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> Short Story, Read it if you like to read!
elphaba2
post Jan 2 2007, 01:31 AM
Post #1


Lord of the Keys
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Hello Matazone. I always feel awkward and fictionpress-y putting stories up here, but the last time I did so a few people suggested that I put up another. So here it is. A lot longer than the last one (but not too long! It's only two pages) and, for the first time, long enough for me to actually call it a short story. This little green bit is the start, but I don't want to kill anyone with a massive post, so keep reading at the link.

If you’ve ever been to a plant nursery, you know that in the groves, next to the sack-covered $50,000 rhododendrons are thousands and thousands of weeds. The ground is literally covered with clover and dandelions and---yes, that’s poison ivy. I was walking here, squishing on dank mud and avoiding the poison ivy when I saw this boy.

When someone is talking about meeting a member of the opposite sex for the first time, they talk about what the first thing they thought of was. I don’t mean for you to get the wrong idea so I’m a little hesitant to recount this, but I thought he looked malnourished.


link

I'm trying to submit it to the Scholastic Art and Writing Awards (which deadlines in a week) so feedback would be excellent. Thanks, all!


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elphaba2
post Jan 2 2007, 11:40 PM
Post #2


Lord of the Keys
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Oi!

*pimps*


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Novander
post Jan 3 2007, 12:39 AM
Post #3


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Right near the end I think you switch from past tense to present tense, which kinda threw me a little.

Sorry, I never know how to compliment work; just point out the bits that jar. So, uh: it's cool?


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Greeneyes
post Jan 6 2007, 11:00 AM
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The Key of Joy is disobedience.
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I found it interesting. Certainly keeps the attention, but I have to profess to not understanding the ending. I've read it through several times, but can't work out quite what is happening in the last 5 lines.


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