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> Wanting To End A Life., Just hear me out.
Righteous
post Jan 30 2004, 01:31 AM
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There are times when I get mad andswear up and down I want to kill someone but as soon as I calm down, I realize that I really don't want to. Recently, a friend of mine told me about an ex who raped and victimized her in various ways. I got mad as usual and talked about how I wanna kill him etc. However, no matter what mood or frame of mind I'm in, I still want to end this man's life. I feel guilty about knowing that if I could, I would kill this person. I literally fantasize about shooting him. I feel so bad, but I can't help it. I really don't want to murder anyone, but I'm unable to overcome these feelings. Can anyone give me advice or help? Please?


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Ocean!
post Jan 30 2004, 01:36 AM
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I really don't know what to say, except that emotions take a while to supress themselves.
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jicama
post Jan 30 2004, 01:59 AM
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one of my friend's ex boyfriends a greasy horny manipulative two timing slime ball who believed that women are only good for one thing. i had a very pleasurable dream where i hacked him to bits with a sword. that helped to alleviate my want to kill.

also my friends and i played a lovely little game i like to call "killer fantasy". the winner was the person that could think up the most outrageous, humourous, and above all painful way for him to die.

when you play killer fantasy you can kill someone over and over again without fear of going to jail! plus the funnier they are, the better you feel.

course i'd think that convincing your friend to press charges against him and sending him to jail would feel pretty darn good too...


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Ocean!
post Jan 30 2004, 02:06 AM
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QUOTE (jicama @ Jan 29 2004, 06:58 PM)
also my friends and i played a lovely little game i like to call "killer fantasy". the winner was the person that could think up the most outrageous, humourous, and above all painful way for him to die.

Oh, I'm good at this game!

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Sir Psycho Sexy
post Jan 30 2004, 02:10 AM
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QUOTE (Righteous @ Jan 30 2004, 01:30 AM)
I literally fantasize about shooting him.

and you still think its a good thing that guns are so readily availiable in your country?! dry.gif


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Righteous
post Jan 30 2004, 02:16 AM
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Shut up, noob!
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Please let us not get into this. Keep in mind, I am also skilled with knives and unarmed mortal combat as well as breaking and entering. I really don't want to use all of this. I really don't.


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Oni Usagi
post Jan 30 2004, 02:16 AM
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Fluffy
post Jan 30 2004, 02:21 AM
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Don't feel bad Righteous. I heard somewhere, I think from someone on this site, "You cannot control emotions, only how you react to them." (credits to whoever said it) So, basically, it's okay just as long as you don't kill him. Oh, and I agree with jicama, your friend should press charges.


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gerbilfromhell
post Jan 30 2004, 02:25 AM
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Well, you can throw knives too, which does take some skill. Mostly just coordination, though. But anyways......


You wanted to kill someone? That happens to people all the time (not as in every single person thinks about killing people constantly, but that there's at least 10 people at every moment thinking about killing/harming someone/something). There are many (sometimes 'good' (well, not exactly GOOD...), sometimes not) reasons why people want to kill other people.


The important thing, on the other hand, is that you didn't actually do anything. Not that you WANTED to do it, or that you THOUGHT about doing it. But that you didn't do it.

Although if you actually fantasize about it and think that you WOULD kill this person if you could, perhaps counceling would be a good idea? Especially if you're afraid that you may one day actually kill someone.
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Righteous
post Jan 30 2004, 02:25 AM
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I hate this. I feel like I want to die. I'm out of cigarettes, goddammit.

EDIT: It's just that whenever it ehters my mind, I'm like, "Gee, if he were here, I would break his neck or break his bones and watch him internally bleed to death or tear out his throat," or something morbid like that. I feel miserable about it. It eats at me like so hardcore and I hate it.


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Pikasyuu
post Jan 30 2004, 04:10 AM
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Everyone gets urges like that.

Whether it be to end your own life, end another, randomly mutilate someone/thing, cause general harm, everyone has felt that way at one time or another. It's human nature. What separates you from others is the way you deal with these urges. Some folks have gone and done it for lack of self control or simply satisfying the want, and the general majority of us have the strength of character to ignore.

So what'll it be, prison, death, or accepting that everyone goes through this, and you can deal with it in a rational manner as well?


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jicama
post Jan 30 2004, 04:21 AM
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syuu speaks the truth. what you're feeling is normal and nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilt about. they don't lock people up for having feelings, feelings are what make us human.

just be there for your friend, and you'll both work through it. and here's a piece of advice that i've heard a few times from victims and friends of victims- don't turn into super protective macho guy! it's condesending and it'll make the recovery process take longer.


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Enslaved
post Jan 30 2004, 08:07 AM
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QUOTE
Recently, a friend of mine told me about an ex who raped and victimized her in various ways. I got mad as usual and talked about how I wanna kill him etc.


Righteous - Same thing happened to my best friend. She also fell pregnant from it and chose to have an abortion. She actually forgave him (I don't think she has gotten over it at all) and now they are back together. It still really really pisses me off (sorry for language) but I cant say anything, coz that would make me a bad friend. I wouldn't go so far as to kill him if I had the chance, rather i'd just torture him to death. Rape is one of my biggest hates, other than pedophilia, and its very hard to find out it happened to someone I care about alot, and even worse when she feels she has to be with him because she is too scared of being alone. Not that i'm at all in any way justifying what he did, but she has actually made him think it was ok, by going back to him and I don't doubt it wont happen again. sad.gif


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I lie, I wait, I stop, I hesitate, I am, I breathe, I meant, I think of me. Is it any wonder I can't sleep? All I have is all you gave to me. Is it any wonder I found peace through you? Its not enough, just a touch. Its not enough. I taste, I love, I come, I bleed enough, I hate, I'm not, I was, I want too much. Its not enough, just a touch. Its not enough.
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monkey_called_na...
post Jan 30 2004, 09:53 AM
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QUOTE (Enslaved @ Jan 30 2004, 08:06 AM)
QUOTE
Recently, a friend of mine told me about an ex who raped and victimized her in various ways. I got mad as usual and talked about how I wanna kill him etc.


Righteous - Same thing happened to my best friend. She also fell pregnant from it and chose to have an abortion. She actually forgave him (I don't think she has gotten over it at all) and now they are back together. It still really really pisses me off (sorry for language) but I cant say anything, coz that would make me a bad friend.

hun. but NOT saying anything about it make you A VERY VERY VERY BAD FRIEND.


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Enslaved
post Jan 30 2004, 01:49 PM
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QUOTE
hun. but NOT saying anything about it make you A VERY VERY VERY BAD FRIEND.


How does that make me a "VERY ...BAD FRIEND"? What I meant was I don't say to her "your boyfriend is a f**king rapist c**t" because she knows it and doesnt want to hear it and whatever I have to say wont change her mind. She'd just end up hating me and then who would she be left to confide in and talk to about stuff? Sorry Narth, but could u explain that to me?


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I lie, I wait, I stop, I hesitate, I am, I breathe, I meant, I think of me. Is it any wonder I can't sleep? All I have is all you gave to me. Is it any wonder I found peace through you? Its not enough, just a touch. Its not enough. I taste, I love, I come, I bleed enough, I hate, I'm not, I was, I want too much. Its not enough, just a touch. Its not enough.
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ravein
post Jan 30 2004, 01:55 PM
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I always find that trying to put yourself in someone else place seems to help. Imagine how hurt and upset your mother would be if someone killed you. How hurt your friends would be. Think about how deep the death of a friend or love one has impacted you. How strong that pain is. Then think of the emptiness of death.. all of this pain is what you would be causing his friends and family, who are completely innocent. Also.. Karma is a MOFO.. his will catch up with him one day. You are not judge and jury.. or the avenger of all things. Empathy is your most powerful tool. Use it.

"We cannot change the past, but we can change our attitude toward it. Uproot guilt and plant forgiveness. Tear out arrogance and seed humility. Exchange love for hate --- thereby, making the present comfortable and the future promising. "
Maya Angelou


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Silver Star Ange...
post Jan 30 2004, 11:01 PM
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Don't give in to your feelings. It's not worth it. Don't risk it all for that. That is below you. Trust me, you can deal with it.


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Righteous
post Jan 31 2004, 12:30 AM
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Shut up, noob!
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I had homicidal feelings for Harmonie's dad, once. She rationalized it for me like this:

1: God wouldn't like it.
2: It's illegal (which had no real impact on me)
3: If and when you're caught, you'll be locked away.
4: If and when you're locked away, I will be deprived of someone I love.
5: Even if he is a horrible person, he's still my dad.

The fourth one struck me tha hardest. I applied the same rationale to this situation and it's helping.

I'm seeing a new therepist now. He's suggesting I get counciling at my college or somewhere in town. He's also gonna straighten out my meds better as to better maintain stability. He actually listens to what I hae to say and he knows the meds very well. Pray for me you guys.


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monkey_called_na...
post Jan 31 2004, 12:39 AM
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I'm an inefficient bear. Maul.
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QUOTE (Righteous @ Jan 31 2004, 12:29 AM)
2: It's illegal (which had no real impact on me)

just remimber this, in the bible god says to obey the laws made by man.


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Cath Sparrow
post Jan 31 2004, 06:31 PM
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Why screw up your life over some f**kwit waste of space. You shouldn't waste your thouts on that pile of excrement you should keep them for your friend who will need and deserve them so much more. I'm with the other who see if you can get your friend to press charges!


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arpeggiodreams
post Jan 31 2004, 08:19 PM
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It's one thing to help a friend. But this is her life, and she needs to deal with it as she chooses. It's not your place to come in and deal with it for her.


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spiffilicious05
post Jan 31 2004, 09:28 PM
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QUOTE
She actually forgave him (I don't think she has gotten over it at all) and now they are back together. It still really really pisses me off (sorry for language)


Sometimes it's truely easier to forgive and forget than to hang on to things. Maybe she saw the very last bit of good in him and is trying to hold on to that for all it's worth. Or maybe, it's possible, that she didn't feel that she mad remarks adiquate enough (such as loudly), or put up enough of a fight. In any case she has her reasons, and a person can change, not just once but several times.

As far as killing this man, you'd not only be depriving your friend of someone you love but everyone here as well. You'd be depriving your mother and your father, gabrielle, rick, everyone. I know many people love you very much so.

Sometimes the easiest thing to do is to pick up a sword, or a gun or pick a fight. It's the challange for a person not to do so. You need to try to let go of your rage, try tai chi or yoga. (Note - anyone scoffs at those remarks I'll kill them biggrin.gif jk)

They're natural stress releavers, or some tea. Herbal teas are good. Just try to find a way to let go of your rage and focus on the more positive things. Focus on forgiving, and helping your friend (that is when she wants your help). Don't focus on your rage for the man, that just takes away from all the love and effort you can put forth into the world. There are so many great things that you could do with your time as an alternitive to killing him.

*hugs* we're always here for you


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