okay so I asked for help with my letter, I am getting some legal advice, thank you friends and thank you for those that responded to my post. The responses i got have triggered yet another question.
Is it right for me to sue for child support, from my babies father? Ultimatly I am the one who choose to carry the pregnancy and give birth to our daughter, it felt the only right decison for me, when i had to make the decsion I listened to my heart for the first time in my life and I am now a proud mommy.
From the get go I felt that asking for help would not be the right thing to do it was my decison and he did not want the baby. Though the law sees it as what is in the best intrest of the child and says that children have the legal right to be supported by both parents. When you look at it this way it feels okay to sue, if he does not willingly want to help, she is at a disadvantage without.
I left well enough alone and told him he had to help me with the baby but never did i say in what ways He came up with helping me for the year off, i would plan to take, he was going to subsidize my income, then he wanted to help when i went back to work, well six weeks ago he walked out of our lived, the day his daughter was born and he has bluntly told me to sue him in a court of law.
While i am amgry and feel that he should help I cant help morally feeling this huge guilt as to how much my decison to keep our daughter has disrupted his life. Please know not for a moment do i regret haivng my daughter
He has left us in a place where had i not planned I would probably be losing my home, months ago i consolidated all my debt so that i could save some money in the bank to live for my time off, I have never depended on anyone for anything and just did not trust his" I will support you promises." He wanted to be involved with the baby, and continued making plans and promises that of course he could not keep. He proceeded to be there through my pregnancy and despite this, i did not beleive and i managed to save almost 10 000 in the bank thank god or me and my daughter would be going to the food banks.
I cant afford a lawyer right now, as I am off work, he knows this, and has hit me the hardest at the weakest time. I feel it right he help to support his child whether he aknowldeges her or not, but there is this overwhelming feeling inside me that i am the worst person in the world by doing this.
Do I mention that he is a millionaire and supporting his child would not even be something missed out of the bank account, if he did it willingly however legally i could get a lot more, possibly not, depending on how well he hides his assets, he also claims himself from another province, but resides here, he could get in big trouble if he was audited for finacials. I dont want to do this to him, I have told him this a million times since the beginnign as he thinks i got pregnant to get his money, nor do I want to do this to me and my daughter, but i need help and he promised. he also at present is heavily into cocaine, his child support would be one less weekend of cocaine abuse...how pathetic, but what does that make me?

Please give me feedback

Can you get legal aid over there? In the uk if you are low income you can get help with legal stuff such as this , plus we have the child support agency who can help as well.

What do social services say? Do you have social services?

Personally I'd say get the money, its not for you, but for your daughter to have a good quality of life. And she is the most important person in the whole story.

HELL YES it is right for you to sue for child support. She is his baby, and he should have to take responsibility for his actions. And trust me, that guilt over sueing will slowly harden and solidify into a tiny kernel of rage at his actions as time goes by and he A ) refuses to take part in his child's life, B ) refuses to acknowledge that she is his in the first place, C ) refuses to pay child support, or D ) always pays late and gets p!ssy when he is billed for medical bills. Just watch. I can count on one hand the number of relationships where one or all of these things didn't take place, and I would still have more than 1 finger left over. And of course, there is the dreaded E ) uses his vast fortune to sway the judge into letting him have full custody of her, then leaves her for his parents and other family members to raise. In this case, YOU end up paying child support. But, since most laws favor the mother to raise the child/ren, this probably won't happen.

As a side note, I don't know of any governments that can take money the parental unit doesn't have. In other words, if your ex's money only exists through his parents, that money is considered his parents' and theirs alone. But if he has a trust fund, that can be garnished.

My parents' divorce was finalized when I was 3 and my sister was 1. By the time I turned 10 my father owed over a quarter of a million dollars in back child support because he refused to pay. When he had a job, he'd hide it from the government. When the government found out about his job and began to garnish his wages, he'd quit and get another. We couldn't go after him for back child support and have his assets seized, either, because state and local governments are the ones that take care of that in this country and he lived several states away. AND it wasn't until I was 6 that he had accumulated enough back child support owed that he could be arrested when he came to visit me and my sister in our home state. As soon as he hit that number, though, his only contact with us was through maybe yearly phone calls (always collect). I haven't willingly spoken to my father since I was 10 years old. He has no idea where I have moved to so he cannot call, write, or visit. And when he dies I have every intention of flying to his state for his funeral, just so I can make sure he's good and dead, spit on his corpse, dance on his grave, and visit my older half-brother.

I know my mom has taken my father to court quite a few times to make him pay his child support. She has gone to the District Attorney's office, and he has his wages garnished now.

In my county, going through the DA is free, and she was able to get the wages garnished even when my dad lived in another state (~2000 miles away).

He is responsible for the child, and he needs to help raise her, even if it is just by contributing a bit of money.

Hi there,

I wanted you to know that I agree with what the other people have already said. No matter how much guilt you might feel about this, I do believe that asking the courts to make him pay child support is the best option for you and your baby. After all, you didn't conceive her all by yourself, and while you made the decision to keep her you shouldn't let him blame you for that. You did what you felt was right, and she is affecting your life more than his. The LEAST he can do is help you pay to care for her.

Hopefully the knowledge that you have an extra source of income from him will comfort you when you have trouble paying the bills, as we all do sometimes.
That money will buy your child cough medicine, clothes, and Christmas presents even when your own income is all going to pay for food and shelter. And later, when you're in a more stable financial situation, you should still keep getting his money, because then you could save it up, either for a nicer home for you two, or for if you decide to go to school or change careers, or for her future. Maybe someday you can use his money to make a trust fund for her. I know it sounds mean and it's a sad fact of our society, but I think you will be better able to care for youself, and your child, if he is paying his fair share and you and your daughter have this money.

I'm from Canada, and I know that Legal Aid is a program in place for people who need legal advice and need lawyers to stand up for them in court but don't have the money to pay for "regular" lawyers. You should take advantage of this. Also, search the web. There must be Canadian web sites out there to help: use search words like "Legal Aid Canada," or "Legal Aid (and the name of your province), or find information about Family Allowance payments and Child Support from the government. All of these little things can help you supplement your income to better care for your daughter.

P.S. If you tell us Canadians what province you're in, maybe we could help you better.

ALSO: I don't want to scare you, but have you thought about making a will or making life insurance arrangements? Do you know who you would want to care for your daughter, temporarily, or for longer, if something happened to you? If you were working and paying into a benefit plan at your work, can you make sure that your daughter would somehow get that money (if you want her to?)

Hi guys I am in BC canada. I appreciate all your comments and viewpoints, its hard to figure out whats right versus how i feel, i am all mixed up and think I have baby blues! Wow what a guy hurtign us this way when i cant fight back....lots to deal withe never mind the sleep deprivation of beign a new mom....if anyone has any further comments let me know

My mother brought me up on her own with no help from my 'father'. I don't know who he is and he isn't spoken off in the house. He hasn't played a part in my 19years off life and if he showed up now i'd have more questions about why now rather than any other time.

As far as i know... we never had any support off him. My mother brought me up while she worked her way through university and juggling jobs. I'm sure if she'd had the support off whoever my 'father' is it would have helped, but you can't force people to live up to their responsibilities. I say yes, sue for child support if you need but unless he is generally willing to give money and be a part of his daughters life then don't expect it to come easily. People can be stubborn, and it sounds if he walked out on you leaving a young child then i dunno... but it's irresponsible and probably something he'll regret in years to come. I hope my 'father' feels that way anyway...

Strangely, this thing almost exactly has happened to another of my good friends recently, though the situation was a bit weird as it was him that walked out on the mother, and now she isn't getting support from him, and I'm left with all the rest of their mutual friends trying not to take sides too harshly.
My view there is that he should be giving money towards the child, but then their relationship lasted well past the baby's first birthday, and it was definitely a joint decision to have the child in the first place, differing slightly from your dilemma. Then again, he could always have just not had unprotected sex with you in the first place, so I think that he backed out of the whole mess just a little too late, and should still bare some of the responsibility. Also odd is the fact that something similar happened with my ex-step father, who walked out on my little brother and our mum a bit over four years ago now for another woman, when my little brother was eight and the marriage had lasted only a little longer than that. He too is shunning almost all of his responsibilities as a father, and I think that this is just wrong. Sure, the guy might THINK that by running away he can avoid all the hassle, but he's only making things worse.
I'm afraid, though, that I can't offer advice as to how to go about doing as much, but I definitely think you should get the father to help in the raising of the child, be it through money, time spent with her, or any other matter that is relevant. It's his duty, wether he likes it or not; the fact that he doesn't just speaks about the kind of person he is, rather than the truth of how responisble he should be.

Baby blues suck. Been there, done that. I have a 2 year old I've had to bring up near enough on my own, and had a phase of thebaby blues myself. Go see a docter and get them to help you sort yourself out, then you will be more able to deal with your little girl's father. I think the general feeling on here will be make him support your baby financially if he won't do it emotionally, and I agree with that completely, but in the end it's your choice and you have to feel you made the right decision in years to come. I suggest going to see a doc about your suspected babyblues and then making up your own mind when you feel up to it.

Definitely talk to a laywer, it's your baby girl and I'm sure you want her to have the best life possible. You can't make him be a part of her life, but he does have to provide her with monetary help so she can eat and so you can too. Not to mention health care, a place to live, clothes, and all the other necessities. Don't let any emotion you have for him get in the way, you will, at some point if not now, need some kind of help to take care of your daughter. Sue the (explitative delete)!