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> Nummynums Has Been Barred For Two Months
Mata
post Sep 12 2003, 11:49 AM
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As many of you will be aware, the board member NummyNums has been saying that she has been having a really hard time lately. Between suicide attempts, abuse from her boyfriend, diet-pill addiction (ie. amphetamines) and finally being hit by a car, she's not been having too great a time.

The problem is that there is evidence that proves that Nummy was not hit by a car. The IP address that she stated was a friends laptop in a hospital was actually based in an American school and she had posted from it 370 times previously.

So how much of the previous stories are we meant to believe? To be honest I can't tell you. I had my doubts about the diet-pill thread but in the possibility that it was true and a lack of evidence I, like many other people, was prepared to accept it.

Certainly there is a high level of emotional manipulation occurring here. Nummy herself had posted a thread believing that she was being ignored by anyone and it is hard not to think that these threads about the terrible things that had supposedly been happening to her were her way of getting attention.

Lying is something we all do occasionally, sometimes to tell a more interesting story and other times for more dubious reasons, it only becomes a problem when you are using lies to manipulate other people. I really care about the people on this forum and I would be very upset if any of them were to be in an accident, and I know that a lot of others on this forum feel the same way. This makes what NummyNums did a very serious thing indeed.

We all know that this is an internet forum and that our friendship is based solely on electrons passing through a complex series of routes to create the words that we send to each other, but these words are still real and the feelings of friendship and trust are real. As such it also holds true that the feelings of betrayal are real too.

I have met a few of the people from these forums and so can account for some things that they say about themselves to be true, but many of us on here have never met any of the others and with over 600 members currently registered it is fair to say that we all only have each others' words to relate through. Our friendships are based on the trust that people will speak the truth about their lives and I believe sincerely that people on here do that.

So Nummy lied and it seems likely that she has lied many times (especially if you include the other three profiles that use the same IP addresses as her, one of which was a man posting from the school IP address saying that he is in Greece!), some of the things that she has said I would not wish on anyone so I almost hope she lied about them, they may have been true but I cannot know for sure. This is what happens when trust is gone.

If Nummy, when caught, had said 'I'm sorry, I just wanted people to notice me' I suspect that a lot of people, in time, would have forgiven her and the rebuilding of trust could begin. The trouble is that she didn't do this, she said that her computer had been taken over by a hacker who was posting pretending to be her. No-one believed this so she then says that a friend told her to do it. At no point has she actually taken responsibility for her own actions.

This forum is built on the principle of open communication about our lives, the way we feel and respect for the opinions of others. If you are lying about the first two then you clearly do not have any of the third.

I do not believe that Nummy shows any signs of having learnt a lesson from this, she (if she really is a 'she'!) shows no sign of true remorse for the considerable distress that she has caused other members of this group and I am not prepared to have people on here who wilfully mislead and hurt other people. I consider this to be of a similar nature to hatred through the offence and pain that it causes.

The irony is that Nummy sought attention but she never really had it, even when we were sympathising. Her lies had our attention, not her. If she was truly telling us about her life then we would have been paying attention to her. Imagine a sitting around a fire telling tales with your friends, when they are mid-story is it them that you are paying attention to or the story? I believe it's the story and that is all we have paid attention to with Nummy, it was all about her lies and not about her.

The second irony that in her quest to gain attention she lost (if she ever had) the main point of respect, this being that if you show an interest in other people's lives and feelings they will do the same for you. If she had truly paid attention to other people's feelings and experiences and engaged in discussion with these people she would have become part of all our lives in a positive way. She would have had attention by demonstrating her ability to have a mature relationship with others, just the same way that the rest of us do in these forums.

I don't like banning users from these boards but I will do it when it is needed. NummyNums has shown a consistent lack of respect for the feelings of other members and in doing so has caused real pain to them. I cannot allow this to happen.

I am barring the two IP addresses that NummyNums uses for two months. Nummy will still be able to read the posts on here but she will not be able to answer. If she wishes to come back after that time then that is up to her. I hope that she learns that her lies do not help her or anyone else. I wish her the best in the future, it seems that she has some issues to work out.

This board has always been here for support when we need it, to allow people to talk freely about problems they may be facing as well as to have fun and silly too. When a member makes this board part of their problems then I have to protect us all and prevent the person making more trouble for themself. I hope NummyNums learns to accept responsibility for her own actions, but since she has shown no sign of doing this here, and therefore any sign of intention to try to repair the damage she has deliberately done, I have no choice but to bar her.


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Pixelgoth
post Sep 12 2003, 12:27 PM
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Not sure if we are meant to respond to this thread but I would just like to say hear, hear!

It was all well said Mata and I agree that I don't think Nummy has learnt her lesson. I just hope she realises how much she has upset us all sad.gif

Ah well, as I said before, we live to fight another day wink.gif laugh.gif


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WeeJ
post Sep 12 2003, 12:38 PM
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Just wanted to say well done to all the mods for handling all this so well smile.gif
Best of luck to Nummy and I hope she gets the help she needs.


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porcelainwarrior
post Sep 12 2003, 12:41 PM
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yeah - i agree with weeJ on this...ive been following the general shenanigans youve been going through with her - i hope she gets herself fixed out soon...


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MistressAlti
post Sep 12 2003, 01:32 PM
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Nummy, if you're out there (and I do not doubt that you are)...

I'm sorry, but this had to be done, not only for our sake, but for yours also. Please seek help for your problems during your months away. Think long and hard about what has happened here. I hope you'll come to understand the value of honesty as we do. Perhaps when you return, you will be ready to rejoin us as a mature and responsible individual. Good luck to you.
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Pixelgoth
post Sep 12 2003, 02:45 PM
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I'd just like to add that I second WeeJ's point of view. Well done mods biggrin.gif


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Oni Usagi
post Sep 12 2003, 03:28 PM
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I just want to say that I like the way you handled it, I wish it wouldn't have had to happen. Obviously none of like the fact that sometimes people have to be banned. And I think that the worst thing that came out of all of this is that many of us may begin to doubt other members. Not based on fafcts but simply because we've lost some trust, and don't want to be played again.
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monkey_called_na...
post Sep 12 2003, 06:43 PM
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i think the only person to handle this well was mata, im sorry but that thread that was started making fun of nummy never should have been started and no one should hav contributed to it. that was one of the harshest things ive ever seen and people do make mistakes and i would like to remind everyone that took part in the thread mainly those that took part in my e-wedding and how well that turned out. and that i did forgive everyone after all of the disrespect. maybe you guys should try to do the same.

i really wish nummy the best with everything and i feel bad that i no longer have the trust i once did, but shes still my freind and i still love her


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Guest_Logicman_*
post Sep 12 2003, 07:43 PM
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I talk to Nummy most days on AIM and, sadly, she STILL does not take responsibilty... blaming her friends, her parents, even her COMPUTER, but not herself... sadly, I have to agree with her two-month exile as a proper consequence.

I think that after those two months, she probably will come back (if I can convince her wink.gif ), and believe me, I will be pressuring her to get help ever time I talk to her. Wish me luck!
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cheese is funny
post Sep 12 2003, 09:49 PM
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hmmm... well, im glad that she is only banned for 2 months... and i hope that she comes back...


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kidvicious2punk
post Sep 12 2003, 11:30 PM
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omfg...... dry.gif


i thot the whole thing seemed a bit out there....

i agree missy..

and well done mata for teaching her a lesson...

i think the attention need isnt THAT bad that you wouuld have to say that youre falling in and out of comas...... dry.gif


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TigerLily013
post Sep 12 2003, 11:44 PM
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I don't wanna sound like a bad person but I noticed even before she pulled this stunt that a lot of her posts were really.....attention seeking....and guilt trips. This seemed to always make my stomach turn because this girl I used to be friends with started doing that a lot, and got me pulled in by it. Luckily I don't associate with her anymore. It brought back a lot of crap I am still sorting in my mind and I just had a feeling, just a small feeling that all the stuff she talked bout in her life seemed...too bad to be real y'know? Frankly at least this proves to me why judge what she says now, my first instinct took over on this one.

I also have an observation about the people here. Like me, many of us do not trust easily but when we do it is purely loyal. I deeply respect that. This was the only thing that WAS real with Nummy the way I perceived it...I guess that was also crap in the bucket. She told the truth but was too naive to know that there of course WOULD be concequences....or she just thought we all would fall fer another guilt trip *rolls eyes* I hope she gets the help but as far as she goes in my vote....well she lost me even before this in a way, just more slowly, this just K.Oed the rest out.

Methinks I have spoken my mind and slightly vented enough. Thanks fer listening.


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monkey_called_na...
post Sep 13 2003, 12:43 AM
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has anyone else on hear hear of forgive and forget? your all whinning about her and you dont think that gives her attion? if somone got banned everytime they made a mistake currently missy lolo and lots of other people would be banned right now just from my wedding thread but i delt with it and moved on try to do the same. this thread never should have been open for posts its just dragging the problem out and i think all of the threads about it should just be deleted so everyone can just forget it


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magikeyes14
post Sep 13 2003, 01:00 AM
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I agree with you Narth, but then again i dont... i think the thread should stay open so then the pople who have something of IMPORTANCE to say, they can say it... but as for the forgive and forget? that doesnt happen when something so serious as this happens... being banned for something else would have been a forgive forget situation, but lieing is a serious thing... no one will trust you if you lie... and they have a right to not trust Nummy.. she did something wrong and hurtful, and im betting that a lot of people on here feel hurt and wronged... they are just trying to get it all off their chest.. its a human thing to do


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Pikasyuu
post Sep 13 2003, 01:04 AM
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We've heard that from Jon too!

We are forgiving people. I'm trying to speak for the majority, because never have I seen anyone on here hold a grudge. It would be very simple to do this, Narth, if this was the first time this had happened. Nummy had made comments that severely upset people before (ie: her biggotry in the obesity thread) and we mostly have forgiven and forgotten. But this sort of thing, twisting people's emotions, it's cruel. That's why everyone's not embracing her and forgiving.

That, and as Mata said, she never apologized! One should do that before asking for forgiveness.


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Sarah the Spider
post Sep 13 2003, 01:51 AM
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Hmm...It took me a long time to decide if I was going to say anything about Nummy or not...

To be honest, I did not believe the car crash thread from the start. I knew that she just wanted to feel loved...again. As is often the case in her posts. And I am willing to forgive and forget, I really am. Some people just want attention so badly they will do anything for it. I am so disappointed, and even a bit angered, though, by her behavior. She wanted attention so much that she was willing to play with peoples' minds and hearts, and she was willing to break something sacred in the forums: trust. As many others have said, Internet friendships are based almost solely on it.

As I said, I can forgive her. I can even forget someday, maybe.

But she hurt people. She hurt Jon. *winces* This place is supposed to be a haven.

I don't know how helpful this post was. But I had to say something...

Nummy, I know you can still read posts. If you are reading this, I hope you can take away something from this experience. I hope you understand now how true friends care for you, and how you should never take them for granted. Also, I hope you will try to be a bit more honest, and find people who will care about you unconditionally. If you feel the need to embellish stories just to feel accepted...are the people worth it?

I hope that wasn't harsh. Or irrelevant. I was just a bit bothered and wanted to say something. I surely hope it was appropriate.


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gerbilfromhell
post Sep 13 2003, 02:08 AM
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'forgive and forget' is supposed to happen over time, not immedeatly. to forget something like this will take a while, and if nummy won't let the 'forgive and forget' process happen by her own free will, then it was right to ban her. two months seems to me like a reasonable amount of time both for nummy to get her life sorted out, and for the forum to, as a general term, forgive and possibly forget. personally, i have forgiven her. although what she did was inescusable, she did not intentionally try to hurt us. nummy does care about us. if she IMs me, i'll talk to her as normal. and i'm more than happy to have her at the east coast meet if it's ok with everyone else.

however, this is not the kind of topic to reply in (i know i'm being hypocritical, but bear with me anyways). while good natured debate and discussion is always a good thing, the responses to nummy's lies..... doesn't seem to encourage good natured debate, to say the least. if you think you can debate good-naturedly, that's why we have e-mails, pms, IMs, and chat rooms.

i believe this topic should be closed immedeatly. unless of course, we can keep this topic from becoming snipping at each other, and eventually escalating into a fight. and before you say everyone here is so mature (which you are, i'm not denying that), that is EXACTLY the thing that happened when LoD got banned. most people weren't here for it (many were asleep), however cheese, leo, tara and a few others will remember that it wasn't exactly a pleasant night. i just don't want that to happen again.
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Pikasyuu
post Sep 13 2003, 02:29 AM
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Excellently put, Gerbil. I'll be a hypocrite as well and agree with him. But I hope that by now that if people have truly rude comments about this situation and can't post them like a civillized person and respect everyone else's opinion, Mata's undying forgiveness and acceptance that people can be their best when you give them a chance will be put down once again. So, I think that if people can really state their opinion like mature adults, why not let them? I know where you're coming from, saying some things are private, but I'm confident most of the posters can decide for themselves what belongs in PMs, and what can be said freely.

Of course, I could be wrong! If everyone else thinks it inappropriate, please close the thread. =P


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monkey_called_na...
post Sep 13 2003, 03:53 AM
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sorry about my last post you guys (taking syuus post as meaning me) i reread it and it was what i wanted to say but it didnt come out to well, it followed me bumping my already hurt head on the desk when i bent down to pick up the cigg i dropped, and i was a little bit irrational. i do feel that after what she did she needed this sort of punishment and i would have been mad about it if she didnt get what she had comming, i didnt belive the whole story in the first place because one if that would have happened to me my best freind would have probibly been crying and sitting next to my bed all night long if the hospital allowed it or not and i would do the same thing if it happened to her, i highly dought that they would even think to post it on here (hence my sarcastic post on that thread)

sorry for my immaturity i just feel that were drawing somthing out that woul;d be better left in the past that way when she comes back we can be really happy to see her rather then fakeing it.


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Righteous
post Sep 13 2003, 04:32 AM
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(hugs Mata) Thanks for handling things better than any of us could. Not just this, but in general. You're awesome, Mata.


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Juiceisgood
post Sep 13 2003, 07:34 AM
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Wha? I don't come on-line for a few days and suddenly this?

I'm pretty pissed off, that dieting thread had me in tears mad.gif

Well, I suppose we don't know if that was a lie or not, but It's possible and perhaps even likely. The car accident sort of had me doubting everything...

I'm no happy, that's all I'm saying.

Yeah, a job well done Mata, well, as well as it could be done. You are truely a benevolent dictator biggrin.gif


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Mata
post Sep 13 2003, 12:07 PM
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Narth, I take your points but I disagree with you on this one:

QUOTE
if somone got banned everytime they made a mistake...


This really was a lot more than a mistake and in all likelihood this has happened a lot more times than just the once. Misinterpreting another member's intentions is one thing, but deliberately playing on people's emotions is quite another. She has abused the trust of people on here and upset a lot of other members, that's not something that I take lightly.

As I said above, if she had at least accepted personal responsibility for what she has posted and the hurt that she has caused then that would be one thing, but she has tried to blame hackers and then friends... Never herself. She says that at the time she believed it would be funny. We all make mistakes but this is really a gross misjudgement and it does call into question a lot of other things that she has posted on here.

She has displayed a constant desire for attention (she's had four 'I've been away did you miss me' threads, which is pretty impressive considering the forum has only been online since Easter, and numerous 'No-one pays any attention to me' threads) without apparently seriously reciprocating when attention is given. The nature of all communties has to be that every member participates in a way that is mutually beneficial rather than parasitic.

There are people on here who really do have some terrible experiences sometimes, perhaps NummyNums was one of them but we have no way of knowing this because she destroyed any trust we my have felt towards her. When a person is more destructive than beneficial to a group the only option is to remove them. Yes, we have all made mistakes occasionally, we're only human, but we admit to them, apologise and move on. Even when NummyNums was revealed to be lying she didn't take responsibility, she instead used it as another opportunity to try and get people to say that they love her and don't want her to go.

There was no display of remorse towards her actions, only at being caught.

Anyway, I think you all understand my reasoning well enough by now and I've spent more time than I wanted to on something that really isn't any fun for me or anyone else on here.


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