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> Oo Oo I Know This One..., Why try in public- stay stupid at home
Smiler
post Oct 28 2004, 10:00 PM
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Ooga Booga!! SMILE!
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This is a long one but very funny and I think its nice to share a smile (if I get lynched for length I apologise now- it is my first new topic)

Gems that show that some of the general public should NOT be allowed out in public. Anyone got any more they can add to these?


The Weakest Link, BBC1/BBC2
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.

Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.

Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!

Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels,
travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.

Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were
Written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?

National Lottery Jet Set, BBC1
Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by
theinitials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.

Chris Searle Show, BBC Radio Bristol
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't
Hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?

Family Fortunes, ITV
1) Something a blind man might use? A Sword
2) A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon
3) Name the Capital of France? F
4) Name a bird with a long Neck? Naomi Campbell
5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar
6) Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital
7) What is Hitlers first name ? Heil
8) A famous Scotsman? Jock
9) Some famous brothers ? Bonnie and Clyde.
10) A dangerous race ? The Arabs
11) Something that floats in a bath ? Water
12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? A horse
13) Something you wear on a beach ? A deckchair
14) A famous Royal ? Mail
15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? A bicycle
with wings
16) A famous bridge ? The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
17) Something a cat does ? Goes to the Toilet
18) Something you do in the bathroom ? Decorate
19) A method of securing your home ? Put the kettle on
20) Something associated with pigs ? The Police
21) A sign of the Zodiac ? April
22) Something people might be allergic to? Skiing
23) Something you do before you go to bed? Sleep
24) Something you put on walls ? A roof
25) Something Slippery ? A conman
26) A kind of ache ? A fillet of fish
27) A Jacket Potato topping ? Jam
28) A food that can be brown or white ? A potato
29) Something sold by gypsies? Bananas
30) Something Red? My sweater

The Afternoon Programme Quiz, ABC 774
Presenter: Who killed Cock Robin?
Contestant: Oh God, I didn't even know he was dead.

Lincs FM phone-in
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the
world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

Steve Wright Show, Radio 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.

Wright: The leader of the orchestra plays which musical
instrument?
Contestant: The baton.

Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Expresso.

Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.

Wright: What was the animal referred to in Val Doonican's song
Paddy McGinty's?
Contestant: I don't know.
Wright: It begins with a "G".
Contestant: Cow.

This Morning, ITV
Judy Finnegan: The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera.
True or false?
Contestant: True ?
Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American
TV show, so I'll give you that.

BBC Radio Newcastle
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

Bob Hope Birthday Quiz, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four.

BBC GMR, Phil Wood Show
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?

Daryl's Drivetime, Virgin Radio
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.


--------------------
Presently defacto leader of the scuttler nation; conform, consume, o'smile for snaffie's sake --> A smile a day keeps th...Ah sod it...just SMILE!!!Some weird dragon lady gave me a cookie and said if I got in the van she'd adopt me. I ignored mummy and went with Wyvern & lookee here, I now have my own adoptee to cause chaos: Stardust_Smile...Official barman to Tribe Wyvern COME VISIT but beware the Monkey Overlords, they plan the demise of the hairless ones. Your house is at risk. Always read the label.
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e703
post Oct 28 2004, 10:47 PM
Post #2


meeeeeeeeeeeew
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lmao, I love these so much. I've been laughing so loud if anyone heard me they probably think I'm insane
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Usurper MrTeapot
post Oct 28 2004, 11:55 PM
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Its a shame that I've watched the Family Fortune ones, ahh day time TV. And my house already thinks I'm nuts.


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Faerieryn
post Nov 2 2004, 10:37 PM
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SOmetimes people are really just too stupid for words. I had a classic one with my year 9 class today which really doesn't sa just stupid but also no culture in the youth of today.

Me: You can write about your favourite band if you like.
Student: Can we write about our favourite singer?
Me (a bit sarcastically): Of course you can. If Alice Cooper is your favourite singer then I'm quite happy for you to write your project on ALice Cooper.
Student: Who's she?
Me:....


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snooodlysnoosnoo...
post Nov 3 2004, 07:08 PM
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*giggle*

That's so amusing!

I hate those programmes, I'm always sat there thinking "you know this you idiot!"


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saucy_tara
post Nov 3 2004, 09:01 PM
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Those are great!! I a bit ashamed to admit it but I asked my boyfriend (who has a degree in Biology) whether or not cows have ears!!!! God the stooooopidity!! Of course I know now that they do. rolleyes.gif


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Sir Psycho Sexy
post Nov 4 2004, 12:23 PM
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...only because he told you tongue.gif


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Smiler
post Nov 5 2004, 08:10 PM
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Damn it! Now you've thrown me. I think I'm lost not so much on whether cows have ears...moreon why it was that you wanted to know????? blink.gif

10 Bonus points for which creature hears with its knees


--------------------
Presently defacto leader of the scuttler nation; conform, consume, o'smile for snaffie's sake --> A smile a day keeps th...Ah sod it...just SMILE!!!Some weird dragon lady gave me a cookie and said if I got in the van she'd adopt me. I ignored mummy and went with Wyvern & lookee here, I now have my own adoptee to cause chaos: Stardust_Smile...Official barman to Tribe Wyvern COME VISIT but beware the Monkey Overlords, they plan the demise of the hairless ones. Your house is at risk. Always read the label.
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snooodlysnoosnoo...
post Nov 5 2004, 08:45 PM
Post #9


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grasshopper?

or is it a spider? praying mantis? blink.gif

no... no... a terantula?


--------------------
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snoo is about as evil as a muffin
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exceptional1709
post Nov 5 2004, 08:51 PM
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I think it's a grasshopper. But do you know the only animal with four knees that all bend the same way?


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Twitching
post Nov 5 2004, 08:52 PM
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I think it is a grasshopper. or cricket. (gah for things that live in my garage.)

I've got one! Last year in my biology 2 class, we were talking about how jellyfish don't have nerve endings, and thus can't feel anything (which, according to my teacher, is why doing strange and unsual things to them isn't unethical...) and my friend Johnny says "does that mean they're immortal?" laugh.gif


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Sir Psycho Sexy
post Nov 5 2004, 10:06 PM
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QUOTE (snoo @ Nov 5 2004, 08:45 PM)
praying mantis? blink.gif
*


aren't they the snuff fetishists?

or is that gothictheysay ...or cath ??

tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif


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