Schorl that was.....amazingly accurate. It makes an insane amount of sense to me.

That makes a hell of a lot of sense. I think you managed to sum up an awful lot in just a few words, and I think a lot of what you said is right.

*takes a theatrical style bow* thank thee both, good to know i've not completely lost my mind sometimes I'm a fan of philosophy, but i tend to apply it to more substantial ends and means

Heh. Very well put, Schorl, once again.

By chance have you been adopted yet? It didn't look like it....would you LIKE to be adopted? See the introductions forum for more details.

Methinks adoption would be a good idea, i dun want to be an orphan *sniffs* but i gots to warn ya, my motto in life - Sanity is boring... suffice it to say i ain't exactly normal

Thread created in Introductions. Go ahead and head on over there

thankies muchos, i'm not much of one for starting threads, typical lurker person who posts inane, pointless, or insightful things now and again *nods some and bounces over to the introduction thread*

That bothered me....

I think that love involves caring more about somebody else than you do yourself. You want that person to be happy and safe... even if you are not...

and in reply to that i would argue that this needing to care and make a person saef and happy, is purely because if this person is not, then the feeling shall dissipate. I would say that the lover worries about the loved because if this persons leaves, the feeling dissipates, if the loved is hurt, the love sparks fear of the persons life, and if the loved dies, then the feeling also dissipates. Feeling the need to protect a person and make it seem more and more each day to keep this person with you, enforces the fact that it's the feeling that the lover is after, rather than the person.

You want the person to be happy, for if they're not, you fear they may leave, taking the feeling with them.

You want the person to be safe, for if they end up injured or dead, hey take the feeling with them.

That's me n00b.....spouting off the good word. Or the true word I should say.

No.... I disagree.

I think that if you truly love somebody, and that person wants to leave you, then you let them go... So that they can go and be happy... even though you will be miserable and miss them. <<<THAT is love....

I wouldn't say you try to keep them, but the day to day ritual of reinforcing the loved's love for the lover, and vice versa, constantly wishing happiness and safety to the loved, and so on and so forth, makes the feeling much more prevalent than the person.

I would never suggest that everyone would try forcing there loved one to stay with them, some do. But, in every case, it's the love that inspires this, without love their would be no urge to spend life with a person, therefore, the feeling is the the only thing making the loved important, so by the same logic, it is only due to the feeling, that the loved is so special in the lovers eyes.

if one could experience love alone, there would be no fear of loss, no jealousy, no striving to make the loved happy and safe, there would only be the feeling, in all its purity and clarity. If you could honestly experience the same feeling without any of the worries or work, would you honestly turn it down? if so, is it experiencing it with someone else that causes you to do so?

don't set out to love somebody.... it happens. When you love somebody, you take the good and the bad. Love is not all happiness... there are definitely negative things that come along with it. But I think it's worth it... when you really love somebody--the person for who they are... not what they do for you.



Of course the reason you wish to spend the rest of your life with somebody is because you love them.. if you didn't like them or hated them, you would not want to be around them... But you don't just love somebody for no reason. You love that individual because of who they are.... the way they express themselves, the way they yell at the tv when football is on, the way they can laugh at just about anything, etc...

Everyone is different... wants different things and has different opinions... I think it's pretty safe to say we're just not going to see this the same way... lol

I gotta question that...

Sometimes the person can only be happy if the relationship ends. If that's the case, as crissi said. ya hafta let them go no matter how painful it is. I'm a big advocate of "if you love someone, set them free", cos that's the only way ya can ever really know if yer love is reciprocated. If they go, they were never yours in the first place. If they come back, then ya have somethin.

Either way, love doesn't go with the person. Well, not the love YOU feel, at any rate. The feeling of bein loved goes, yeah, but the feelin of bein in love kicks around fer a long time after the other leaves or dies.

That's something I'm going to have to disagree with! I've been in a relationship (albiet not a very long one) where I didn't love that person. I liked the way that he made me feel - kind of safe I guess - but I wasn't in love with him. I broke it off with him and we stayed 'friends', but I slept with him again a few times and got back together with him, but it wasn't because I loved him or because there was anything there. If I'm going to be honest it was for purely selfish reasons in that I thought I needed someone to make me happy. I think a lot of times, though not all the time, love is like that - you stay with someone because there is something about them which you like, and which makes you happy. Like Schorl said there is something about that person which makes you feel good, and therefore the love is an almost purely selfish one.



If I could experience love in its clarity, without needing to be with anyone, I think I would take it. There wouldn't be any fear of loss or jealousy, and loving someone else would also be made a lot easier because you'd already have the feeling of love within you. You wouldn't be reliant on that person to make you happy, and so you could love them more freely.

It's kind of similar to what Plato (?) said when talking about soulmates - originally humans were asexual beings and experienced love in the pure sense because they were whole, then the gods struck them so that they became male and female, and the idea of love is trying to find that one person to make you whole again - the idea of a soulmate. If you think about it though, this is agin a purely selfish idea because you are using that one person to make you feel whole. You're not using them to make themselves feel whole (whether the love is reciprocated or not). And how many people would stay with someone they no longer loved because it made that other person happy? No one that I can think of. It seems to me that the evidence points to love being a selfish mechanism designed to make yourself feel better.

no person is worth crying over and the ones who are won't make you cry.

I think that I'll have to disagree with you there Beth, I don't think love is selfish. I think it's being selfless..giving your all to make that one person happy and it just happens to be that that in itself results in you being happy. If it is selfish, then surely that selfishness is a two way thing and so it may be possible for it to be cancelled out.

I think that in essence, love is different for every single person. Everybody has different perceptions on it and everybody experiences it in different ways and so it isn't possible to narrow down one definition of it, nor is it possible for a group of people to agree whether the feelings are good or bad...it's all up to the individual.

i have a question about this: my freind claims shes in love with her x. but while they were going out she slept with 23 diff guys and flirted with every male that was in the room with her? what the heck is going on?

*grins* Completely disagree with that statement! Yes you can want the best for the person you're with, but it seems to be just to further your own interests. If you broke up with that person then you wouldn't be doing things to make them happy, even if you claimed you were still in love with them. You can also treat people badly even though you say you're in love with them, because it makes you feel better about yourself while bringing them down...

I'm not making much sense now. More sleep less thought!

Well, flirtin isn't a biggie really... well, not fer me, cos I tend to flirt meself...

But sleepin wi 23 people while datin someone, I'd guess that wasn't really love.

I haven't read everything...but I have to say LOVE SUCKS!!!

Love just flat out sucks I hate love...

i think a lot of people have a problem with love because in the back of their mind they expect it to be like what they see in movies or read in books.

and it's not.

love isn't a fairytale. there are moments that are magical, of course....but the majority of it is just...ordinary. at first it's all a rush because it's new and exciting, but after awhile you just settle into a comfortable acceptance of one another.

i for one expected it to be very different from what it really is. what it is....is wonderful. but it just isn't what the movies and books portray it as. it's sort of like one's first experience with sex. all of the time leading up to that moment, i was imagining myself somewhere like an apple orchard in full bloom with blossoms floating around me.....not on the floor of an apartment in harlem....lol. i don't think anyone's first time (whether it be with love or with sex) is as romantic as they expected it to be.

does any of that make sense? lol.

I hate when people say that when they are in love "they feel complete" because you can't rely on someone else to do that. Or when people say "it makes them feel alive" as much as u want the other person to, you have to be able to feel complete and what not by yourself. Do you agree with this:

Your first love is always your true love?

Im not talking your first puppy love, i mean your first love love.. do you think its always your true love?

no, i don't agree with that at all, mis.

it's absolutely possible to be in love with more than one person in your life. why wouldn't it be?

i've been in love a couple of times....and i can't dismiss any of them as puppy love...because they were very much more than that.

alright i was just lookin for opinions so dont get a little attitude with me.. since you dont even know my opinion whats the deal here? everyone gets so defensive if you dont give THIER exact opinion. Come on

unfortunetly id have to agree *currently * that love sux the big one....but the feeling when you first fall its just incomparable to anything else i've felt...love it hurts exsquitely but it can put you so high... its much like a drug to me...it can be bad for you in excess and good for you in excess its all in point of view..i've been in love and had to rip my own heart out it still hurts.....but id still give anything just to hold on to that feeling again...
its worth it in the long run
but the road is NOT paved

yep my rant is over

i didn't get a "little attitude," mismatched.....though after reading that last post of yours, it's tempting..lmao.

i was simply giving my opinion on the subject. no attitude there. nor was i being defensive. try reading my post with a calm voice...that's how it was meant to sound.

i don't think anyone has to share my opinion. if they did, the world would be quite dull and i would have no one to debate with. i don't get emotionally involved in most debates (there are, of course, exceptions)...i'd suggest you try to do the same.

back on topic...i agree w/ what jadestorm said...love is hard, but it's worth it in the long run.

im not emotionally involved, i state an opinion and people jump all over you for it. It's pretty funny actually that everyone takes these kinds of things so seriously.

Let's not make this into a personal argument.

MisMatched33, the Issues forum is designed for debate over serious issues. By presenting a viewpoint, you are taking the risk of having people disagree with that viewpoint. No one has been disrespectful to you or your viewpoint. Please don't accuse anyone of "jumping all over you", because it's simply not true.

Furthermore, if you're dissatisfied with the Issues forum and the views presented by each respective forumite who expresses them here, then don't post in this forum.

Let's keep things impersonal here, all right?

Thank you.

no one can really say what love is.. love is love.... everyone has there own definitiomn of love.. for example.. i love jared to death... he cheated on me... i hardly ever see him... bu i still love him.. i just cant help it.... and you can love more than pone person i hate when people say you cant.. i love this kid vernon to.. hes my best friend.. my soul mate.. but we are never gonna be togeather.. i dunno we just are on seperate paths.. but i still love him

Romantic love is fine and dandy I suppose...but for me, never reciprocated. I get lots of that "Sarah is my buddy and pal and we are practically siblings" sort of love...but it's just not the same. *sigh*

However, let me say that love can be awesome, even if it isn't romantic. The friendship love, the family love. That's a great feeling too. Knowing people who care about you are always there for you, even if they are not interested in you romantically at all. Not all love has to be the gushy mushy sort.

I think I have been in love with someone once but I am not sure. He was a friend of mine though, just a friend. I was very fond of him and when I stopped seeing him, I hoped he was happy. He talked to me a few months ago about a girl he met and I was actually happy for him, even though I was a little sad too. I was happy that he was happy but sad that he found someone...that wasn't me.

I think maybe love is happiness and sadness occurring at the exact same time, and that is what makes it so confusing.

I think, nummy dearest, ya just hit the nail on the head there! It's a deeply personal thing an no two people have it in the exact same way...

i agree-- it hurts!

And then you give it a chance and it turns around and bites you in the bum.

I thought I'd try one last time. But no. Not again. Sorry. Not happening.

i keep getting crushes on my guys friends--- my "boyfriend" currently, was a friend of mine, i've probably ruined that friendship since things aren't working out. So really i suck, not love.

This is a bit off the subject, but I have noticed that small people like me. I mean in age, not size. No boys my own age see me as anything more than a friend, but guys through the age of 5-12 do. He he he.

Probably because my hair looks like candy.