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> Drunken Memories, "But I swear, officer, that wasn't me!"
Pikasyuu
post Apr 24 2005, 04:45 AM
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Alright, some of you are good kids, and you don't indulge in the whiskey when your cravings get the better of you. But this other half, you know, the bowl-hugging naked running hedge tripping kind, if you've ever done something stupid and funny whilst under the influence of alcohol, here you can share your drunken embarrassment and get a laugh out of everyone.

I have . . many times.

The worst was probably when I got all trashed and whatnot at a friends house and went running to the bathroom without seeing a table, tripped over it, and broke my rib. But that's pretty tame, so, your turn!


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Jaq
post Apr 24 2005, 04:59 AM
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Took this grammar!
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The weirdest drunken memory I had was at my friend's birthday after everyone else had gone home. Me and him sat there and got extremely copulating drunk. At one point we crawled across the kitchen floor on our stomachs to check out the lines on the floor to see if they were straight, so that we could perform drunk tests on ourselves.

We did not pass the drunk test, if you're wondering.

edit: I went on a drunken bus trip with a couple other girls. It was only around an hour or so. After we had drunk all of our drinks, the one with the bladder the size of a pea who was sitting right beside me started complaining that she had to piss. She ended up making me hold up a coat for her and pissing in the paper cups and bottles that had previously held our drinks... in the completely full highway bus... I'm not sure if anyone noticed... if they did they didn't say anything.

When we got to our destination and were waiting for someone to pick us up, her bladder acted up again and her and the other girl ended up taking down their pants and leaning up against a newstand on the street and peeing. Only two people walked by!


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Phyllis
post Apr 24 2005, 05:01 AM
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Wellll let's see.

There was one time when I got disoriented, wandered into the cats room (which was right next to the bathroom), and threw up in her food bowl.

Then another time I got REALLY sick. I ended up leaning over the toilet, sobbing, and saying "I want my mommy!"....I was 21 or 22. I think that was the most drunk I have ever been. I was still with the ex then, and he was worried about me so he slept on the bathroom floor with me to make sure I was okay when I passed out there. Then I woke up, saw him laying there, and thought he was dead. So I did the logical drunk-person thing to do...I hit him.

Me: *shakes ex* Wake up! *shakes more* Oh my God, I cannot deal with this, I'm too drunk! *starts crying and hitting ex* WAKE UP NOW!! *hits more*
Him: Zzzzz...Wha? Why are you hitting me?!
Me: I thought you were dead!
Him: So you BEAT ME UP?!

laugh.gif


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gothictheysay
post Apr 24 2005, 02:22 PM
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Psst Cand, I think ordering a pizza at 10pm and running outside in the dead of winter without shoes or a coat is worth an honorable mention tongue.gif


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Usurper MrTeapot
post Apr 24 2005, 03:53 PM
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Don't forget the ice incident that lead to the 'delicate flower' thang, or the fellating a hairbrush...


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Phyllis
post Apr 24 2005, 04:02 PM
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....

I wasn't going to share the ones everyone already knows about, you guys. dry.gif

Also, I was sober for the hairbrush thing, thankyouverymuch.


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LoLo
post Apr 24 2005, 04:14 PM
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I've told this story before, but I haven't been drinking as much lately so I have to go with memories to participate so I'll tell it again.

I was throwing a party for my friend and I bought 80 dollars worth of booze. Pretty much everyone was drunk, and so was I. I started out with silly things like taking the kittens punishment waterbottle and spraying various people around the party with them. A new couple was coupling up in the kitchen too and of course I found that really funny to spray them with the water.

As the night progressed I started giving adults piggy back rides around the apartment and outside as well. I'm amazed that I was able to do that, but when you're drunk sometimes you can do amazing things.

I discovered with the help of my friend and his friend that pretzels really do taste fantastic when dipped in cake icing. I was the only girl who would do this.

The final goofiness was taking my hair (long at the time) and putting it in a pony tail at the front of my head. I sat there for much of the night with my arms crossed and granting wishes, because I was a genie. I proclaimed in my drunken voice over and over, "I'm a genie, what's your wish?" then I would bang my head and say, "Granted." I don't know if any of the wishes came true or not.

The only other thing of note, but wasn't that funny, was a let a guy grope my leg while his girlfriend sat on the otherside of him and didn't take notice. I would never let anything with someone who was involved happen like that if I were sober.


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Sir Psycho Sexy
post Apr 24 2005, 05:45 PM
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hmmm...lemme seeeee...

Well..there was the time I went for a chinese before I came to uni for the first time, I was quite proud of that evening, there were 14 people and we spent £500, for the sake of entertainment, we spent about £200 on food, you do the maths. That evening, I managed to have two glasses of wine on the go at any one time (one red, one white). I went outside for some fresh air and promptly broke a drain pipe in my staggerings, I was carried home by two people and while I was hugging the toilet, I was professing my undying love for my best friends girlfriend while she looked after me and rubbed my back.

umm...what else?

ah yes, there was that time in the Winchester meet, after getting back from seeing Modular Series play, I got back to the hotel, quite pissed and banged on my room door loud enough to wake up the land lady because I didn't have a key and I was convinced that the person I was sharing with (Queenie) HAD to be in there because we got back about 12 and pubs generally close at 11....I had some grovelling to do the next morning I can tell you.

oh dear...this is going to be a longish post

Another time, for my birthday, we went for a curry THEN we went out on the town and I was forced to drink large amounts of....well...I forget what, I ended up shivering on the floor and managed to miss the bowl I was provided with, I was bundled into a taxi only after I'd cleaned up my own mess with a spatchula and a bin bag!

Last two now, I promise

After getting to university, I got home from a particularly successful night drinking and went to the flat above mine, knocked on the door and enquired where the party was at....there was no party...and I was topless...again.

and Finally....after another night out, at home this time, I got left behind a little....I might have been watering a convenient corner, anyway, I ran to catch up and chose to jump on/tackle my friend, the net result of which was we both ended up in our backs in the middle of the pavement, surprisingly, neither of us were hurt.

Ironically, I don't go out that much....


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Usurper MrTeapot
post Apr 24 2005, 07:26 PM
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It takes a lot of drink to get me pissed out of my mind so that I can't remember that night...this was one of those.

Ok so I was having a couple of beers with a friend one friday night, I had no work that day so I had from 1pm free to drink. At around 5pm, a little tipsy (very drunk) my friend waddled of home and I found myself with an excessive amount of drink at my house with no one to drink with. So I called a few people and tried to find something to do.

This is where it gets fuzzy. I was given a bottle of JD that week previous and had yet to open it, now this bottle was a big two litre ones with the label upside down as they're usually found on pub walls...yes that was a big bottle and I opened it.

I persuaded people to come over to drink at mine later that evening but no one said they'd be there before nine - work, dinner, reasons like that - so I started doing shots to fill the hours which thinking back seems a very alcoholic thing to do.

The next day I woke up stinking of tobacco, alcohol, a certain drug and what knows else. One hand was tucked underneither me, quite dead, and the other grasping an empty 2 litre bottle of Jack Daniels. The only reason I woke was because I was outside on someones doorstep, and a postman was trying to move my head so he could post some letters.

When I got up I checked the road I was in, some small road I'd never been to (same post code so I was close to home...ish) and I rang the doorbell to find out if there were people still in the party (assuming I had been at one) and a huge Jamaican man answered the door. Apparently there was no party there or anywhere else on that road that night.

So I waddled home with a bit of a hangover...

But the best is to come, in the shower as I tried to get rid of the smell I saw the water was turning pink. I jumped out of the shower and saw on my lower back in the mirror where the once was a name and a phone number. On shorter inspection I noticed that I was a condom missing. Opps...

Apparently I was on my way to a friends house and I just never turned up. *shrug*


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@>-'--,--Cath and gothictheysay are my E-Teapotettes.@>-'--,--
Jaq and believe are my adopted Tea Spoons (wherever they are :'( )
"I am just a worthless liar, I am just an imbecile, I will only complicate you, trust in me and fall aswell."
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Ashbless
post Apr 24 2005, 07:50 PM
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I could have written a short novel by this point
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College - first year. I have vague memories of sitting talking to my friend's cats and drinking wine coolers. That evening I started my drinking sitting upstairs, have a clear memory of climbing up said stairs but none of going downstairs. Apparently I made quite a few phonecalls but have no memory of that either. On the plus side I talked someone who didn't like me much into being a good friend that evening. biggrin.gif Erm, should I tell her I have no clear memory of talking to her either? laugh.gif

University - winding up first year. I and roomates (flatmates) made a very evil punch with fruit floating in it. Much punch was drunk and again I have vignettes rather than a clear memory of the evening. I also have photos and am waiting for my friends to be famous enough for blackmail. tongue.gif I wound up sitting beside the porcellan alter ridding myself of punch and stomach contents. I was chatting with the then boyfriend when the roomate I'd never liked much but had been polite to all semester walked by and boyfriend mentioned his name. I launched into a long rant about exactly what I thought of my roomate. blink.gif Go me.


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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning, It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. - SpeakertotheLost
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SPEAKERfortheLOS...
post Apr 25 2005, 08:08 PM
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The best memory of what I dont remember happening was on the night of my senior prom...

apparantly, I got really drunk afterwards on Captain Morgan and Coca-Cola... I supposedly started hitting on this really fat chick there, we ended up in a back room where we were found naked together breathing heavily... now this is in retrospect considering that I dont even remembering going to this party....


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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion,
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
The hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.


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though offtimes better than master of one.

Carpe Noctem, pro cras nos necemus
Carpe Diem, pro hodie nos mutiamo

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Faerieryn
post Apr 25 2005, 08:37 PM
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Faeries don't bite we just nibble a bit!
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OK. I'm not posting too much of this because well... Smiler and Cath will probably let you in on the rest of it (cath you weren't there but most people who have had some contact with me know about it)

OK my 20th birthday. My first and only house party. At uni in halls.
Stupid thing 1) Inviting my then fling along who bought about 20 people I'd never met
2) Inviting my ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend
3) Drinking half a bottle of tequila
4) Snogging my ex and then blabbing to his current whilst not wearing my glasses and not realising she was there
5) Not allowing my mates to strangle my ex or at least castrate him
6) Waking up the following morning with my current fling and love bites from my ears to my elbows

Hang over hit at around elevenish! Can't really remember too much about that evening but other people can and have filled me in. About two years later I bumped into a random person who claimed to know me. When I asked where from she sai "I was at THE party". I said what party and she just said "THE party. I think it was your birthday". My party was known as THE party. I wanted to curl up and die


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If life hands you a lemon make lemonade, lace it with cyanide and then pass it around. What can I say I'm a revenge type of gal!!! Ryn
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Smiler
post May 6 2005, 10:00 AM
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Ooga Booga!! SMILE!
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I would have to point out that by current fling FairieRyn meant 'then' current fling.... who, by the way, soon after and for two years was head of the gay and lesbian society wink.gif heeheehee
There was also the staring straight into the stobe light... and I'm glad you covered the me not allowing to brain someone thing wink.gif I dont thing I'm contractually allowed to continue. Also, I value my life biggrin.gif

For my part, just before I went travelling I held a huge bash at one of regular drinking holes... I ended up with Ryn's baby pink kids umbrella doing a jig and flinging myself around a lampost to my rendition of 'Singing in the Rain'
And I suppose I'll never fully explain how, at the Notts Meets in Jan'05 I ended up sleeping UNDER the blow-up mattress at Wyverns... head boggles


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Presently defacto leader of the scuttler nation; conform, consume, o'smile for snaffie's sake --> A smile a day keeps th...Ah sod it...just SMILE!!!Some weird dragon lady gave me a cookie and said if I got in the van she'd adopt me. I ignored mummy and went with Wyvern & lookee here, I now have my own adoptee to cause chaos: Stardust_Smile...Official barman to Tribe Wyvern COME VISIT but beware the Monkey Overlords, they plan the demise of the hairless ones. Your house is at risk. Always read the label.
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Snugglebum the D...
post May 6 2005, 12:21 PM
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F*cking with the best since 1996
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I have so many drunken memories. I think I'll stick to last nights though, purely because it's fresh although not a memory because I have no recollection...

Very drunk, sleepwalked into my brothers room, took my jeans off and jumped into bed with him and his girlfriend. Also, at some point I went outside and took a towel off the line. blink.gif

The real concerning thing about this is that I haven't sleepwalked for 7 years and I only do it when I'm stressed. Luckily, they both think it's hilarious and as penance I'm cooking dinner tonight.


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Tarantio
post May 6 2005, 12:25 PM
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At an after-party for a theatrical production of a Midsummer Night's Dream I managed to get drunk enough that I spent twenty minutes arguing with my reflection in a mirror, and when asked what I was doing I pointed and said "he did it!". After that it went downhill. Informed by a "friend" of my penchant for biting things poked at my face (usually fingers... ahem), one of the cast (can't remember which part he played, I think it was a rather minor one) decided to test this theory on a very drunk me by poking a pen at my face. I bit at it, swallowed it up to the lid, choked and threw up quite a lot...

And I bet you thought the story ended there, huh? After being escorted outside to sit on the street, I sat instead on a fence and promptly fell backward off it into the bushes, where I struggled to rise for some time, denying offers of aid from my friends who were too busy laughing to help anyway. After finally getting myself back on my feet I was thereafter convinced that I had a worm on my back and spent a good ten minutes or so trying in vain to dislodge it. After this I had had enough fresh air to realise that I was too drunk and was making a right arse of myself, so I turned on my heel and ran home. Thankfully it was just down the road, but I forgot to tell people I was leaving (they were a little confused when I didn't come back), and left a rather expensive coat there that I never got back.

That about does it. I have gotten drunker in the past, but the night of seventeen guiness' was slightly less active, and only involved having black puke the next morning and very little else after or in between...


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I CAN'T ANSWER THAT, I CAN'T ANSWER THAT.

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oscarhilton
post May 6 2005, 03:50 PM
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Don't do that.
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my drunken memorys always end with me never remembering anything.
Apart from that one time when me and IATB (or Emma to me) Got PEBBLED AND TIPSEY! yay!


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who was e-kighted by Jimijimi, Sir Oscar. ...

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Righteous
post May 6 2005, 06:04 PM
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Shut up, noob!
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I don't drink much anymore, but my friends do. Here's the best one ever:

My friend Tim's parents were out of town. In his apartment were me, Rick, Rick's best friend Matt, our buddies Big Jon and Big Matt, Tim (obviously) and Rissa, Tim's "girlfriend." We had a bunch of Skyy Blues and about half a bottle of vodkha (Rick wouldn't let me touch the vodkha). We got to drinking and watched a porn flick because porn is hilarious when you're intoxicated. While the rest of us were pointing and laughing, Tim and Rissa went to Tim's room. We got drunker and played licks (for those of you who don't know, that's where you punch eachother in the arms and see who gives up. Now, Rick and Matt were about 115 and 110 respectively. Big Jon and Big Matt were about 260 and 240 respectively. I was a healthy 170 at the time. Rick and Matt didn't want to trade blows with me, so my wussy ass had to play with Big Matt and Big Jon. Two hits later and I was out. We then got the idea of ruining Tim's and Rissa's fun. THe following ensued:

*knock knock knock knock knock*
Jon: What're you guys doing in there?
Tim: We're f*cking.
*knock knock knock knock knock*
Jon: Can we come and watch?
Tim: Yeah, if you can get the door open.

What Tim didn't know is that Jon knows how to jimmie locks with a butterknife. We burst in and they were frozen like deer in headlights. We then sat there and acted like nothing was happening.

Later we realized that Matt, the smallest, had had the most to drink. He was sitting on the floor of the hall with a sombrero and safety goggles on making weird noises. We later saw him with wheeling around on a skateboard on his knees pushing with his hands. Sometime after that, Rick was lying on his knees and face on TIm's dirty clothes in the bathroom crying about how much he missed his girlfriend (who was in Georgia for a few days). "I love her so much. Every night I pray that she's the one." Matt being the good friend that he was gave him the following advice: "It's okay, just go jack off an elephant." All I remember from the rest of the night is taking a nap on the floor of Tim's parents' room and smoking way too many cigarettes. Damn, I wish we had a camera.


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With every breath...and all that I am...I will make a stand...until the end.


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arachnidoc17
post May 6 2005, 09:08 PM
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Entomophobic
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My God, how often do you people drink?
I'm sure by now all of your livers are rock-solid...


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Myriad Reborn.


Have booze, will travel.
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I_am_the_best
post May 6 2005, 09:29 PM
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Dirty Laundry
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Drunken memories don't exist in my head, a little alchohol goes a long way for me, so it's not much to make me drunk. The only memory I have is when I was perhaps a little tipsy and spent a good half hour rolling on the floor laughing because Oscar said Jack Black... I also remember something misty about doing a prehistoric man dance thing around a room, but I don't really remember much of that.


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Emma <3 James <3
"Music is a moral law. It gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, a charm to sadness, gaiety and life to everything. It is the essence of order, and leads to all that is good, just and beautiful, of which it is the invisible, but nevertheless dazzling, passionate, and eternal form." - Plato
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Ashbless
post May 7 2005, 06:52 PM
Post #20


I could have written a short novel by this point
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QUOTE (arachnidoc17 @ May 6 2005, 02:08 PM)
My God, how often do you people drink?
I'm sure by now all of your livers are rock-solid...
*


I don't know about most but usually a couple times of making a complete arse of self and dealing with the evilness that is a rotten hangover cures the idea that above activities are fun. Usually the regular drinking every night / weekend is a phase that passes.
I found the most fun I've ever had at the bar was the semester two friends and I attended every single pub night that year. We played harass the DJ for obscure dance songs, dodge the drunken idiot guy, flirt with whoever seemed interesting, chat up the DJ and bouncers, dance until the ugly lights come up and were usually completely sober. The exception being the birthday person got all her drinks for free that evening and one of the other two drove her home.


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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning, It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. - SpeakertotheLost
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Usurper MrTeapot
post May 8 2005, 12:36 AM
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Samauri Teapain
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A drunken memory I have was walking home from Lordship Lane as there were no night buses.

Eeeeeyyy that was just a minute ago, and must be a short term memory as I'm currently drunk, drunk as a donught that has been drinking.


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@>-'--,--Cath and gothictheysay are my E-Teapotettes.@>-'--,--
Jaq and believe are my adopted Tea Spoons (wherever they are :'( )
"I am just a worthless liar, I am just an imbecile, I will only complicate you, trust in me and fall aswell."
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Calantyr
post May 8 2005, 05:37 AM
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In the middle of winter deciding to walk home in the middle of the night from Brighton to London, because we missed the last train. And we were chased out of our mates house by an angry shotgun weilding father. Or at least he threatened to get a shotgun. And there were no hotels willing to accept us.

We hadn't planned on staying out late either, so the mate I was with only had a shirt on. He turned blue not long after.

It was so cold I swear the snails were turning to ice on the pathway.

The joys of 10 pints of Guinness and sod knows how many shots....


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"Too often Fate,
By all abhorred,
To savage poison,
Adds the sword"
- Boethius, The Concillations of Philosophy
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Usurper MrTeapot
post Jun 7 2005, 11:30 AM
Post #23


Samauri Teapain
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Found this.

I refer to this night as "The Night I Drank More Than God"


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@>-'--,--Cath and gothictheysay are my E-Teapotettes.@>-'--,--
Jaq and believe are my adopted Tea Spoons (wherever they are :'( )
"I am just a worthless liar, I am just an imbecile, I will only complicate you, trust in me and fall aswell."
A proud Viking never stops masturbating.
Taking over Matazone Forums since 2011.
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Righteous
post Jun 8 2005, 04:09 PM
Post #24


Shut up, noob!
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Okay, this isn't about me; it's about my dad. It's GOd damn hilarious, especially considering how much of a straight-and-nnarrow guy he is.

Okay, when he was sixteen, his friend Bill had a herse. After a rough night of dringking, they ended up at Bills. It was too late to ask if my dad and their friend Rob could crash, so they were gonna sleep in the herse. My dad got in close to Bill's face and said, "Bill, throw down some blankets." Bill went upstairs and promptly passed out. My dad stood outside for about fifteen or twently minutes while Rob passed out in the back seat. Eventually, my dad figured out that Bill had forgotten. So, my dad took a mat, which he knew had dog poo on it, and slept under that for the night.

The real tragedy is that my dad lived three blocks away. He could have walked home. Rob lived about five blocks away from my dad and could have probably stayed at my dad's place.


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With every breath...and all that I am...I will make a stand...until the end.


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