This may seem like a bit of an odd question but I wanted to know how bereavement affects you. Some of you may know that my Mum recently passed away after battling ovarian cancer for 5 years. I am obviously gutted words cannot express. I can't believe that my Mum won't be there to see me get married, won't see me have kids and, simply put, just be there anymore for me to hug, care for and tell her I love her I dreamt about her for the first time last night and it didn't occur in my dream that she wasn't around anymore. It was just normal. It was weird.

I wanted to know how you guys cope with grief if you've experienced it. We've all been through similar feelings when Dayan died and I'm sure you all expressed your opinions then but I wanted ideas and I guess help to deal with this.

Today I just didn't want to get up. I have no lust for my job anymore. I didn't really before this happened but I hate coming in and doing nothing. I am going to speak to my boss about working part time just so I can spend some time by myself and try and cope with my ever changing feelings.

Has anyone got other any suggestions???

Never having to had deal with something like this I can't say I know how I would deal with it, I can't imagine the loss to imagine the feelings you might be going through, only thing I can come up with is 'one day at a time', that and some time off work to yourself might be a good idea to get your thoughts in order?

Anyway, main reason I wanted to make a post was just to show my....love and support, seeing as I really have nothing else to offer.

I think less work is definately a good idea, it could just make you feel worse. After my mum died I had to leave early one day for crying at people and that was only a saturday job. But doing nothing all day is probably just as bad, so maybe just try and do as much stuff as possible that you like doing.

I dont really have any suggestions as I didnt cope with it well when it happened to me. I didn't really accept that it had happened at first and I still seem to ignore the fact she ever existed unless I'm depressed and feeling sorry for myself. I have weird dreams like that too, its kind of upsetting when you wake up from them.

Sorry I can't be more helpful, I dont really know what to say. I hope you feel better soon.

((HUGGS))

That is both a suggestion and a hug to you from me. While I haven't lost anybody close to me, I can still empathize and offer my two-cents. *holds out two pennies that have written on them in permanent marker "Smiles are shibby." and "Hugs = ") :-P

In regards to work, I'd say give yourself the time you feel you need to grieve or to just flush out your system.. Trying to shove feelings into a drawer and pretend they're not there in order to work is not healthy and highly not recommended, in my humble opinion. When you're down, it's alright to just walk up to your friends and just ask for a hug.

I hope you feel better soon. ((HUGG)) (<--one for the road. )



-Cerin
=^^= ~~

Thanks to you all.

I talked to my boss, who is also a friend thankfully, and explained the situation and I am now officially a part-timer. It feels good! I now have time to do stuff I want. Like volunteer at a local museum and go back to studying and more sleeping Thankfully I am in the position to be to financially afford this for a little while.

The only way I can describe losing my Mum is similar to that feeling where you are sure you've forgotten to do something important and when you remember why you feel like that you just feel hollow, empty. I never thought I'd feel empty or hollow but it really is a feeling and it sucks

Don't worry SPS. I know you're there *hugs*

In fact *hugs* to you all!!

Taking time off to sort yourself out is definitely a good thing. When my cousin who'd been like a brother to me my whole life died...it was thankfully during the Christmas holidays. That sounds a bit weird to say, but I don't think I could've functioned at school at all at that point (but then, I was only 12 and it was my first real experience with death).

One thing I found is that for awhile after losing someone really close to me, I feel incredibly guilty if I start enjoying myself or laughing. That's pretty pointless, cause the person would want you to be enjoying life. I should really learn to take my own advice the next time this happens to me, but just try to celebrate her life and remember her that way. Think about all the times you had together, rather than the times that'll never be. And don't feel guilty for feeling sad, either (I also do that one! It's messed up, I tell you). You've suffered a big loss, so it's only natural to feel pain. All you can really do is try to remember her in happy ways. It'll take awhile, but you'll get there. That's probably the most important thing, I guess...time. I don't think it heals all wounds...you'll always miss her. But it's kind of like a little pain in your back that's been there for so many years that you don't even notice it anymore. Sometimes you think about it and wish it wasn't there, but most days you just go about your life. It doesn't mean you've forgotten the person...just that you're doing what they would've wanted you to do.

Anyway, to sum up it's basically two really trite things: remember the good things, and give it time. But they're overused for a reason: it's really what works...at least for most people I know. Good luck

I guess you're right A good friend of mine also lost her Mum (four years ago) and it helps to talk to her. It's good because we haven't been in touch since then and it's nice to have a reason, albeit a sad one, to catch up.

Thanks guys

I've decided, as part of the healing process, I'm getting another tattoo to remember Mum by. I've decided on a dragonfly but I want oriental style influences. Mainly because a. I love the orient and b. Japanese say that the dragonfly symbolises joy and light both of which I need and Mum gave me There are other symbols too. My Mum used to get a dragonfly in her garden in Rayleigh which was weird as there wasn't water for miles around. It also has similar symbolism to a butterfly in that it's shows change, metamorphosis (sp?) and beauty. Characteristics I am experiencing daily at the moment. I think I'll have it on my foot/ankle area. Yes, I know, it'll be painful I'm still missing her and feeling empty. I'm hoping the physical pain will help me deal with the emotional pain. Apparently, according to others who have memorial tattoos, it does. My dragon tattoo also helps me remember by Gran so I've kinda' done this before but on a lesser emotional level.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

I also have dreams of my Mom, who was lost to colon/liver cancer nearly 6 years ago. In the "Mom dreams" we're nearly always talking together and I get the strangest feeling that she isn't really gone. That it's an elaborate and sick hoax that I've created in telling people that she's dead when really she's alive and well back home where I grew up.
I wish it were true. I'd love to speak to her again in person. She would have loved meeting and getting to know her grandsons.

Keep her in your heart. A person isn't gone until all those that have been influenced and loved by them are also gone.

**EDIT** Just noticed how old this topic was. Sorry to reply so late in the day.



Pixiegoth,

So sorry to hear about your loss. You should remember that your mum is still with you. I'm not talking in a religious sense but in the fact that she has imprinted herself on your subconsciousness. She has raised you, instilled virtues in you and created the person that you are. You will never be without your mum because she is still within you.

Grief is a process but I sincerely think that recoiling from life is a backwards step, allbeit a natural instinct.

Please try and think about how your mum would have wanted you to cope.

Try and stay positive knowing that the process does subside eventually and you will get your lust for life back again.

My deepest sympathies to you.