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> Song/ Poem, I got bored and this is the result
Star_of_Lei
post Oct 15 2005, 12:34 PM
Post #1


: insert cultural reference here :
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I got bored in Science (as you do) and I just started writing and here's my end result. What do you think?

Naive Melody

My heart brakes
My smile becomes fake
Drowing in an endless pit of sorrow
Don't want to see tomorrow
(bridge)
Cry out with pain,
It's that naivity again
Soon I will have to learn
Before I crash and burn
(chorus)
No one's here anymore
Collapse onto the floor
Became lost in your charm
Now I want to do you harm
I want to sink into a hole
My outlook's now as bleak as my soul
You chewed me up and spat me out
You critisied me for wanting to shout
(verse)
It's over, I'm done
You fought, I won
Things don't look too bad, this side
So settle down, enjoy the ride
(bridge)
Cried out with pain
It was that naivity again
Because now I have learnt
I crashed but I'm not burnt
(chorus x 2)


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Sonny-Lei

but you may call me.......................

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oscarhilton
post Oct 15 2005, 12:42 PM
Post #2


Don't do that.
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Wow! thats pritty good!

Who is it about?

I really liked the 'It's over, I'm done You fought, I won' bit.


Good Job!


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Star_of_Lei
post Oct 15 2005, 12:59 PM
Post #3


: insert cultural reference here :
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Thanks Oscar. About an ex, but really it just stems from boredom. I'm better at wirting slightly depressive songs/poem than happy/cheerful/preppy ones


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Sonny-Lei

but you may call me.......................

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oscarhilton
post Oct 15 2005, 01:13 PM
Post #4


Don't do that.
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hee hee smile.gif it is very good.


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Oscar.

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Star_of_Lei
post Oct 15 2005, 01:21 PM
Post #5


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Thank you. I am now flipping through my book of creations to see if I have more I want to put up


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Sonny-Lei

but you may call me.......................

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Star_of_Lei
post Oct 16 2005, 02:12 PM
Post #6


: insert cultural reference here :
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This is just proof that I can't do happy songs and more of a reason to why I'm so happy with Naive Melody.

This one is called You'll Never Leave.

I used to think, if I fell,
No one would catch me,
But now I know, all is well,
Because you're there besides me,
(bridge)
I used to want to run away,
I never felt that safe,
But with your arms around me,
I'll never leave this place,
(chorus)
You've lit a tiny candle,
Everything you can handle,
You're never sacred, you're never weak,
You hold me while I start to weep,
You're the first one in my corner,
And now you've crossed through that border,
I know you'll never leave me again.
(verse)
Standing at the cliff edge,
Waiting for the drop,
But, you hold me steady,
You don't even let me flop,
(bridge)
(chorus)

Breathe in deep,
Make sure it's not a dream,
Pinch myself,
Fully wake up,
Expect not to see you,
But there you are,
Watching me sleep,

(bridge)
(chorus x2)


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Sonny-Lei

but you may call me.......................

Dread Pirate Bonney


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little_bear
post Oct 16 2005, 04:35 PM
Post #7


I could have written a short novel by this point
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QUOTE (Star_of_Lei @ Oct 15 2005, 01:34 PM)
I got bored in Science (as you do) and I just started writing and here's my end result. What do you think?

Naive Melody

My heart brakes
My smile becomes fake
Drowing in an endless pit of sorrow
Don't want to see tomorrow
(bridge)
Cry out with pain,
It's that naivity again
Soon I will have to learn
Before I crash and burn
(chorus)
No one's here anymore
Collapse onto the floor
Became lost in your charm
Now I want to do you harm
I want to sink into a hole
My outlook's now as bleak as my soul
You chewed me up and spat me out
You critisied me for wanting to shout
(verse)
It's over, I'm done
You fought, I won
Things don't look too bad, this side
So settle down, enjoy the ride
(bridge)
Cried out with pain
It was that naivity again
Because now I have learnt
I crashed but I'm not burnt
(chorus x 2)
*

That was beautiful.


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Star_of_Lei
post Oct 16 2005, 04:36 PM
Post #8


: insert cultural reference here :
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Thank you Little_bear


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Sonny-Lei

but you may call me.......................

Dread Pirate Bonney


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little_bear
post Oct 16 2005, 04:37 PM
Post #9


I could have written a short novel by this point
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Not a problem.


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voices_in_my_hea...
post Oct 16 2005, 08:02 PM
Post #10


If my woman were a fire...
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Hmm...My sarcasm senses are tingeling.


Some of the rhyming words seemed a little forced, but you seem to be going in the right direction.
smile.gif


--------------------
Her dignity shone so bright like a light on a hill
and she burned for me, no other man came near her flame.
Bad country songs - the deafening twang of the rich white kid blues.
You can own the strange, but the lights and glares will not make you real.
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little_bear
post Oct 16 2005, 08:12 PM
Post #11


I could have written a short novel by this point
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Oh I love it how you feel the need to point out whenever I am being 'sarcastic'. Would you like me to put it in italics, for future reference?

I love it when you post how you think I am being sarcastic.

There we go. Just for you.

*pats*


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voices_in_my_hea...
post Oct 16 2005, 08:19 PM
Post #12


If my woman were a fire...
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Well, she doesn't seem to be catching on on her own...

Next time, make sure it's in all capitals too, I almost didn't understand what you were saying.


--------------------
Her dignity shone so bright like a light on a hill
and she burned for me, no other man came near her flame.
Bad country songs - the deafening twang of the rich white kid blues.
You can own the strange, but the lights and glares will not make you real.
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little_bear
post Oct 16 2005, 08:30 PM
Post #13


I could have written a short novel by this point
************

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Posts: 1,748
Joined: 19-October 04
From: Shropshire, UK.
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I shall take this opportunity to point out the glaring error in your signature.

It reads:

"I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other."

This implys that said schizophrenic has two personalities. Whilst it is true that the term "schizophrenic" does mean "split mind", it is untrue, however, to assume that schizophrenics have a multiple personality disorder.

The symptoms of a multiple personality disorder come under "Dissociative Identity Disorder" which is not the same as schizophrenia.

You love me really, baby.


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