I've just been watching (my signed collector's-edition DVD-set of) Spaced, and I feel like quoting it.

This here's a thread for quoting stuff you like, to the confusion of those who have yet to experience it.

"I was like you once. Blond hair, scraggy beard, child-like ears... I punched a man in the face once for saying Hawk the Slayer was rubbish."
"Good for you."
"Yeah, thanks. But that's not the point, Tim. The point is: I was defending the fantasy genre with terminal intensity. When what I should have said was 'Dad, you're right. But let's give Krull a try, and we'll discuss it later'."

"I'm getting old, Mike."
"We're all getting old. Except for my cousin Adam."
"What's so special about him?"
"He's getting younger."
"Bastard."
"Yeah."

(again from Spaced)

Ohh - Forever Unknown is going to love you.

'Hehehehehehe... Thrush'

Spaced again

I think she'll hate me for what's in the brackets, and love me for the rest

Two: "We want information."
Six: "You won't get it."
Two: "By hook or by crook, we will."

Two: "Good day, Number Six."
Six: "Number what?"
Two: "Six. For official purposes. Everyone has a number. Yours is number six."
Six: "I am not a number. I am a person."

-The Prisoner

I hate you, obviously, for your signed DVD.

But I do love you for this thread.

Eeeeeeeyyyyy!

"Babylon Five is a big pile of shit!"
"Get. Out."
"Eeeeeyyy!"

"I got me job back."
"Eeeeeeyyyy!"
"I got my own room."
"Eeeeeeyyyy!"
"How's Brian doing?"
"He's standing in the garden with no clothes on."
"Eeeeeeyyyy!"
"What about Daisy?"
"She got a job in a bookshop."
"Think she'll be alright?"
"Um... Yeah!"
"Eeeeeeyyyy!"

"She's shallow. Like Cordelia from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and latterly Angel, the spin-off series which is set in LA."

"'It's just for me and mah dawg... D'you remember that? The Kia Ora advert? 'It's too orangey for crows.'"

"Clever boys..."

"I want you to see me as a whole..."
"I do!"
"A Whole, Brian. With a 'W'"
"Ohhhh...."

"Been naughty..."

"I know you. You're a massive wanker..."

"... You've got some paint on you..."


Must. Stop. Now.

"I haven't seen you since..."
"Yeah, well, no hard feelings."
"You shot me in the groin, Tim."
"Like I said. No hard feelings."



"It's a literal tribute to the self-reflexivity of Rembrandt."
"Oh. Did he like it?"
"He's dead."
"Well, that backfired..."

*wanders in humming the A Team Theme*

My work here is done.

We seem to have come on holiday by mistake!

Withnail & I

Yeah, I'll admit to having watched 2 series of SPACED in one sitting, one dark and stormy night...


Brian: Do you think i should lose the waistcoat?
Tim: I think you should burn the waistcoat, 'cos if you lose it, you might find it again.

Brian: I'm trying to avoid cliches by not putting my brush on the canvas.

Tim: We're through the looking-glass here people. None of us have ever done anything like this before - except Mike who, as we all know, once stole a tank and tried to invade Paris.

Tim: You can’t dangle the carrot of possible reconciliation with me while riding some other donkey!

Daisy: So who was this girl then?
Tim: Her name was Cassandra, she was a psychic, she gave me her phone number...
Daisy: That's OUR phone number.
Tim: Man, she's good.

Hee. Hehehehee. Hee. Good time had by all

I'm a new-age vegetarian. I eat meat, ironically. ~ Bil Baily

I watched both series one and two in single sittings.

Wish I hadn't given the DVDs back to the person I borrowed them from though. Although I had to give them back before he would give me Black Books, which was worth it but now I want Spaced back!

Mike: "Hello!"

Brian: "Vulva. Hi. How are you? How are you? How are you?"..
"Brian. Painter. Loser."

They say 'Vulva' fifteen times in that episode. Fifteen! It's gratuitous.

TA Man: "What about this?"
Mike: "Butterfly........... Butterfly with bomb!"
TA Man: "How does this feel?"
Mike: "Nice."

Daisy: "Tim, your boyfriend's on the phone."
Tim: "He's not my boyfriend. Hi, babe."

Sophie: "There's been a misprint on one of the first editions."
Tim: "Which one?"
Sophie: "Total Cult."

Marsha: "'I'll save the bottle of champers for the big night. I'm sure I can resist it's charms 'til then."
*pop*
"Wooooooooo."

"Pud-ding!"
"Hearing-AIDS!"

Twist: "Is Jabba the princess?"
"Yes."

Daisy: "What's this?"
Tim: "It's an axe. Feel the weight."
Daisy: "There's nothing more devasting than a big chopper."
Tim: "Shhh... Don't cheapen this."

"What's wrong with Mike?"
"Nothing, he just usually likes to be Phillipa"

"Oh, Brian. You came."
"No, I just spilled my drink."

Rawr.

Brian: What're you playing?
Tim: Tomb Raider 3.
Brian: She's drowning.
Tim: Yeah.
Brian: Is that the point of the game?
Tim: Depends what kind of mood you're in.
Brian: What kind of mood are you in?
Tim: Well, I got a letter this morning about three months too late from my ex-girlfriend, explaining why she dumped me; it's full of "you'll always be special" and "I'll always love you" platitudes designed to make me feel better while simultaneously appeasing her deep-seated sense of guilt for running off with a slimy city boy called Dwayne and destroying my faith in everything that is good and pure.
Brian: Didn't work then?
Tim: No, it made me want to drown things.

"...People could learn a lot from cats. They could probably learn a lot from dung beetles, too. If you thought about it, we were all novices at life, and we rarely became more experienced with experience. Or maybe we do become more experienced, but we rarely become more wise. I was wise enough, however, to finally realize that the cat was in a better place. Whether it was some distant garbage can or across the rainbow bridge, I knew she'd landed on her feet. Now, it was my turn to do the same."

Kinky friedman
Ten Little New Yorkers

"Rear Admiral Rumphumper," I said. "How can I Hump you? I mean, how can I help you?"
"You can help me by never answering the phone that way for the rest of your life."

Ten Little New Yorkers
Kinky Friedman

...I'm using my penis.
Tim: Finally...

Sorry. I love that quote.

Tim: You'd look like a twat in a jumpsuit.
Daisy: Don't say that word, Tim. That's a word that hates women.
Tim: 'Twat'?
Daisy: No. 'Jumpsuit'.

And a bit of Family Guy:

Quagmire: How old are you?
Girl: 16
Q: 18?
G: Mooommmmmyyyy!!!
Q: I like where this is going...

Brass Eye:

Some people say that alcohol is a drug. It's not, it's a drink.

And finally, some Withnail & I, seeing as it is my favourite film:

Danny: I had to get hold of a suit for the Coalman the other day. He got busted coming through Heathrow. Had a weight under his fez. But he's a low temperature spade, the Coalman. Went to court in his kaftan and a bell. And the judge is sat there in this cape like f@cking Batman, wearing this far-out looking hat...
Withnail: Wig.
Danny: No, man. This was more like a long white hat. The judge said "This is a courtroom, man, this ain't fancy dress". And the Coalman says, "What do you think you look like, your honour?" C*nt gave him two years...

I used to be able to quote the whole film, start to finish. Getting rusty in my old age...

Tim from Spaced re:the Evils of the Phantom Menace- "Jar-Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like...f***ing Shaft!!!"

Manny from Black Books finding an alternative use for a shiatsu massager while trying to get the attention of a pissed Bernard Black:
" Bernard..Bernard...Bernard..look Bernard....Bernard...Bernard...Look Bernard...Bernard look..Bernard...Bernard...Bernard look...BERNARD!!!!

Bernard "WHAT??!!"

Manny: "Im a prostitute robot from the future!!!"

More spaced-
Daisy re Tim's best friend Mike : "So, wheres your boyfriend today?"
Tim: "Shut up, he's not my boyfriend"
phone rings, Tim answers, It's Mike..Tim "Oh, hi babe" (Oh sorry F.U, just noticed you did the same one, lol!!)



InKy, I used to be the same with Withnail & I, now I can only remember a few quotes like "Fork it!!!" and "Get in the back of the van!!!" (I love the way the policeman screeches that line, so funny!!
Uncle Monty is the best though, " I mean to have you even if it means burglary!!!"

"You're up early."
"I haven't been to bed. Mike and I met up with these two Scottish guys in a pub and they gave us all this cheap speed..."
"Tim, that's so tacky."
"Yeah, I know, but, you know, they were so nice. I think if we'd said no they'd've got offended and beaten us to death with a pool cue."

"Right! I'm going to go to the shops. D'you want anything?"
"Porn!"
"Tim, I'm not going to buy you porn. You can get it from railway sidings just like everybody else."
"I can't, I'm an adult. I'm supposed to leave it there."

"It's hard to hear the story of a love affair between two straight men, one of whom is the most divine women alive..."



"I used to know this guy, Minty. He had a dog that he'd trained to attack rich people. He was into the whole Class War thing. Called the dog Gramsci, after an Italian Marxist. Rumour has it it could smell wealth from a hundred feet. Thing is, it all backfired. Minty won a hundred grand on a scratch card, and Gramsci bit his knees off."
"That's terrible..."
"Not really. He used the money to buy new knees."


"It's a fact, sure as day follows night, sure as eggs is eggs, sure as every odd-numbered Star Trek movie is shit."

"In the end, our relationship was just like a sandwich toaster, you know. You just forget you've got one, and it just sits there at the top of the cupboard, collecting a layer of greasy dust. And even if you do see it, you know, you assume it's broken, because you think "oh, well, if it was working, I'd be using it all the time, surely." But you don't, and it just sits there. And then one day, you just get an overwhelming desire for toasted sandwiches, and you take it down and it works, and you can't believe it, you know. And you make every kind of sandwich there is, you have toasted sandwich parties, you know, you make Marmite and cheese and chocolate and-"
"Pilchards."
"- banana, and-"
"Acorns."
"- acorns, and then, quickly as desire comes, it just goes. And you put the toasted-sandwich-maker away, and - you know what?"
"What?"
"You don't miss it."
"So what you're saying is, don't hide the toasted sandwich maker away, use him regularly, and you'll get the most out of him."
"No, she's saying, chuck your boyfriend, have a sandwich."

Edit: A friend of mine's had my Withnail & I DVD for months now I neeeed it...

Drug use among children has for many in education and with obvious alarm to both parents on the increase almost yearly.

Donna: I mean it. Eric confessing to Red (About his Marijuana use), officially makes him the king of idiots.
Kelso: I shot my toe with a BB gun, once.
Donna: I take it back. You are the king of idiots.
Kelso: Thank you!
Red: Don't mind me, I'm just hanging this smoke detector.
Kelso: Can that detect any kind of smoke?
Donna: Long live the king!

That seventies show.

"One more step and the bunny gets it."

Con-Air

I saw it on tv today and when John Malcovich says that it makes me giggle insanely.

Indy: Sallah, I said no camels. That's five camels!

Life is wonderful
Life is beautiful
We're all children of
One big universe
So you don't have to be
A chump


Ben Folds Five - Someone Cooler Than You

Among my people, we have a saying, "They do not make them as they once did."

Teal'c
Stargate SG1