My baby girl is almost 6 weeks old, her father has abandoned us on the day of her birth. I am now going to try and write a letter to his parents, to advise them of her birth, I beleive they know but not sure.
her father has some serious issues, I can't trust him or beleive him, he promised to support us and help us, he has plain out abandoned us. Not much I can do but see him legally in the courts, but what the heck do I put in the letter to his parents.
They are jewish we are not, he says they want nothing to do with us, I dont know without trying. I am sending the letter with a picture, it needs to be classy and polite, but to the point, I need advice as to what I say....any advice?

thanks

Hi, and welcome.

Some very vague advice - don't want to make any specific suggestions as I don't know enough details...

1: Seek legal advice - get yourself a solicitor

2: If you are going to write a letter, make the tone of it as neutral as you can. Sending this guy's parents a letter telling them what a jerk their son is isn't going to endear you to them, and will probably make them think badly of you. Stick to the facts. Don't embellish and don't be rude.


And good luck!

thanks John

I know this advice, cantire a lawyer yet, I am not workings my baby is still so young. I am on maternity leave still. being nasty wont get me anywhere, thats the problem I want to tell them how much if an ass he is, but cant its not about that, thats why the letter is so hard to write short and sweet...thats tough. I have no idea what he has told them. You see they are a very wealthy family, my babies father thinks i got pregnant to get his money! Blows me away actually. We were friends for 4 years, slept together for 6 months, I got pregnant and he went balistic. He has some issues with drugs....one f those trust fund babies ya know, sorry if that offends anyone....but its true, all i want is to make contact and let them know she is here, he says that he is not allowed to talk to me, his famliy lawyers say so, thank god in canada we have laws re child support etc, but hes plain stupid! I have to let him go and the anger i feel towards him, he supported me the enitre pregnancy off and on, but overall made promises to help and be involved, now nothing, so if its true with what he says about his parents...well all I want is to make contact, i really dont expectanythign back, in fact if anythign comes back I will probably fall down in shock!
thanks

S'far as I know, in Canada you dont technically need a lawyer to go after him for child support. Although I'm sure most would atleast advise you get a legal consultation. If I remember correcty support payments are pretty rigidly decided as we have strict guidelines the judges have to follow, so things should turn out alright for you.
There should be a local organization who is more then willing to help you sort the matter out.

For hat it's worth, and repeating somewhat what has been said:

Lawyers are people you are supposed to go to BEFORE the problem, not after. I don't mean the pregnancy or birth, I mean BEFORE writing that letter. In every way that counts, any letter you write can and will be used against you by any lawyer acting for him. They will not interpret the letter the way you intended. They will take it to pieces word for word to try to prove stuff you can't even imagine yet. See lawyer first. Write letter after. And find an aim to the letter. Right now I cant see one.

guys i so appreciate your help here, I am at a loss, should i send a letter should I not, I understand there could be legal ramifications however if it is totally neautral as to extendinga letter to you if you would wish to meet your grandchild, then the door is open, I am sorry if my decison has caused any ill feelings, etc,

do you think could be used against me or misterpreted in any other matter... I dont feel that i should be writing this letter, but everyoen says i need to , all my friends etc say his parents need to know. I am not bashing their son, i am merely letting them know if they wnat to meet her they can...that they are grandparents.

you are right canada has rigid laws for child support etc, so we will be okay, its just the long drawn out court cases and the hell is going toput us through.

please help, I am not sure what is right what is wrong

okay this is the letter ommitting names. I do not think their are any legal ramifications here...do you?

Dear Mr. & Mrs. ....,



I am writing to you to let you know that on September 9 2004, I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl, name here. She is your granddaughter. I acknowledge that name here, her father, has decided to not be involved in his daughter’s life, however I wanted to extend the invitation to you, to meet her if you wish.



name here is an extension of my family as well as yours. No matter how much I love name here, I can never replace or substitute the loss of her father or her father’s family in her life. It is with the intention of opening the door to you to have a place in your granddaughter’s life that I make contact with you.



I am enclosing a photo of name here, she was 2 days old when this picture was taken, and she has grown so much already. She really is an absolutely beautiful baby girl. We hope that you will want to one day meet her. Should you wish to make arrangements please call me at:

My advice would be to go and get a lawyer consult. They are free and will give you loads of advice. It would be best to ask them what the ramifications of writing such a letter would or could be. Infact you could probably do one over the phone considering your child is so young.
Other than that, I would again suggest searching out a local orginization meant for dealing with these and related problems. I know we have one here in Edmonton, I always see the ad's for it. Infact you could probably call your local family clinc/maternity center(hospital)/social worker people/or even and abortion clinic and they would put you in touch with the right people.

Deffinitely talk to a lawyer first. Lawyers can prove that the sky is red if they are paid enough to do so. Don't give them any information you haven't ran by your lawyer word for word.

And I don't know if this is true of Canada, but in the US it is harder to get child support from the father if he is outside of state (for you, province (sp?)) lines. Stay near the same place he is.

I'd also talk to a lawyer about protecting your custody of your child. If the grandparents get involved, they might decide to go to court and get a custody order for the father/themselves.

Nope because in Canada its very easy to have the courts guarantee the other persons wages. And since he's seems to be acting very iresponsible at the moment, they may suggest you set it up that way to start off with.

I am borm Jewish and many traditional Jewish parents are very strict as to who their child dates or marries. I mean, my mum almost couldn't marry my dad because he wasn't Jewish. I think that perhaps although you might not like the father much because of him abandoning you and your baby, perhaps you should leave the middle name open to their choice. Mention this in the letter and they will probably feel like they are more part of your babies life and perhaps it will encourage the father to come. I don't know.. I really am too young to have any decent opinions on things like this... so yeah, feel free to ignore everything I've just said.