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> The Ever Present Friend, and how I hate it so
LoLo
post Jul 29 2003, 02:45 AM
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I think pleanty of people who have known me for a while have heard me call myself this before. Well I just thought I would rant about it, because it's bugging me again and I just feel like getting it off my freaking chest.

I am the ever present friend. I am NOT the girl you pine after and want to be your girlfriend. I am NOT a hot model that you think is sexy and pine for. I am NOT the girl you want to bring home to mom.

I AM the girl you bring home to meet your buddies. I AM the girl you bring out drinking with you. I AM the girl you come to when you want to find out what girls like. Mostly what I AM though is the girl that you forget is a girl, and think of more as "just one of the guys."

I am very sexual. Maybe I'm too easy in my sexual attitude, I'm not sure. Guys seem to like to flirt with me, and tell me I'm pretty and I'm cool and whatever, then turn around the next week and either tell me who they're pining for, or introduce me to their new super hot girlfriend who is everything that I am not.

When I get in this "I hate the fact that I am the ever present friend" funk, my friends tell me something like this, "Oh Lo (Laura, depends on who's talking to me at the time) you'll find that guy. You're nice, and funny, and sweet and there is someone out there for you." When it comes from guys is when it bugs me the most. Say I'm talking to my guy friend and he tells me this....sure but I'm YOUR buddy, and I'm NOT the type of girl you want to bring home to meet YOUR mom, or be YOUR girlfriend.

I don't know maybe I come off too much as uninterested. I know I do on here. Of course that's because I'm unwilling to do the internet thing again, but I guess I come off that way in person too. I guess I could work on that a bit, but frankly I don't want to trounce around making myself desire worthy or what not.

Like I said, I'm just sick of this state of being, and I just wanted to get this off my chest.

</end ever present friend rant>


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Prince Aries
post Jul 29 2003, 02:50 AM
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LoLo, you just described my life to a T. Not to sound so like...full of myself...but that's EXACTLY how I am....and I understand how it goes. What is it about whoop ass people like ourselves that this happens to?

Nice people finish last I s'pose.

For me, I'm the ever present obligatory "Party Poof". The fun gay boy to have around for a good laugh or for whatever reason. I met a guy I like....it's wow you're so cute and fun....hope you find that perfect someone because you deserve it!

Sometimes I just want to hit these people in the face (and I'm a very UNVIOLENT person) dry.gif

*hugs* I'm sorry to hear about all this though, Lo. I understand soooo much of how you feel, and I'm so sorry. But you really are great. I sure hope this all changes for you.


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LoLo
post Jul 29 2003, 02:58 AM
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It isn't so much that I would like to have a relationship. I'm really in no rush to have one right now. If one happens one happens. It would just be really nice to be seen as a sexy female who is worthy of being in a relationship with. I guess being desired. Not just the girl you hang out with, or the girl that you flirt with until you find someone who you can be serious with.

(forgot this part of the rant) lol


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Prince Aries
post Jul 29 2003, 03:00 AM
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Understandable COMPLETELY Lo. Again, exactly as I am. Creepy how that happens sometimes.

I am not going to get into it too much, it's kind of hard, it's led to some real big problems with me, but I understand.

I'm real sorry babe *hugs*


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vicrawr
post Jul 29 2003, 04:27 AM
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So...umm...wanna snog?

wink.gif Love ya!!
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LoLo
post Jul 29 2003, 06:39 AM
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I couldn't sleep and I wrote this inspired by this thread an my mood so I thought I would share it.

The ever present friend

I am the ever present friend.

You will not kiss me
because I am the ever present friend.
You will not date me
because I am the ever present friend.
You will not make love to me
because I am the ever present friend.
You will not fall in love with me
because I am the ever present friend.
You will not take me home to meet your mom
because I am the ever present friend.
You will not put a ring on my finger
because I am the ever present friend.
You will not buy me a house
because I am the ever present friend.
You will not make me a mom
because I am the ever present friend.

You will take me out to clubs
because I am the ever present friend.
You will confide in me
because I am the ever present friend.
You will ask me for girl advice
because I am the ever present friend.
You will flirt with me for practice
because I am the ever present friend.
You will introduce me to your love
because I am the ever present friend.
You will toss me aside unless you need me
because I am the ever present friend.
You will make me your doormat
because I am the ever present friend.
You will allow me to be your 3rd wheel
because I am the ever present friend.
You will not hook me up with your friends
because I am the ever present friend.
I guess I'm not good enough for them
because I am the ever present friend.

In the end who is left,
Just me the ever present friend.


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MistressAlti
post Jul 29 2003, 08:34 AM
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/me hugs Lo

It's not a fun position... believe me, I do know - I was treated the same way by the Academy boys all last year. I feel your pain, and I'm sorry you have to endure it...
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Mata
post Jul 29 2003, 08:52 AM
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I know how you both feel. I was in the same situation for many years.

You'll hear this 'advice' (although it's not advice really, and I don't pretend it is, it's just that people told me it under that term) many times, and while it doesn't help make anything any easier it is actually true:

When you are least expecting it and when you are least looking for it, when you really can't be bothered and don't care about it anymore, that's when someone who wants you will turn up.

See, I told you it was crap and annoying, but I think that just goes to show how true it must be!

When you're this kind of person, the person that everyone likes and who is friends with many but good friends with few, the only way to get into a position where suddenly you'll find yourself with someone is to find happiness in yourself. Being this kind of person is a very lonely feeling and it can really hurt inside but slowly for some reason this passes and we just accept it and begin to move on. Once that lonliness starts passing (it took years for me but it did go) suddenly things start happening for you.

So the proper advice is this: keep being friends with people, keep being the person people can turn to, keep going out to parties but don't bother with trying to find anyone because that never works, just go to see people.


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the lil' pie...
post Jul 29 2003, 10:22 AM
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this thread reminds me of my first four secondary school years. i still get this happen to me, with some people, but since last year i've had a guy to reassure me i am wanted for myself and a couple of people who've said they liked me (in the sexual way) so i manage. but i know roughly how it feels, i found it really frustrating to see my girly mates get all the guys while i was helping the guys to get them! dry.gif i hope for anyone who has this problem (or a similar one) that it stops soon xx


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Mingtea
post Jul 29 2003, 12:21 PM
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Oooh it's me.

I can't really offer any advice because to be honest i'm at the same point now but just so you know.

"i know exactly what you are going through"

Sorry for that cliché line but i'm sure you understand.


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WeeJ
post Jul 29 2003, 12:26 PM
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QUOTE (Mata @ Jul 29 2003, 09:52 AM)
When you are least expecting it and when you are least looking for it, when you really can't be bothered and don't care about it anymore, that's when someone who wants you will turn up.

I say that to one of my friends all the time and it must piss him off so much.
The point is, he's a nice person and nice guys get girls. End of story.


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Mingtea
post Jul 29 2003, 12:29 PM
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Yeah i know i know.

It's me

it really is.


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WeeJ
post Jul 29 2003, 12:34 PM
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QUOTE (Mingtea @ Jul 29 2003, 01:29 PM)
Yeah i know i know.

I know 'plenty more fish in the sea' sounds like nails down a board...but there is some wisdom in that crappy saying.

I would punch myself for praising that horrible saying but.....I don't want to. So ner tongue.gif


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vicrawr
post Jul 29 2003, 12:59 PM
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So...no snogging? sad.gif
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the lil' pie...
post Jul 29 2003, 02:16 PM
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QUOTE (IrishGuy @ Jul 29 2003, 01:59 PM)
So...no snogging? sad.gif

bless wink.gif


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LoLo
post Jul 29 2003, 02:30 PM
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I just want to state again.......I'm not really looking for or even wanting a relationship right now. I'm happy being single, not happy with feeling like an easily tossed away rag, who is only around for practice. Doesn't matter that I don't want a relationship, it just gets to be annoying to be every male friends practice dummy sometimes. **shrugs**


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the lil' pie...
post Jul 29 2003, 03:05 PM
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ah got your drift again...that as well. why doesnt anyone realise they do it? have you tried telling one of them how you feel or something? huh.gif


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LoLo
post Jul 29 2003, 04:34 PM
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The reasoning behind this thread:

I became friends with a guy through other friends a little while ago. All I wanted from him was a friendship, but I was having tons of fun flirting and what not with the guy, as he seemed to be with me. One day we're flirting and being stupid, the next day he can't stop telling me about this girl he met that he thinks is so cool, and hot, and nice, etc. etc. etc.

Call me jealous, I dunno. I don't know why it pissed me off, but it did. Like I said I didn't want anything from him, and I was even worrying that he was wanting too much from me. It's just kind of a kick to the ego to be the girl being flirted with one day, and then the girl being confided in about this better girl the next day.

Just another chalk line though on my board of people that I am just the buddy too.


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Jonman
post Jul 29 2003, 05:57 PM
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QUOTE (Mata @ Jul 29 2003, 02:52 AM)
When you are least expecting it and when you are least looking for it, when you really can't be bothered and don't care about it anymore, that's when someone who wants you will turn up.

Happened to me, innit?


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leopold
post Jul 29 2003, 06:31 PM
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QUOTE (Jonman @ Jul 29 2003, 06:57 PM)
QUOTE (Mata @ Jul 29 2003, 02:52 AM)

When you are least expecting it and when you are least looking for it, when you really can't be bothered and don't care about it anymore, that's when someone who wants you will turn up.

Happened to me, innit?

And me...

Lo, ya say yer not lookin, an that it's not botherin ya, an yet this rant appears... I think yer not bein entirely honest with yerself. I was like that at one time, I kept tellin meself I wasn't bothered. I was though, deep down. It was only when I truly thought "The hell wi this!" an put me mind on summat else that I bumped into the woman who is now me wife.


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LoLo
post Jul 29 2003, 07:19 PM
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QUOTE (leopold @ Jul 29 2003, 11:31 AM)
Lo, ya say yer not lookin, an that it's not botherin ya, an yet this rant appears... I think yer not bein entirely honest with yerself. I was like that at one time, I kept tellin meself I wasn't bothered. I was though, deep down. It was only when I truly thought "The hell wi this!" an put me mind on summat else that I bumped into the woman who is now me wife.

The reason it's bugging me Leo is not a yearning to be in a relationship, but the fact that my ego was deflated. This just brought up an annoyance with this pattern that I go through.

Truly I don't want to be in a relationship right now. I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want to tie myself down to anyone at all right now.

Yeah I know that I've been ranting to some of you, very few of you, about that longtime friend that I like, but the truth is I don't want him either. At least not today. haha.

I know this rant seems like a big contradiction. I'm a big contradiction.

Here's my pattern when it comes to my male friends, and you may have noticed it too. (Real life, virtual life either way it happens.) I become friends with a guy. We flirt and play around and what not, then I start to worry. "Does this guy want more from me than I want from him? I could have sworn that I was blunt when saying I don't want anything right now, but they seem to be liking me for more than a friend." It may make me worry, but in the back of my head, it makes me feel good to think that hey perhaps I actually am attractive enough, or funny enough, or cool enough, to have someone think of me in a way other than a friend, even if I don't want anything more than friendship. Then a little time passes, usually very little time passes, and this person is either introducing me to their new girlfriend, or confiding in me about this person they think is gorgeous or sexy or top notch. Then I have to come to the realization that I was worrying over nothing. I am what I wanted to be anyways, just a friend, and that's all I will ever be. Shot to the ego yanno.

Just because you don't want something, having it made apparent that even if you did want it, you wouldn't get it can bug you. Or at least it does me.

I love all my male friends. I think they are wonderful people. I'm happy for them when they find that person. Just knowing though that this pattern happens with most if not every guy that I meet, leaves me little hope for the future when I might actually want something more than friendship with someone, because that's all I ever become to anyone, is just a friend.


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VVes
post Jul 29 2003, 08:09 PM
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L0L0,

I find that you are sexy, witty, intelligent, and quite a gal overall. ...I think that most guys can't handle your joy of "being". Your too fun for them to take home to mum? Well maybe they don't need to be around you then? smile.gif What you descrbed is whats sometimes called the sibling factor...you get to know them in such a way that "normal" girl/guy relationships almost turn taboo... Imagine flirting with your sibling....ewww!!

I don't know how to explain what triggers it. But obviosuly it happens! I am so sorry that your another one of it's victims!

Maybe some guys get turned off on the fact that your emphatically not "looking" or something. The mind is a weird place to walk around in. And a guys mind is even worse...hehehe

For what it's worth , I would date ya in a heartbeat... I never thought of you as one of the guys, your too hot for a guy anyway! smile.gif

ok ok I ramble on....


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wolfbane
post Jul 29 2003, 08:30 PM
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*huggles lo*

Sounds like me as well hun.


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Sarah the Spider
post Jul 29 2003, 09:01 PM
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I hear you LoLo. I am probably the epitome of being "one of the guys." It's fun to be able to be friends with guys in that way, where a lot of girls just stand there giggling at them. But I dunno...it does feel blah at times...

sad.gif


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vicrawr
post Jul 29 2003, 09:31 PM
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Wish I had girls like you to hang around with...everyone thinks I'm gay cuz I don't hang around girls....

I lurve you Lolo!!!
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