IPB

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

 Forum Rules 
 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Zombie Contingency Plans..., Do you have any?
little_bear
post Jan 10 2005, 08:04 PM
Post #1


I could have written a short novel by this point
************

Group: Banned
Posts: 1,748
Joined: 19-October 04
From: Shropshire, UK.
Member No.: 1,378
Gender: Male



I've been thinking about this a great deal. What would I actually do in the event of a zombie infestation of Great Britian, or at least some infection of some sort á la 28 Days Later? So, I have formulated a plan which I think would enable me to survive relatively safely.

Okay, so here we go.

Analysis of Our Foes

I am hoping that all of you out there know what to look for in a zombie. If not, please read this section carefully, and when we have finished I hope to have enabled you to competently spot a zombie every single time. biggrin.gif

First, Encarta Dictionary defines a zombie (in our case) as:

"Dead body given life by voodoo: in voodoo, a soul-less dead body brought back to life again."

As you can see, the operative word here is 'Dead'. Tell tale signs of a zombie are as follows:

>Rotting flesh.
>Shambling, shuffling gate.
>Deep, low moaning voice, often uttering the words "Brains...."
>Arms extended in an almost puppet-esque fashion.
>Missing body parts (this may be covered by the aforementioned 'Rotting flesh').

First Few Hours

I imagine that I would discover the zombies knocking at my door rather more quickly than it could appear on the News, since there is a graveyard at the bottom of the road near us. Henceforth, it would be necessary to secure all windows and doors on the first floor the instant the first sightings were made. In the short term, planks blocking major entrances would be sufficient, giving me and my family to stock up with supplies and anything else we may need. Petrol would be a must, as would tinned food, a tin opener wink.gif, weapons of any sort and transportation. In the time whilst securing the front of the house, one of our party would have to ventue out to load up our vehicle of choice (in this case a delapidated Vauxhall Astra Estate) with the necessary provisions. Meanwhile, another would keep a close eye out for any of our 'life-challenged' friends. Once this had happened, we would then all climb into our vehicle, and make a dash for the nearest military base.

Weapons

We must now consider the weapons of choice for such an occurance. Firstly, zombies, by their nature, are dead and as such feel no pain, nor are they hindered by the loss of any major bodily organs such as liver, intestines, or lungs. In fact, many of them may already lack such organs. Therefore, we must look to do as much 'clean' damage to them as possible, should we have to fight some. 'Trauma' damage would not do much good, and may only anger them more, if indeed at all. The only true way of killing a zombie is to destroy the brain. Therefore, we need to be looking at either swords, axes, or shotguns. Swords being essentially big, sharp sticks are ideal, since one can slice limbs and heads off with relative ease, dealing as much damage as possible with minimal chance of them eating our so beloved brains. A similar case can be made for axes. In terms of firearms, I have chosen shotguns because of their enormous spread and power. Pistols and rifles are simply out of the question, as when facing a zombie hoard one simply wouldn't have the time to aim carefully for the head. What is more, unless you are a crack shot, it's unlikely you will hit the head. With the power of today's weapons, a pistol round will go through the rotting flesh of our zombie assailants. Hence, shotguns are simply the only way to go.


Saying this however, some of you out there may lack the necessary equipment. Not everyone has access to swords, shotguns and axes. So, improvisation is the key. Fire is your friend. (But only in this instance kids, don't play with fire under normal circumstances!) If your life is in danger, use anything and everything to harm your un-dead attackers. I'm talking throwing filing cabinets, CDs, and even if necessary, vinyl disks in Shaun of the Dead stylee. I'm not joking about the vinyls either. They can make particulally potent weapons, and if cut into shapes, can make handy, large shuiken.

What to do Next?

Right, we have our weapons, our food and essential supplies. What now? Well, the obvous answer is to head to the nearest military base. However, if the base is infested, we may need to reconsider our objective. Ideally, what is needed is an easily defendable position, with around 100ft of open ground on all sides. A second story would be invaluable. From such a position, one could hold out for weeks, if not months, providing the supplies lasted long enough, and no ill advised survivors tried to talk the zombies round. If you lack such a fortifed stronghold, then avoid making yourself vulnerable to being surrounded. Stay away from dark alleys, abandoned research bases, graveyards/cemetarys and empty police stations. Finally, try and stay in the country, since the zombie concentration is likely to be significantly less in open fields and woodland.

Further Reading

The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks

Can be purchased Here.

I hope this guide has helped all you out there living in fear at the constant threat of zombie attack. The above guide is by no means comprehensive, so please feel free to add thoughts and suggestions.

Author: little_bear


--------------------
People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
ravein
post Jan 10 2005, 08:16 PM
Post #2


Many fools can now anticipate pity!
************

Group: Moderators
Posts: 2,297
Joined: 26-February 03
From: East Coast US
Member No.: 40
Gender: Female



O_o
WOW

I personally am a fan of the boat to a deserted island concept.


--------------------
Proud Cronie since Feb 26, 2003
"When women act like women, they are accused of being inferior. When women act like human beings, they are accused of behaving like men." —Simone de Beauvoir
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. -Anais Nin
No matter that patriotism is too often the refuge of scoundrels. Dissent, rebellion, and all-around hell-raising remain the true duty of patriots. -Barbara Ehrenreich

live journal
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
I_am_the_best
post Jan 10 2005, 08:37 PM
Post #3


Dirty Laundry
************

Group: Established Members
Posts: 3,191
Joined: 7-January 05
From: By London
Member No.: 1,573
Gender: Female



I'm personally thinking that if a zombie comes knocking at my door then I'm just going to shoot myself and join their ranks. Wow, I've never really thought about that much but it seems that you are fit, Little Bear, to write a whole book on zombie escape plans.


--------------------
Emma <3 James <3
"Music is a moral law. It gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, a charm to sadness, gaiety and life to everything. It is the essence of order, and leads to all that is good, just and beautiful, of which it is the invisible, but nevertheless dazzling, passionate, and eternal form." - Plato
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Moosh
post Jan 10 2005, 08:39 PM
Post #4


I plug directly into my computer
************

Group: Established Members
Posts: 3,643
Joined: 18-November 04
From: Manchester
Member No.: 1,488
Gender: Male



I'm with I_am_the_Best

Who else would just join the zombies?


--------------------
QUOTE (Peter Griffin)
Math, my dear boy, is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
little_bear
post Jan 10 2005, 08:39 PM
Post #5


I could have written a short novel by this point
************

Group: Banned
Posts: 1,748
Joined: 19-October 04
From: Shropshire, UK.
Member No.: 1,378
Gender: Male



QUOTE (I_am_the_best @ Jan 10 2005, 09:37 PM)
I'm personally thinking that if a zombie comes knocking at my door then I'm just going to shoot myself and join their ranks. Wow, I've never really thought about that much but it seems that you are fit, Little Bear, to write a whole book on zombie escape plans.
*


Nah, its just I'm more in touch with my inner geek than other folk. wink.gif

As for shooting yourself, I would intend to survive as long as possible but I will admit that I would rather kill myself than allow myself to be torn apart by their cold, dead hands.


--------------------
People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Moosh
post Jan 10 2005, 09:07 PM
Post #6


I plug directly into my computer
************

Group: Established Members
Posts: 3,643
Joined: 18-November 04
From: Manchester
Member No.: 1,488
Gender: Male



I've made a poll about this now Here


--------------------
QUOTE (Peter Griffin)
Math, my dear boy, is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Faerieryn
post Jan 10 2005, 09:42 PM
Post #7


Faeries don't bite we just nibble a bit!
************

Group: Moderators
Posts: 1,698
Joined: 16-August 03
From: A town called Malice, England, The world
Member No.: 535
Gender: Female



Desert Island plan seems a good one to me


--------------------
If life hands you a lemon make lemonade, lace it with cyanide and then pass it around. What can I say I'm a revenge type of gal!!! Ryn
Wearing a large shiny tag around neck "Uncullable Faerie"
Official S P A N G L E R and self proclaimed protector of Tribe Wyvern- OOh Sparkly!!
Proud leader of the Super Spangler Squad. Me and Stardust wil spangle your a$$!!
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
little_bear
post Jan 10 2005, 11:01 PM
Post #8


I could have written a short novel by this point
************

Group: Banned
Posts: 1,748
Joined: 19-October 04
From: Shropshire, UK.
Member No.: 1,378
Gender: Male



blink.gif

I've just realised that that post up yonder is only *does quick mental calculation, with some difficulty* 115 words less than my AS Level Biology coursework analysis.

I really should work harder in Biology methinks...


--------------------
People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
the lil' pie...
post Jan 11 2005, 12:12 PM
Post #9


Don't you just love hot water bottles?
************

Group: New Members
Posts: 2,606
Joined: 21-March 03
From: York University
Member No.: 160
Gender: Female



I personally would find the nearest big hill with good all-round vision, and defend myself from there. With boiling oil, rocks and arrows. Then the flaming zombies would get knocked into more zombies, cue mass combustion of zombie matter, problem solved.
Although, if for some reason this didn't work...I'd shoot myself too.


--------------------
It's not so bad being trendy, everyone who looks like me is my friend...

SHINY...

Freshers Flu is a buttmunch.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Korbin Dallas
post Jan 11 2005, 12:44 PM
Post #10


I like the way her hands move as well!
*****

Group: New Members
Posts: 170
Joined: 3-November 04
From: Brighton
Member No.: 1,429



QUOTE (little_bear @ Jan 10 2005, 08:04 PM)
As you can see, the operative word here is 'Dead'.  Tell tale signs of a zombie are as follows:

>Rotting flesh.
>Shambling, shuffling gate.
>Deep, low moaning voice, often uttering the words "Brains...."
>Arms extended in an almost puppet-esque fashion.
>Missing body parts (this may be covered by the aforementioned 'Rotting flesh').
*

This seems to be assuming quite a lot little bear.


--------------------
Responsibility: an anchor round my neck. Dependability: Made me a nervous wreck. Accountability: I live from cheque to cheque. Volatility: neglect and no respect. Got my wheels in motion, & I got a path to beat. I hit the road to I don't know, & look for tough sh*t street. One way ticket nowhere. There's no windows on this train. Can't see where I'm headed, but I'm going there again.

Primary adjunct to Mistress Snugglebums harem.
Procurement drone One of Nine

QUOTE(Feyliyas signature)
@_@ Blog Matazone. You know you want to. @_@
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
little_bear
post Jan 11 2005, 01:16 PM
Post #11


I could have written a short novel by this point
************

Group: Banned
Posts: 1,748
Joined: 19-October 04
From: Shropshire, UK.
Member No.: 1,378
Gender: Male



QUOTE (Korbin Dallas @ Jan 11 2005, 01:44 PM)
QUOTE (little_bear @ Jan 10 2005, 08:04 PM)
As you can see, the operative word here is 'Dead'.  Tell tale signs of a zombie are as follows:

>Rotting flesh.
>Shambling, shuffling gate.
>Deep, low moaning voice, often uttering the words "Brains...."
>Arms extended in an almost puppet-esque fashion.
>Missing body parts (this may be covered by the aforementioned 'Rotting flesh').
*

This seems to be assuming quite a lot little bear.
*



Well, since no-one actually knows what a zombie would like, I guess quite a lot of assumption would be needed.


--------------------
People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 



Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 24th October 2017 - 12:22 AM
Use these links if you're going to shop at Amazon and a percentage of what you spend goes towards helping this site!