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> Poem, first post-new poem(s?).
Guest_over_the_aybss_*
post Apr 12 2005, 11:43 PM
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Wyvern
post Jun 14 2005, 09:03 PM
Post #2


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There's something about that last poem that catches my attention. As yet I can't quite put my finger on it but when I do I'll let you know.

My main point of hesitation though is that I'm not sure about how you use punctuation. When I tried to read that aloud I ran out of breath.
Is it your intention for others to insert punctuation where they feel it is required?
I have come across others who use that method but often on a much shorter passage, this seems a touch long for that to be truly effective. Perhaps by fiddling a little with your puntuation you could really enhance the impact of that piece?

Either way I enjoy reading your work even though I don't post often, on occasion it gives me a kick start to get back to my own work. Although its mainly visual I find text can be a fascinating starting point for so many ideas. Keep it up!


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- over_the_aybss   Poem   Apr 12 2005, 11:43 PM
- - fire_dragon   Your poems awesome!   Apr 13 2005, 07:44 PM
- - PsychWardMike   Alright, much like many other poems on this board,...   Apr 14 2005, 01:10 PM
- - depressed lonely crazy person   There doesn't seem to be much of a point to it...   Apr 14 2005, 01:13 PM
- - PsychWardMike   No, you see the problem is is that's not reall...   Apr 14 2005, 08:49 PM
- - voices_in_my_head   well.... I Liked it. Sure, it may not be defined a...   Apr 14 2005, 10:16 PM
|- - rainbowclogs   I don't care what anyone says, poetry is from ...   Apr 16 2005, 09:29 PM
|- - rainbowclogs   arrrrrrrggghhh!! PLEASE ignore the typing...   Apr 16 2005, 09:37 PM
- - trunks_girl26   Hun, Mike wasn't being harsh or mean or trying...   Apr 15 2005, 12:24 AM
- - PsychWardMike   Alright - you're offended; I didn't do any...   Apr 15 2005, 02:50 AM
- - dancing hamster guy   Nice to see a bit of the old mike coming through...   Apr 15 2005, 08:37 AM
- - trunks_girl26   Actually, if you read the quote I put in my commen...   Apr 17 2005, 03:34 AM
- - PsychWardMike   QUOTE ...I really would like to know what other pe...   Apr 17 2005, 04:55 PM
- - trunks_girl26   Alright, as I'm trying to be diplomatic here, ...   Apr 18 2005, 11:11 PM
- - PsychWardMike   You give poets a bad name - this is exactly why ev...   Apr 19 2005, 01:29 AM
- - depressed lonely crazy person   This person is just being childish and wanting an ...   Apr 19 2005, 12:54 PM
|- - tv with legs   its good   Jul 11 2005, 08:00 PM
- - Mata   Bear with this, it does get to a good point at the...   Apr 22 2005, 01:00 AM
- - artist.unknown   Agreed, Mata, Mike's aproach often tends to di...   Apr 22 2005, 02:00 AM
- - PsychWardMike   Mata, I wasn't trying to villify anyone. If I...   Apr 22 2005, 02:11 AM
- - Mata   Mike, I really do understand what you were trying ...   Apr 22 2005, 03:26 PM
- - Mata   Nice to have you back. I don't like it when th...   Apr 23 2005, 12:38 AM
- - funked)out_frog   I'm not a poet, nor do I go out of my way to r...   Apr 23 2005, 01:53 AM
- - depressed lonely crazy person   I like these batter than your previous things...bu...   Apr 25 2005, 03:08 PM
- - beleraphon   They read more like song lyrics than poems to me, ...   Apr 25 2005, 04:15 PM
- - Mata   For advice: as hard as it sounds, I don't thin...   Apr 25 2005, 10:50 PM
- - Mata   Thanks You can say 'pisses', that's ...   Apr 26 2005, 02:33 AM
- - PsychWardMike   Cheers Mata. I actually find it harder to write i...   Apr 26 2005, 05:20 PM
- - Mata   Nope, I'm not usually pedantic, but if you ask...   Apr 27 2005, 12:47 AM
- - Apollyon   Hmm... I guess I will say something about all of y...   Apr 29 2005, 03:19 AM
- - Apollyon   I like the internal dialogue one. I know others m...   May 7 2005, 04:11 PM
- - Mata   I know what you mean, I've never really been t...   May 14 2005, 12:58 AM
- - LPScythe   Boring. And pretty much like 28374692389476012398...   May 19 2005, 06:33 PM
- - I_am_the_best   I quite liked the Hidden Heaven poem. I think that...   May 19 2005, 07:03 PM
- - Apollyon   QUOTE No one's posting except mata *Feels for...   May 24 2005, 10:59 PM
- - Apollyon   Your poem isnt bad. Just keep working on it. and ...   May 26 2005, 01:53 AM
- - Wyvern   There's something about that last poem that ca...   Jun 14 2005, 09:03 PM
- - torn love notes   I agree with rainbow, if it comes from the heart, ...   Jul 29 2005, 04:03 AM
- - Kitty   You've progressed alot from what you started w...   Aug 17 2005, 04:08 AM
- - PsychWardMike   The last poem does show improvement, but I'd n...   Aug 17 2005, 01:24 PM
- - Kitty   Aww, PWM, though it does make it flow nicely, some...   Aug 17 2005, 10:58 PM
- - torn love notes   OOOOOOOOOO that's awesome! I'm sorry y...   Sep 26 2005, 10:12 PM


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