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> Casual Sex Problem, It's emotional now.
Aislinn Faye
post Nov 4 2004, 01:49 AM
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Okay.. here goes.. I met this guy at my work at Dairy Queen.. and we started hanging out bla bla bla, anyway, I am now emotionally attached and I told my friend that she could have sex with him to try and trick myself into thinking I don't like him, and they did.. and I told her that I wasn't cool with it, and then we got into this big arguement....bla bla bla.. I was being really mean to both of them and he asked me what was wrong, and I told him that I had gotten emotionally attached, and he still wants to hang out and have sex and stuff.. and granted this is the first time that I've ever gotten attached during casual sex, so I'm really confused and wondering why I have feelings for this one in particular. He doesn't return the favour in liking me, but like I said he still wants to hang out and stuff... but whenever I'm with him.. and I see him at work, and just watching him at work he gives me the fuzzies.. anytime I'm around him.. I just feel all warm and happy and safe ya know? And it's just really confusing, Ri thinks I should turn tail and run before I get even more attached to him.. but I don't think I can bring myself to do that.. I just need some advice.. and reprimanding or something, I don't even know what I need. sad.gif


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Xeno
post Nov 4 2004, 02:12 AM
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Don't know how to help you. I avoid casual sex because of these kinds of problems
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Jaq
post Nov 4 2004, 02:42 AM
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Took this grammar!
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That sounds messy. Ri is right...

Yes. Get out while you can. It'll save your sanity and your self esteem. He doesn't like you, he just likes what you can do for him. He's using you. You might like him but if it's all one sided and he doesn't like you you're just going to suffer. I know it sounds difficult right now, because you're so attached to him but think of it this way: If he doesn't feel the same way as you do then he's a moron who doesn't know a good thing when he's got it and who really wants to pine after a moron?


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squirrelntherain
post Nov 4 2004, 04:01 AM
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Ugh, messy situation. I also avoid casual sex for this reason, but I suggest that you stop seing him in any sexual way, and probably in any way outside of work because it doesn't sound like he's feeling the same way about you and if you continue you're begging for heartbreak.

On a side note: working at DQ is a horrible thing, I feel very sorry for you ( I did it for 2 years, damn those people who bitch when they don't have enough oreos in their blizzards)
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saucy_tara
post Nov 4 2004, 10:42 AM
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Moving to Issues.
Honey, if I were you I would run. He obviously has no regard for your feelings whatsoever. The thing with casual sex is that if you can be pretty much emotionally detached from the situation, or if it's with a really good friend who you've known for ages then it can be great fun.
But it sounds like you either ned to stop it completely or see if he would like to take things further with you, if thats what you want. Be careful ok?? xxx


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Snugglebum the D...
post Nov 4 2004, 12:01 PM
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Cut and run.

Once emotions start getting involved it will end up killing you a little bit every single day. Save yourself the heartache and don't try and convince yourself that he really is going to end up choosing you and you alone.


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Wyvern
post Nov 4 2004, 05:06 PM
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Be careful with this one sweetheart!

If he's aware of how you feel and still insists on trying to keep it at the same level as before then he probably isnt worth the heartache. Sounds like your being used for all the wrong reasons. If you cant cut and run at least step as far back as you can its not worth that much pain there should be more respect for your feelings than you seem to be getting!
Face it you deserve that respect and if it isnt being offered then its best to walk away, seems harsh now but in the long run you'll be able to laugh at all the good stuff he missed out on because I'll bet your so much better than that!

Take care of yourself hun it does hurt but you know this collective rabble are always here to sound out if you need it!
xxx


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spiffilicious05
post Nov 4 2004, 05:49 PM
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I know that when I met a guy, if he wasn't emotionally attatched to me that made me become emotionally attatched to him.

I think it's the wanting of what you can't have.


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Righteous
post Nov 5 2004, 02:27 AM
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Shut up, noob!
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QUOTE (Jaq @ Nov 3 2004, 09:42 PM)
If he doesn't feel the same way as you do then he's a moron who doesn't know a good thing when he's got it and who really wants to pine after a moron?
*

Aislinn's a good woman and this is tearing me to shreds because a person I love dearly is in pain like this, moreso because I was once there. Getting attatched hurts and it took a bit for my stubborn ass to get out of it. For me, the regret, the feeling of abandonment (from getting attatched to the wrong person), the shame and the lack of real emotional fulfillment just finally put me in a rut I didn't want to get any more into. Spiffy actually is what finally got me out of it, though I wish it were sooner.

Sorry about the ramble, but the point is, I don't want Aislinn to go through the pain I did, even if we respond to it differently. This hurts me, too, albeit indirectly.

On behalf of Aislinn, thanks. She will appreciate this, most definately.


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Aislinn Faye
post Nov 5 2004, 03:24 AM
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Yeah thanks you guys...I know I should cut and run.. but he's also a really cool person to hang out with, and the no emotional attachement was my rule.. I set all the rules and I freaking broke all of them. But.. we're still hanging out, I'm gonna see how things go....I know I'm a moron for sticking around.. but.. I dunno.. he's taking me somewhere.. and asked me not to have sex with a certain person.. like I did.. so I dunno... and the pining is so classical, very rarely does it happen ya know?


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the lil' pie...
post Nov 5 2004, 01:00 PM
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Just be careful that you don't mistake how he means things. If he doesn't want you to sleep with someone else, is it because he feels sad when you do, or he's just controlling you? Is he taking you somewhere to keep you onside because he enjoys what you give him physically?
Hate to sound the sceptic, but I've never seen this type of situation work out any differently, and you seem like a lovely person.
If you need an unbiased point of view, keep us all up to date, I'm sure we'll analyse it all for you smile.gif


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Wyvern
post Nov 5 2004, 07:24 PM
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QUOTE
and the no emotional attachement was my rule.. I set all the rules and I freaking broke all of them.  But.. we're still hanging out, I'm gonna see how things go....I know I'm a moron for sticking around..


Hey sweetheart not so hard on yourself ok? Everybody makes rules and yeah sometimes we stick to them but more often than not we set things a little higher than we can truly control! As people its what we do.

Dont do yourself down if you have been able to face that there is a problem with your situation and bring it out for complete strangers to help with you are not a moron!...just very brave, and for that you have my utmost respect.
Just make sure that you respect yourself too! You seem lovely and if you think this bloke is worth your effort and attention as a friend then by all means see if you can work something out to set yourself at ease, just dont let him use you.
He needs to respect your feelings as well and if he doesnt...well, its harsh but try not to drag it out if you can, as an individual you deserve more.
I concur with Lil' pie fairy be careful that you dont misinterpret his intentions and above all if you need a little help we're here ok? happy.gif


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viper_room
post Nov 9 2004, 11:47 PM
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I have been in that position and god girl do i no how it feels and im still not over him because i didnt walk i recommend walking i no you wont want to hear this but trust me you will be better off trust me it hurts more the longer your having sex and stuff


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Asenyth
post Nov 11 2004, 08:23 AM
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RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY! Many people have been in this situation, including myself, and it always seems to end in hurt. No one likes hurt. I mean there is the chance that maybe he will come around and pursue a relationship with you, but that's not certain. Have you ever heard the expression, "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?"


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Silver Star Ange...
post Nov 11 2004, 03:22 PM
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I also think you should kind of run away. If you get attached any more...it can only hurt worse if it messes up.


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Aislinn Faye
post Nov 16 2004, 04:06 AM
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Well.. things are going great. I still like him and all.. but.. it doesn't really matter.. I mean, He is a really cool person to hang out with... heh, we went to Miami, just the two of us and spent alot of time bonding..and even if we never do hook up, he'll still be a cool friend, and I'm pretty sure he's getting somewhat attached, just by the way he's been talking and acting aroud me.. more possessive (sp) when other guys are around. I'm not even going to let it take control of me...but like I said, and he said, we really enjoy one another's company, and if we get together great, if we don't, I've made a really cool friend. Oh yeah.. we're going to see A Static Lullaby Wednesday!! woo-hoo!!! just had to add that.. so..excited!!

Oh and thank you guys for all the advice.. even though I'm not cutting and running, they did make a voice in the back of my head a little louder.


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The Lorax
post Nov 16 2004, 04:44 AM
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I don't want to let the 'awww' and cute and fuzzy feeling factor get between my advice for you to stay wary.

So stay wary. It could help in the long run.


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Wyvern
post Nov 17 2004, 09:36 PM
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I agree hun stay wary!

Good luck with it all the same.
You can never have too many good friends and I mean the good ones not the random dump you in it when they feel like it type. I mean the Good one's the ones who know you inside and out, the one's who know your soul.

Take care sweetheart let us know how you go. happy.gif


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Aislinn Faye
post Nov 24 2004, 05:49 PM
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Hmm...I'm getting even more attached now..there are times when I get down.. and break down and cry.. but.. he doesn't know it...Heh, I got him tattoos for x-mas, I had the money then and I knew I wouldn't have it come December, so I just went and got them now....It's kinda weird though.. I was at a party, really really buzzed.. and all I wanted to do was talk to him.. and I said "You know.. I love Eric" and.. wow.. ever since then I've been thinking about that..and I do love him.. and it is kinda the non-platonic but also platonic... I dunno.. and I was talking with a mutual friend we have.. and he's like "Sam... remember when you were denying that you liked Eric? Well.. he can deny that he doesn't have any feelings for you, but he does." But.. I'm not gonna post anymore until there's a drastic change... right now.. the feelings are just growing.


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the lil' pie...
post Nov 25 2004, 09:57 AM
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Don't you just love hot water bottles?
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*BIG HUGS* just...careful, you hear? unsure.gif


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Wyvern
post Nov 25 2004, 01:38 PM
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sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes the bug
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QUOTE (the lil' pie fairy @ Nov 25 2004, 09:57 AM)
*BIG HUGS* just...careful, you hear? unsure.gif
*


I second that one sweetheart take care! *Hugs and proffers cookie*


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Misty Rain
post Dec 13 2004, 08:20 PM
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Aislin Faye - Salutations,

You are learning by experience, sex is never ever really casual.
Always one fancies the other more.
Result - misery in varying strengths.

When you grow up this will become more obvious.
This experience will be another lesson for you on the road to wisdom. - I hope.

When you look in the mirror and see a young woman remember your brain is really five years old.
You will not believe this because it is not possible to communicate with another human being except to give street directions or fit new brake pads to your car.
It might become obvious when you are a parent.
Any one aged 20 is 5.
When you point this out they flounce and throw their teddy in the corner.
There is a Jewish saying:-
"Take what you like sayeth the Lord. - Take it and pay for it.
I am not of any religion but this seems to fit the bill for you at the moment
Good luck whatever you do.

Misty Rain

I envy you in some ways.
It took me ages to get sex - don't know if that is good or bad. The younger people I know do not seem any the happier for having more leg overs earlier.
Still I can't go back and try it differently. SIGH
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Aislinn Faye
post Dec 15 2004, 09:45 PM
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Well... everything is cool now.. we are just friends now, and I'm happy about that..I really am.. even though we are moving in together.. with another room mate a co-worker of mine, we're all gonna have seperate bedrooms...and granted we still do have sex, and we still do buy stuff for one another, like he was gonna buy me a ring, but I bought it (having no idea he was gonna get it for me). and all that fun stuff.. and there are still some emotional ties, but they are just.. on a different level now, it's a mix of romantic and friendly.. it's weird, but its not emotionally distressing like it used to be, so everything is great!!


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