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> Darwin Awards, Class 1 thicko's
Spacehappy
post Aug 27 2004, 03:43 PM
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Another Email goodie. wink.gif

Darwin Awards

I have just got this - if its been seen before apologies

They are finally out again. It's an annual honour given to the person who
did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most
extraordinarily stupid way. Last
year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled
over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And
the nominees this year in reverse order are:

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline
with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned
his house down, killing both him and his sister.

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of
suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and
weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to
create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask
that had the filter canister removed and a rubber
hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one
end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other
end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of
his suffocation.
Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his
family very awkward.

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon
the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and
crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around
their ankles.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried
to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these
straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to
the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone
because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled
was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground."
Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma".

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of
a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all
potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company
were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty
navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into
his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon
operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of
the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion.
The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as
'bright' by his peers.

AND THE WINNER.....
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez
tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed
to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to
his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the
machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the
mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately
assed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch.
Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a
foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and
the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during
the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the
ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was
pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside.
To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just
purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was
rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked
to leave the course.

PS: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But
because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity,
we have allowed it.
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artist.unknown
post Aug 27 2004, 07:36 PM
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Ha! I love these. 1994's Most Interesting Suicide is a morbid riot too. Some people are just so stupid...


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gothictheysay
post Aug 27 2004, 10:52 PM
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Gee. I wonder why they are all male.


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Patient #212
post Aug 27 2004, 11:26 PM
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QUOTE (Spacehappy @ Aug 27 2004, 11:43 AM)
4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried
to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these
straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to
the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone
because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled
was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground."
Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma".
*


*Long sigh* My uncle-- when he was ten or so-- decided he'd like to go skydiving. He constructed a parachute out of sheets and tied a length of rope to each of the corners. He climbed onto the garage roof, tied the ropes around himself, and jumped off. The ropes were longer than the garage was tall and he broke his ankle. But, wait, it gets better-- a few days later he tried to talk my other, younger uncle into diving off the roof with that very same parachute because "you're shorter, Earl." *Long sigh*

The funny thing is that, today, I consider that very same uncle to be a pretty intelligent man.


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Answers on the ceiling.




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Sir Maxerpopple
post Aug 27 2004, 11:47 PM
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QUOTE (gothictheysay @ Aug 27 2004, 06:52 PM)
Gee. I wonder why they are all male.
*
I implore you to read the "femme fatalities" chapter of the Darwin Awards books. laugh.gif


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Silver Star Ange...
post Aug 28 2004, 12:18 AM
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That last one just reeks of pain... ph34r.gif


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SPEAKERfortheLOS...
post Aug 28 2004, 04:58 AM
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i personally like the old one about the two hunters. one fell down into a ravene into a thorn bush feet first there fore removing himself from the gene pool. but wait theres more! his buddy throws him a rope he ties it around himself, his buddy ties the other end to a car/truck axle, starts to pull his buddy up but instead it rips the axle out from under the car, pulling the car with it down into the ravene onto the first guy killing both in a firey blast!

It was the greatest of all time!


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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion,
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
The hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning,
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though offtimes better than master of one.

Carpe Noctem, pro cras nos necemus
Carpe Diem, pro hodie nos mutiamo

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Mutilation
post Aug 28 2004, 11:37 AM
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Once a worker died at Taco Bell because the bean machine exploded.
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Righteous
post Aug 28 2004, 05:19 PM
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My favorite one is the guy who put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger because his friend bet him he wouldn't do it.


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artist.unknown
post Aug 29 2004, 04:24 PM
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One man died in his sleep from methane poisoning. He lived on a diet of mainly cabbage and beans, and his apartment was poorly ventilated. Two of the rescuers sent in had to be hospitalised.

Another man decided to look inside the barrel of his gun by the light of...a match.


--------------------
-Grammar Nazi-quotes of the yesterday
It is only in his work that an artist can find reality and satisfaction, for the actual world is less intense than the world of his invention and consequently his life, without recourse to violent disorder, does not seem very substantial. -Tennessee Williams
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Righteous
post Aug 29 2004, 04:34 PM
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Even better. There was a guy whose gun jammed when he fired it. He took a look into the barrel and it went off.


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With every breath...and all that I am...I will make a stand...until the end.


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SPEAKERfortheLOS...
post Aug 29 2004, 10:50 PM
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Another all time classic was the two hunters that had their truck breakdown because of a blown fuse, they didnt have a spare fuse but they found out that one of their bullets fit into the hole, so they used the bullet and it went off hitting the driver in the leg causing him to loose control of the truck and it went off a cliff killing both in the process.

I can smell the burning flesh now...


--------------------
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion,
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
The hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.


Jack of all trades, master of none,
though offtimes better than master of one.

Carpe Noctem, pro cras nos necemus
Carpe Diem, pro hodie nos mutiamo

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Righteous
post Aug 29 2004, 10:51 PM
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Shut up, noob!
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I thought that was just an urban legend.

It has to be. It would take a buttload of power to set one of those off. You'd have to connect it to the battery itself to get that much juice.


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With every breath...and all that I am...I will make a stand...until the end.


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spiffilicious05
post Aug 30 2004, 01:03 AM
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lol wow......

my friend has this running joke for people who attempt suicide and have failed.

"Oh god, I broke up with my boyfriend, got an f on my term paper, broke a nail and now I can't even kill myself right! For christ's sake!"


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artist.unknown
post Aug 30 2004, 06:45 PM
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QUOTE
I thought that was just an urban legend.

It has to be. It would take a buttload of power to set one of those off. You'd have to connect it to the battery itself to get that much juice.


No, that one was in the Darwin awards for 1997, or thereabouts. Stupid people are shockingly good at making the most absurd things happen. The winner for that year, I think, was someone who attached jet engines to the side of his SUV. The car sped across the desert and hit a cliff face 40 feet up and was incinerated.


--------------------
-Grammar Nazi-quotes of the yesterday
It is only in his work that an artist can find reality and satisfaction, for the actual world is less intense than the world of his invention and consequently his life, without recourse to violent disorder, does not seem very substantial. -Tennessee Williams
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Ashbless
post Aug 30 2004, 08:24 PM
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A funny bit I saw on TV one night was a guy who wanted a picture of himself and a deer. He buys deer hormones, covers himself with them, and stands out in the woods. A deer was attracted. It took one sniff and proceeded to kick the guy to the ground and they bounce on him with front hooves for a while. The camera is shaking because his buddy, the cameraman, is laughing too hard to come to the idiot's aid.
I don't know if it's a Darwin award as I don't know if the idiot left the gene pool as a result of his stunt. Could be alive today looking to pet a bear.


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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning, It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. - SpeakertotheLost
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Greeneyes
post Aug 30 2004, 08:45 PM
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QUOTE (artist.unknown @ Aug 30 2004, 06:45 PM)
No, that one was in the Darwin awards for 1997, or thereabouts. Stupid people are shockingly good at making the most absurd things happen. The winner for that year, I think, was someone who attached jet engines to the side of his SUV. The car sped across the desert and hit a cliff face 40 feet up and was incinerated.
*


I think that one was disproved. At least, I read an article explaining why it was impossible, I would post it, but I lost the link. The original one was funny though. I believe it said that there were skid marks for a huge distance before the tires exploded and the car flew for, like, a mile or something. Apparently impossible though.


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gothictheysay
post Aug 30 2004, 10:29 PM
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And on that car they said there was a bumper sticker (they found the bumper) that said "Don't like my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SH**" an entertaining hoax, at least.


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Sir Maxerpopple
post Aug 31 2004, 03:11 AM
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QUOTE
I think that one was disproved. At least, I read an article explaining why it was impossible, I would post it, but I lost the link. The original one was funny though. I believe it said that there were skid marks for a huge distance before the tires exploded and the car flew for, like, a mile or something. Apparently impossible though.
Yes indeed the JATO story has been proven an urban legend. From darwinawards.com:
QUOTE
This Darwin Award is the most popular of all time. Considered true for years, it was later debunked as an Urban Legend by the Arizona Department of Public Safety. The story fooled the judges in 1995, so JATO has been grandfathered in as a Darwin Award Winner. Officer Bob Stein of the Arizona Department of Public Safety says, "I receive inquiries several times a day about accidents, drug busts, and investigations we are conducting. About two years ago I picked up the phone and researched the answer to what has now become an Arizona myth. Even after all this time, I still receive about five calls a month from people wanting to know, did it really happen?"
It's a shame, as it's the most popular of all time.


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Righteous
post Aug 31 2004, 04:46 AM
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That's it. I'm finding a pickup, putting a bullet in the fuse box, rigging up a remote and seeing if it works.


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Greeneyes
post Aug 31 2004, 09:35 AM
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QUOTE (Righteous @ Aug 31 2004, 04:46 AM)
That's it. I'm finding a pickup, putting a bullet in the fuse box, rigging up a remote and seeing if it works.
*


^ next years winner laugh.gif


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CommieBastard
post Sep 1 2004, 03:55 PM
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QUOTE (gothictheysay @ Aug 27 2004, 11:52 PM)
Gee. I wonder why they are all male.
*


The male Darwin Award nominees vastly outnumber the females. There is a great deal of speculation as to why this is.


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Forever Unknown
post Sep 1 2004, 04:22 PM
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Heh. My friend, Sir Accident Prone the First, has done a couple of wonderful injuries in his time... Getting his hair set alight, falling off boats and balonies. He's got a talent for causing himself pain. But this one was the blinder:

So. He's had this huge party and he's crashed out in bed, probably the drunkest he's ever been in his life. He passes out and wakes up a couple of hours later with a distinct need to waz. Still horrendously drunk, he doesn't bother going to the bathroom but instead just does his business in a nearby glass. Nearby glass containing bleach from when he was cleaning his room (I can't help but wonder how dirty his room has to be). He goes back to sleep.

I don't know this for a fact so if anyone knows about science-y bits, please correct me, but this is his version of events and I know no better: Apparently, the concoction of the urine and bleach (the ammonia contents or something) creates mustard gas - which is probably not the nicest or safest of gases to be sleeping around. I've heard it can do all sorts of nasty shit (might be able to kill you - again, I don't know). So after a little while, this bloke gets up, realises he can barely breathe, see, or move, and has to haul his naked arse out of his bedroom into the middle of this full-swing party.

He has the best parties.


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Spacehappy
post Sep 1 2004, 05:03 PM
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QUOTE (Forever Unknown @ Sep 1 2004, 04:22 PM)
I don't know this for a fact so if anyone knows about science-y bits, please correct me, but this is his version of events and I know no better: Apparently, the concoction of the urine and bleach (the ammonia contents or something) creates mustard gas - which is probably not the nicest or safest of gases to be sleeping around. I've heard it can do all sorts of nasty shit (might be able to kill you - again, I don't know). So after a little while, this bloke gets up, realises he can barely breathe, see, or move, and has to haul his naked arse out of his bedroom into the middle of this full-swing party.

He has the best parties.
*


Effects of mustard gas for those tempted to try it.

As suggested the gas was caustic, and had it's worst effect on moist areas of the body, hence if you look at the above list you will see that is the case. The effects to the skin would be blistering that would be worst the longer the exposure. Blistering would start serveral hours or several days later. The mildest reaction would be reddening and itching, but the worst ones would be large blisters that became gangrenous, again the greater the exposure the greater the reaction.

The eye's were the most likely to be damaged, we have all seen the pictures of trails of men with padded eyes walking in lines with hands on the shoulders. After exposure the first symptoms would be 2 hours later with an irritation to the eyes , like some foreign body in them. Then the eye lids would swell forcing the eyes to close, the conjuntiva in the eyes swell (those who have had conjunctavitis would know). The eyelid would burn and get cramp.The eyes would be very sensitive to light. The vision would then be lost as the cornea became ulceratedand decays.

The effect on the eye's was gross, but non fatal, the effects on the respiratory tract were worst and life threatening.If the victim had a small exposure they would get the first symptoms 3 hours after exposure, the throat would have an irritation and an urge to cough would result, there would be a difficulty in swallowing and a shortness in breath. The inner passages of the respiratory tract would then become inflammed. The gums would develop dead tissue and the throat would become conjested. If the victim inhaled large amounts of gas the above would happen, plus the lungs would die in parts. A bronchitis would follow with a tightening of the throat. Pneumonia would follow with bleeding and dead tissue collecting, the inner passages would secrete mucous and these could block the airway. The outcome would be that the airways would eventually block and the victim suffocate. There were two peaks of death occuring, day 3 and day 8. If you survived your lungs would be "Completely Knackered".

Other organs could also bem damaged like the alimentary system, causing sickness , diarrhoea and bowel damage- disabling not killing. All of the above non fatal damage left men open to diseases such as TB and Pneumonia as the bodied defence system often became supressed, that and the damage already inflicted usually lead to the victim being overwhelmed.
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Fallen Element
post Sep 1 2004, 06:41 PM
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So the moral of that story: Stay the heck away from all things mustard gas-like! I like the Darwin Awards. But it is a bit bizarre that there is an Award for scary deaths... Bizarre but very funny! Hehehe.

Fal xXx


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