rang the wife asking if she knew why on earth their jeep was in Barcelona airport loaded with heavy weaponry.
I understand the bloke had an interesting welcome when he got back home a week later.

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

Stuck my finger in a light socket with the power on trying to replace a lightbulb at 15, was knocked out for 10 mins and blew the fuses.

well that explains it

[lygophilia]

I was cooking dinner, and preheated the oven to make french fries. I knew there was nothing in it because I made cookies earlier, and took the pan thingy out. It preheated; I opened the oven. Our *perfect* ribs (which, believe me, *never* happens*) were dry and kind of burnt. I forgot we put them in there to keep them warm. That happened once before then. You'd think I'd learn to check the oven first. Nope. Apparently I prefer to keep my stupidity.

I put pizza rolls in the microwave. I hadn't made them in a while, so I forgot how long to put them in for. I checked the bag: about 5 minutes. I sat in my room and start to smell something after four minutes. I went to the kitchen, which was a bit smoky, especially in the microwave. Woops. Five minutes was for cooking in the oven. They shouldn't have been in there more than 90 seconds.

[Tarantio]

Never stand bare-footed upon a recently-turned-off soldering iron. They are still hot. My sister

Equally, never pick up a soldering iron by the wrong end whilst it is still on. Me

In reply to this, never use soldering irons with loose heads, especially when sitting in a lab with said iron over your crotch; should the worst happen, do not fail to pick up said soldering iron. Some things are worth a few burned fingers.

Surprisingly, there have been very few incidents in our flat so far. We're surrounded on all sides by students and there haven't been any deaths/serious injuries yet at all. I think about the worst that happened so far is when my flatmate shut the grill on our cooker when I was making bacon one afternoon, with the handle in it and everything. Came back ten minutes later and it had started to melt. The bacon tasted fine though...

[mooooooooooopo]

Never, when both hands are full, use your teeth to pull a bit of parcel tape from a tape dispenser when it gets stuck. It sticks to your lips. You pull. Your lips come off with it. Me

Ow! I've done that before too.

Never staple your fingers together - it hurts and it's messy - Me aged 10ish

Never sit on glass paneled coffee tables - Snoo at some point

Be careful with superglue and fingers - the glue sticks better than the skin - Me

Always wait for the oven to cool before putting the cover thingy (over the hobs) back on then leaning on it 5 minutes later - Me a few weeks ago

Never use collapsable garden chairs as a ladder - having the chair collapse and landing on ones nads on top of a pole shaped bit of chair is painful - Also me unfortunately

When taking apart external CD drives make sure to turn the power off - that fused the whole of my mates house but I was perfectly okay - Me once again

Never fish around in server racks trying to disconnect something when some git has left mains cables connected but not plugged into anything and dangling randomly - Also me - I seem to get a lot of electric shocks

Never leave the kitchen when cooking burgers - smoke started pouring into the flat above us (in halls at uni) and once the oven was turned off all that was left was two burger sized mounds of ash - Someone in my halls at uni last year

[the lil' pie...]

Hmm. I seem to keep making culinary mishaps...well, happen. I managed to melt a potato yesterday. A baked one. I'm not even sure they're supposed to be able to melt...

[Feyliya]

It melted? How the heck.......?

I've stapled my fingers together, too. It hurts quite a bit. I still can't figure out how I managed to get a regular sized stapler over both my thumb and forefinger.

Never hang a tire-swing using a rubber hose. Rubber hoses stretch. Get going good enough and you'll plow yourself into the ground when it stretches out and touches.

Also, never try to hang a tire-swing in an area that has boards with nails sticking out of them all over the ground. You end up with large holes in the bottoms of your feet. Especially when you are wearing no shoes. Thank Goddess for tetanus shots.

[Hobbes]

Never staple your fingers together - it hurts and it's messy - Me aged 10ish

Don't put your thumb in a stapler, and then press down on it - "just to see what would happen". - Me, whilst sitting next to a sewing machine which I, fortunately, held no curiousity for

[gothictheysay]

Do not put your finger anywhere near the the needle on a sewing machine - me last year

Realize where the steps are so as not to fall into the several people ahead of you (even worse, with high-heeled shoes) - me narrowly avoided last week

When done lifting a platform, make sure your fingers are not in the way when pushing the platform the align with the others. The skin will be scraped off as you remove the hand quickly and it will bleed rather profusely for just a little area - me, tuesday

[arpeggiodreams]

I have done the dishwasher thing. Mom laughed at me.

Early in the summer, me, my best friend Danielle, and our friend Shad drove in two seperate cars to Santa Cruz. Shad and Danielle were in one, and I was all alone in the other. Shad has problems following directions, and missed two exits. When we finally got to Santa Cruz, we met at the bank so Danielle could lead us to her aunt and uncle's house.

I went to get some cash out of the ATM, and on my way back to the car I said "Stick a turkey in him, he's done."

Oops. I meant a fork. I could have sworn I said a fork!

In other stupidities, I'm trying to sell my car, but I keep not calling the people back who leave me messages.

[vicrawr]

Along with people stapling fingers, I've done that. Except it was one of those staple guns. And I was about four. And I stapled my pinky finger to the table. I still have a scar. It's cute and I like it.

[Righteous]

Me: If you have an iron bar that's red hot at one end, it's hot at the other end, too, even if it's not glowing.

Me: When picking up chicks, don't start off smooth and then stop halfway during the picking up process. Also, when revealing your age, never blurt out, "Oh, well I'm only 18."

Me, Tim and John: If you are intoxicated do not do anything remotely involving rational thought ever. I don't mean just things like working or taking a test. I mean like buying cigarettes at the corner store or going to McDonald's on Outrageous Value Wednesdays. Otherwise, you may have the woman try to talk you into buying fifty cheeseburgers or have the bitch convenience store clerk tell you that you have to be 21 to buy High Times.

Me and Rick: Never put gum in your brother's hair and think you're gonna get it out before mom comes home.

Me: Don't tie up or duct tape your brother thinking he won't tell mom.

A lot of people including me: Never, ever, ever piss off my dad ever.

Matt: Never buy batteries at the dirt mall (flea market), especially those cheap Asian knockoffs. They last about ten minutes.

Me: Never write a paper while partied out from the night before.

Me: Though I got away with it, never do drugs in the middle of geometry class.

Lars: Never start a pot circle in the middle of the outside lunch area at the high school and expect not to get caught. Also, if a teacher comes up to bust you, don't ask if he wants a hit.

Me: Never let a cop know you're mentally ill.

Me: Even though you and your multi-racial circle of friends think it's funny as Hell, some people outside of the circle will get pissed when you call the black member of your group "Darkness" in honor of Rick James.

Me: Be careful which chicks you tell are hot. I lost a job because of it.