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> Need Help..., im writing a song and im stuck....
magikeyes14
post Aug 23 2003, 11:08 AM
Post #1


in the end there is only me.. *CENSORED*
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( slow piano refrain)
take it slow,
dont go to fast
my song will end,
my words will last,

(guitar/precussion refrain)
there was time, everything was so right,
it was easy to fall asleep at night,
you were there, you made me strong,
you were lying all along,
(short guitar solo)

you hurt me in the worst way,
you broke my heart, and made me stay
you kept me locked away

chorus
why'd you hurt me?
its not fair
you never loved me
you never cared
we could have been so much,
but now we'll never know
i loved you more then anything,
but i guess it never showed......


so yah, im stuck right there.... song is abviously about deception and a broken heart.... im trying to come up with something new.... i got the beat and sum of the melody, but i need to figure out a way to make the song fast enough, yet still slow and dramatic....hummm... hard choices.... o yah... Liz (edward) this is the one of the songs imma write you... the other one is still being worked on.... so yah.. any ideas?


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take me into the darkness..........
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Feyliya
post Aug 23 2003, 04:43 PM
Post #2


It's not junk in the trunk, it's precious cargo.
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Hmmm.....maybe make it suicidal? I dunno, I write poetry, not songs.

Hold my arm, look at the knife
You left me, now I end my life
Leave this endless nightmare dream
So much pain, I cannot scream


--------------------
Irish is my special e-stalker. I leave the blinds open for him. :P // I'm the designated keeper of sobreity. Jell-o Shooters anyone? // I will always have fond memories of Leo's big banana and Cheese's sexy penguin. // I am the all powerful Ish Witch! ::insert evil cackle here:: // ALL HAIL PURSTHULHU!
@_@ You will not write secret messages. You will not write secret messages... @_@
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magikeyes14
post Aug 23 2003, 11:31 PM
Post #3


in the end there is only me.. *CENSORED*
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i already have a couple songs that are suacidal, and i was trying to make this one without the self mutalation, just seemed like something new lol.... i am curently working on this song and another one... i liked your idea Fey... is it ok if i use your lyrics in a different song??? hopefuly someone will spark something inside me and give me the inspiration i need.... thankx for all help


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Oni Usagi
post Aug 24 2003, 02:36 AM
Post #4


I could have written a short novel by this point
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Something repetative might fit in there, I can't really think of anything suiting, just a style idea I guess.

Actually, now that I think about it, it was alot of non-repetative stuff before that so it might be better not to start there.
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Feyliya
post Aug 24 2003, 02:31 PM
Post #5


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Sure, you can have those lyrics if you want them. I don't really care. Just, if you get famous and rich and all with a song with my lyrics in it, put my name somewhere in the credits of your mulit-platinum record. And highlight my name in a copy of one of your CDs and send it to Robin Porter...........


--------------------
Irish is my special e-stalker. I leave the blinds open for him. :P // I'm the designated keeper of sobreity. Jell-o Shooters anyone? // I will always have fond memories of Leo's big banana and Cheese's sexy penguin. // I am the all powerful Ish Witch! ::insert evil cackle here:: // ALL HAIL PURSTHULHU!
@_@ You will not write secret messages. You will not write secret messages... @_@
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magikeyes14
post Aug 24 2003, 08:08 PM
Post #6


in the end there is only me.. *CENSORED*
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QUOTE (Feyliya @ Aug 24 2003, 07:31 AM)
Sure, you can have those lyrics if you want them. I don't really care. Just, if you get famous and rich and all with a song with my lyrics in it, put my name somewhere in the credits of your mulit-platinum record. And highlight my name in a copy of one of your CDs and send it to Robin Porter...........

i promise your name will be in there sumwhere *boy scout sign* me promises....wait, are gurls allowed to do the boy scout sign? blink.gif o well..... im making a demo soon!!! *claps for self* yayness! i'll make sure i thank you for your wonderful lyrics.... your really creative and i loved your lyrics


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Forever Forbidden
take me into the darkness..........
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Rattgirl
post Aug 24 2003, 08:13 PM
Post #7


I forgot my socks
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I'd go hunting down Aries....he's a whiz at lyrics (but he'll never admit it).....just click on his Poetry link in his Family Album bio to see some examples.


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reaper
post Aug 24 2003, 10:04 PM
Post #8


I live again......
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now i sit here all alone
wondering why my love for you never showed
holding back these tears I feel
the love we had was so real
now its gone and I feel betrayed
I wish you could have stayed
*Chorus*

now I lay here
waiting for the tears to show
I feel so alone you will never know
waiting for these tears to show.


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magikeyes14
post Aug 24 2003, 11:17 PM
Post #9


in the end there is only me.. *CENSORED*
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*hugs reaper tight* omg! u rock.. now i just have to fit it in with the melody dry.gif hunmmmmmmmmmm


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take me into the darkness..........
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reaper
post Aug 25 2003, 10:51 PM
Post #10


I live again......
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No problem. I am just glad I could help biggrin.gif


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magikeyes14
post Aug 26 2003, 04:28 AM
Post #11


in the end there is only me.. *CENSORED*
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ok so this is the final draft... tell me what u peoples think!

Broken
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
( slow piano refrain)
take it slow,
dont go to fast
my song will end,
my words will last,

(guitar/precussion refrain)
there was time, everything was so right,
it was easy to fall asleep at night,
you were there, you made me strong,
you were lying all along,
(short guitar solo)

you hurt me in the worst way,
you broke my heart, and made me stay
you kept me locked away
( guitar comes in slowly)

*chorus*
why'd you hurt me?
its not fair
you never loved me
you never cared
we could have been so much, but now we'll never know
i loved you more then anything,
but i guess it never showed.....
(piano/guitar)

now i sit here all alone
wondering why my love for you never showed
holding back these tears I feel
the love we had was too real
now its gone and I feel betrayed
I wish you could have stayed

*Chorus*
why'd you hurt me?
its not fair
you never loved me
you never cared
we could have been so much, but now we'll never know
i loved you more then anything,
but i guess it never showed.....
(drums/guitar)

now I lay here
waiting for the tears to slow
I feel so alone
you will never know
(last solo, guitar)
waiting for these tears to dry,
trying not to cry
you're making it so hard!!!
(piano comes in slowly....guitar/drums fade out...piano softly...slowly fades out)
- - - - -- - - - - - - - - -
thankx again reaper... you helped a lot


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reaper
post Aug 26 2003, 10:54 PM
Post #12


I live again......
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biggrin.gif Looka great, I am sure it woudl sound great to. No problem bud biggrin.gif


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magikeyes14
post Nov 5 2003, 02:32 AM
Post #13


in the end there is only me.. *CENSORED*
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*bump* Fey! i finished the song with your lyrics in it! it turned out AWSOME! *grins*


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take me into the darkness..........
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CrissiLove
post Nov 5 2003, 03:00 AM
Post #14


I plug directly into my computer
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Hey, I never saw this before.... The lyrics you posted sound really good!
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magikeyes14
post Nov 5 2003, 03:02 AM
Post #15


in the end there is only me.. *CENSORED*
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Suacide Redemption
By Magik (and Fey)
--------------------------
*light melody from piano with low percussion*
Hold my arm
Look at the knife
you left me
now i take my life
Leave this endless
nightmare dream
so much pain
I can not scream (can not scream) **thankx Fey!**
Sinking in
my bloody fate
cant stop now
its way to late
Pain and anguish
in my head
almost gone
Im almost dead (almost dead)
*chorus*
this is my
suacide redemption
this is my (this is my)
way out (suacide redemption)
this is my (this is my)
last story (way out)
this is my (this is my)
regret (last story)
This is my (this is my)
suacide redemption (regret *scream*)
this is my
way out
this is my
last story
this is my
regret....

Nothing to gain
nothing to lose
only one thing left to chose
this is the end
no time for bye (time for bye)
no more pain
no more tears to cry (tears to cry..)
*whispered*
this is my suacide redemption
this is my suacide....
*all electrics fade out, with only bass, percussion and piano left, playing a haunting melody with a soft strong beat*
Lost in this endless nightmare.........
No where left to go.........
I cant stop screaming.......
my pain will show........
*hard beat come in fast and guitars whail**chorus*
this is my
suacide redemption
this is my (this is my)
way out (suacide redemption)
this is my (this is my)
last story (way out)
this is my (this is my)
regret (last story)
This is my (this is my)
suacide redemption (regret *scream*)
this is my
way out
this is my
last story
this is my
regret....
*beat slows and almost everything fades out, piano/low percussion and 1 guitar left*
No where left to go..........
*evryting fades**piano plays softly*
I can not scream...................

--------------------------
yawp thats it, thankx a lot Fey and thankx 2 my best frend for helping me edit and remake it, shes awsome... hope ya'll like it...


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Sir Psycho Sexy
post Nov 5 2003, 01:06 PM
Post #16


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...if you ever need any of that mastered....i'm doing a degree in sound tech, we're doing a mixdown of Marvin Gay(e?)'s What's going on (it grows on you after a while dry.gif )


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magikeyes14
post Nov 5 2003, 10:56 PM
Post #17


in the end there is only me.. *CENSORED*
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thankx for the offer.. im trying to get a file recorded so everyone can hear my *horrible* singing *laughs* or whatever... but i sorta erm.. broke my mic and whatnot.. >_<


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Sir Maxerpopple
post Nov 29 2003, 04:56 AM
Post #18


Is conformity, consumption, and obedience really that bad?
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magik,
Try to incorporate a dual meaning in your song. Instead of only a broken heart, add a dimension to it, make your song stand out from the masses of those like it. And to make it suicidal? That's just boring. So...many...suicide..."I want to die my life is pointless songs". Get a twinkie and enjoy your life, you only have one. Plus too many suicide songs are a bad thing, one or two is fine. As for your new dimension, what else do you care about? Are you trying to teach a lesson through this song, is it to help you cope with something, or is it just out of the blue? If you are trying to teach a lesson to someone, add a double meaning to your verses. Perhaps if you not only want to write/sing about this one dumping, but also how to deal with life and love, draw some parralells and analogies in your lyrics to one another. Instead of "I'm waiting for the tears to slow", what about "It's futile waiting for the tears to slow, they always flood and drift away", or something like that. Now I know that hurts the rhyme scheme and it may not be the best verse, but it's late and it's a start.


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Faerieryn
post Nov 29 2003, 07:01 PM
Post #19


Faeries don't bite we just nibble a bit!
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Can anyone help me with this one? I usually write peotry and getting stuff to rhyme in a similar pattern can be a bastard.

You took my heart,
Kicked me to the sand,
But you can't stop me rising,
Like the phoenix that I am.


Thats about as far as I get without hitting any snags. It should be a powerful song if anyone can help and I'm happy to share ideas.

Oh and magick if you need a singer cos you're shy or something PM me, I'm willing but have never been given the chance to sing music that really means something. I'm fed up of opera!


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magikeyes14
post Nov 29 2003, 07:40 PM
Post #20


in the end there is only me.. *CENSORED*
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great lyrics Fey... and im not really afraid to sing.. i love it happy.gif altho right now its sorta hard becuase of losing my voice, BUT i would LOVE to hear you sing happy.gif or maybe we can sing together once!!!?! that would be soooooo awsome.. im not quitre sure i have any ideas for your song as of yet, but if i do, i'll be sure to let you know.

Sir Maxer,
there was never really a spacific emotion behind thoses spacific lyrics, i was basicly going on pure "f**k you, leave me the hell alone" i was really pissed off and i randomly found sum lyrics Fey wrote for me, and went on it. If i really thought about it and like, submerged myself into my lyrics, i could find a double meaning and make the song totaly kick ass, but as of now, im working on a new song that im lost in.. so i think i might come back to Suacide Redemption later.. and FYI thats the first suacide song i have ever writen.. lol.. a lot of my lyrics are more of.. erm... funny/fu*k you... lol... Caution Tape is about getting caught by the cops when i accidently spray painted an unmarked cop car >_< and its double meaning is love loss *again* >_<, Broken, is just pure heart break... Suacide Redemption was just payback... RAce Track, is basicly disorentation and ranting, Love Me is about unrequitted love.. bleh.. so much love.. egh.. being a teenager is weird dry.gif


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Sir Maxerpopple
post Nov 30 2003, 03:23 PM
Post #21


Is conformity, consumption, and obedience really that bad?
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I've found the quirky songs are the best.

You try finding a song that sings ich bein ein googlehoph (I am a cake).

A friend of mine and I are trying to work with that, it's a song making fun of the totalitarian dicators of the 30's and 40's, as well as a few other evil communist/socialist tyrants.

Love songs never hit it for me, but if you can make someone laugh, that's gold. Especially if you make them laugh because you do ort say something so surreal or out of place, it's a great feeling. Listen to some Frank Zappa, also the modern german classical composers are excellent. Don't be a fraid to mix and match, as well as broaden your horizons. Stick a violin in a rock song and play an Irish jig, sounds fun to me!

DISCLAIMER: NOT CALLING COMMUNISTS EVIL! REFERRING TO MAO AND CASTRO

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