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> 2 songs pre-Nemo.
My;heart;bleeds
post Oct 19 2005, 06:03 PM
Post #1


Worrying
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Joined: 15-October 05
Member No.: 2,064
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I didn't really want to post a song on here - I mean, there are only two people that have ever read my songs. But I just wanted to see what feedback I got from you guys.
( Can I please just note that I consider this song as one of my worse ones so I don't expect much good feedback, don't worry!)

SHOOTING ANGELS IN HEAVEN
by Laura (Pre-Nemo)

I'm in a battle
Guns and everything
Blood and violence
As the enemy draws near
Fighting fire with fire
Turning tables to control this
I can feel it in there
I just need to get a grip

Walking in circles
Finding yourself where you began
And understanding
That's just not how I feel

I hurt you but I hurt myself more
Fighting myself
And I can't draw the flag
I surrender but I can't lose this now
Take the lead
And don't mess up like I did
Racing to end it now

Well I'm like the dirty devil
Shooting angels in heaven
Pulling off their wings
Sacrificial torture
Give me your halo
Just to be close to you
But don't let this fiery hell
Pull you down like I do

Walking in circles
Finding yourself where you began
And understanding
That's just not how I feel

I hurt you but I hurt myself more
Fighting myself
And I can't draw the flag
I surrender but I can't lose this now
Take the lead
And don't mess up like I did
Racing to end it now

Does it matter if I don't know who you are
I can't remember half the things I should
Just lie down and give in
It can't hurt that bad
This feeling I'm immune to
Don't let it bring you down too
I need you more than you do
I'm struggling to break free

I hurt you but I'm hurting
Fighting myself inside
I'm too weak to hold this flag
Such a burden
Yes I'm losing
Take the lead
I've messed up yes I did


Here's another one that I wrote for one of Star_of_Lei's books. It doesn't really have a name.

by Laura (pre-Nemo)

once again it's a lonely night
no one there to say goodnight
something's missing, this isn't right
waiting for someone to turn off the light

i'm having trouble coping with myself
i feel a change in heart
coz you were there and this is wrong
i put you first, but didn't let you start

i've left you at the door but you can't come in
you wouldn't understand, it's just the way that i am
'it's not you, it's me', is how i begin
i left you outside in the cold again

another glance at the broken clock
your life is the tick, and mine is the tock
and what is the key that opens this lock?
it's crumbling away, my steady rock

standing on this cliff that's like my life
it's falling apart
you were here and this is wrong
i put you first, but didn't let you start

i've left you at the door but you can't come in
you wouldn't understand, it's just who i am
'it's not you, it's me', how i always begin
and i've left you outside in the cold again

i did this to myself, and i
only wanted to help, i tried
too hard, now i'm living a lie
i didn't even get to say goodbye.

i've left you at the door but you can't come in
you wouldn't understand, it's just the way that i am
'it's not you, it's me', i always begin
and now you're outside in the cold again.


Again, I consider this as one of my worse songs, so I won't mind if there's some...slightly harsh feedback. However I am only expecting constructive criticism...as I don't really think it's fair to anyone to completely criticise someone's work.
Thanks!


--------------------
Whispers of such innocence
This isn't heaven
Not yet...


...Star_of_Lei's noob!
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Star_of_Lei
post Oct 19 2005, 06:07 PM
Post #2


: insert cultural reference here :
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From: Normal For Norfolk
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I personally love the second one. It perfectlly fits in with the character in my book and what I want her to say. As for Shooting Angels in Heaven, I still like that one but I agree that it's not one of your best.


--------------------
Sonny-Lei

but you may call me.......................

Dread Pirate Bonney


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Star_of_Lei
post Oct 19 2005, 06:08 PM
Post #3


: insert cultural reference here :
************

Group: Established Members
Posts: 1,269
Joined: 9-October 05
From: Normal For Norfolk
Member No.: 2,054
Gender: Female



I just found the description I gave her for the song I wanted.

I want it to say basically about a girl, who lets everything else go before her,
she hides who she is, so she doesn't get hurt, because she's had trouble in the
past, she longs for love but hides from it.
I need it so that when Spencer gets Peyton to sing in on an open mic with a note
that she has to listen to the lyrics she realises what she's done to herself,
what she's done to her life.

From this description I think that the song really fits.


--------------------
Sonny-Lei

but you may call me.......................

Dread Pirate Bonney


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