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> Promises., They're hard to keep...
Righteous
post Nov 21 2003, 07:16 PM
Post #1


Shut up, noob!
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From: The Dina, No Flo
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I've been amazingly depressed lately. I got fired from a good job; I got dumped by two friends; the rest of my friends are beginning to evaporate; I'm afraid I'll be ditched by Harmonie because of her new boyfriend regardless of how much she says she won't; I'm six grand in debt at 18; I'm doing poorly at school; I'm having issues with my older sister and to top it all off, my car exploded.

What I meant by promises is that I've promised so many people so many things and it's hard for me to keep them all. THe major promises involve not using certain things to deal with my depression. I just made a sign to put on my ceiling above my bed (where I do most of my lying-down-and-staring-at-the-ceiling) that says "NO SMOKING. NO DRINKING. NO MARIJUANA, SPEED, HEROIN OR OTHER ILLICIT DRUGS. NO CUTTING, STRIKING, INDUCED VOMITING OR OTHER FORMS OF BODILY MUTILATION."

I've made these promises to sa many people, many of whom aren't in my life anymore, but for whom I still try to keep these promises. I went out for a walk today and it took all the will I had not to run off and vomit in the woods. I had a talk with Harm today about how I used to drown my sorrows in beer, mudslide, whiskey or Chardonnay if there is any, but because of all the promises I've made, I can't do that anymore. I almost went to the corner store to get a pack of Marlboro Lights, but, once again, used what little willpower I have not to do so. I deleated the number of my old dealer from my cell phone and don't talk to my friend John anymore, so there's little chance of me getting my hands on any drugs. My fried Liz (thankfully) said that if she hears about me cutting myself again, she won't talk to me again. I've promised so many people so much and yet it's still hard for me to not drink, smoke, do drugs or mutilate myself.

I don't know. It's all nice and confusing. All I've been doing lately is lie around the house, listen to depressing music and stare at the ceiling. Even if I do go out and do something, I still eventually get depressed. I don't know. I guess I'll put on The Wall again, tape my new sign to the ceiling and stare at it for awhle.


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With every breath...and all that I am...I will make a stand...until the end.


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Righteous
post Nov 21 2003, 07:27 PM
Post #2


Shut up, noob!
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I just added "NO RANDOM SEX" to my sign just in case I revert back to my old ways completely.


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With every breath...and all that I am...I will make a stand...until the end.


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acidteardrop
post Nov 21 2003, 07:28 PM
Post #3


Nobody Expects - THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
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im sorry righteous. i really am, i know how hard it is to keep these promises. i respect you fully for having mroe willpower than i do.

i recently promised krys that i would not hurt myself. i also confided with some other people over stories that happened to them and i promised not to tell. unfortnately, with all this sh*t going on those promises seemed impossible to keep. I was forced to tell the skool of all that i was crying about...and when i start i cant finish, i had to tel them everything. thats why i hate talking to adutls abotu that sh*t, they dont seem to understand that these promises i would keep if it killed me, but sometimes i can get so upset i lack the self control to keep it in. i also hurt myself, which i promised krys i would never do. i feel like the biggest a$$hole and hypocrite ever. i wish they hadnt forgive me, i dont deserve forgiveness.

after that you may not trust me enough, but i am always here to talk to you, and i would give my life to keep your problems secret should you so wish. however, sometimes i lose it. i am here for you, commie, if you ever need to talk about anything, just PM me or IM me, im here for you, just as you all are here for me if i have problems.

on a lighter note ive just been deafened by missy's xenayell (yes, i saved it on my comp happy.gif)


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im now sextastically married to krys (magikeyes)! i love you so so so so soooooo much!///im engaged to liz(edward_lover)!///I LOVE YOU BOTH!!///I am Missy's slave! yay me!///Krys is my loving girlfriend...i love you infathomably with all my heart, mind, body, soul!///killersquirrel is my first noob ever ^_^///Trina(Spiffy) is me ickle sis! ^_^ /me wuvs trina///Shelly(werewolf) is my older sister! be nice! :P///I am engaged to VVes!///Mina(deaq) is me new n00bie! I LOVE YOU, MIAN!///i have three more n00bies; baldricks gherkinator. they are Jen, David, and Sebastian///Jen must be kept away from microwaves at all times. David must be kept near Jen permanently. Sebastian must not be fed peanuts...he prefers walnuts....
YAY FOR POLYGOMY! YAY FOR YOU ACTUALLY BEING BORED ENOUGH TO ENLARGE ALL OF THIS!

/\_/\ (\ _ /} i would cry but my tears have been stolen
(^.^ ) (='.'=) i would scream but my voice has been taken
(U U ) .(")_(") thus i write.
(''')(''')
kitty attributed to Tigerlily PM me if you are reading ths, i have something to tell you
BI PRIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.webpost.net/ac/acidteardrop/all...ebelongtous.JPG (sorry, that picture's way too big -Commie)
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the lil' pie...
post Nov 21 2003, 08:30 PM
Post #4


Don't you just love hot water bottles?
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*hug* these are the times i stop being an inconsiderate bitch and consider myself lucky.
i hope you manage to stick to your rules, you sound like you think it's for your own good so you probably will. please don't hurt yourself, i have friends that do that and it's not nice sad.gif be strong, find something to be strong for and i hope you'll be ok *more hugs*


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It's not so bad being trendy, everyone who looks like me is my friend...

SHINY...

Freshers Flu is a buttmunch.
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Righteous
post Nov 21 2003, 10:05 PM
Post #5


Shut up, noob!
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From: The Dina, No Flo
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You've never been an inconsiderate bitch to me, Ms. Fairy.If there's an inconsiderate bitch around here, it's me. I was the one doing all of that when I wasn't supposed to and it's made me lose friends, damage relationships and almost ruin my life. (sigh) Oh, well. I'm glad I did talk to Harm today, though. She told me that she wouldn't ditch me and that I'm always her friend (she was acting all affectionate from the moment I walked into her job) and though I'm still weary considering I've been told this before and it's come to fruition anyway, I'll do my best to remember that.

It still disturbs me the I dea of her and her goof*ck boyfriend having sex. More of an "ewwwww" disturb than a jealous nature disturb. Considering the chicks he's slep with...ewwwww.


--------------------
With every breath...and all that I am...I will make a stand...until the end.


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Silver Star Ange...
post Nov 23 2003, 10:26 PM
Post #6


The Six Train.
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From: The Bronx, New York City!!
Member No.: 636
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I'm sorry, Righteous. May you be eternally blessed,by all and every, by Shadow and Sorrow, becoming Joy in the end. Yes. Poetry cheers me up, so maybe it will work for you. smile.gif And I know how you feel about your friend. Same thing is happening to me. If she ignores you, tell her that you can't deal with that and you refuse to be friends with someone who can't balance her friends and lovers.


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THE DREAM POLICE. D:
I am proudly e-married to Fluffy, I am honored to be the little sister of Righteous, and Lord of Darness is always on my mind. Smallcuteanddeadly is my noob! Yay!
Fear the wrath of my dragon, Lord Baltimore! I am willing to fight; I am a soldier of love. Speaker for the Lost is my e-pimp. Lol.
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