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> theory, about jesus and easter
monkey_called_na...
post Apr 8 2007, 10:13 PM
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so i don't like easter, and i spent some time today coming up with a theory.

Jesus rose from the dead
When people rise from the dead they become brain eating zombies
Jesus was a brain eating zombie with an agenda to "save" people because he likes his brains fresh
The bunnies are really just Jesus' minions, out to fetch fresh brains for Jesus
The bunnies use colored eggs as a ploy to give people a feeling of safeness
Jesus wants to make doubled brains with colored eggs garnish.


I like it.


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michael1384
post Apr 8 2007, 10:48 PM
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um... Okey Dokey!


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SPEAKERfortheLOS...
post Apr 9 2007, 12:04 AM
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But wait...

If Jesus was a Zombie, or at the very least some other Undead being, then how could he be a religious person...

I mean really if Jesus was some kind of Quasi-Religious-Man then how could he use Holy Water???


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Daria
post Apr 9 2007, 01:18 AM
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Wait for the uprising
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Water was scared of Jesus. He was THAT much of a scary zombie. He even pwnt God.


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Sir Psycho Sexy
post Apr 9 2007, 12:34 PM
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I got to wondering yesterday why it was bunnies and eggs...I mean, what sort of a bunny comes from an egg?!

Then it dawned on me that bunnies are renowned for humping and as such easter is a celebration of humping!

...I'm still working on the egg part of the conundrum...


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SPEAKERfortheLOS...
post Apr 9 2007, 12:36 PM
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QUOTE (Sir_Psycho_Sexy @ Apr 9 2007, 08:34 AM) *
...I'm still working on the egg part of the conundrum...


Quite simple...

Female bunnies need something to hump too...


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It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
The hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.


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though offtimes better than master of one.

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monkey_called_na...
post Apr 9 2007, 06:35 PM
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i cant belive i forgot the humping in my theory.


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Izzy
post Apr 9 2007, 08:39 PM
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Wow. That is all. Wow.

Pfft, all we did for Easter was eat. No exciting egg hunt or anything. "Oh, come on, you guys are too old for that." YOU ARE NEVER TO OLD TO FIND MONEY IN COLORED PLASTIC EGGS DAMMIT!


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Moosh
post Apr 9 2007, 09:08 PM
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QUOTE (monkey_called_narth @ Apr 9 2007, 07:35 PM) *
i cant belive i forgot the humping in my theory.


Beginner's mistake. Every good theory involves humping.


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voices_in_my_hea...
post Apr 9 2007, 10:11 PM
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>_> Eggs used to represent the rebirth of the universe in pagen culture and was carried on to Christianity to mean the rebirth of man, AKA Jesus. Or somehting along those lines.

But that theory is no fun so let's stick to the humping theory. tongue.gif


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Sir Psycho Sexy
post Apr 9 2007, 10:28 PM
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QUOTE (SPEAKERfortheLOST @ Apr 9 2007, 01:36 PM) *
QUOTE (Sir_Psycho_Sexy @ Apr 9 2007, 08:34 AM) *

...I'm still working on the egg part of the conundrum...


Quite simple...

Female bunnies need something to hump too...


True true true true true....except for the lies...


Interesting about the chocolate egg, I always thought it was just something left over from the pagan celebration of whatever (much in the same way Jesus was reborn on a different date each year). So...Jesus was reborn in a chocolate egg? *scribbles on notepad* This is all fascinating!

Edit: Jesus was a chocolate zombie! It fits! He was black(brown) and everything!


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SPEAKERfortheLOS...
post Apr 10 2007, 10:51 PM
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QUOTE (Izzy @ Apr 9 2007, 04:39 PM) *
YOU ARE NEVER TO OLD TO FIND MONEY IN COLORED PLASTIC EGGS DAMMIT!


THANK YOU!!!!

I wish I could get money and other Baubles out of Plastic Eggs... but no...


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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion,
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
The hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.


Jack of all trades, master of none,
though offtimes better than master of one.

Carpe Noctem, pro cras nos necemus
Carpe Diem, pro hodie nos mutiamo

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bryden42
post Apr 10 2007, 11:45 PM
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Easter, Originally pagan festival celebrating the pass over to the new half of the year into the bit of the year where things grow, rebirth happy joyous times etc etc. original goddess presiding was eostra (sp?) hence the modern day name. bunnys hump ots and are "fruitful" in the kid department hence the tie in there (plus they seem to be around a lot more come spring) eggs are indeed the symbol of rebirth.

but i like the humping chocolate zombie jesus better personally! that and he had super strength to move the boulder from his cave! beware super strength zombies smile.gif


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Daria
post Apr 11 2007, 09:24 AM
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I was once told that the rabbits represented messengers because of someone or something.


...

I used to fall asleep in church services at primary school.

Also, you guys get money in eggs?! We (being my family and most people I know) have only ever done hunts for chocolate eggs, or presents.


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SPEAKERfortheLOS...
post Apr 11 2007, 03:40 PM
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Oh, yes...

Eggs with money inside them...

so wonderful they are...

mind you the chocolate ones are good too...

but...

money is so much more satisfying!!!


--------------------
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion,
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
The hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.


Jack of all trades, master of none,
though offtimes better than master of one.

Carpe Noctem, pro cras nos necemus
Carpe Diem, pro hodie nos mutiamo

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Izzy
post Apr 11 2007, 07:56 PM
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My guitar teacher said my guitar looks like it's decorated in Easter eggs, because I have colorful picks all over it. If I find my camera, I'll upload a pic.


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hinsley
post Apr 24 2007, 12:28 PM
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QUOTE
but i like the humping chocolate zombie jesus better personally! that and he had super strength to move the boulder from his cave! beware super strength zombies smile.gif


I think it was the rabbits that moved the boulder! They keep their strength up by rolling around easter eggs but they will melt in summer so they give them away before it gets too hot.


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Novander
post Apr 24 2007, 10:44 PM
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Jesus isn't a zombie, Jesus is a vampire.

Rise from the dead? check.
Legion of followers who have drunk his blood? check.

And who in history has ever had more reason to be scared of crucifixes?


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monkey_called_na...
post Apr 25 2007, 01:16 AM
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That is the best point ever.


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