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> Sex Quiz, Quiz is for women :-)
tinsle
post Nov 16 2004, 04:44 PM
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Hi, promise I'll be quick. I am basically at a dead end on an argument i am having with my partner unless i provide proof.

I was going to explain the argument but the quiz makes it aparent.

I'm just after about 10 answers. I would be very greatful for your replys but i do understand this info is very personal.

OK:

Age/location:
If in a relationship, how long have you been together?
How often do you have sex?
Do you enjoy everytime you have sex?
IF you have had sex for "HIM" what was the real reason? exmaple: to do something nice for him? to make him stay in a relationship?

His comparison was: A man will go for a romantic walk to please her. Its not something that he would choose to do but he likes to see her happy. A woman might do the same for him but in bed.

S[no swearing on my forums please - Mata] comparison i think and i won't go into how i proved his example was [still no swearing - Mata]. But he still thinks i'm wrong even though i have had the opinion of many of my friends (all female) and he doesn't have any...funny that! *wispers* twat!
So i am after written proof from other females to shove in his face.
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beleraphon
post Nov 16 2004, 05:41 PM
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Interesting will do Q's first then add comment

Age/location:
26/UK
If in a relationship, how long have you been together?
Not sure, since summer?
How often do you have sex?
As time/location permit. Lets just say some, but never enough ;p
Do you enjoy everytime you have sex?
Yes, sometimes more than others, but yes.
IF you have had sex for "HIM" what was the real reason? exmaple: to do something nice for him? to make him stay in a relationship?
Never done that and don't intend to, sex is mutual.

Your comparison this is a bit confusing, a 'romantic walk' isn't in the same legue as sex.
I better comparison to 'romantic walk' might be 'night in front of tv with film', 'evening in pub with some of his mates' or 'going to watch him play football/cricket on sunday' something he wants you to do, but you are not so keen on doing, however you will do it because it makes him happy.

Now if he's trying to get you to do something sexual with him just to make him happy, and its something that you actually do not want to do, then I'd say you were very much with the wrong boyfriend.

hope thats of help
bel.


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tinsle
post Nov 16 2004, 06:18 PM
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Thank you for answering.
I found that i feel the same if it has been going on for a few months but when when a relationship has been going for a couple of years. Would it be the same?

By the way, i really shortened the story and the example so i know its sounds....wrong (if you like)
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beleraphon
post Nov 16 2004, 06:44 PM
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Pervious relationship was 2 years, I felt the same way then, sex is a mutual, shared thing you should not feel pressured into sex or any sexual activity you don't want to do.


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oxym0ronical
post Nov 16 2004, 07:48 PM
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22/USA
N/A - last relationship was a little over 2 years.
Long distance relationship.. same as bel, when we were able to.
Yes, I enjoyed it every time.
I also believe it's a mutual thing. I wouldn't do something I didn't want to do, nor would I try to make him.

I think the biggest thing here is that, yes people will do things they don't necessarily enjoy doing (or enjoy as much as their s/o) in order to spend time with or please their significant others.. but they shouldn't do something they don't *want* to do.
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Snugglebum the D...
post Nov 16 2004, 09:21 PM
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Only replying as I have a slightly different answer to the other two.

25/UK
Currently 4 and a half years.
As and when. Not as often as either would like.
Mostly, has high and low points.

It's the last question that I'd really like to address. Have I had sex with him for a reason that wasn't because I wanted sex? Hell, yes. I've had sex with him (and others) just to shut him the hell up about sex. Was I horny? Nope.

I've also had sex with him to cheer him up when he's been down, reassure him before I've gone out for an evening on my own and because it was his birthday.


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the lil' pie...
post Nov 17 2004, 10:59 AM
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Age/location: 17, UK

If in a relationship, how long have you been together? About two and a half months, but we've been in a situation where sex etc has been happening for around a year and a half.

How often do you have sex? Most days, if I'm staying overnight it's often twice.

Do you enjoy everytime you have sex? Yes smile.gif

IF you have had sex for "HIM" what was the real reason? When he was down about something, to help cheer him up, and once or twice when I wasn't really bothered but he was. On the other hand, that happens the other way round, as well, so it's never unfair.

I've never done something that I don't want to do, and he respects that sometimes I may not want to do things for him. Your boyfriend sounds a little pig-headed and dodgy (no offence to you meant), and maybe he needs a bit of a verbal kick? huh.gif


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Little Green Got...
post Nov 17 2004, 08:30 PM
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Well, most of those questions don't apply to me but I will say that I do things for my guy just because I love him. And I don't think he'll believe all this information if he didn't believe your female friends.


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Little Green Got...
post Nov 17 2004, 08:57 PM
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Oops, double post. Sorry.

This post has been edited by Little Green Goth: Nov 17 2004, 09:10 PM


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tinsle
post Nov 21 2004, 10:51 AM
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SORRY I HAVEN'T GOT BACK SOONER. tHANK YOU FOR ALL (I'M ON CAPITals) your responces. NO help at all to proove my point but still grateful for an answer.

I have split up with him now (he split up with me actually) but i'm not too gutted. I consider it his loss as he ASSUMED a lot of what i felt (mainly because he listened to what people outside of the relationship told him that i felt) and gave me no chance to rectify it.

My point i was trying to make to him is that wimen often have a lower sex drive than men and will do it just because he wants to do it. But when it becomes a long relationship (as the person who agree's with me said) you might do it to shut him the hell up. I was angry because he compared it to a romantic walk or giving the girl some flowers, which for a man incures not much effort. But something as personal as sex if the girl no longer wants to do the "favour" and continues to do it anyway it can become emotionally damaging, more so (beleive it or not you stupiud twat) that making the effort to buy flowers.

I'm am not saynig at all that this was the situation we were in and i did not do anythign that i didn't want to do. But he assumed i did...and told a lot of people who influences him.
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tinsle
post Nov 21 2004, 11:01 AM
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I also feel that a lot of people in this country feel they HAVE to enjoy sex (again I'm not saying that i don't) so it seems that people feel they have to brag or at least NOT admit if they didn't. But if they do admit to it it was probably because he/she was c rap.
To many pear pressures in this place.
I have also lived in spain and between my friends there was little (and still is) talk of sex. Not because anyone is repressed but because its not that big a deal... the same as getting drunk....the same as taking drugs....its everyones personal business and if someone asks its fine to share but there is no making anyone feel iferior because they haven't done it and so on.
This is where and why i make the comparison. And i'm not suprised he won't accept my point of view but i suspect the only reason that i am aware of it is because i met these other ppl.#
Anyway, i have rambled on enough now. Thank you for answering
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tinsle
post Nov 21 2004, 11:12 AM
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to clarify wimen will do it just because he wants to do it:

If a man (to use numbers) wants to do it 4 times a week and his girlfriend 2. How often would he be left unsatisfied and how long (in years) would he be happy to go without his extra 2. Probably a guy with his first love. He wouldn't for his second or third.
Wimen tend to want to make him feel better (motherly) and would be happy to do it an extra 2 times...but for how long.
Again i'm not saying that that she won't enjoy them...just that she wouldn't be up for initiating.
I have come across the answer "but if she fancies him she would never get enough" True. but that kind of feeling does not last forever and anyone who marries while in that state will get divorced withing 3 years. I have known 6 couples.
His point (having asked ppl who were in the starting stages of a relationship and having a "possitive moment") was that if in love...there would not be an "enough". I think he's a woman. He certainly thinks like one.
anyway, overdone my limit.
xx
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beleraphon
post Nov 21 2004, 06:35 PM
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Lower sex drive?
Ummm,

Ahem.

Regardless of that it sounds like you didthe best thing in splitting up. A relationship should be about respect and love, sounds like you weren't getting either from this guy.
Good luck with the next one hon!


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Usurper MrTeapot
post Nov 21 2004, 06:50 PM
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QUOTE (tinsle @ Nov 21 2004, 11:12 AM)
to clarify wimen will do it just because he wants to do it:

If a man (to use numbers) wants to do it 4 times a week and his girlfriend 2. How often would he be left unsatisfied and how long (in years) would he be happy to go without his extra 2. Probably a guy with his first love. He wouldn't for his second or third.

*


I don't feel its quite right using sex with 'the amount of times a week'. It can vary from relationship to relationship, person to person. Mostly I find its on the moment, we can plan sex but it is mostly a spontanious thing. Therefore we end up wanting it around the same amount.


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Asenyth
post Nov 22 2004, 07:54 AM
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As a woman, I can easily say that women having a lower sex drive then men is simply a sterotype. I have lived with my boyfriend for over a year now, and I am the one that wants more sex. I think that this sterotype is placed because of the ages of people saying it. Most women reach their sexual peak in their 30's where as most men reach their sexual peak at about 18-20. But that isn't true for everyone and like a said, I most certainly go against the grain. biggrin.gif


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kisah
post Nov 22 2004, 08:42 PM
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WARNING!!!!!!!! this post contains way too much personal information for anyone that's not keen to read about someone else's sex life, especially if you're going to the Nottingham munch where you might see them in person. Proceed with caution!

mmmmm sex...

I realize the actual purpose of this post has expired but I'm pretty sure the information that everyone has posted is still valid and useful for lots of women.

I thought I'd reply to this because I did a lot of studying re: women's sexual climate in relationship to their relationship's emotional climate and also a thesis on whether or not orgasm muscle spasms help or impede sperm to reach their goal (ie, whether we're breeding out orgasmic women or the other way around, evolutionarily speaking)... So I've been pretty obsessed with topics like this for ages! wink.gif

Just for background info, I'm 25, married for the past year to a man I've known for about 20 months. My longest relationship was for three years and it was in my adulthood as well (if that really matters).

I spent the first 10 years of my sexually active life completely unsatisfyed physically. The closeness was lovely, the interaction and attention blissful, but the orgasms were absent. I was concerned that there was something wrong with my body. I faked orgasms to make the men in my life feel capable. I faked orgasms because I was ready to be done. I faked orgasms because I was tired of trying to make real ones. Clearly, everybody's stuff is different sizes, shapes, and all that. I didn't want to think about the grey areas in my sex life. Either I wanted a man that wanted me so I let him have me and I didn't think there was anything wrong with that or I didn't have anyone and thought I was broken. Damaged goods. Whatever. I didn't have any problems getting off on my own, just when someone else was involved.
Then I discovered women. Lovely wonderful women. It was as though I had found the missing key to a box that held my favorite toy. Alright, anyway. The point of this hugely private and probably too much information post is that after I started researching I found that nearly 1/3 of all women surveyed in an annonymous setting admitted to faking orgasm some if not all of the time. This was a pretty big news. Now, I'm not trying to say that women who fake orgasms aren't enjoying the sex. I'm not there, I don't know. All I know is that when I was faking them I was having sex *only* for him, never for me, because I wanted to feel like I had a normal functional relationship. I decided that wasn't good enough and found a guy that is wonderful and also capable.

I'm not entirely sure what the whole point is, but if you aren't satisfied you're not alone and you don't have to be with someone that doesn't fulfill you because sex is an important part of some relationships and if you stick it out it will just carry on forever and eventually you might resent it and they will most probably be pissy that you lied so think about what you're doing before you spend a lifetime faking it.


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tinsle
post Nov 23 2004, 12:18 PM
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Do you think that because wimen don't admit to it they create a false idea or standard to which other wimen feel they should live up to?

Resulting in NO ONE admitting to it. Example: someone ask a question in the workplace. Do you enjoy sex? The first person to answer will say yes (either because they are confident or because if they say no they might be the only ones to end up saying it. and that would be emabarrasing)and the second will feel they also have to say yes because the first one did (probably encouradged by the voice tone of the first or they in fact always enjoy it) and so on.

And imagin that that is the case of someone new to this (a teenager) the picture laid out for them is that everyone enjoys it and if, in the likely case that they won't, until they gain some experience they might go off it. Maybe cos they're not good at it? Or as you put it "feel like they are broken".

Anyone agree?
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kisah
post Nov 23 2004, 07:51 PM
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QUOTE (tinsle @ Nov 23 2004, 12:18 PM)
Do you think that because wimen don't admit to it they create a false idea or standard to which other wimen feel they should live up to?

*


Tough to answer for anyone other than myself but I think that is absolutely part of the problem. The fact that some women have more difficulty achieving sexual climax with a partner (or even by themself for that matter, I have a friend that didn't have her first orgasm until she was 31 and that was primarily spawned by my giving her a vibrator for christmas last year) than others makes it a very touchy subject. Obviously, many women enjoy sexual experiences with their partners, some women pretend to thinking that they might give their partner a complex or guilt if they failed to get off... all this creates more pressure for the women that don't enjoy it to pretend they do. It doesn't help matters that many men don't know where the clitoris lives let alone what to do with it... and then if they had a partner that was easily pleased they might think they have it all figured out for every woman which is also not the case. Unfortunately for men what women get off on will vary more often and to a greater degree than it will for men.


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Snugglebum the D...
post Nov 23 2004, 09:16 PM
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I'm in agreement with kisah here.

*embarassing stuff alert*

I have never had an orgasm through penetrative sex. I've also never faked an orgasm.

This has always been the way with me. I've had some lovers who have been kind enough to make it their mission to be the first to bring me to orgasm through sex (although I suspect there may have been some ego issues for them here too). All have failed. Rumour has it that it is possible, doesn't bother me any more though. There are many other ways to orgasm and I'm quite happy to continue to explore those. wink.gif

I can see how it would bother some woman though. There seems to be a lot of pressure for us to orgasm and I can see how it would make some people feel inadequate.

QUOTE
It doesn't help matters that many men don't know where the clitoris lives let alone what to do with it...


Most men know WHERE it is but I've met only a few who know how to treat it properly. FYI, guys - it takes a little more finesse then rubbing it like crazy. tongue.gif


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Jonman
post Nov 24 2004, 09:58 AM
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QUOTE
It doesn't help matters that many men don't know where the clitoris lives let alone what to do with it...


Swindon?

</spam>


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Snugglebum the D...
post Nov 24 2004, 11:47 AM
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QUOTE
Swindon?


Hehehehehehe - I was just coming back to do that joke. biggrin.gif


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kisah
post Nov 24 2004, 07:19 PM
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QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Nov 24 2004, 03:47 AM)
QUOTE
Swindon?


Hehehehehehe - I was just coming back to do that joke. biggrin.gif
*




I don't get it?

unsure.gif
Anywho,
I'm in the same boat as snugs here, though until fairly recently I had never had an orgasm from anybody but me. I still haven't gotten off from regular intercourse but that's a pretty small view of what sex is so I'm pretty pleased. Especially since there are women out there in their 80's that don't have a clue what an orgasm feels like. Screw that.


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Sir Psycho Sexy
post Nov 24 2004, 09:02 PM
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oops...wrong button >_>

this can be deleted if anyone thinks about it


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Snugglebum the D...
post Nov 24 2004, 09:39 PM
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QUOTE
oops...wrong button >_>


I bet you say that to all the girls, you charmer you. tongue.gif biggrin.gif


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Jonman
post Nov 25 2004, 07:14 AM
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QUOTE (Snugglebum the Destroyer @ Nov 24 2004, 09:39 PM)
QUOTE
oops...wrong button >_>


I bet you say that to all the girls, you charmer you. tongue.gif biggrin.gif
*



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