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> Would You Like Nummy To Come Back?
well? would you?
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cheese is funny
post Oct 12 2003, 08:22 PM
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well, nummy has been thinking whether she should come back to the forums or not when time comes. she doesnt want to come back to a forum that doesnt want her, and wants to know if you would accept her back and forgive and/or forget what has happened, or do you hold a grudge of sorts and wouldnt like her to come back.


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gerbilfromhell
post Oct 12 2003, 08:54 PM
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i'm semi-apatheticly undecided. (i.e. i voted for 'it matters not to me')


look, i wasn't really hurt by what nummy did, but that's really because i didn't believe much after the whole 'you're all just a bump in my plans' post in the 'i'm just going to take a long walk' thread, so i personally am willing to forgive (not forgive and forget, just forgive).

this, of course, is under the condition that she owns up to everything she did, makes an apology (either a thread or PM the people she really hurt with this, i don't care), and never does anything even close to this again. because, quite honestly, if she STILL refuses to do this a whole MONTH from now (which is exaclty the moment that her ban gets revoked), then she loses all chance of forgiveness from me.

when nummy was banned, it didn't seem that she fully understood what she'd done, or was even willing to admit that she did it. i'm more than willing to allow her back if she's changed, but if she hasn't, then i think it's up to HER to keep herself off of these forums until she does, even after her ban expires if need be.

but, in the end, one way or the other, it's her decision if she wants to come back after one more month.
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CommieBastard
post Oct 12 2003, 08:56 PM
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I agree with gerbil. If she accepts responsibility for her actions, and publicly apologises, then yes, she can come back.


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LoLo
post Oct 12 2003, 09:01 PM
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My problem with what she did was how it hurt or could have potentially hurt others (especially you cheese) and I don't know if she will continue to do stuff like this in the future. I said no, because I seem to have lost faith in people lately, but in the end the choice is not mine, it's her. If she could prove me wrong and take responsibility for it, and change then sure, I would be happy to see her come back.


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WeeJ
post Oct 12 2003, 09:09 PM
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I'm sorry to sound harsh, but I don't think I could trust her again. I'll always be considering whether or not she's speaking the truth about something sad.gif
I know I should forgive and forget, people change, but there will always be that ounce of doubt in the back of my mind. Sorry sad.gif


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magikeyes14
post Oct 12 2003, 09:22 PM
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this sounds really mean but i dont think i could trust her plus i know she already doesnt like me even if she denys that... plus what she did was wrong and it hurt a lot of people... im sorry if im being a b*tch but i dont trust her and i know if i did the same thing, she wouldnt trust me or accept me back


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Debaser
post Oct 12 2003, 09:50 PM
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hate to say it, but i'm with weej here...i'm not going through an essay-like explanation, because it's essentially for the same reason...


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CrissiLove
post Oct 12 2003, 11:06 PM
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Please don't be mad, Cheese....

I never really believed much that she said anyways... not entirely. I always tried to keep in mind that there is at least a chance she is being truthful.... But, I don't think I could even do that now.

I voted that I don't care if she comes back or not. I never really talked with her much. I don't see myself ever becoming good friends with her. But, I know she does have several friends here.... smile.gif

Whether she comes back or not, I do hope that she is doing well. She's really lucky to have some good friends--like you. I hope she realizes that.
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Phyllis
post Oct 12 2003, 11:19 PM
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I voted no.

I personally have very little faith in her. I doubt she would actually own up to what she did from my past experiences of her. She's never taken responsibility for her actions in the past, why would she start now?

Liars don't just change into honest people after 2 months of being away. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's how I feel.


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Pikasyuu
post Oct 13 2003, 12:00 AM
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I also voted no.

I agree completely with Candice. What it boils down to is that if she never realizes or never cares for another person's feelings like that, and still wont own up to it, somebody needs to look for some damage control. I don't want to see anyone hurt that way again.


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TigerLily013
post Oct 13 2003, 01:02 AM
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Well if she knew in the first place what she did and did not screw with our minds like that then I would not mind accepting her back here...buuuut Sadly I say no. Once you break trust it's gone forever. I learned the hard way with people. I take no sh*t from NOONE.


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elf
post Oct 13 2003, 03:56 AM
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I really don't know WHAT she did... Someone clue me in?


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magikeyes14
post Oct 13 2003, 04:29 AM
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she posted a thread saying that she was a freind of Nummys and said that Nummy got in a car accident adn was in the hospital.. then when everyone figured out it was a lie, she said that a hacker got into her computer... then she said that her freind told her to do it... very complicated. u might be able to find it .... the thread is around here sumwhere... u'll have to look tho, cuz its already locked


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MistressAlti
post Oct 13 2003, 04:33 AM
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QUOTE (candice @ Oct 12 2003, 06:28 PM)
Liars don't just change into honest people after 2 months of being away. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's how I feel.

Ditto.

The Nummy I knew said and did some very cruel, irresponsible things. I doubt she really knows the gravity of what she's done and is working to better herself so as not to ever do such things again.
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VVes
post Oct 13 2003, 04:48 AM
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I won't judge her, and if she hurt any one person more than anyone else, well that's between her and whomever, and if it hasn't been resolved by now, then more than likely it won't anytime soon.

I have never been mad or held a grudge against her; personally, I was simply very disappointed that she could pull a stunt like that. But who am I to make such a final decision?

I personally think it's Mata's and "Nummy’s" call on this one. After all, this forum is for communication and expression, within bounds and reason of course, "Nummy" simply exceeded herself. That's all, and nothing more. The only victim here is trust.

But time and trust go hand in hand, and if she pulls a stunt like this again, then it is her choice, and the consequences are clear.

But she needs the opportunity to try and prove herself trustworthy in the first place.

Don't shoot her down before she even takes off. Are we all that confident to be infallible?

I think not.

I will respect whatver Mata’s decision will be when the time comes. No vote on my behalf.

dry.gif


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PrincessCadhla
post Oct 13 2003, 05:19 AM
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This thread is evidence of a continued desire to get everyones attention. Congratulations, she got what she wanted, again.

I went the way of apathy....heck, I love drama...so I don't really care.


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cheese is funny
post Oct 13 2003, 05:21 AM
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im sorry cadhla, i disagree with you, she only asked for this because she doesnt want to come to a place that doesnt want her, this was not started to cause problems, if you wish to cause problems, take them elsewhere


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PrincessCadhla
post Oct 13 2003, 05:48 AM
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I am not trying to cause problems...sarcasm is so hard to convey through this medium...

My point was...she can't come on the forums and beg for attention, so she got you to do it. It doesn't really affect my life, so I don't really care....I was just pointing it out. Wanting to know if ppl want her to come back is basically asking everyone to prove they like her, like in her previous posts saying she was hurt, injured, in a coma or whatever...that was basically just seeing who liked her and would be concearned. Reguardless of how ppl feel about her return, she will come back if she wants to. If she gets the attention she is seeking (which this poll/thread has done for her) then she will be here, reguardless of positive or negative.

If you don't want ppl's honest feedback about something, don't ask the question.


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cheese is funny
post Oct 13 2003, 05:52 AM
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this was not posted to see who liked her, or who disliked her, or to cause problems, or to gain attention. it was posted so she can prevent a problem, because if it was so that she wasnt wanted, she can make the judgement easier to see if it is worth her coming back, and maybe not causing problems with other forumers, or not wasting her or anyone elses time. its a simple precaution for the future, not a way for her to get attention.

(also, this is not meant to come off as angry, only slightly defensive for someone who cannot defend herself at this moment)


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Industrial Kybos...
post Oct 13 2003, 02:54 PM
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The question posed in the title is best matched with another, I think: Has she publically apologised for her behaviour?

When the answer to my question is 'no', the answer to yours follows suit, I'm afraid. The whole problem was with her deceiving us, and then passing the buck, being ultimately unrepentant.

As soon as I see an apology, I might be able to start forgiving her. It's possible, however, that an apology may now be too late.


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Mata
post Oct 13 2003, 04:15 PM
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It is up to Nummy whether she wants to come back or not.

Many people will have trouble accepting what she says to be the truth for a long time. If she thinks that people, even those who want her back, are going to easily forget about the things she said then she is fooling herself.

But, and this is a very big 'but', she can come back. It will be hard work to regain people's trust again. She will need to show that she is genuinely interested in the lives and feelings of others on this board. It will not be at all easy to regain the trust of those that she has lied to.

So my answer again is this, it doesn't matter whether we want her back at all, it is up to Nummy whether she wants to come back or not. If she comes back then she will have a hard time, it will be difficult and at times she may get quite a cold reception, but if she wants to come back then she must expect this.

Why would she want to return when this is likely to be the prospect ahead of her? I'd say that she might desire to prove to herself that she can build trust and relationships without need of ornamentation.

The choice is hers, but I will say this, if she does want to make her life a lot easier on here then she is really going to read the posts in this thread and pay attention to what people are saying. She betrayed the trust of those who considered themselves her friends. She has not apologised yet.

If she is willing to put the work in and engage with the lives of other people on here then I will welcome her back for her own sake, not for ours, because only through making this effort do I think she'll be learning more about herself.

This next bit will sound harsh but bear with me. This community will continue with or without her. From this view whether she returns or not really is not going to make any difference. There are three choices for her;

She could not return. That would be easy but she would have proven nothing to herself, she may continue in the patterns that she has already established. I wish her the best but I hope she progresses into a situation where she can provide her own feeling of self-worth rather than craving the attention of others. This community will continue happily.

She could return, apologise and show recognition of why her behaviour was wrong, not that her fault was getting caught but that her fault was the way she manipulated the emotions of others. She could prove herself to be a person who is willing to listen to, discuss, joke with or empathise with others on the board. The community would benefit from another person who does this and in time she could rebuild the trust she destroyed. In doing this I think she would benefit as an individual. The forums would be better off for her return.

She could return, not apologise, post lots of messages about things that she says have happened to her, people may or may not choose to believe them and generally continue to crave the attention of others rather than contributing towards the well-being of the community. This kind of leeching behaviour does no-one any favours, it prevents independent thought and essentially goes counter to the whole idea of this site. I have always wanted people to question the value of what other people say to them, to have faith in their own ideas and to judge others on what they do and say, not what their reputation says. To be constantly craving attention is a negative way to live, Nummy was like this before she was banned and if she continued in this way, especially to the extent that she had previously, then she would be banned again, this time permanently because she would be damaging this community and the trust that it has been built on.

So that’s the three choices. I would like her to take the second one, not for our sake but for her own. I don't like barring people but it is necessary occasionally and when I do it I make sure that I explain clearly why I have taken the action so that the person can be entirely sure why it has happened.

This is not our choice to make and this isn't a question about what we want. Nummy needs to find the belief in herself to feel that she could be a positive member of this community and that is absolutely nothing to do with what we want now. If Nummy comes back and displays all evidence that she has changed then she won't need us to consciously forgive her because she will be a very different person in the way she communicates, more importantly she will have grown as a result of interacting with other people here (which has always been the aim of open communication).

As Princess Cadhla points out, that Nummy feels the need to ask us whether we want her back is indicative that she has not yet learnt to value herself highly enough to say 'I will go back there and prove myself to those people,' she is showing that she needs people to be desiring her before she does anything, which was what caused her to descend to the posts that got her barred in the first place.

The choice is up to Nummy. If she wants to come back and prove herself then she should. What we say shouldn't matter to her because if she knows that she is willing to give as much as she receives then she will also know that she can restore our faith in her... But she has to know that in herself, this poll means nothing because it is about what we think, not about what she thinks. I've not voted, nor have I looked at the results before writing this. There is only one person whose opinion counts in response to this poll and that is Nummy, after that it is up to her to persuade us into believing in her choice, not the other way around.


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Polocrunch
post Oct 13 2003, 04:22 PM
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Ah, Mata, ever the diplomat (or rather, DiploMata!). You know we love you for that right?
I pretty much agree with Mata with everything he said (curses! I cannot have an original opinion when he is around!). However, I wish to point one thing out: how can we trust Nummy's apology? How do we know that the first thing she will do when she returns is to post an apology thread, get loads of attention and remain insincere? Sure she'll have a hard time, but isn't that just the kind of attention she seemed to be seeking before? I am deeply suspicious of anything she might say now, but I would be much more open-minded were she to return with a low profile.
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Mata
post Oct 13 2003, 04:25 PM
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I agree that an apology might sound insincere but that's where the hardwork comes in, after she has said the words she then has to live by them and to show that she's not going to be trying to deceive purely to get attention again.

As you suggest, a low profile might be a good idea, contributing initially only when she really has something she wishes to say on a subject and in other people's topics rather than creating her own.


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elf
post Oct 13 2003, 09:51 PM
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Honestly, after I've been informed about the situation at hand, I don't think I could have her back. I mean, I did the same thing once, and it was really stupid and only regressed the situation. I always thought Nums as pretty nice, but I never knew she would act so rashly with a desperate cry for attention. If she did apologize profusely, I'd still be a bit skeptical. *sigh* Sorry cheese, but that's just how I feel.


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You were right if you thought I was dead all this time.
BUT NOW I'M ALIIIIIIIIIVE! 8]

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e-daughter=emiliza*e-brother=cheese is funny*e-sister=candice*e-older-sister=lindylouwho[/b*e-sister=[b]happybunny*e-sister=hinsley*e-cousin=craziness
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Guest_Logicman_*
post Oct 14 2003, 02:38 PM
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I want NummyNums to come back. Hell yeah.
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