How many of us have been suicidal and depressed...alot..

I just want to know I'm not alone...

i get depressed alot... and ive thought about suicide.. gotten close.. but never done it....

i get depressed......not as often as i used to, but it still happens.

i don't contemplate suicide anymore, though those sorts of thoughts used to be regular occurances for me. =/

i think everyone has thought about suicide at least once in their life....

Oh let me tell you I think about doing it....like right now. Yahoo.

And then the last person leaves...the last person to hear you scream......

/me raises her hand

Quite often, I do.

You're not alone. Remember that.

Remember what I told you in PM? Talking is this best thing to do, no matter how hard that may be.

*looks around* umm yeah so you all know me.. *sighs*

WeeJ, I wrote that kind of in a "in between" PM thing.

Deeply apologetic for the above comments, was just generally stressed out and one thing lead to another and I just went blah. Deeply sorry, guys.

You shouldn't feel the need to apologise. I would of come to talk to you in IM but as you know, I was at work and would have got my ass fired if they caught me :/

Yeah, course i've been depressed so your not alone, but suicide.....i could'nt, friends, family........too much to live for.....

come on guys!

i've just come out of bloody hospital after being there three days,i expected a slightly happier welcome than this!

*hopes your all doing OK*

i know hugs really don't help this kind of depression,but i'll give you all one anyway cos i want one!

*BIG virtual hugs for all*

I've been depressed a LOT... usually every summer...

*coughs*

I have some scars on my wrist, wanna see? They're all faded now, though...

yeah i got them too, it sucks doesnt it.

I am high or low. Big highs, big lows, nothing inbetween. Ive thought about suicide, thought life would be better elsewhere or without me. Then I think about it and I like bits of li8fe, Id rather stick with what I want and I really couldnt leave my friends and family in that way.

Yeah....

*sigh*

I currently don't get nearly as down and depressed as I used to. Teen years were a biatch. I'm just glad that part of my life is over. "They're the best years of your life, so enjoy them!" Yeah right. Sympathies and hugs go out from me to everyone here who needs/wants them.

I said this to someone yesterday but when anyone feels suicidal then they should stop and think for just one second. It may not always feel it but there is always someone who loves you whether its you parents/family or a loved one. Think about how they would feel if you were to not be in their lives anymore...

I went through a sucky period of my life and yes, i thought about suicide as I'm sure most people have in their lives. I never spoke of this to anyone as it felt like a ridiculous thought. I thought about how easy it would be to just not exist and to not have to struggle with all the every day crap that I just didn't want to face. I thought how easier it would be not to have to get up in the morning and explain myslef to yet another person.
I don't think this anymore. I can quite easily say that I'm a happy person (with a few exceptions being as your home life and carreer cannot co-exist in a contented manner ) I think that if I was to give up as soon as the going got tough, i'd be selfish and would harm my loved ones more than myself. I love my family and my boyfriend and I wouldn't want to hurt them.

But thats just my view on my own life.

ADDITION - I don't know where all that came from

<><>Technical hiccups ... <><>

in brief:

DONT DO IT ... I did and it carries its own price ...

believe me, it stops it really really does ...

Musical references include: Hyperballed --> emotion into genius into music ... thats a way ...

My parents wouldn't care, they threaten to kill me anyway.

I don't have any friends that would care, as they're all suicidal too and would kill themselves after me if they wanted to join me.

/me hugs elf...

I know its sucky but talk to someone whether its on this forum or irl...you'll feel a zillion times better for it.

Wow Pab That was really well put. The musical references don't hurt either....I mean I at least know most of those songs and agree totally....especially with HyperBallad...that one was an inspiration for me. Anyway, well put.

Elf - I completely agree with WeeJ. Talk to SOMEONE. It's already helped me once, and I know quite a few people here have done it too. We're all here for each other and a lot of us understand, trust me. Besides....did you realize, elf, that you're my e-sister?! I didn't know either until I realized you and cheese were e-siblings and he's my e-brother! *tackle* Sis!

liz, im very sorry, ive said this before, and i will say it again, your parents suck, and they do not deserve a daughter as wonderful as you... but something you said was a load of bull shit..



^ that, is bull shit if ive ever seen it. i would care, and i would cry if you did that.


liz, im always here if you need to talk about anything.

*nod nod* All too true Cheese. All too true.

look right at your post, liz, you admit that your suicide COULD lead to the possible suicide of your friends following you and 'trying to join you' as you put it. do you want to take that chance? and even if your parents wouldn't care (which i doubt, i'm sure that if you commited suicide, there would be guilt and sadness on their parts), i can bet that you know many ppl who'd be very sad (like me and the rest of the forumites, just to start) your friends would care (seein as you just said they would try to join you) and then your friends know ppl who'd be sad if they commit suicide. i personally think THAT is a definite reason not to commit suicide

I didn't think I'd be posting in here, really.

But frankly folks, syuu's depressed. I think it has a lot to do with summer school and being isolated from the people I care about. This whole stupid summer, I've felt that looming I don't feel like being around any more feeling that almost EVERY teenager does. I want out of summer school. I walk four f--king miles a day in 120 degrees to go sit in a classroom of people I don't know for five hours, and then it's back to being up at 4 and doing the same thing every day. I am so. f--king. tired. It's not the work as much as the feeling that merely existing gives me. There's no substance to my life at the moment, and frankly, it's killing me. You'd think my mom would understand my feeling this way, but I'm not allowed even a day off to collect myself. Thanks a lot. I just want to be off medication and feel alright. I'm sick of this crap and wondering what death provides.

I hope it it's prettier than this.

It provides nothing. Empty silence. An eternity of nothing. Can you imagine that? It's impossible for the human brain to get a grip on and is a very scary thing.

But Syuu.....I can only speak for myself but I know what you're going through. Not the situation, but that emotion, the way you described it in that last post. I'm living that now, but please, do NOT let it get the better of you. You are better then that and you know it. I know it. Hell, this entire FORUM knows it.

And if you need to talk to someone, you know where we all are. I understand wanting space and needing some quiet but at the same time...there are also times you just need socialization, to talk, to let it out, to be goofy and dumb online and get your mind off things. You know where everyone is and they're waiting for you. Just keep that in mind, ay?

No. I want PEOPLE. That's what I rely on. I can't stand being alone and isolated like I am. I would do anything for a damn emotional holiday just to try and make myself feel better instead of doing nonstop work in the middle of this. Jesus Christ, just ONE day.

If it's empty silence and my existance isn't anything else, then I can't feel that way anymore. It's sickening to think that the feelings produced by this are a result of a chemical imbalance. That's disgusting. It's very hard to have a good time when I'm worrying about how I'll pay for the ride to get there, weather I'll pass, if my family will be pleased with my grades, there's just crap piling up and I can't really seem to dodge it. God, I'm sick of this crap.

It is not disgusting. Let me repeat. IT IS NOT DISGUSTING. It is extremely hard to enjoy life and to try and relax with one thing on top of another piling down on top of you and seeming like there is no end to it all. But there is. What was the old saying? Can't rain forever?

I'm really sorry Syuu, that I can't say the right things, but I wish SO MUCH that there was something I could say or do to help you right now. I know the obligatory "There's nothing you could do" is coming, so we'll just skip over that. I'm really sorry I couldn't be of more help *hugs*

I sincerely wish nothing but the best and I KNOW things will improve and you WILL get to collect yourself and you WILL do fine through all this and things WILL get better.

Well... true... But I'm not going to, it's weird... I hate life but I'm deathly afraid of death.. >:\



Yeah, it is. Chemical imbalance my arse.

today started out good. but this evening i just feel very..blah.

i don't know why. most of the times im depressed i have no idea why.

i hate that crap. if i'm going to be sad, there should at least be a reason

YELLOW ALERT

This thread is beginning to fuel the downward spiral ... nuff said

I think we may possibly have someone with the right idea in our midst....

not completely......not for everyone. i'm beyond my teen years and it still happens to me. it's better than it used to be, but yeah...still there.

and i've no intention of patting myself on the back for being depressed...meh. i hate it, but it happens. at least there are others here who feel the same sometimes, so i know i'm not crazy when i feel down for no apparent reason.

Maybe you are down for a reason but you just don't know what it is yet. It's obviously not just a recurring bad day...

*shrug* maybe there is a reason...i dunno. i just get like this sometimes.

it's not like i enjoy it or revel in it. i try to stop it...but yeah, it happens.

not nearly as often as it used to, granted. so that at least is good. lately though just..blegh i dunno.

maybe someday i will find out why.....that'd certainly be helpful.

I've always found I lose interest in things going on around me if I feel fed up...and irittable. But thats just every day crap...things all people probably go through.

expurgated version .. auto-censored verbosity

Not completely is better than not at all .... I rest my case

Some people can't feel comfortable without something being wrong in their lives. My mom can be like that sometimes...I guess its a case of helping yourself. As Candice said, thats not to mean that people with depression don't try to be happy.

practical exercise:

When was the last time you smiled Candice?

this afternoon.

like i said, the day started out just great. is just now that i'm feeling icky.

oh just looked at the clock. well i guess it'd be yesterday afternoon then, as it's 3 am. eek.

honestly i don't feel like this often....recently i have a bit.....but normally i'm fairly happy go lucky actually.

as for downward spirals...no worries there. i've never gotten THAT bad.

*edit* and it isn't really so much a case of "helping yourself" weej...i don't think, anyway. i don't think it's the case w/ me, but some depressed people have chemical imbalances.....which they can't help. well, they can...with meds. but when you're too depressed to get out of bed, isn't likely you're going to drag yourself to a shrink. then by the time it passes...you think "oh i'm fine, i don't need any help"....and it just starts this big cycle....

this afternoon is a beautiful beautiful answer ...

Pab hugs Candice whether she likes it or not ...

lol..i like hugs pab.

hugs are good.

im not speaking about myself here...cause i generally like it when people try to cheer me up.....but it's been my experience that some people just need to be sad sometimes. they need to get it out of their system or whatever...and resent people who try incessantly to cheer them up. i don't think there's anything wrong w/ that, personally, provided they do come out of it on their own in good time. i dunno if that applies to anyone in here, but hrm it's just a thought. people don't always want to be cheered up. sometimes it's best in the long run to just let them be if that's what they ask you to do..

I find it difficult to talk to people to be honest. If I'm sad and want cheering up, people usually want to know whats the matter. thats when I clam up. I don't have 'big scary issues' to discuss...I'm just not a very open person.
Thats not to say I'm a depressed person. I'm anything but that. I'm content.

a lot of people i know are like that, weej.

maybe it's just me...but i see this thread as a place for people to just...be. not for forced cheering up....or made to feel even worse cause they recognize that they may be in a downward spiral (no offense to ya pab...i know you mean very well. and i could always be wrong....but there's no one else around to tell me whether i am or no)

but.....that could also be the fact that it is now nearly 4 am talking. and i'm not exactly coherent.

/me hugs Candice. go to bed.

Sweet dreams

i thot about it.....but never ever could i do it...ive seen it man.....painful....

presently i am very depressed, but its mostly due to having no job.
i get very depressed at not being able to be a "social animal", and not being able to express myself clearly.
i have never actually tried to commit suicide, but i have hidden knives and razor-blades under my bed in the past. just knowing that i COULD do it if i wanted seemed to make me feel better.

poops ... I just been typing for a half-hour and pressed the wrong key and the window closed ...

Sigh .... start again:


This is a layman speaking .... but this is how i see it, and I've been there, and got it sorted out ...:


Depression can fit into 2 large groups, but I'll add a 3rd point on the chemical theme ....

1. Internal factors such as emotional conflicts, up-bringing and so on. Basically if we are brought up in non-favorable circumstances some of us will react badly to it .... Remeber the Bonzai Kitten hoax some time back? thats the kinda result .... this can be as subtle as being a 'Coulour green' freak growing up in a house where the coulour green is banned, so its a fine line ... dan't 'af to cam from a browken'ome ....

2. External factors such as no job, court cases, Rick Astley and the rest ... This group is all about crisis management and DOING something about it. Constructivism never kept people awake at night ... Non-constructivism does all the time ... Might not be easy but its worth it ...

3. Chemical inbalance: this is a big word and lacks all of the meaning it is supposed to carry. The expression itself is conducive to what Lisa Simspon described as 'Ahh the playground .... gets the facts right but misses the point entirely ...' . Everything is a chemical inbalance ... memory , logic, thaught, farting you name it. There is however such a thing as Actual Chemical Inbalance, but this is rare and is simply a mind-numbingly complex question of treatment. Aint gonna get into that theme ...


SUCCESSFUL TREATMENTS: ... almost always involve a professional, and very often involve drugs (I mean legit ones ... they dont have the bad side effects of the other variety).

Drugs, mind, are like a plaster cast ... Plasters dont cure broken legs, they just stop them moving long enough for them to effectively cure themselves. this is important.

Professionals DO understand, to such a degree that when you're done spewing up your inner turmoil, they'll actually say 'wait you forgot blah blah and blah' and you'll wretch so much its like a new beginning ... long live professionals


So Nordelen: best way to get a good or better job is to have a job, any job ... they put people in contact with people and it can be upwards and onwards from there ....

Social Animal? well, thats an expensive sport and almost invariably involves sooner or later throwing up in front of the opposite sex, and it don't get much worse than that. A happy puppy is a social puppy ... long live puppies.

Mental note: make thread about throwing up in front of the opposite sex ....


phew

i must say im not entirely suprised that most of us here are rather like that....my friend used to say "once you cut, you always cut" whether that's true or not, ive found its quite hard to stop, but once you do, you realize theres a whole dang lot to live for