The Spongebob Squarepants Drug Theory Options

[Righteous]

I have determined that SpongeBob SquarePants is all about drugs. If you can't see it (it's so obvious), here's some evidence.

SpongeBob SquarePants is on meth amphenemines. It's blatan. He's always really, really happy, energetic and, occasionally, paranoid. If he ever is in a bad mood, it's the result of a major crash. He never just gets mellow then sad. He goes from really happy to really sad or really angry. There's no middle ground.

Patrick Star is a stoner. He laughs at stupid things and eatsall the time. He's also really stupid. The THC is probably permanently in his system from his smoking so much. He must go through like a pound of weed a week.

Squidward Tenticle is on heroin. He's always down and he yells at SpongeBob for being hyped up and energetic. Also, with all of his arms, he'd have no problem shooting up.

Mr. Krab is on coke. He's really upity and notice how he's always concerned about money. Coke is expensive. He has to manage his finances carefully if he wants to sustain his habit. He's also their dealer. Notice how there are few people in The Krusty Krab. How does Mr. Krab keep his business afloat? The Krust Krab is just a front and a little extra money for Mr. Krab to cover is drug operation.

Sandy Cheeks is just an alcoholic. She ruins every episonde she's in 'cause she's always drinking. I wouldn't be suprised if she curls up with a bottle of Jack every now and again.

[Yannick]

I dunno, I really don't remember there being that much lsd the first time... It should be something more like this.

Shaggy and Scooby are big time pot smokers. That's why they're always hungry. One time when they were really hungry, Shaggy discovered some funky looking mushrooms that just happened to be the magical kind, so they've been hooked on shrooms too since then. High dosages, because this would explain why they're always scared to enter caves and stuff. Because it isn't really a cave, no, it's the mouth opening of a huge monster, ahh!

Scooby snacks are made of heroin, which is why Shaggy and Scooby will do anything to get them. Hmm, maybe even meth, which is why Shaggy's so skinny.

Daphy is definitely on mdma. That would explain why she's always so happy. Her hubby Fred loves the lsd, so she'll occasionally candy roll (lsd + mdma).

Velma just does small hits of DMT. That's why she never appears high. Her trips are so short, she's in reality for most of the show, which is why she's usually the one to identify the baddie. While the rest of the gang stand there giggling at a 'monster', she sees him clearly, and is like "Uh, no guys, this is <name>!"

[Mata]

candy roll (lsd + mdma).

I have learnt something new today. I love the way that drugs constantly add new slang to our language.