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> Coming Out Anecdotes, Mine & yours!
froggle-rock
post Apr 10 2005, 04:00 AM
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I was 17*, halfway through my first year of college and I'd decided to drop out from the A -Level courses I was studying. I never thought my mother was homophobic, but it was still a big thing for me to tell her I was seeing a woman. I just never would have predicted her reaction in a thousand years.

Froggy: Mum, I have two things to tell you.
Ma Frog: Mhmm?
Froggy: I dropped out of my A -Levels, but I'm going on another course.
Ma Frog: Well as long as you studying something that you enjoy, I'm happy for you.
Froggy: The other thing is that Cinnamon is my girlfriend.
Ma Frog: We [step-father & Ma Frog] always thought you were a lesbian.
Froggy: Lesbian? Me? Huh?
Ma Frog: Well you've never bought any boys home.
Fro huh.gif ggy: *stumped*


Hehehehe, well that's my coming out story. Anyone else wanna take a stab at an anecdote to tickle fancies?

* I was in fact 17, not 16 as I initialy put. I didn't think I'd start loosing my memory so soon huh.gif


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Righteous
post Apr 10 2005, 04:26 AM
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Well, the guys always figured I was a bit fruity when they found out I had a crush on Ville Valo (of HIM). There was one case where I messed around with a friend and her boyfriend (Spiffy and I kinda broke up, so yeah...). Later at my house, my brother and the guys were making fun of me and somehow it lead to Rick's girlfriend saying, "Well, he's never done anything with a guy." I clammed up and apparently my body language gave me away. Rick gave me this priceless look followed by "...Ugh!" I then had to explain that I'm still about the ladies, but I'm also about guys, too.

Later, I told my friend Justin and he reacted with, "Yeah, we kinda already knew." Apparently, I did make it that obvious.


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PsychWardMike
post Apr 10 2005, 04:54 AM
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El Froggy's a lesbian? Huh. Learn somethin new every day.

Anyway, my story wasn't much to tell... more or less I was sitting around with a bunch of mates and said "I'm bi. Who cares?" There were no takers. My buds are pretty chill with it.

Oh yeah. There was another time with a friend (just two days ago actually...). I was making fun of a girl for being a closet lesbian (she happens to say the word "vagina" very frequently). The first girl, Jackie, then said "How do we know you're not bisexual?" "I am," I says. She felt aqkward... I giggled.

And does anyone else get the reaction that you have some sort of a disease when you come out? I get that a lot...

Mike: "Yeah, I'm bi."
Person: "Really? I'm so sorry!"


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Righteous
post Apr 10 2005, 06:17 AM
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Her Frogginess is bi, Micky.

The only thing that really gets to me about Rick (the ONLY THING) is that Rick thinks I shouldn't like guys at all. He thinks I should stop for the sake of our dad, who we assume is a homophobe. He thinks it's wrong and I can't change his mind or get him to accept that part of me. It hurts; it really does.


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CommieBastard
post Apr 10 2005, 07:38 AM
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QUOTE (funked)out_frog @ Apr 10 2005, 05:00 AM)
Froggy: The other thing is that Cinnamon is my girlfriend.
*


I would like to interject here to say that "Cinnamon" is the perfect name for a lesbian.

That is all.

/spam


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Polocrunch
post Apr 10 2005, 09:38 AM
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Well, I didn't come out as such, I was dragged out. I had been slowly coming out to people via my LJ (writing things about men that made it obvious, giving them the link and letting them figure it out themselves) and letting people know through word of mouth. Then I gave my LJ link to a boy who turned out to be a total idiot, which was just the hugest mistake ever.

He told the sports-idiot boys (to this day, I don't know what motivated him to do so; he's a bloody Christian, he should know better! Oh wait, the Crusades) and within about thirty minutes the entire year knew and was talking about it. What was funniest was the reaction of my friends, most of whom were totally clueless. One of them gawped in amazement and exclaimed "What?! Alex is gay? Noooo," the others stood around quietly, completely gobsmacked, and one of them went home and had a swig of whiskey to calm his nerves.

That night we had huge long discussions on the Internet in which every conversation ran along exactly the same lines:

"So I hear you're gay."
"Yup."
"Wow. How long have you known?"
"I don't really know. A few years? Something like that."
"WOW. That long, huh."
"Yeah."
"I still can't believe you're gay."
"Yeah. Well, I have to do some work now..."
"What, gaily?"
"Shutup."

And that was pretty much the same for about six or seven people. What surprised me was that no-one had even an inkling unless I'd told them. And what annoyed me was that the news spread throughout the entire school, and pretty quickly. Within weeks teachers were making coded speeches about how they had said all along that we had to accept people of all differences, no matter what their race, religion, sexuality, etc. Never mind that the subject of sexuality had never once come up during schooltime except when one of the sports teachers was making a vaguely bigoted joke.

I think that quite a lot of the school must have read my LJ before I figured out how to make entries private, including a number of snoopy teachers. And then, somehow, my sister found out along the grapevine (despite going to a different school). My poor brother had the same group of annoying idiots run up to him every day for two months shouting, "Hey did you know your brother's gay LOL KTHX," and eventually I punched one of them because he was pissing me off so much.

Wot larks, eh?
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Polocrunch
post Apr 10 2005, 09:41 AM
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Oh! And then someone made not-so-subtle references to me in one of the Sixth Form plays. My history teacher (who I thought was clueless as he kept making jokes about the kind of woman I would marry) gave them a verbal seeing-to for that, but the whole school saw it (faculty included), and most of them got it. Good thing that it was the worst play for years, though.

And! One of my male friends came out to me as bi. I was both flattered and apathetic.
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markslut
post Apr 10 2005, 11:54 AM
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I still haven't technicly, though my mum is aware that I dress smile.gif


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saucy_tara
post Apr 10 2005, 11:57 AM
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I told my mum on the bus smile.gif
Funnily enough, she already knew wink.gif


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froggle-rock
post Apr 10 2005, 12:35 PM
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QUOTE (CommieBastard @ Apr 10 2005, 08:38 AM)
I would like to interject here to say that "Cinnamon" is the perfect name for a lesbian.
*


This is either really obvious, or I've no emersed myself well enough into the 'scene' to know why, so why darling?


QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Apr 10 2005, 10:38 AM)
eventually I punched one of them because he was pissing me off so much.
*


*giggles hysterically, although she doesn't condone violence*


Thing is I'd had a boyfriend before I'd gotten with Cinnamon, I just didn't feel the need to bring him home to meet my family, or infact mention him to my family.

Hmm, does anyone else have that, 'partners worthy of introducing to family' and 'partners not worthy of introducing to family'. I guess I just don't want to bring a string of people in and out of my younger siblings lives.


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markslut
post Apr 10 2005, 12:52 PM
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I'd just rather not let anyone meet my dad.


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Polocrunch
post Apr 10 2005, 02:44 PM
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My parents get along with most people, but I just can't stand my mother giving me these smug little looks. I don't even know why she gives them, it just irritates me. So no more boyfriends being brought home for a while.
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Snugglebum the D...
post Apr 10 2005, 02:53 PM
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QUOTE
My parents get along with most people, but I just can't stand my mother giving me these smug little looks. I don't even know why she gives them, it just irritates me. So no more boyfriends being brought home for a while.


Bah, you think that's bad - my Dad threatened to chuck my first boyfriend through a window if he ever caught him in my room. ohmy.gif

/spam

On topic - I remember the day that I didn't ever have to tell my parents that I was straight. I mean, they would have been really upset to know that I liked boys. dry.gif

Doesn't it wrankled a little bit that you actually have to come out? I mean, no one questions hetrosexuals about their sexual preferances. Well, apart from Frog who I'm convinced is trying to tap into my lesbian within. tongue.gif


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froggle-rock
post Apr 10 2005, 04:34 PM
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Dagnamit! -Why do I respect Mata too much to be smutty here? *takes this in to PM's*


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A society that takes itself too seriously risks bottling up its tensions and treating every example of irreverence as a threat to its existence. Humour is one of the great solvents of democracy. It permits the ambiguities and contradictions of public life to be articulated in non-violent forms. It promotes diversity. It enables a multitude of discontents to be expressed in a myriad of spontaneous ways. It is an elixir of constitutional health. J. Sachs in Laugh It Off Promotions CC v SAB International (Finance) BV t/a SabMark International (Freedom of Expression Institute as Amicus Curiae) 2006 (1) SA 144 (CC)
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Polocrunch
post Apr 10 2005, 05:22 PM
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Question: did anyone else ever get the 'we'll love you no matter what you are' speech and then get the feeling later that they weren't being entirely truthful?
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froggle-rock
post Apr 10 2005, 05:57 PM
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I truley believe that that speech from my mum was absolutly genuine. I think other members of my family have had to adjust a bit. But all in all I'm very fortunate to have a family that will love purley for the fact that I was born in it. Obviously there are things I could go and do that would mean I received no mo' 'unconditional love', but I severly doubt I am going to murder anyone any time.
In saying that I guess it depends on how much your parent want you to be a partucular way, how they want you to conduct yourself, and what degree they want you to study. As long as a parent can realise that thier child will be thier own person, and hopefuly live a forfilling life from being who they are then there's not a problem.

I'm starting to ramble. Anyways, I know that one of my aunts is a bit iffy about lesbians, gays and bis. But she knows I've had a girlfriend, so do all my cousins including her daughter (apart from the ones who are too young to remember).


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MistressAlti
post Apr 10 2005, 06:10 PM
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QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Apr 10 2005, 11:22 AM)
Question: did anyone else ever get the 'we'll love you no matter what you are' speech and then get the feeling later that they weren't being entirely truthful?
*


Sounds familiar.

My mother told me I was going through a phase. Ha ha, a phase. Sure. Then pouted for a weekend or so and cornered me later to tell me she'd always love me, etc. After that, no-one talked about it. Ever. Mom would just always push the idea of me dating guys, hoping that my bisexuality still gave me a shot at living a "normal" life. My stepfather pokes fun at her, though - one Christmas, they were being especially obnoxious, and I told them that I'd never bring anyone home with me for holidays because I'd be so embarrassed. The stepfather then gave a pointed look at my mother and said that he promised to behave if I brought home a girl. biggrin.gif
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Polocrunch
post Apr 10 2005, 06:41 PM
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Those thoughts about your stepfather are mildy disturbing. tongue.gif

Well, I suspect that my mother is not nearly as liberal as she makes out, and a lot of her friends have voiced some very dodgy opinions about people who are 'different' from them (blacks, gays, etc; strangely never Asians - round here there are so many prosperous Asians that they sort of meld into the background). However, she does acts like a jerk whenever I do something the slightest bit 'exciting' - do something new, bring home a friend, announce any kind of plan. So maybe I'm just being paranoid.
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{Gothic Angel}
post Apr 10 2005, 08:11 PM
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<spam>

My mother doesn't care how I'm orientated, she would just be happy if I got a partner within 150 miles of us. tongue.gif (My b/f lives in Wales)

She doesn't approve of my current relationship. As she frequently reminds me.

</spam>


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Righteous
post Apr 10 2005, 08:30 PM
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QUOTE (Polocrunch @ Apr 10 2005, 05:38 AM)
...and eventually I punched one of them because he was pissing me off so much.
*

YEAH!
QUOTE
I'd just rather not let anyone meet my dad.

Likewise. I think he's already ashamed of me enough.
QUOTE
I mean, no one questions hetrosexuals about their sexual preferances.

That pisses me off. When my older sister (who strangely was the first person I told) asked "How do you know you're bi?" I asked, "How do you know you're straight?" It shut her up quickly.
QUOTE
Question: did anyone else ever get the 'we'll love you no matter what you are' speech and then get the feeling later that they weren't being entirely truthful?

Rick and I still love each other as much as humanly possible. FOr God's sake, we've been there for eachother for over eighteen years. The thing is, he HATES the fact that I'm bi. He hates that more than he hates the fact that I smoke pot! I want to try dating guys now, but he's against it. As I've said, that's the only thing I hate about him and I never thought it would hurt this much.
QUOTE
My mother told me I was going through a phase.

And I quote: "Just because you're questioning your sexuality doesn't mean you have to go through the answer book."

My friends overall have been various shades of accepting. Some are cooler with it that others (obviously) but I haven't lost any friends over this. I can only imagine what'll happen if/when I get a boyfriend. I hope to God it doesn't come down to "It's him or me!"

The bright side of my parents not knowing is that I can have my "friend" stay over and, according to Rick, it wouldn't be suspicious because two guys can sleep in the same bed and it's not gay (BTW, I swear that Rick and his friend Matt are gay lovers).

And Polo, you can't hold all Christians responsible for the Crusades. That'd be like holding me responsible for the 700 Club.


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Polocrunch
post Apr 11 2005, 07:31 AM
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QUOTE
And Polo, you can't hold all Christians responsible for the Crusades.


Sorry, I meant that he was one of those really overbearing evangelical Christians. I figure that they're the modern inheritors to the Catholic Church of the Middle Ages, what with being incredibly backwards, slightly repressive and completely close-minded. Maybe I've been reading too much Margaret Atwood. tongue.gif
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believe
post Apr 11 2005, 08:20 AM
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QUOTE
Question: did anyone else ever get the 'we'll love you no matter what you are' speech and then get the feeling later that they weren't being entirely truthful?


My parents never gave me that speech. So I suppose it might count.


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PsychWardMike
post Apr 11 2005, 10:31 AM
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Oh. I'm sorry, believe... that must hurt.

The only speech I've gotten is from my dad more or less telling me he'd beat the hell out of me if I ever brought aboy home. Yay!


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Jonman
post Apr 11 2005, 10:58 AM
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QUOTE (PsychWardMike @ Apr 11 2005, 10:31 AM)
Oh.  I'm sorry, believe...  that must hurt.

The only speech I've gotten is from my dad more or less telling me he'd beat the hell out of me if I ever brought aboy home.  Yay!
*


Make sure the boy you bring home is huge, and a martial arts champion.


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Sir Psycho Sexy
post Apr 11 2005, 12:07 PM
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QUOTE (PsychWardMike @ Apr 11 2005, 10:31 AM)
Oh.  I'm sorry, believe...  that must hurt.
*


Why assume the worst? Unless I missed something somewhere else, just because they don't give the speech, doesn't mean they don't mean it, maybe they don't feel they have to give that speech. I get the feeling that in some/most cases (not all, froggy's mum clearly rocks) it could be as much a case of the parent reassuring themselves that they still love their child as them reassuring their child. Course, I could be talking out of my arse tongue.gif


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