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Pikasyuu
post Jun 15 2011, 04:41 AM
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i understand most people have gone through this etc etc, but for some reason, it's hitting really hard and stuff. :>
i have one remaining grandparent. even after my parents' divorce and everything, she's still been someone you can set your watch to - homemade cookies and pretzel mix and presents on christmas and a big gift for my birthday. she's your basic whitebread grandma: sweet, helpful, full of advice, and so on. she's lost two kids and her husband so far, so i am a little surprised she didn't have a heart attack earlier. this sounds stupid, but earlier today i realized i hadn't gotten her usual card and wondered if she was okay. a couple of hours later one of my cousins let me know she was in the hospital.

fast forward etc, everyone knows, and my mom asks if anything happens, do i want to go to the funeral? they live in the midwest and one of my aunts hates both my mom and i. it would be really uncomfortable, but i feel like i owe my grandma even that tiny thank you for just being such a good grandma. at the moment, i don't even want to think about that happening, but i never have and i realize what a dilemma it is.

thoughts/help/hugs/wordsofwisdom? i know at least someone has had a similar problem considering how dysfunctional every family is. thanks. <3


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Phantom
post Jun 15 2011, 08:59 AM
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Heey Syuu,

if it comes to saying goodbye, especially when you feel like that you should always pay a visit.
Doing that maybe feeling uncomfortable is less severe than the guilt you might get.
If for some reason you are not able to come, or decide that seeing those people
is to much for you right now, especially on such an occasion, your grandmother will understand.
If it comes to it, you will say goodbye to her, even if you're there or not.

From personal experience of saying goodbye and avoiding funerals, I would advice you
to go, because sometimes it's just that little bit extra closure that you need, but
again there are two sides to this, think about it carefully but only do what feels right, even if
it's a hard decision.

You can already send her a card as long as she's in the hospital smile.gif

I wish you the best of luck sweet girl and hope that the next message will be about good news!
If it is any consolation I will pray for your grandmother, as I do for people who have someone
or something special that need a little extra help.

Loves and hugs my dear xx


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LoLo
post Jun 15 2011, 02:15 PM
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I think if it comes to that, you should go. Missing the funeral of someone you love is something you would probably regret for a long time. In circumstances like that, the family drama may take a backseat anyway. Why be petty when you're mourning someone you love? (them not you)

On another note though, she's just sick so hope she gets better. I'll be hoping for you. smile.gif


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Phyllis
post Jun 15 2011, 03:14 PM
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What would you do if family drama wasn't an issue? Would you go to the funeral? Because there's your answer.

At my grandma's funeral, we didn't sit in the section reserved for family, since my mom and her siblings were in the middle of a huge feud. And believe me, these people can fight. Eight siblings, and almost none were speaking to each other. Anyway, at the funeral, everyone was civil, because even though my family is full of drama queens, the day was about saying goodbye to Grandma, not about petty bickering. I don't know your family, obviously, but my guess is it'd be much the same. Few people are classless enough to start a fight at a funeral.

*hugs* I hope your grandma recovers and has many more happy years of making cookies and dispensing advice. smile.gif


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Hobbes
post Jun 15 2011, 05:47 PM
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I agree entirely with everything said so far, but just wanted to also send good wishes.

*hugs*


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snooodlysnoosnoo...
post Jun 15 2011, 05:49 PM
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I hope she gets better soon *big hugs*

However, I completely agree with what has already been said, don't let family feuds get in the way - you have just as much right to pay your respects as they do.



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Pikasyuu
post Jun 15 2011, 05:55 PM
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not enough like buttons in the world for everything said here.
thank you guys so much. <3


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Mata
post Jun 16 2011, 12:53 PM
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I'm with everyone else - if it comes to that, go anyway. It may even manage to unite things in the family a little (yes, I'm a shameless optimist).

*hugs*


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SPEAKERfortheLOS...
post Jun 16 2011, 11:11 PM
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I've been through that situation... almost to the letter...

I did two things to make the situation better...

First, and this was easy because I literally was passing by the neighborhood on an entirely different and unrelated trip, I stopped by to visit her - unannounced... It just so happened to be her last birthday alive too... I spent the entire day with her and made it entirely and abundantly clear that I was there for her and no one else. Period.

Second, I went to the funeral. I cut a vacation short and drove 700 miles to attend the funeral. It is worth it. If she honestly means that much to you and your life, then you need to go. Most especially if it is your last grandparent.

Hang in there kiddo, you will know what is right when the time comes to decide.


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Pikasyuu
post Jun 29 2011, 07:29 PM
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just as an update: she did pass last week and i was unable to go because of a scheduling complication. if the funeral had been one day later, i would have been there.
ty for all the support tho.


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LoLo
post Jun 29 2011, 11:27 PM
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*hugs*


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Phantom
post Jun 30 2011, 03:20 PM
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I love you honey! Hope you don't feel to down! *hugs* xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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Mata
post Jun 30 2011, 06:01 PM
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Sorry to hear that. It's a shame you couldn't be there for the funeral, but she would have understood - that's why we love people. *hugs*


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Phyllis
post Jul 1 2011, 06:19 PM
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sad.gif

I'm so sorry, Katii. *hugs*


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Cath Sparrow
post Jul 3 2011, 05:40 PM
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*hugs* I dont know what your family intendt to do with her remains but if you can go to that place and say your goodbyes then. It'd mean you can do so more privatly and without the discomfort of handling the rift in your family and as Mata said she'll understand.


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