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craziness
post Jan 27 2010, 07:29 AM
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crazi
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Hi guys.


I guess some of you already know this, but I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. We started dating when I first got to college/uni... he pounced on me the minute we met so I never got a chance to date anyone else here. Many months later, I found myself unhappy in the relationship. Although he was a really sweet guy, he has a lot of identity issues to work out and I felt extremely trapped. The break up was difficult, since we were extremely close and relied on one another for support constantly. We kind of eased out of the relationship by first going on a break until I decided to really end it.

Anyway, so where does that leave me now? I want to remain single and free of commitments, but I'm feeling super lonely... and my hormones are all over the place... I check out every guy that walks by. In retrospect I realize my sexual relationship with my ex had been pretty much non existent for the past 6-8 months, which was kind of both of our faults... but now I want to pounce on every half way attractive guy I see. It's kind of a problem.

In the past 3 weeks, I've gone out a ton, met lots of new people and kissed a couple of different guys, but it hasn't gone much further than that. I have been talking to one of them on and off for the past week or so, but I really don't feel like getting emotionally involved with him and playing the dating game is pretty annoying for me. I have a very aggressive attitude towards men and I pretty much go after what I want, so I feel like I should just call this new guy whenever I feel the need. However, I think he might have either a) given up on me due to him embarrassing himself in front of me this past weekend, b ) started developing a crush on me so he is trying to slow things down or c) doesn't want to be my 'rebound guy'.

so I guess I am just wondering what you all think of this situation... I am trying to avoid falling into a really bad cycle or completely ruining my reputation, but I am rather impatient. yes, I know you're thinking "why doesn't she just invest in a vibrator" but what i am really craving is attention from another person so that wouldn't really do the trick.

Thanks for your advice and I'm sorry for this long-winded and self-absorbed post


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Mata
post Feb 1 2010, 01:58 PM
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It sounds a little similar to a situation I got into a university, where I had a very intense 18 month relationship, then it ended and I knew almost no-one. The different bit is that you're successfully finding new people to hang out with, but my worry might be that this is because you're female and (by the sound of things) actively looking for a physical relationship, possibly with no strings attached. That attitude can attract a lot of people, but most of them probably aren't going to necessarily satisfy your longing for genuine attention... Though physical attention is undeniably very nice too!

As difficult as it might be, it sounds like you need a breather from relationships. If you crave one so badly then that sounds like you need to work out who you are when you're not in a relationship. By that I mean that perhaps you should work out how to be happy by yourself first before you go back to being with someone else. From what you've said it could be that you are very much on the rebound, and going rebounding as fast as you can into the next guy you can find. That's likely to not be great for you, and if he turns out to be a really great guy then you might mess it up by not being fully settled in what you want.

Sorry, it's a bit hard to explain, but it sounds like maybe you need to slow down, work out who you are, and when that's sorted you should go back to dating. I know it's really hard, and loneliness can be terrible, but when you're happy in yourself you won't feel lonely in that way any more, you really won't. Then you'll be ready for dating and you'll be a better person to date too.

Then again, you could just completely go for it and see where it goes. Just make sure you always use condoms and have lots of safe fun!


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