I've talked about my little sister a lot here on Matazone. She's my angel and the more time I spend with her, the more I realize how much she means to me.
That said, I live in a county where girls are having sex at thirteen and doing cocain at fourteen. My little sister's nine-and-a-half.
She'll be hitting puberty soon. She has gorgeous blue eyes, red hair, fair skin and, frankly, she's beautiful. If she follows the elder females of my maternal and paternal families, she'll be thin and have descent-sized tits. She could concievably be one of those middle school girls partying and sleeping with guys my age. She's also highly intelligent and, according to what I've been told, people who are of higher intelligence are more likely to become addicted to substance.
Ri = scared
One issue my brother and I have is our parents. Don't get me wrong; We love our folks. They're good people with strong moral values. However, they don't talk about anything. We had to learn about sex, drugs and all that on our own. Given her projected appearence, intelligence and her above-average social skills, she could be quite popular and, thus, end up having easy access to sex, drugs, alcohol, etc. My folks won't talk to her about it or advise her or anything. As of right now, they think that she's too young or not intelligent enough to understand a lot of things when I know damn well that isn't true. You guys have no idea how many times she's said something profound to the point where it amazes all of us (she gets The Wall, for God's sake; there are people my age who don't understand it).
THis leaves two people: Me and Rick. We do as much bonding with Gabrielle as possible. We figure that if we do as much bonding with her as we can, we can develop a strong relationship with her so she'll respect us and what we know and how we care about her. She already gets a lot because of us. She knows some about drugs, she understands what homosexuality is, she hates smoking and she knows and understands why my beer is different from my dad's beer. I figure all this is a good start.
I know there are moms, dads, big brothers and big sisters here.What are y'alls thoughts on raising kids, be it my particular situation or not? It's not easy being a big brother; I can only imagine what it's like being a parent.
Full Version: Raising Kids
make suer she knows she can come talk to you and you bro, that you won't laugh or treat her like a kid. lead by example you don't need any of that bad stuff, so she doesn't either.
make sure she can trust and confide in you if stuff gets tense between her and your parents as she grows up, that way you will be able to help her keep her head above water inthe tough times.
good luck.
make sure she can trust and confide in you if stuff gets tense between her and your parents as she grows up, that way you will be able to help her keep her head above water inthe tough times.
good luck.
A friend of mine once said that if her younger sibling wanted to get wasted, she'd be the one to get her there. I'm not sure I dig that philosophy. I mean, what if her sibling were to get hooked hardcore in some way and have that ruin their relationship? There are a lot of "what ifs" in that one, agreed?
Give her the information she needs to make informed decisions, trust her to make the right choices, and be there to help when she screws up, just like we all do.
agreed.
However I let my younger brother (14) smoke pot and drink because at present he tells me when he's going to do these things beforehand and as I see it I'm better off knowing to a degree what he's up to where and with whom and using my own good judgement when I think he's getting in too deep than for me to run to mum saying muuuum kirks smoking muuuum kirks drinking. Also I did that stuff at his age so I can't really tell him why it's evil particularly when I think it's foolish at best but still an experience you need to have.
My little sister is allmost 11 (she'll be 11 on the 12th of july) she's really brainy but socially quite isolated as she won't go to school I'd never even thought about her in relation to sex untill last month when she went to the docter who sugested a hepatitis shot on the basis that kids are (aparently) being sexually active from 10-14 which sounds like bull to me 10 at least but still scary stuff, and looking at it I was with a 16 year old guy when I was 12.5 which was too young so my sisters getting old too fast and I havn't the foggiest what to say to her about that sort of stuff.
Apart from that I think I'm making her at least a more aware young person, She can reel off a fairly convincing argument against product placement on tv in kids time and she has a fairly old sence of humor she can talk quite comfortably with adults and teenagers without seeming like an idiot which is good.
I'm not sure I'd be a good parent, I sort of believe in letting kids work stuff out on their own which can be used by sloppy parents and has caused more harm than good in a lot of cases that I know about, I get easily frustrated and I don't know what I'd do if I had average intelligence kids as they irritate me like nothing else right now. Besides I don't think you shouls be having children untill you know what you're doing with your life andyou can honestly say you are no longer a child yourself.
However I let my younger brother (14) smoke pot and drink because at present he tells me when he's going to do these things beforehand and as I see it I'm better off knowing to a degree what he's up to where and with whom and using my own good judgement when I think he's getting in too deep than for me to run to mum saying muuuum kirks smoking muuuum kirks drinking. Also I did that stuff at his age so I can't really tell him why it's evil particularly when I think it's foolish at best but still an experience you need to have.
My little sister is allmost 11 (she'll be 11 on the 12th of july) she's really brainy but socially quite isolated as she won't go to school I'd never even thought about her in relation to sex untill last month when she went to the docter who sugested a hepatitis shot on the basis that kids are (aparently) being sexually active from 10-14 which sounds like bull to me 10 at least but still scary stuff, and looking at it I was with a 16 year old guy when I was 12.5 which was too young so my sisters getting old too fast and I havn't the foggiest what to say to her about that sort of stuff.
Apart from that I think I'm making her at least a more aware young person, She can reel off a fairly convincing argument against product placement on tv in kids time and she has a fairly old sence of humor she can talk quite comfortably with adults and teenagers without seeming like an idiot which is good.
I'm not sure I'd be a good parent, I sort of believe in letting kids work stuff out on their own which can be used by sloppy parents and has caused more harm than good in a lot of cases that I know about, I get easily frustrated and I don't know what I'd do if I had average intelligence kids as they irritate me like nothing else right now. Besides I don't think you shouls be having children untill you know what you're doing with your life andyou can honestly say you are no longer a child yourself.
Y'know, thinking about all this, I'm glad my folks don't let her watch TV. I mean, look a the crap you see these days on the idiot box which people use to babysit their kids. I think it's a lot better when parents don't use the TV to entertain their kids and, rather let the kids entertain themselves.
QUOTE
Y'know, thinking about all this, I'm glad my folks don't let her watch TV. I mean, look a the crap you see these days on the idiot box which people use to babysit their kids. I think it's a lot better when parents don't use the TV to entertain their kids and, rather let the kids entertain themselves.
I disagree on that. My little sister doesn't go to school and mum doesn't have time to make lesson plans and the liketo officially home school her particularly as she's willful as all hell READ:lazy and spoilt with a sence of entitlement and no work ethic and wouldn't do them anyway so mum gets her up and makes her watch the school TV shows in order for her to pick up something usefull and we end up up watching at least 2 hours a week of nature docos and the like so in that regard TV is good and provides education, in the way of cartoons they're mostly offencive, stupid, sending bad messages, lacking content, garbage ripping off the same 25 storylines a thousand times allthoigh French childrens shows seem to be coming up with original and interesting ideas which are unfortunatly offencively animated.
QUOTE (Righteous @ Jun 30 2005, 01:31 AM)
A friend of mine once said that if her younger sibling wanted to get wasted, she'd be the one to get her there. I'm not sure I dig that philosophy. I mean, what if her sibling were to get hooked hardcore in some way and have that ruin their relationship? There are a lot of "what ifs" in that one, agreed?
I agree, thats why I said 'lead by example' so quit your bad habits now!
If you can be a good positive role model for your sister then she will not only be able to talk to you if someone approches her with drugs or something, but she can borrow your strength to say no.
At some point, kids are going to have the opportunity to have sex, get drunk, and take drugs. If they don't, then there's probably something lacking in their social life.
The question is: how do you prevent your sweet innocent little sister from making mistakes?
My answer to you would be this: you can't. The fact of the matter is that she's probably going to get drunk, stoned and f***ed. All you can do is provide her with enough reliable information to allow her to make educated informed decisions about how and when she does those things, and with whom.
And she's going to get some of them wrong. That's what being young and inexperienced is all about. Screwing up and learning from those mistakes. I dread to think how many monumental social, sexual and narcotic situations I played very badly wrong as a teenager.
Key points to stress:
1 : Use a condom.
2 : Drugs can be a lot of fun, but can also be very very bad. Exercise caution, and if in doubt, come ask. Be aware of the risks of a particular drug before you make the choice to try it. Also, be aware of the advantages of a particular drug. Be aware of the criminal risks too. A drugs charge is not a clever thing to have when you come around to getting a job.
3 : Use a condom.
4 : Teenage boys will lie through their back teeth to get laid, and are generally unreliable as all hell.
5 : Hence, use a condom.
6 : How to use a condom.
7 : It's OK to say 'no'. In all circumstances. Peer pressure is for dickheads who can't figure out for themselves what's right and wrong.
8 : Condoms aren't infallable. Be aware of what can happen (pregnancy and STDs) if one splits or slips off.
9 : Use a condom.
10 : Perhaps even consider talking about emergency contraception with her, the issues involved, the pros and cons and how she can go about getting it (although if memory serves, you're in Florida, and cousin Jeb is the govenor, so I wouldn't be suprised to hear that it's illegal there).
11 : Use a condom.
In fact, I'd offer to provide her with condoms so that she doesn't have to worry about the embarressment of buying them. Not having a condom is no excuse for not using one.
And what about telling her about your drug experiences, both positive and negative? She could learn alot from you.
That's all I have to say.
The question is: how do you prevent your sweet innocent little sister from making mistakes?
My answer to you would be this: you can't. The fact of the matter is that she's probably going to get drunk, stoned and f***ed. All you can do is provide her with enough reliable information to allow her to make educated informed decisions about how and when she does those things, and with whom.
And she's going to get some of them wrong. That's what being young and inexperienced is all about. Screwing up and learning from those mistakes. I dread to think how many monumental social, sexual and narcotic situations I played very badly wrong as a teenager.
Key points to stress:
1 : Use a condom.
2 : Drugs can be a lot of fun, but can also be very very bad. Exercise caution, and if in doubt, come ask. Be aware of the risks of a particular drug before you make the choice to try it. Also, be aware of the advantages of a particular drug. Be aware of the criminal risks too. A drugs charge is not a clever thing to have when you come around to getting a job.
3 : Use a condom.
4 : Teenage boys will lie through their back teeth to get laid, and are generally unreliable as all hell.
5 : Hence, use a condom.
6 : How to use a condom.
7 : It's OK to say 'no'. In all circumstances. Peer pressure is for dickheads who can't figure out for themselves what's right and wrong.
8 : Condoms aren't infallable. Be aware of what can happen (pregnancy and STDs) if one splits or slips off.
9 : Use a condom.
10 : Perhaps even consider talking about emergency contraception with her, the issues involved, the pros and cons and how she can go about getting it (although if memory serves, you're in Florida, and cousin Jeb is the govenor, so I wouldn't be suprised to hear that it's illegal there).
11 : Use a condom.
In fact, I'd offer to provide her with condoms so that she doesn't have to worry about the embarressment of buying them. Not having a condom is no excuse for not using one.
And what about telling her about your drug experiences, both positive and negative? She could learn alot from you.
That's all I have to say.
[QUOTE]The question is: how do you prevent your sweet innocent little sister from making mistakes?
My answer to you would be this: you can't. The fact of the matter is that she's probably going to get drunk, stoned and f***ed. All you can do is provide her with enough reliable information to allow her to make educated informed decisions about how and when she does those things, and with whom[/QUOTE].
Oh, I'm aware of this. I didn't get any of it growing up and, dammit, I wish I did. Not only that, I'd like to be there to help her out in a bind. I'd rather get a call at three AM from her saying, "Jamie, we're at a party and we've been drinking. Can you give us a ride?" than have her tell me that she got a ride from some drunk frat boy.
[QUOTE]1 : Use a condom.[/QUOTE]
Yes.
[QUOTE]2 : Drugs can be a lot of fun, but can also be very very bad. Exercise caution, and if in doubt, come ask. Be aware of the risks of a particular drug before you make the choice to try it. Also, be aware of the advantages of a particular drug. Be aware of the criminal risks too. A drugs charge is not a clever thing to have when you come around to getting a job.[/QUOTE]
If she does anything beyond pot, I'll kick her ass. I have plenty of tips and pointers for her which I've gained over the years.
[QUOTE]3 : Use a condom.[/QUOTE]
Oh, yes.
[QUOTE]4 : Teenage boys will lie through their back teeth to get laid, and are generally unreliable as all hell.[/QUOTE]
That's a big one I worry about, though I'm sure all dads/big brothers worry like that. However, I don't want to be psychotic about it. I don't want her to not want to bring her boyfriends (or girlfriends) home to meet us. The worst I'd do is say, "Dude, I hope I don't have to be telling you this, but remember that no means no."
[QUOTE]5 : Hence, use a condom.[/QUOTE]
Oh, God, yes.
[QUOTE]6 : How to use a condom.[/QUOTE]
Oh, dear God, yes.
[QUOTE]7 : It's OK to say 'no'. In all circumstances. Peer pressure is for dickheads who can't figure out for themselves what's right and wrong.[/QUOTE]
She's too strong-willed to work with peer pressure, or any serious form of motivation. This is why yelling at her never works. Besides, she has strong morals for a little kid.
[QUOTE]9 : Use a condom.[/QUOTE]
Oh, dear sweet God, yes.
[QUOTE]10 : Perhaps even consider talking about emergency contraception with her, the issues involved, the pros and cons and how she can go about getting it (although if memory serves, you're in Florida, and cousin Jeb is the govenor, so I wouldn't be suprised to hear that it's illegal there).[/QUOTE]
Not exactly. Here if a girl who's under 18 goes to the clinic, her parents have to be notified and give permission. I'm not too keen on abortion, but I figure it's her body. My mom's a church lady. I'm not sure the stance my dad would take, though, and knowing him, he doesn't want to think about it.
[QUOTE]11 : Use a condom.[/QUOTE]
Oh, dear sweet God in Heaven, yes.
[QUOTE]In fact, I'd offer to provide her with condoms so that she doesn't have to worry about the embarressment of buying them. Not having a condom is no excuse for not using one.[/QUOTE]
Agreed, though it would be odd, I think, for the both of us. I mean, it would creep me out hearing a sixteen-year-old Gabrielle saying, "Jamie, um, do you have any condoms?" Better that than, "Um, Jamie, I'm pregnant."
Rate things are going, my stash will probably last until then.
[QUOTE]And what about telling her about your drug experiences, both positive and negative? She could learn alot from you.[/QUOTE]
Oh, definately, J-man. I'd rather not have her learn the hard way why alcohol is bad in excess and why pills are bad and why she shouldn't mix drugs and why she shouldn't trust certain people and what to do when she freaks out and why it would be good to have her brother(s) pick her up in an emergency and why she should get high somewhere safe and why she should stick to pot, if anything and why I'll kick her ass if she starts smoking (yes, Bel, I know).
This may be putting the cart before the horse, but if she wants to drink at the house? Our dad lets my brother drink at home, but never buys booze for him.
Also, I plan on covering for her only to an extent. I've covered for Rick and he's covered for me, so it's kind of an understood thing. Hell, I've even covered for her for silly little things that would have gotten her into trouble.
When's too much, though? Hmm.
My answer to you would be this: you can't. The fact of the matter is that she's probably going to get drunk, stoned and f***ed. All you can do is provide her with enough reliable information to allow her to make educated informed decisions about how and when she does those things, and with whom[/QUOTE].
Oh, I'm aware of this. I didn't get any of it growing up and, dammit, I wish I did. Not only that, I'd like to be there to help her out in a bind. I'd rather get a call at three AM from her saying, "Jamie, we're at a party and we've been drinking. Can you give us a ride?" than have her tell me that she got a ride from some drunk frat boy.
[QUOTE]1 : Use a condom.[/QUOTE]
Yes.
[QUOTE]2 : Drugs can be a lot of fun, but can also be very very bad. Exercise caution, and if in doubt, come ask. Be aware of the risks of a particular drug before you make the choice to try it. Also, be aware of the advantages of a particular drug. Be aware of the criminal risks too. A drugs charge is not a clever thing to have when you come around to getting a job.[/QUOTE]
If she does anything beyond pot, I'll kick her ass. I have plenty of tips and pointers for her which I've gained over the years.
[QUOTE]3 : Use a condom.[/QUOTE]
Oh, yes.
[QUOTE]4 : Teenage boys will lie through their back teeth to get laid, and are generally unreliable as all hell.[/QUOTE]
That's a big one I worry about, though I'm sure all dads/big brothers worry like that. However, I don't want to be psychotic about it. I don't want her to not want to bring her boyfriends (or girlfriends) home to meet us. The worst I'd do is say, "Dude, I hope I don't have to be telling you this, but remember that no means no."
[QUOTE]5 : Hence, use a condom.[/QUOTE]
Oh, God, yes.
[QUOTE]6 : How to use a condom.[/QUOTE]
Oh, dear God, yes.
[QUOTE]7 : It's OK to say 'no'. In all circumstances. Peer pressure is for dickheads who can't figure out for themselves what's right and wrong.[/QUOTE]
She's too strong-willed to work with peer pressure, or any serious form of motivation. This is why yelling at her never works. Besides, she has strong morals for a little kid.
[QUOTE]9 : Use a condom.[/QUOTE]
Oh, dear sweet God, yes.
[QUOTE]10 : Perhaps even consider talking about emergency contraception with her, the issues involved, the pros and cons and how she can go about getting it (although if memory serves, you're in Florida, and cousin Jeb is the govenor, so I wouldn't be suprised to hear that it's illegal there).[/QUOTE]
Not exactly. Here if a girl who's under 18 goes to the clinic, her parents have to be notified and give permission. I'm not too keen on abortion, but I figure it's her body. My mom's a church lady. I'm not sure the stance my dad would take, though, and knowing him, he doesn't want to think about it.
[QUOTE]11 : Use a condom.[/QUOTE]
Oh, dear sweet God in Heaven, yes.
[QUOTE]In fact, I'd offer to provide her with condoms so that she doesn't have to worry about the embarressment of buying them. Not having a condom is no excuse for not using one.[/QUOTE]
Agreed, though it would be odd, I think, for the both of us. I mean, it would creep me out hearing a sixteen-year-old Gabrielle saying, "Jamie, um, do you have any condoms?" Better that than, "Um, Jamie, I'm pregnant."
Rate things are going, my stash will probably last until then.
[QUOTE]And what about telling her about your drug experiences, both positive and negative? She could learn alot from you.[/QUOTE]
Oh, definately, J-man. I'd rather not have her learn the hard way why alcohol is bad in excess and why pills are bad and why she shouldn't mix drugs and why she shouldn't trust certain people and what to do when she freaks out and why it would be good to have her brother(s) pick her up in an emergency and why she should get high somewhere safe and why she should stick to pot, if anything and why I'll kick her ass if she starts smoking (yes, Bel, I know).
This may be putting the cart before the horse, but if she wants to drink at the house? Our dad lets my brother drink at home, but never buys booze for him.
Also, I plan on covering for her only to an extent. I've covered for Rick and he's covered for me, so it's kind of an understood thing. Hell, I've even covered for her for silly little things that would have gotten her into trouble.
When's too much, though? Hmm.
When she's a little bit older, she'll definitely need a chic friend she can confide in.
Tell her the complete, honest, and blunt truth about everything. Let her watch someone get alcohol poisoning. Explain to her the effects of everything bad despite the good (and, if possible, provide information on alternatives).
I live nearby and can tell you that the Planned Parenthood here in town is amazing (from experience), but yeah, you have to be 18 for the ECP and most procedures unless you get parental notification and all that jazz.
Explain everything, not at once, but throughly and as truthfully as you can. You have to make sure she can trust you, turn to you for questions. Above all, she must understand that there are no pressures from other people, expecting her to live up to their standards. If that gets through really well, then everything else is cake.
I'm not a parent, but... I probably have one of the best relationships in the world with my mother. I can go to her about anything and everything under the sun. (Although, she'd tell me to go to a hospital if she knew about the ED stuff).
Tell her the complete, honest, and blunt truth about everything. Let her watch someone get alcohol poisoning. Explain to her the effects of everything bad despite the good (and, if possible, provide information on alternatives).
I live nearby and can tell you that the Planned Parenthood here in town is amazing (from experience), but yeah, you have to be 18 for the ECP and most procedures unless you get parental notification and all that jazz.
Explain everything, not at once, but throughly and as truthfully as you can. You have to make sure she can trust you, turn to you for questions. Above all, she must understand that there are no pressures from other people, expecting her to live up to their standards. If that gets through really well, then everything else is cake.
I'm not a parent, but... I probably have one of the best relationships in the world with my mother. I can go to her about anything and everything under the sun. (Although, she'd tell me to go to a hospital if she knew about the ED stuff).
About drinking at home:
Don't make a bit deal of it and don't stress over it.
My parents allowed me a glass of lemonade with a dribble of wine in it (in a wine glass, all grown up) from a very early age.
This gave me an adult approch to alcohol, one small glass of wine with a meal or one drink in the evening is fine - but not the whole bottle!
When I went to uni I met young people who were not allowed to drink at home - they werethe ones who got totally wasted. Myself and others whose parents allowed them to drink were a damn sight more sober!
Don't make a bit deal of it and don't stress over it.
My parents allowed me a glass of lemonade with a dribble of wine in it (in a wine glass, all grown up) from a very early age.
This gave me an adult approch to alcohol, one small glass of wine with a meal or one drink in the evening is fine - but not the whole bottle!
When I went to uni I met young people who were not allowed to drink at home - they werethe ones who got totally wasted. Myself and others whose parents allowed them to drink were a damn sight more sober!
That's not always the case, Bel. My dad has let me and my brother drink since we were sixteen. My brother drinks and gets plastered all the time to have fun (that happened tonight, actually). Then again, it should be noted that our mom is quite religious and a non-drinker (I can count on one hand the times in a year when she drinks). That could be one reason why my brother's so into getting boozed up and stumbling around like a fool (and having me be the one to hold hair back and get water and asprin the next day).
I think youre all thinking too much about this, with issues like raising children, one of the biggest problems is unpredictability- just deal with it as it comes.
I am the youngest of three and while my brother didnt advice at me, my sister practically raised me. Shes the one that got me drunk the first times- and so i quixkly and safely learnt how to control my drink. She is also the one that hauled me off to the family planning clinic to get the contraceptive pill.
But be careful not to offer too much advice when it is not wanted as that can cause resentment.
Dont be an overprotective big brother, just be her big brother.
I am the youngest of three and while my brother didnt advice at me, my sister practically raised me. Shes the one that got me drunk the first times- and so i quixkly and safely learnt how to control my drink. She is also the one that hauled me off to the family planning clinic to get the contraceptive pill.
But be careful not to offer too much advice when it is not wanted as that can cause resentment.
Dont be an overprotective big brother, just be her big brother.
My dad was overprotective. It was a miracle that my older sister didn't screw her life up.
I'm thinking quite hard on this, yes. I figure if I overprepare, then I'll be able to handle anything. It's like when I wrestled. I learned as many moves as possible, but I only had to use a few of them. I very rarely had to use a cut-through, but I learned and practiced it anyway.
Hey, wrestling's the sport of life. It's a legitimate comparison.
She accepts my advice right now. I taught her how to deal with our mom and how to stand up for herself and I even comfort her when she's upset ("Gabrielle, take a breath. You cool?" "Yeah, I'm cool"). According to a friend of mine, she adores me and my brother. I just hope that continues and leads to her respecting me and my advice.
I'm thinking quite hard on this, yes. I figure if I overprepare, then I'll be able to handle anything. It's like when I wrestled. I learned as many moves as possible, but I only had to use a few of them. I very rarely had to use a cut-through, but I learned and practiced it anyway.
Hey, wrestling's the sport of life. It's a legitimate comparison.
She accepts my advice right now. I taught her how to deal with our mom and how to stand up for herself and I even comfort her when she's upset ("Gabrielle, take a breath. You cool?" "Yeah, I'm cool"). According to a friend of mine, she adores me and my brother. I just hope that continues and leads to her respecting me and my advice.
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