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> Jokes, I cant believe that
El Nino
post Oct 26 2004, 02:50 PM
Post #1


I pull the wings off god
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there's another obvious topic that no-ones been bothered to post recently

Here's one

Marriage is a three ring circus: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering.


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Please try to remember, when reading my posts, that I've probably not watched the same films & tv shows as you. I try not to watch music vids & I've also probably not even heard about them from other people. Man to woman "If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong!"/She's all lips & hips, she knows how to use them to make you flip//Liquor store & gun store, next to one another, with only one purpose, so you all kill each other,//Member of the pro cath association // Froggys' sugar-e-daddy//You can't spell politics without tics/[b]/Note to self: Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations = human stupidity.Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the females (not shemales).
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Hobbes
post Oct 26 2004, 06:36 PM
Post #2


Advice for the young at heart
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QUOTE (Because I can @ Oct 26 2004, 03:50 PM)
Marriage is a three ring circus: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering.
*


Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence.
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Mutilation
post Oct 27 2004, 07:14 AM
Post #3


Speed of Life
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I've got a good one:

Ya mam.

XDXDXDXD

Zing!
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monkey_called_na...
post Oct 27 2004, 09:27 AM
Post #4


I'm an inefficient bear. Maul.
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actually... there are several threads just like this one...

but to keep with the joke theme... not sure if its a marrige joke theme... but anyway

how did helen keller's parents punish her? they rearranged the furniture.

how did they really punish her? they left the plunger in the toilet.


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ATTACK SLOTH!

It's gonna get you... eventually.
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ChickenBoy
post Oct 27 2004, 09:41 AM
Post #5


Novice Guppy
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hallo biggrin.gif
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Pixelgoth
post Oct 27 2004, 12:03 PM
Post #6


Flaps and spins on the spot
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QUOTE (ChickenBoy @ Oct 27 2004, 09:41 AM)
hallo biggrin.gif
*


You'll be wanting to visit the "Introductions" section me thinks smile.gif

There are lots of jokes threads to my knowledge?

I can't think of any and, even if I could, I'd only forget the punchline rolleyes.gif


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Hope confidentally, do valiantly, wait patiently!
Rather light a candle than complain about the dark!
Enjoy what you have and hope for what you lack
Thoughts become things, choose the good ones[/center]
[center]Carpe diem
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Xkitsurabamix
post Oct 31 2004, 01:51 AM
Post #7


Animal of manual life
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What's the difference between a cheerleader and an onion?

(When you cut one, it makes you cry, and when you cut the other, it makes you laugh.)

(I want to put up some rather offensive ones...but i'm afraid i'll be too mean. they're not stupid race jokes...rather, dead baby jokes. they're hilarious. I suppose....send me a message if you fancy morbid humor)


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"Savior" isn't the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind.
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Faerieryn
post Oct 31 2004, 06:14 PM
Post #8


Faeries don't bite we just nibble a bit!
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How many conservative politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

The question is not how many politicians it takes but whether the lightbulb needed changing in the first place!


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If life hands you a lemon make lemonade, lace it with cyanide and then pass it around. What can I say I'm a revenge type of gal!!! Ryn
Wearing a large shiny tag around neck "Uncullable Faerie"
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Patti-Sue
post Nov 1 2004, 07:07 PM
Post #9


That's 'Sir Guppy' to you
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QUOTE (Xkitsurabamix @ Oct 30 2004, 08:51 PM)
(I want to put up some rather offensive ones...but i'm afraid i'll be too mean. they're not stupid race jokes...rather, dead baby jokes. they're hilarious. I suppose....send me a message if you fancy morbid humor)
*



Fortunately, or possibly quite unfortunately I have the same sense of humor. I know too many dead baby jokes and other off color jokes. Apparently many people don't think they're as funny as I do.

At least I laugh.
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laenan kite
post Nov 2 2004, 08:14 PM
Post #10


You can't understand...
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Which part of the 'no swearing' rule were you having trouble with when you posted this message? I normally go through posts cutting out the swearing, but since it was so consistent in this post I'm not even going to bother. Don't do it again.

The rules were there when you signed up to these forums. If you don't like them then find somewhere else where they might find constant swearing funny. As a reminder, here they are again:

http://www.matazone.co.uk/forums/index.php?act=boardrules

- Mata


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In the end, only kindness matters.

And I dont wanna fall in love; this world is always gonna break your heart.
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laenan kite
post Nov 2 2004, 08:22 PM
Post #11


You can't understand...
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Letter from redneck mom to redneck son




Dear Redneck Son;


I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley

said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if your an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.... Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck.

Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened. Love, Mom

P.S. I was going to send you some money but
the envelope was already sealed.


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In the end, only kindness matters.

And I dont wanna fall in love; this world is always gonna break your heart.
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JimiJimi
post Nov 2 2004, 08:32 PM
Post #12


I'm afraid I'm back.
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Jokes... jokes...

I know some racist ones (I'm not racist, the person who told me was), hmm... can't tell them...

I know some sick ones (I'm not twisted, the person who told me was), hmm... can't tell them either...

Let me think...

I know some music ones, like drummers and stuff, hey, why not?

How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb? (Highlight:)
One. To hold it while the world revolves around him.

How do you get a dummer off your doorstep? (Highlight:)
Pay for the pizza.


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mooooooooooopo
post Nov 2 2004, 08:37 PM
Post #13


: P>
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More drummer jokes (highlight again):

How do you tell if a drum stool is level?

The drummer drools evenly from both sides of his mouth.

What do you call a talented drummer?

A bassist.


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I am Candice's asw emo e-husband, real life actual husband and all around awesome person, Funked)Out_Frogg's e-paramour. Snugglebum's harem slave. Candice and gothictheysay are my e-pimps.
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Faerieryn
post Nov 2 2004, 10:27 PM
Post #14


Faeries don't bite we just nibble a bit!
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A man walks into a shop and says to the bloke behind the counter:
"I want to buy a guitar please"
The bloke looks at him and replies:
"You're a drummer aren't you?"
The guy looks impressed and says:
"Yeah I am actually, how did you know?"
"The bloke replies:
"This is a butcher's"


What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?

If you pour a pint over a drum machine it stops.



And one for those of you who are drummers....

Whats the difference between a drummer and a gynocologist?

A gynocologist only has to deal with one c**t at a time!

Thanks to my bloke for these (who is actually a drummer by the way!)


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If life hands you a lemon make lemonade, lace it with cyanide and then pass it around. What can I say I'm a revenge type of gal!!! Ryn
Wearing a large shiny tag around neck "Uncullable Faerie"
Official S P A N G L E R and self proclaimed protector of Tribe Wyvern- OOh Sparkly!!
Proud leader of the Super Spangler Squad. Me and Stardust wil spangle your a$$!!
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monkey_called_na...
post Nov 3 2004, 12:10 AM
Post #15


I'm an inefficient bear. Maul.
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how do you get 2000 dead babies into a phone booth? blender
how do you get them out? chips

what red and bubbly and pokes on glass? a babie in a microwave

whats blue makes bubbles and pokes on glass? a baby in a fish tank

what the diffrence between a pile of dead babies and a pile of bricks? you cant throw bricks with a pich fork

whats the diffrence between a pile of dead babies and a fire bird? i dont have a fire bird in my grage


heh...


--------------------
ATTACK SLOTH!

It's gonna get you... eventually.
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Xkitsurabamix
post Nov 3 2004, 04:12 AM
Post #16


Animal of manual life
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Whats red and silver and runs into walls?

A baby with forks in it's eyes

What's worse then ten dead babies in a barrel?

one dead baby in ten barrels.


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user posted image
"Savior" isn't the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind.
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Snugglebum the D...
post Nov 3 2004, 12:19 PM
Post #17


F*cking with the best since 1996
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What's worse then a pile of dead babies?

The one in the middle eating it's way out.

What's the difference between sex, love and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing and gargling.


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Art should be an expression of what humanity is capable of imagining - not limited to representing that which surrounds us - Demetrios Vakras
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Harem count: Markslut, xkitsurabamix, Black - Wings, Candice, Moop, Daedalus, The Lorax, Franken - Sarah, Artemisia, Cath, Wyvern, Saucy Tara, PsychWardMike, JimiJimi, Fallen Element, Smiler, Korbin Dallas, laenan kite, Valerie, Faerieryn, trunk_girl26, Sir Psycho Sexy, Steam Roxxor, pgrmdave, monkey_called_narth
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Cath Sparrow
post Nov 3 2004, 12:47 PM
Post #18


I've been brainwashed
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What's pink and red and sits in the corner?

A baby with razor blades

What's pink and green and sits in the corner?

Same baby 6 weeks later


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How would you feel about life if Death was your older sister? You're only young once but you can stay immature indefinetly!!!!



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PsychWardMike
post Nov 4 2004, 05:58 AM
Post #19


I'm attracted by the potential for reckless abuse of power.
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So Monica Lewinski (sp?) voted Republican this year.

Yeah, the last Democrat left a bad taste in her mouth.


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I'm just a Viewtiful Girl living in a Viewtiful World.
Henshin a-go-go, baby.

I swear to God, the above post was not intended to incite flame wars or to offend you.
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dancing hamster ...
post Nov 5 2004, 10:10 AM
Post #20


Our UAV is online
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Dick Cheney gets a call from his "boss", George W. Bush.
"I've got a problem," says Bush.
"What's the matter?" asks Cheney.
"Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so I got a jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's it a picture of?" asks Cheney.
"A big rooster," replies Bush.
"All right," sighs Cheney, "I'll come over and have a look."
So Dick leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. Bush points at the jigsaw on his desk. Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to Bush and says, "For crying out loud, George, put the corn flakes back in the box!"
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