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> Need Advice About A Couple Of 'friends'
Juiceisgood
post Jan 27 2004, 08:51 AM
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I have two friends, one I have known for years, perhaps my closest friend up until a few months ago, the other I've only known for a few months. The one I havn't known for long is going completely insane, I just got off the phone to him, and whist he was in high spirits as always, he ranted gibberish at me in an excited manner. He's been giving me the shits lately, having ripped me off for a moderate sum of money without me being able to prove it, having started to some how drag my other friend behind him in that spiralling abyss of madness... Not to mention that the more I get to know him the more I feel that he's a complete twat, as well as completely insane.

My best friend (perhaps not anymore) seems to have taken a strong liking to the other, they are good friends I'm assuming, they both say so. But he too seems to be going crazy, calling me up for the sole reason to explain to me that I take drugs in the 'wrong' way, a very patronising conversation, all the while I've been watching his mind come apart at the seams, caring less and less and he gets more and more patronisingly mystical.

Neither, I think, realize just how badly they've been rubbing me up the wrong way. And whilst I continue to indulge my vices, I choose to less and less around them.

The fact is, I would not give a damn if they would just leave me alone, because both have insulted, patronised, ripped me off and been general pricks to me almost beyond redemption. Yet they persist in trying to remain on friendly terms with me. As people, I like them both, but they both seem to think they know what's best for me and everyone else, when they don't even know what's best for themselves. I'm about to act in a very blunt manner the next time either offends me, and I'm wondering if that's the right thing to do given the situation. I've spoken to long time friends of both, and they agree with me, should I just let them know I've had it and that they should either bugger off or quit being annoying?

I've already resigned to the fact that both are on the road to terminal drug psychosis, and I don't really give a damn, they both deserve it for being damn fools. I suppose I should try to give them 'the talk' but after them giving me the same treatment a few weeks ago it's going to fall on deaf ears. Hell, they might even start calling me crazy.

Honestly, on a social level they are getting under my skin, on a psychological level I feel that the only thing I can do is stay quiet and work with the remains. And after weighing it all up, I don't think either have been good enough friends to me for me to be a good enough friend to pull them out of the holes they've dug themselves in. Is that ruthless? Should I be more compassionate?

Well... advice?


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franken-sarah
post Jan 27 2004, 11:48 AM
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Drug related stuff aside, Juice, what else is it that they're doing that rubs you up the wrong way cos from what I can see all the behavioural stuff and that are related to using drugs. Maybe you've just changed and left them behind - that happens, you just kinda "grow out" of some people. The fact that they still appear to want to remain friends with you leads me to believe that they don't realise that they're annoying you so much. So, if you want to stay friends, and maintain your sanity, I suggest you talk to them (minus whatever stimulants), and tell them how you're feeling. If that doesn't resolve it you maybe should think about cutting them loose.

Don't know if that's helpful or not... hope so though! smile.gif


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Juiceisgood
post Jan 27 2004, 02:07 PM
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Well yeah, I know it's the drugs Sarah smile.gif That's my point, they've gone crazy on acid and I don't feel like telling them what every authority figure and media source they've ever encountered has for the past 17 years because neither deserve it and it won't do anything anyway. They just can't handle the medicine basically, but the fact is, the friend who I haven't know for very long (Mark) has always been a wanker... and my other, closer friend and him are now really close. But they are both crazy, they act above everyone. I would like to say that I've just grown out of them, but our entire social circle agrees that they've taken this too far. It seems pretty obvious that they are the ones who have changed...

The question is, should I try to stop either one or both of them from completely shredding their minds?

I don't know how, and I honestly don't know if I care. But perhaps that makes me a terrible person. I don't wish any particular harm on them, but if they're too stupid to realize that they are on the verge of psychosis who the hell am I to tell them... right? huh.gif


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porcelainwarrior
post Jan 27 2004, 02:15 PM
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This may sound a little selfish...plus the fact that I'm 17 and have never used drugs, or been around any one who did anything harder than hash so I probably don't have a clue what I'm on about but personally I'd lose the new guy, he sounds like a twat and you haven't known him long so if he really is spiralling down he most likely wouldn't listen to you anyways. But if you still care for your other friend I advise you talk to him alone, when both of you are substance free and just see how it goes...if you don't do it you're gonna lose his friendship so what does it matter if he gets pissed off? it can't hurt any right?


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Jonman
post Jan 27 2004, 02:25 PM
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Reducing the problem down to it's most basic, your choices seem to be:

1: talk to them about maybe cutting back a bit on the trips, be the good friend, and try to sort them out

2: say 'balls to em' and leave them to clutch onto the carpet in case they fall off the floor.

Looking at 1, do you think that there's anything you could do which could help either of them, espsecially the good friend, avoid the crash you see coming? If not, do you feel driven to try anyway, through loyalty, conscience or morality? Another way of looking at this is to think about how you'd feel if you didn't try and help them and they did themselves an injustice. I can't help but feel that you owe it to them and yourselves to at least try your best to sort something out.

Looking at 2, how would you feel if you just binned them as friends, and got on with your life. It's a sad truth that as people grow, they sometimes grow apart, and some friendships do wither.


Some food for thought - hope it helps...


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Juiceisgood
post Jan 27 2004, 02:49 PM
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Thanks Jonman, you are the true Agony Uncle smile.gif

But hmmm... well, this reminds me of a time when Mark and I were both coming down, and I was considering having a little taste of ketamine because I didn't feel like sleeping. And he's just turned to me and gone, "Juice, I'm a little worried about your compulsive tendancies". Forget the fact that I'd met him about eight hours before, forget the fact that that night was my birthday and I felt like having a good time, forget the fact that since then I've seen him consume more LSD, mushrooms, GHB, DMT and other strange chemicals than any man can handle and emerge from relatively unscathed. Yes, forget all that, is that really the right thing to say to someone whacked out on drugs? Did it not inspire weeks of soul searching, trying to work out if I had a drug problem when really it was just the off handed comment of some twat who was trying to come off sounding cool, mature and intelligent? Yes, it did. So I sit here and wonder now, would telling Mark that he has a bit of a problem really do anything?

As for my closer friend, well, I could try, but I've known him for a long time and if it's one thing I've learnt it's that you shouldn't tell him what to do. He's fiercely independant and happy to cut off his nose to spite his face if you know what I mean. I do feel a moral imperitive to stop him any way I can, even if it means beating the moral sh*t out of him with a lead pole and locking him in a cellar... or something similar. But really, it was just a week ago I told him that it was not his place to judge my own drug intake... I don't know, I just couldn't see how a drop out with no job got off telling me that I was taking drugs in the wrong way, just because he had become all spiritual, running around screaming at people who were tripping out, demanding that they admit that "all is nothing". That's bad karma man. Well, anyway. I don't think that there's anyway to talk him out of it without him completely ignoring me and perhaps even treating me like a leper on whatever moral or spiritual grounds he can muster.

I would dearly like to help him, but I don't know how, and it's hard when he's being so patronizing in return.

I could live with option 2, I don't know if I'd like it. And the situation may become worse, with them even crazier, messing with everyone's heads and getting everyone into trouble.

I feel obligated to try to help... But that might just be an overwhelming want to not be a bastard. I could live with it but I don't really want to justify it.

Also, with no intent to cut back on my own use, it seems pretty hypocritical for me to tell them to calm down a little. Honestly we do about the same, even if I have made it sound pretty bad, but I feel ok, better than ok. And I'm acting pretty sane, with no real abnormal side effects apart from the occasional nasty mood or flashback.

I like my lifestyle, I'd prefer not to change it. But now I feel selfish...


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Jonman
post Jan 27 2004, 03:11 PM
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OK, in which case, be honest with him: tell him that you're concerned for his well-being, and that you realise that it sounds a bit stupid coming from you, but you don't want him to f*** himself up because he's your friend.

By the sounds of things, he may not take your advice, but maybe it'll get him thinking a little.

To use an example from my own experience, I had a friend (and housemate) who was a bit pill-happy a few years back. He'd drop E's several times a week, sometimes on his own in his bedroom. We (the rest of the housemates) tried to get him to chill out a bit, and cut back, but of course, he 'knew what he was doing', and he 'could take it'. Well, of course, he couldn't, and now his seratonin levels are all over the place, he gets palpitations every now and again, and was on anti-depressants for a while. Not too good for someone under 30. He now admits that he was out of control and being stupid, but doesn't regret it. It was, at the end of the day, his choice. There is quite literally, no helping some people....


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TigerLily013
post Jan 28 2004, 03:12 AM
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Nyah, get rid of them. It certainly has turned into one of those thing I like to call a "Toxic Relationship". Whether it be friends or more, it is what it is. Their cheap, rude, annoying and acting awfully stupid...why have friends like that?


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franken-sarah
post Jan 28 2004, 01:31 PM
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QUOTE (Juiceisgood @ Jan 27 2004, 02:48 PM)
So I sit here and wonder now, would telling Mark that he has a bit of a problem really do anything?

As for my closer friend, well, I could try, but I've known him for a long time and if it's one thing I've learnt it's that you shouldn't tell him what to do. He's fiercely independant and happy to cut off his nose to spite his face if you know what I mean. I do feel a moral imperitive to stop him any way I can, even if it means beating the moral sh*t out of him with a lead pole and locking him in a cellar... or something similar. But really, it was just a week ago I told him that it was not his place to judge my own drug intake... I don't know, I just couldn't see how a drop out with no job got off telling me that I was taking drugs in the wrong way, just because he had become all spiritual, running around screaming at people who were tripping out, demanding that they admit that "all is nothing". That's bad karma man. Well, anyway. I don't think that there's anyway to talk him out of it without him completely ignoring me and perhaps even treating me like a leper on whatever moral or spiritual grounds he can muster.

I feel obligated to try to help... But that might just be an overwhelming want to not be a bastard. I could live with it but I don't really want to justify it.

Also, with no intent to cut back on my own use, it seems pretty hypocritical for me to tell them to calm down a little. Honestly we do about the same, even if I have made it sound pretty bad, but I feel ok, better than ok. And I'm acting pretty sane, with no real abnormal side effects apart from the occasional nasty mood or flashback.

I like my lifestyle, I'd prefer not to change it. But now I feel selfish...

Hey Juice, have you got any further with your prob??

I think, as you yourself said, that whatever you do is gonna get a negative reaction from these guys - damned if you do, damned if you don't kinda thing. It's also hard for someone to take advice, no matter how good the intention, from someone who they probably see is in the same boat as they are, i.e. you both use drugs.

From the way you describe these people, although I realise you want to be a friend and help them out the situation that appears to be in a definate downward spiral, I feel that the best thing for your sanity is to steer clear of them - they're making the bed, let 'em lie in in!

Anyway, hope all this stuff isn't getting ya down too much smile.gif


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