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> +Dating Help+, I could use some friendly advice.
thatguy486
post Aug 29 2006, 03:18 AM
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Hey guys, two or three months ago I broke up with my girlfriend and its been hard to get back on the dating wagon. Ive got someone in mind but im hesitent to really try and make anything happen. ph34r.gif Im stretched for money and need some ideas for cheap yet fun dates. To basically sum this up im anxious, hesitent, and low on spending money. dry.gif

Im usually pretty hesitent to ask others for advice on this subject but im getting tired of being so lax to pursue a relationship. Any help is greatly appreciated. blush.gif

P.S. If this topic doesn't confrom to a forum rule I may have over looked, please remove it. tongue.gif


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froggle-rock
post Aug 29 2006, 07:23 AM
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Do you know what the person you intend to ask out on a date is interested in?

Maybe you could go for a walk in the park (a play on the swings)? I'm not sure what to offer, as I've never really 'dated'. Do you live in an area with lots of things going on over summer (f'instance in London there are quite a few free galleries and museums, as well as street entertainment, music playing and other kinds of things for free). Might be able to match what she's into with what's on. Maybe just go to a cafe for a cup of ea and a chat? I guess it depends on weather you know you both feel comfy doing summit that may involve long silences, or not? If you wont, then summit that will distract you like a film (is that too much for your purse?), or summit you can chat about (an exhibition), or somewhere you can just chat (picnic in a park?)

I hope that wasn't too rambly. Good luck, and let us know what you decide?


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bryden42
post Aug 29 2006, 08:17 AM
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Errr this is probably going to be really unhelpful but when i moved to Wales my dad warned me about the Welsh women, He said that they ran screaming from the hills, red hair flying in the wind, flagon of cider in one hand and a club in the other. He said that they would club me over the head and drag me ack to their caves for incessent sex........ He got the hair colour wrong.
So the club on the head trick works for me, Hell i married the girl smile.gif


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Mata
post Aug 29 2006, 09:31 AM
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The first lesson of dating: ask them, the worst they can do is say 'no', and that's not so bad really, is it?

Cheap dates: as Froggie says, walks in a park are good. Picnics can be fun, and you can make going to buy the food before as part of it. Go to a deli counter and try something new. That way you can share the experience of new things for the first time, which is a good way of bonding.

What sort of things does she like doing? Maybe there's something there that you could do together, or perhaps arrange to meet up afterwards for a coffee.

It can be a good plan to have things arranged in activity-then-chatting format, so that you immediately have something to talk about. Dicussing plans for the future can be a good idea, and sometimes can also be a way of working out if you want to date her in the long-term too!

Oh, and it has been scientifically proven that the best chat up line is:

"In a year, let's be laughing about this together."


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thatguy486
post Aug 29 2006, 04:59 PM
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Thanks for the advice guys, ill try and answer your questions so you can have a better idea of what to work with.

Bryden42: I live in the states so welsh women shouldn't be a problem. tongue.gif

Frog/Mata: Intrest as far as I know include Music some bands she likes are Gwar, Red hot Chili pepers, and she went to Rollins band concert. She enjoys seeing baseball games. Not to sure about intrests in art or history.

Let me know if you need some more info cause I think I could work up the guts to find out.


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Ashbless
post Aug 29 2006, 08:23 PM
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Try to remember when you told her you'd pick her up / meet her. Showing up late or worse, saying "huh?" when she calls hoping you've been hit by a bus, doesn't win the brownie points. She'll remember when you said it was so it should be good if you do too.
/rant over. tongue.gif

The above sound like decent enough ideas. Maybe save your pennies and splurge on baseball game tickets but I'll admit that those can be expensive.

How'd you meet?
If it's through mutual friends then maybe a poker night at someone's house including said friends. That way you're not asking her to show up alone at your (you who are still pretty much a stranger) house.

Are you near a lake or ocean? A day at the beach while the weather is still nice might work. Depends if she's self conscious about being seen in a bathing suit at this stage.

Meh, out of ideas. Good Luck.


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Spacehappy
post Aug 30 2006, 12:41 PM
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QUOTE (thatguy486 @ Aug 29 2006, 05:59 PM) *
Bryden42: I live in the states so welsh women shouldn't be a problem. tongue.gif


Your missing out then smile.gif

QUOTE (thatguy486 @ Aug 29 2006, 05:59 PM) *
Frog/Mata: Intrest as far as I know include Music some bands she likes are Gwar


If she says no can i date her? wink.gif

Picnics are good and cheap, pick a nice spot though and if its by a lake/river learn to make a paper boat ..give you something to do.

Any cheap comedy venues by you?, maybe alittle standup to see if she got the same sense of humor.

But most importantly ask her, if you don't you will regret it. One thing though ...leave your ex out of the conversation tongue.gif
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{Gothic Angel}
post Aug 30 2006, 01:14 PM
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Would she be interested in circus skills type things? Are you? Take her to a park and teach her - excuse to talk without awkwardness, something to do, she'll be in a good mood when she gets it, and there's a potential excuse to hug her (move her hands to show her how to move the poi). Worked for my boyfriend tongue.gif

Also could work with any outdoorsey type interesting hobby. Or even better, get her to teach you something tongue.gif


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Faerieryn
post Aug 30 2006, 04:14 PM
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All good ideas so far. Perhaps you could look at free things to do in your area. You could always organise a simple ball game in the park with a group of friends or grab another pair of mates and play doubles at something. Fun and a good excuse to go for drinks afterwards!!!


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Mata
post Aug 31 2006, 11:12 AM
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Having company around on a first date can be helpful because it can give more things to talk about a make you both feel more at ease, so ball games in the park are a good idea!


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thatguy486
post Aug 31 2006, 04:25 PM
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Im probably going to try and set up a game of frisbee sometime during eiether this weekend or the next.


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From this day to the ending of the world,

But we in it shall be remember'd;

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;

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sarahfelicity
post Sep 17 2006, 10:32 PM
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How did it go?

I'm unable to start topics at the moment, so I'll post in this one, because this is quite appropriate!

I too need some advice. However, it's a bit complicated, so I'll explain some stuff first! smile.gif

I'm 17 and live with my grandparents (why that is is a whole other story, maybe some other time!). My grandparents and my uncle jointly run a snooker club in town, which has about 20 or so teams in the local snooker league. Wayne has been at the club playing snooker for about 4 years. Nearly 2 years ago, he started bringing in a younger friend of his, called Ben. Ben is 24, and has a strong passion for cars (biggrin.gif). At the time I first met him, he had a blue Lotus Elise. I always used to joke with him, saying "How's your car?" every time I saw him. Soon that was forgotten though, and we just said "hi" to each other. But about a year and a bit ago, he asked me how my exams were going (he has a brother my age who was also taking his GCSEs at the time). We started talking a bit more then, and I found out he was a bit of a whizz with computers. He started helping me out with my computer, etc. etc. We got to know each other a bit better, and I realised that I rather liked him. So, I plucked up the courage to send him a Valentine's card. He was flattered, but he said although I'm great fun, and really nice and everything, he'd just like to be friends.

So I left it at that, and we stayed friends, becoming closer and closer. He changed his car a few months ago, and took me out for a long drive around country roads before he got rid of his Elise. He then took me out for a ride in his new car (Mitsubishi Evolution VIII) and offered to let me have a drive in it! I politely declined on the grounds that a) I didn't even have a provisional license yet and cool.gif I'd never driven before in my life.

Recently however, I took him up on that offer and we spent about half an hour driving round the back roads at an industrial estate, and he then proceeded to take me on an hour long drive around the country once more.

Last week he went on holiday to Sicily. The Sunday befpre he left, we went bowling together. We had a fantastic time, and he went to hug me a couple of times (but I'd already moved towards the rally games - d'oh!). He was a total gentleman, wouldn't let me pay for a thing. This morning (the day after he got back) he texted me and asked if I was working today, I said no I wasn't, and he asked if I'd like to go for an "early afternoon drink". Of course, I said yes and rushed home to get changed. He proceeded to take me to a lovely country pub, where we sat at a picnic table on a grassy embankment by the river, watched the ducks and horses go past, and chatted for a good 2 hours before we came back. We're going bowling again next Sunday as well.

What I want to know is, does this mean anything? Is he starting to think differently about me or is it just we're becoming better friends? He now texts me nearly every day, asking how my day has been, he always sits and talks to me at length when he comes in the snooker club for a match... I don't want to get my hopes up in case I'm wrong, but I get the impression he likes me that way now. I don't know what to do, whether to ask him, or to leave it. It's driving me insane not knowing where I stand!
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Phyllis
post Sep 18 2006, 04:02 AM
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QUOTE (sarahfelicity @ Sep 17 2006, 03:32 PM) *
I'm unable to start topics at the moment, so I'll post in this one, because this is quite appropriate!

You can post a new topic in Personal Concerns, I think. smile.gif

QUOTE (sarahfelicity @ Sep 17 2006, 03:32 PM) *
I'm 17 [other stuff] Ben is 24 [more stuff]. He said although I'm great fun, and really nice and everything, he'd just like to be friends.

I don't know him, obviously, so I have a hard time judging his intentions from only getting your side of the story. But I'd generally tend to believe him when he says he just wants to be friends. The stuff you describe sounds like things I'd do with my friends. I'm also 24, and wouldn't even consider dating a 17 year old if I was single. I can't see myself having enough in common with a 17 year old to be anything beyond friends. But that's just me, and obviously he doesn't have to share my opinion just because we're the same age. Like I said before...I don't know him, so I can't really judge what he might think.

If you really think he's flirting and interested in you, why not ask? Worst case scenario, it's awkward for awhile but at least you have your answer.


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Mata
post Sep 18 2006, 06:46 AM
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Perhaps I'm a bit more cynical than Cand: men see age differences from a different angle. I agree that 24 - 17 is probably too much, but 24 - 18 doesn't seem so bad; it's funny how a year makes so much difference. I wouldn't have dated someone that much younger than me personally, but personality can count for a lot. I had friends who dated for years, and when they started one was 20 and the other was 31.

It's more commonly accepted that men will date women younger than themselves. It's more unusual for a 24 year old woman to date a 17 year old man than vice versa.

I'm not going to help a lot here, but my answer is that he might be interested in you romantically, but he sounds like he's taking his time, maybe he's waiting for something. When's your birthday? wink.gif Maturity of personality can compensate for lack of years. I've met 16 year olds who are more mature than people in their 30s, and I've met 18 year olds who are as mature as 12 year olds.

I would advise you to be cautious; 24 year old men have different expectations of relationships, especially perhaps the early stages, than 17 year old men. As Cand advises, if in doubt it then try asking!


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Sir Psycho Sexy
post Sep 18 2006, 07:01 PM
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QUOTE (Mata @ Sep 18 2006, 07:46 AM) *
and I've met 18 year olds who are as mature as 12 year olds.


Dammit, I'm 22!


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sarahfelicity
post Sep 18 2006, 07:15 PM
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Thanks for the advice guys. smile.gif

Candice: I'd dearly love to just ask where we stand, but at the same time I don't wanna risk ruining it all... I'm being as cautious as I can, I don't wanna let him slip away.

Mata: My birthday is in April, his is in March, so when I'm 18 he'll be 25. I hear what youre saying though, it's the same thing with turning 17 - one year makes all the difference, 17 sounds loads older than 16. I've grown up around adults (consequently I prefer half my teachers to the students at my sixth form!), and so a lot of people think I'm older than I am - he was very surprised when we first met that I was only 15.

If it helps you understand my frustration a little more, he's a really traditional kinda guy. He still lives with his parents(!) and even Wayne says he doesn't get out much, and he's more interested in cars than women, but now all of a sudden Wayne's started saying to my nan about how much we have in common etc and keeps encouraging Ben to compliment me whenever he sees me.
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