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> nothing really., babble.
snow white
post Nov 14 2005, 11:43 PM
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Looking at the ground I smile
Watching the ants collect thier food
I linger on this simple thought
The simple things in life are beautiful
I miss my life as a child
When most of my time was spent dreaming
That was when my world would light up
Everytime I caught a glimpse of a smile on someone's lips
My world no longer has the same light
It flickers every now and then with the hope for a better tomarrow
The simple things are beautiful


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DEAR READER,

@#*! YOU, YOU @#$) @!$ FOOL. WHY @#*!ING READ THIS %$#@ SIGNATURE? WHAT WILL YOU @#*!ING GAIN FROM READING THIS?

sIgNeD,

(place signature here)
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Apollyon
post Nov 15 2005, 05:20 AM
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I like the ant symbolism thing.
It reminds me of a theme in my novel... in fact it is creepily similar to my novel.

But anyways, I like the first part a lot, but the last part needs a bit of work. Maybe make the second to last line a bit shorter-it doesn't flow well the way it is now?

I dunno, it's nice though. smile.gif


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Subliminal
LIMINAL!!
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ee-wan bell-arm-...
post Dec 4 2005, 12:15 PM
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It's very good, but the "I miss my life as a child" part is sumwhat random, consider having some kind of link in the ant and childhood.
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Saratina
post Dec 8 2005, 03:33 AM
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agreed about the second-to-last line; it might work better if broken into two lines. I'd also try omitting "better" and replacing it with a more descriptive adjective. overall this was refreshing in its simplicity; nicely done.


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I do it Girl, Interrupted style.
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snow white
post Jun 29 2008, 09:47 PM
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Okay you guys I have a new poem. Tell me what you think. I'm eager to hear anyone's thoughts.

What do you do when you are scared shitless?
That point that your brain's screams are relentless.

When your mind gets hazy and krippled with fear.
The time that your thinking is all you can hear.

What do you wish for when there is nothing left?
That ever clanging moment when you accuse your emotions of theft.

When your body shivers cold and reasuredly hot.
The period of time when you feel as though you are something you are not


This was written for my sister Julie.
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