depressed lonely crazy person
Oct 12 2006, 09:23 AM
My great gran died at 10:40 last night I was told this morning.
I've been feeling crap all day, I'm tired I want to cry but it's hard because I generally try not to and allthough I understand that I feel this way because of the death of somone who was closer than my parents for some of my life. That said it's good that she died she was 95 and at the end of what could be considered a reasonable way to live.
So my question is why should you feel sad if you know that death was the best thing in the situation and What specifically makes me feel this way?
Broken down to individual feelings what is grief?
Oct 12 2006, 12:43 PM
I'm sorry to hear about your great gran.
My great aunt and uncle died a couple of years ago. I was sad, but they had lived happy, long lives with someone that they loved. It was only in their last years that their standard of life dropped, in particular the last twelve months of my great aunt's life were very uncomfortable for her. She had nearly died and was saved, but I wish she hadn't gone through the time at the end instead.
I think in this kind of circumstance we are sad for ourselves, because we know we won't see the people again, and feel the happiness that they bring. It's harder when a person is young and healthy then suddenly gone, because we are sad for what they have missed, and sharing their life as they grow.
A psychologist would probably argue that we're sad because it reminds us of our own mortality, and maybe there is an aspect of that in it too. This is probably why grief passes: the mind needs to deny death so that it can continue with life.
Grief can be made up of pretty much every emotion you can think of, regret for the things unsaid and not done, happiness that suffering is over, anger at the things they should have said before they went, or things that they shouldn't have... The list goes on. A big part of grief for me has always been the huge conflicts of emotions that it makes me feel, and over time I learn how to reconcile those conflicts, knowing that nothing new can happen with my relationship with that person so I just have to accept it and live on.
Don't worry if you feel happy one moment and sad the next; that's all part of the process. Let it out, but understand that you will have to move on once it's done. There's a phrase in an old story called Beowulf that goes 'It is better that a man avenge his friend than mourn him overmuch'. Obviously times have changed, but there's still some use in the idea. Mourning is useful but not 'overmuch', so keep balance in your life and move on when you're ready.
Oct 13 2006, 11:52 AM
Grief and the whole circmstances sorounding a loved one dying was always summed up for me by a section of a star trek next generation episode (I know geek alert) Its the one where denise crosby's character dies (i can't remember her characters name just that she was security chief at the time)
Right at the end of the episode they hold her funeral and data turns to picard at the end and says
"captain, During this funeral I have done nothing but think about myself and how I wil miss her, Did I miss the point?"
"No Data, You got it just right"
Hope that helps, As cryptic as it is
Dec 3 2006, 08:49 PM
its just hard to get used to. its wonderful that u loved her. but know that she wouldn't want you to feelbad about it. cuz shes in a better place.
Jan 5 2007, 11:35 PM
QUOTE (depressed lonely crazy person @ Oct 12 2006, 09:23 AM)
Broken down to individual feelings what is grief?I personally can't described grief. My Mum died of cancer in December 05 and I've just gone through the whole anniversary. She suffered for the last 6 months of her life and death was a relief for us all but "sucked" doesn't even begin to describe it. I feel, on a daily basis, that something is missing and then I remember what it is. It's not as bad as it was and I feel better having got through the year. The anniversary healed something inside my heart. I feel more at peace now. I'm still sad every day but it has faded into a faint melancholy that sometimes I let drag me down and I have a little weep, miss my wonderful Mum and, strangely, feel better. So if anything I welcome grief as it gives me a chance to purge any bad feelings and move onto another day. I know my Mum has given me so much and she lives on in me. Cheesy but true.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. She must've been very dear to you and I know that nothing I can say will make a difference. I just hope that a few months on you feel better than you did.