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> My friends are so depressed, I feel a question of their loneliness
Daria
post Sep 29 2011, 10:58 AM
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Hey everyone

Firstly, I would like to direct you towards http://www.dracinabox.com/ which is an online shop belonging to a friend of mine. It sells all things goth, so I figured some of you may be interested in it.

It's tangentally related to what I'm about to talk about, because my friend is depressed. In fact, lots of my friends are depressed, or manic, or anxious, or having issues with gender or their sexuality. I'm currently going through the process of getting diagnosed- so far, the psychologist is pretty sure I have cyclothymia which is a mild form of being bi-polar. I've been keeping mood diaries (see below) and have been pretty shocked by how much my mood zigzags about by its own accord. I knew I got ups and downs, but I'd never kept track of it before.



To be totally honest, I want to get a diagnosis so I can label myself when it suits me to do so. Like with university: if I miss class because I'm depressed or anxious, I can point to the label and go "so, yeah, that's why". As it stands, I'll tell my advisor that I missed class because I was depressed, and she asks me what causes the depression. Well... nothing causes the depression. It just happens. I don't want to be on medication at the moment- I can still deal with the lows and I don't want to give up the euphoric highs- but it has still been a struggle to deal with the notion that aspects of my personality I am proud of or see as positive could actually just be attributed to symptoms of a disorder and therefore medicated away.

Which is why I'm writing this post. I remember a while back there was a thread discussing the hypothetical situation that if you found out you had a brain tumour that affected your personality, would you remove it? (or something along those lines). This feels a bit like that- being creative and having your mind race with ideas, having euphoric days, high sex drive, optimism (and irritation at the lack of optimism in others)... these are things I enjoy. They are also elements of cyclothymia and would be lost if I was levelled out on medication. I just don't think I could be me without them.

I see a counsellor as I feel it's important for me to be able to recognise how I'm feeling and work around it- I can be unreasonable, I sometimes start arguements with my partners, I push friends away. But usually I notice I'm doing these things when I'm doing them and kind of end up stopping half way through, apologising, and discuss why I feel the need to do whatever I was doing (usually because I don't feel in control of my situation/ brain/ life/ whatever).

So at the end of this huge Hey Listen All About Me post, let's go back to the brain tumour question. If you found out you had a brain tumour that wasn't going to kill you but it affects your personality (according to the doctor because of its positioning or something idk I'm no doctor) would you have it removed? Bearing in mind that it grew slowly over time and the personality changes would just be part of you.


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We are unraveling our navels so that we may ingest the sun.

DARIA IZ GOOD ON TOAST

TOAST IZ GOOD ON DARIA
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Lurker in the Pa...
post Sep 29 2011, 08:59 PM
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I know someone who actually had this, or something similar, he definately had an operation to remove something from inside his skull anyway. The difference in him was night and day, he went from being very quiet, subdued and in the background to being much more outgoing, positive and he said that it had removed his depression which he said had been "a factor". So personally, on that basis, I'll have it out thanks.

Congrats on getting the diagnosis, hopefully it'll make your life that bit easier like you said. Also good move on staying off the meds if you feel you can cope. I would say that if you don't feel you can cope at any point do go and see what the docs can give you to help.
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Mata
post Oct 1 2011, 03:33 PM
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For me, I think it depended on how happy I was with my personality.

I am very happy with who I am now, but I know I am in this position because I was quite broken during my teenage years. The broken aspects, recognising them, and dealing with them are part of the reason I'm so happy these days.

So, it depends on the action of the tumour and what it caused. If it changed the personality in a way that could not be overcome (because it was hard-wired behaviour) then I would probably very seriously consider removing it, whether I was happy with who I was or not; however, if the behaviour that the tumour gave me was only a tendency that could either be adopted or overcome (now I had knowledge of the tumour's action) then I'm not so sure. The act of opposing negative aspects or your personality gives you strength in the long term, I think, as long as you are capable of overcoming them.

I wouldn't like the idea of being impelled to behave a certain way by an abnormality, but if there is room for resistance to that behaviour then that's not so bad.

These meat bags we walk around in have got masses of built-in personality things already, so I'm not so sure if an extra one would be a major issue.


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