Yeah, Amazon will show the name of the purchaser on the receipt. I don't think it matters overmuch, though. The person will find out who you are eventually, anyway!

Pssh, only because I told her a year later.

Was browsing the interwebs today and saw something that would be perfect for my secret santee. Present bought, on the 2nd of December. Woo-yeah!

Mwahahahaha

I mean...

Hohoho!

Candice's gifts have been dispatched. Unfortunately due to the teleportation device some of it may have gotten jumbled, and will be arriving in multiple parcels .

Hey hey heyyyy!

I mean...

Hohoho!

Those elves, still crap with the details. They get the big picture, but they just miss the little stuff. Let's take voices_in_my_head for example. They've forgotten what sort of things she likes about photography. Like looking or taking the pictures. And what kind of camera she uses/prefers. And the books she likes to read.

So if you could, voices_in_my_head, give me those things to input into the database. If you'll excuse me, I've got some magical little people to abuse.

I think Santa needs to lay off the crack and the paedophilia.

And you've never caught on to the paedopilia before? He enjoys thousands of small children sitting on his lap each year!

That's practically blasphemous, as far as I'm concerned

HOhoho!

I must quote Quagmire here... Giggidy Giggidy Goo!

In other news:

Izzy's presents are being assembled as I type this message. They will be handed over to distribution by the end of the week.

Does EvilSpoon have an iTunes account?

Ho ho ho!

EDIT: I don't know why I'm being secretive because I'm sure that iTunes won't let me buy music anonymously.

Nope, I don't use iTunes. I do purchase music pretty frequently as it is, but I don't even seem to have the time for it lately.

In any case, I can elaborate in any way you'd like on my interests, just ask the question. I might have to go with Candice though and request something funny. Or just interesting, I like neat little gadgets that do silly or fun things.

Agreed. Lay offa Santa, howsabout? If not--howsabout you wan' enjoy a knuckle hoagie, yeah?

See also: I am so excited! Y'all have no clue how stellar my dollar-store situation is up here. SO NICE!

That's food for thought Spoon. I'll see what the me, the elves, and the Christmas orcs can come up with.

Hohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho... (thumpclickwizbang) Oops the button got stuck...

Dear Miss Froggy

Which is more awsome Chikenz or Penguinz?

And I'm afraid your present may not arrive till after Christmas as due to logistical problems with in the workshop (cracks whip at the elves) parts of your present may still be in transit till just before. This is not definate and the elves will keep me updated and I you.

Hey Santa *sits on your lap*

Is it okay to flirt with Santa? Anyways. I'll go for Penguinz as they like to snuggle.

Also, thanks for the heads up Santa *wink*

Photography: I like looking at the pictures but I like taking them more. My camera is a Cannon Digital Rebel Xsi, and I am in love with it. As far as photography goes, I have everything I need. But cool things to wear during photoshoots would be awesome, plus I'm kinda a whore about earrings/hats/bracelets/ect. They're just so shiney.

As far as books go, I like the thought-provoking variety. Favorites are 1984, Exit Here, and Harry Potter.
...
Okay, so Harry potter doesn't fit in with those. But still. Harry potter = awesome.

Um...that's about it, I think.

So this morning I woke up to bacon and eggs. In bandage form. There was also a little plastic pig in the bandage box. I have named him Albert.

Thank you, Spoony!

Dear, sweet Ashbless,

The Gift-O-Tron 3000 is having a helluva time picking out a super treat for you, this may have something to do with your data-slate being worryingly bare. If you could be so good as to give good old me a few more pointers, it'd make the process run a whole lot smoother, and avoid those pesky system crashes. (I've lost 15 elves in the past 5 days alone!)
Do you have any allergies I should know about? Do you still receive those delightful veg hampers from my cousin Ted? What's your favourite kind of egg? How much would could a wood chuck chuck? Do you like gloves?

Yours,
S. S. Claus

P.S. Ho ho ho

Dearest St. Nick,

I have no food allergies but wool makes me itch no matter how little is in the garment, the hampers still come every two weeks (I couldn't get milk or cheese into the fridge for fruits & vegs with one a week), kinder eggs are nice, a wood chuck could chuck as much wood as he would care to chuck and I've no need for gloves as I bought a lovely pair that allow me to do muppet jazz hands.
I'm a biblioholic, a cat owner, absolutely love games/puzzles/small strange toys. I like coffee, yes okay, I'm addicted to my coffee. I'm not too keen on the colour light pink. Light pink has been attempting to sneak into my life in a number of what it thinks is sneaky ways and there will be a stop put to the addition of more light pink! Bath oils/salts are fine. Highly perfumed stuff not as nice. I like wood and glass over metal as clutter on the bookshelves.
Oh right. I don't have pierced anything so earrings are a bit useless. Shiny but useless.
Does that help? I'm really not very picky. (except light pink) I've been delighted so far with previous gifts Santa.

Hope the labour shortage works out soon for you.
Ashbless

Ho Ho Ho!

Well Ashbless we'll input it in and see what occurs. I haven't forgotten the Nun though so we'll have to see if you've been good enough this year to counteract it. Driving over icy roads to reassure a friend did count in your favour. I'm checking the list twice.

Daria your gift has gone to the elves for wrap and should be headed your way soon.

Oho! I received another Spoongift today. This time it was arse/face soap.

Thanks again, Spoony!


Also, just as a reminder, those of you with victims in another country should try to send your gift soon to make sure it's there before Christmas!

Lo Ho Ho. (sorry)

Lolo's gift has been dispatched by my remaining elves. It's been a tragic season this year. Due to an elf stuck Santa's gift processing machines your ticket got stuck, there were some explosions, it split in three. Due to the mishap you may find multiple gifts winging your way. Be sure to rinse off any chunks of elf with warm soapy water before opening.

Yours,
Santa

Ho ho hell-O, Vic!

I lost my elves. I don't know where I put them. For that matter, where are my glasses? I'm a mess.

Given my current situation, can you elaborate a little on what is it you're hoping to find under your tree?

Damn elves.

The arse/face soap reminded me of our adventure to get Uno

The best of the trio is yet to come Be afraid, be very... Very, extremely, unfathomably afraid. Because the last one is terrifying, hilarious and just awful.

My only regret with purchasing online is I don't get to get a peek at the gifts prior to them arriving. This results in poor quality control.

Oh No No,

Daria, the elves just tossed your gift into the mails unwrapped before decamping en masse. I'll offer a team building exercise in Hawaii post-Christmas to get the pointy eared ungrateful idjits back but unfortunately it means your parcel's packaging IS it's wrapping paper.

The most wonderful time....it's a wonder I have any hair left after wanting to pull it out in frustration.

Love,
Santa

Errr...you know, this was more entertaining watching other people do it. Now it's my turn and it's haaard. Pocket sized notebooks are good. Extra fine pens. Think Geek has several mini tools that look interesting. Now I feel sort of like a douche. Letters are good, too! I like reading things. I'd be happy with a story. Handmade something. Strong earth magnets? I'm trying to be specific so you don't have to spend time wondering just what to do. But then I get all confliklasdfj;lag;lhadfkgj;hdakg

It really is the thought that counts, though.

Dear Sarah,

My elves have gone on strike demanding higher wages, so your gift may be a little bit late!
Also, what animals do you prefer? Do you like cute things? How about Jewlrey? Any favourite Colours or patterns?

Thank you,
Santa

Izzy,

Your gifts have been manufactured. Correctly I might add. However, there may be a small problem. You see the elves were on vacation a little while ago and some have seem to have got a rather nasty bug. A rather very bad one it is. My workforce of elves is being decimated! So I would exercise extreme caution when opening your package as your gifts may very well have been contaminated with the Ebola virus, however, don't worry about the Swine Flu. All the elves were vaccinated against it.

You package has been handed over to our wrapping and distribution department. They are very fast. You will receive your present very soon. And by very I mean <insert diety of your choice> only knows.

For now, be nice to your neighbors.

-SS

Dear Mr CheeseMoose,

You have not been forgotten, but I'm afraid those lazy elves have gotten their hands on some of santa's booze again and we're way behind schedule here at the north pole!

I have beaten a few of them to set an example but at this rate your present won't be constructed until at least this weekend. As I normally offload most of my parcels to the wonderful royal mail service so I can finish early and go down the pub, there's a small chance your present won't arrive in time. Sorry!

I'll do my best to ensure your prezzie reaches the wrapping/distribution dept ASAP.

- Santa

P.S. If you have any specific requests regarding the nature of your gift, now is the time to mention them! My data can be a little out of date sometimes. You're still into pokemon right?

No worries Santa, it's all good. I have no specific requests, other than as I said before no sweet foods (including chocolate). Other than that I'm easy really.

Miss Elphaba's gifts have been purchased and will be posted to her shortly!

Oh. Holy. God.

You weren't lying.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am now the proud owner of a penis mug, courtesy of one Mister Spoon. Note to self: hide that mug when the in-laws visit and want tea.

Although, seriously, seeing my father-in-law's reaction to that thing would probably make my year. Oh, man. That mental image will keep me laughing all week.

Thanks, Spoony!

Hmm.. kinda early for guessing, but.. SpeakerfortheLost?

*edit* Guess two is crazymat...

QUOTE (crazymat @ Dec 1 2009, 06:19 PM)

My gift may be a bit delayed as I'm stuck at home with flu at the moment

*edit* ...Or I'll just wait 'til it actually comes.

Do we get to see pictures?!

*wonders if penis sippy-cups (for adults) have been created yet...*

Penis Sippy Cup

I was thinking more of something shaped like this, but instead of the thing you suck on, a cock coming out of it sort of like this (NSFW) to drink out of. A penis tattooed with barnyard animals, anyone?

Cand, I had originally read that as "I am now the proud owner of a penis rug."

I can not decide whether I like my version or the correct one better.

Hey Santa! It's okay, I understand about lateness. I LOVE cute things. Seriously, if it's cute i'll probably be happy with it. Jewelry is great too. I've just started wearing more earrings since I now am not so lazy and change them every day. As far as animals I like lots of barnyard ones - sheep, pigs, cows - and other really cute ones like dogs and pandas and yeah pretty much anything. I love polka dots and plaid! And the color purple.

That makes me think of latchhook porn rugs. Ooh, craft idea for next year's SS!

I will take photos later today. It is, um, life sized. And the penis is the handle.

I have to say I really love doing this it's so much fun finding out what people get.

Hobbes!

Your present was dispatched today. Sadly the recession means that we had to lay off the flying reindeer delivery dept, so it should arrive by post in the next few days.

Ho Ho Ho

Santa

Dear, dear Pat,

Christmas is a busy season and the elves had slated today for your present's manufacture and shipping. Alas! An unexpected snowstorm has delayed a bit of our parcel sending. The elves are rescheduling for Friday, so hopefully your gift will not be *too* late. My sincere apologies.

However, this is a good opportunity for more specific requests! We have a decent idea of what we might like to send you, but should you like to clarify now would be the perfect time to do so. My list says you've been very good this year so we would like to reward you!

Thanks and ho-ho-hoppy holidays,
Santa

Spoony! Spoony Spoony Spoony, a gadget is winging it's way to you. Well, it will be when the elves wake up in the morning and go to the post office. Sometimes they're quite lazy really - you'd think that with eleven months off that they wouldn't mind getting down to work in December, but they really can be quite troublesome. They just sit there, preening their ears, staring at posters of Legolas.

Gargh!!!!!

I'm excited

Hey! That's the exact mug that I have!

I'm extremely proud of that mug and the fact that none of my gifts had anything to do with each other

Howdily Ho Ho Ho.

Miss Snoo,

Due to the bad economy I had to lay off some lazy elves, which resulted in slower production rates in my workshop this season. This being the case, I outsourced the manufacturing of a part of your present and that vendor apparently posts their products by actual snail. This being the case, I have sent the majority of your present today and will send the last part of your present to you at a later time when it arrives at my workshop.

I think I have learned my lesson on outsourcing and will instead hire back some of the local elves.

Yours truedoodely,

Santa

Thank you Secret Santa (Moop? or Cand pretending to be Moop?) for my lovely new earrings. Here's another of me looking like a psycho in my lovely new earrings.

I was a bit startled and confused at first to get a package addressed to LoLo Cablowski at my PO Box from someone named Sabrina from Los Angeles, but then I saw the buyers name and it cleared it up. lol