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{Gothic Angel}
post Aug 13 2005, 09:16 PM
Post #1

My direction

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This is going to be a mess.

I feel kinda bad posting this here considering I've ranted twice about work in the last couple weeks, but it's getting to the point where I just feel like screaming all the time. I've been avoiding making this post for years... practically since I joined the forum. I hate whinging, I've always been told that you should sort problems out, not whinge about them, and you never ever talk about figths because that's bitching and causing trouble and stirring things up which have already been solved and stuff... And I don't talk about feelings, cos I get told off for being hysterical if I get emotional. And now I'm whinging about how hard it is for me to post a whinge. Shut up Jen.

I'm 17. I work hard in school. I have a good future ahead of me, so I'm told. My parents split up when I was 11. When I was 10, on the summer holiday before year 6 (and before my SATs), we went on a barge holiday with a big group of friends, which was like a tradition for us. There had apparently been things not right between my parents for years, but they'd kept it all nicely hidden from us kids. We were taken away from the holiday one morning, and mum and dad took us to a cottage. As we walked to the car, I saw one of my best friends being hugged by her mum and saying "Doesn't their dad love their mum anymore?". That was the last time I saw the woman who had an affair with my dad.

After a few months, my dad moved out. That couple of years was pretty bad, as you might expect. I went through all the things everyone does - crying, not eating, self harm, shoplifting, etc. The problem was, I was always daddy's girl. I never hated my mum or anything, just when my sister was little, dad could take me off and do things to distract me from pestering mum and her, so I was naturally close to my dad. When he left, I wanted to be on my own, and mum wanted to stick together as a family of us girls... and I think that's probably where the trouble began.

I love my mum very much. I have spent my life working to be a good daughter for her, which is no easy task, believe me. I do come near the top in every class - not because I'm especially clever, but because I work my ass off all the time, to make mum proud. I always call. If I go out, I've arraned it 6 weeks in advance, and it's been on the calendar. She has all my contact details and the details of at least 2 other people. And a full list of where I'll be and when. I look after my little sister. I feed the cats. I offer to help with the shopping if I have a free day. I've spent years having half an hour a night on the internet because she thought that the internet was the reason I was "antisocial and morbid" (and you'll notice my sister is still having all the time fom when she gets in from school, to when I go on at about 9pm, even though she's now having her morbid phase).

So, y'know, all things considered I think I'm a pretty good daughter.

I don't know why, but she hates me. I know all teenagers fight with their parents, but me and mum fighting is different. I don't have to exaggerate to my friends about how hard my life is - I just tell them what really happened and they're shocked. Their parents are shocked. I can't remember the last day I didn't have a fight with mum. I get told off on a daily basis, whatever I do. Nothing I acheive is good enough. I got 6 As and 4 Bs in my GCSEs, which wasn't the best I could do, but she flamed me for it. She actually reduced me to tears and convinced me I would never get anywhere in life. And she just did it by makng it clear I was a disappointingly pathetic excuse for a daughter. Today she told me that next week, when I'm at my dad's house on holiday, I can't expect to be allowed to be at her house on the friday night to get to work on saturday, because this house is her's not mine, and it's not my home. If I'm in my stepmum's house in didcot, I have to get up at 6 to be ther for 8:30 I'm told pretty much daily that I:

- am rude
- am inconsiderate
- am selfish
- am intolerant
- have an attitude problem
- have a chip on my shoulder
- am manipulative
- deliberately try to hurt people
- hate her
- go out of my way to make life miserable for her
- am "just like my dad" (and she DOES say this, though she'll deny it if quoted)
- am manipulative

... the list goes on. If if fight back, I'm being hysterical. And this is a word she uses to a ridiculous extent. I had a huge fight with my then-closest friend Katie a couple of months ago. It ended our friendship permenantly- I can't trust people, and she'd broken my trust fairly seriously. I was really upset. I went to mum, and told her what had happened, as I told her, I started crying. At the end I asked for a hug and she looked at me and told me I was being hysterical and she wasn't going to give me one. My manipulative, uncaring, selfish father, on the other hand, spent an hour on the phone to me making it right. If i complain about this she says "If you hate me so much, why don't you just go and live with your father?". She knows full well that I can't. Dad lives with his g/f in didcot, and I don't want to live there, I want to be here with my life and my friends and my sister. If I talk to her maturely without getting stressed out I'm being maipulative to get my own way.

She's hypocritical - anything I do is wrong, even if it's exactly what she said and did and asked for.

She's stubborn - me, my sister and my stepdad all insisted that she was wrong on one occasion and she still won the argument because she has all the power.

She's manipulative, particularly emotionally - she frequently guilts me into saying and doing what she wants.

She does things like have a fight with me, then come into my room when I'm in bed that night and "talk" about it, which basically means she traps me there until I admit she's right and I'm scum.

Argh... I feel bad posting this. And I'm tired and upset, so it's incomplete and rambling. But yeah. I can't cope with this. Three nights in four I cry myself to sleep. I just want to stop feeling like this all the time.

Once opened consume within three days. Above post is not suitable for home freezing. Store in a cool, dry area.
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Museum Girl
post Aug 18 2005, 09:13 PM
Post #2


Group: Established Members
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Joined: 20-March 05
Member No.: 1,697
Gender: Female

Lonely crazy depressed person: If you live in England and you're over 16 social services can set you up in a flat and help you get started with a bank account if you explain the way your mum treats you. Other countries probably have a similar arrangement.
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Posts in this topic
- {Gothic Angel}   Parents.   Aug 13 2005, 09:16 PM
- - little_bear   Youch. That sucks pretty hard. I'm quite awa...   Aug 13 2005, 11:09 PM
- - depressed lonely crazy person   from the ay you decribe it your having the exact s...   Aug 13 2005, 11:27 PM
- - Kitty   I agree with DLCP, you really cant do anything abo...   Aug 14 2005, 02:59 AM
- - trunks_girl26   Wow, that's rough. I think (and bare with me...   Aug 14 2005, 05:15 AM
- - Tarantio   I had a fairly similar situation with my own mothe...   Aug 14 2005, 06:07 AM
- - Quoth(The Raven)   You need to get out of there, as soon as possible....   Aug 14 2005, 06:27 AM
- - depressed lonely crazy person   You see my mother, we've had 4 screaming fight...   Aug 14 2005, 07:49 AM
- - Kitty   QUOTE (Tarantio @ Aug 14 2005, 02:07 AM)Now t...   Aug 14 2005, 01:35 PM
- - Tarantio   QUOTE (K!77y @ Aug 14 2005, 01:35 PM)QUOT...   Aug 14 2005, 03:07 PM
- - Daria   I know this wouldn't really help in the long t...   Aug 14 2005, 09:04 PM
- - {Gothic Angel}   QUOTE (Quoth(The Raven) @ Aug 14 2005, 06:27 ...   Aug 18 2005, 11:43 AM
- - Museum Girl   Lonely crazy depressed person: If you live in Engl...   Aug 18 2005, 09:13 PM
- - Astarael   I'm so sorry, GothicAngel *hugs*. My parents t...   Aug 19 2005, 01:10 AM
- - Jonman   That does sound sucktastic. I'm going with ev...   Aug 19 2005, 09:24 AM
- - Feyliya   I remember when I was waiting to leave because of ...   Aug 19 2005, 03:57 PM
- - {Gothic Angel}   QUOTE (Feyliya @ Aug 19 2005, 03:57 PM) It mi...   Aug 19 2005, 07:02 PM
- - spuglet   There's not a lot I can say that hasn't al...   Aug 19 2005, 09:19 PM

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